you're like coming home
by swimmergal06
Summary: Grey's Anatomy College Version. I know it's been done before, but give this a try! MerDer and slight Maddison.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so here's just a sneak peek at the idea have for my new story. In this story, Meredith and Addison are best friends, and about to go to college. You can maybe guess a set of male best friends they'll meet very quickly....**

**Anyways, I know this is short but I'm testing the waters, so let me know what you think of the idea, and if there are any suggestions as to what you'd like to see in the story line, I'd love to hear them. Thanks for reading :)  
**

Meredith packed the last of her belongings into her final suitcase and zipped it shut before dragging it to the top of the stairs and pulling it down the stairs with a loud thump on each step. When she reached the bottom of the steps, she set the suitcase beside the pile of suitcases already sitting beside the door. Satisfied with her packing job, she turned to walk into her mother's office, where Ellis was getting ahead in her paperwork while Meredith packed the remainder of her belongings for college. Now that everything was packed, all Meredith had to do was wait for Addison and her parents to pick her up. Since Ellis had to perform a high profile surgery, Addison's parents had volunteered to bring Meredith to college with Addison. Since Meredith and Addison had decided months ago to live together when they'd figured out they would be attending the same college. Meredith hovered in front of her mother's door for a few long moments before she heard Ellis say, "Stop hovering, Meredith, and just come in already."

Meredith sighed as she walked into the study, smiling nervously at her mother. "Well, everything's packed, Mom," she said, twisting her hair around her finger. "I'm just waiting for Addison and her parents."

Ellis took her reading glasses off and stood to walk around her desk, looking at Meredith closely as she did so. "Thank you for being understanding about this, Meredith," she said. "This surgery is very important, and it's essential that I'm there for it."

Meredith rolled her eyes and mumbled, "And me going to college isn't important at all."

Ellis sighed. "Honestly, Meredith, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this," she sighed. "It's not like I'm missing your graduation."

"No, you already did that," Meredith snapped. She never talked to her mother like this, but perhaps the thought that she was leaving for college and never had to be under her mother's roof again was enough to make her stand up for herself.

Ellis opened her mouth to respond, but the doorbell interrupted whatever she was about to say. "Whatever," Meredith said. "Addison and I will pack the car and then I'll be out of your hair. Bye Mom."

She turned to leave and was surprised when she felt her mother grab her arm. When she turned, she saw her mother looking at her in a way she hadn't ever seen before.

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Ellis said softly. "I know…I haven't been the best mother. And I'm sorry. But I truly believe that you are going to excel at college."

Meredith smiled softly. She was terrified to go to college, and right now she just needed her mom, for the first time in a long time, she was letting herself need her mom. "Thank you," she whispered, hesitantly leaning in to hug her. "I'll call you when I get there, okay?"

Ellis hugged Meredith back for a moment before she pulled back. "Good luck, Meredith," she said. "I'm proud of you."

Meredith smiled softly before she turned to let Addison into the house. Addison smiled nervously as she fidgeted in the hallway with Meredith for a moment.

"Do you have enough stuff?" Addison asked. "Because I have a lot more stuff than you, and we're going to the same place. And I don't want to seem like a bad roommate because I'm going to take up so much more room than you."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she shoved a box into Addison's hands. "The reason you have so much more stuff is because you always look gorgeous and perfect," she said. "And it's fine. I don't need a lot of stuff."

"Okay," Addison said hesitantly. "Are you scared?"

Meredith sighed as she followed Addison out to the car. "A little," she said. "But mostly just excited."

"I'm scared," Addison admitted. "Excited too, but mostly scared."

The two of them quickly loaded the rest of Meredith's belongings into the car and got into the backseat, Addison's parents greeting her with warm smiles. As the car pulled away from the curb, Meredith glanced out the back window, smiling as she felt that she was really leaving her past behind her and making her way into the future. This would be good. She was starting an entirely new life, and she was excited to reinvent who Meredith Grey was. She could be anyone she wanted to, and she couldn't wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith and Addison walked down the busy hall of the dorm, their eyes wide with excitement. They had arrived on campus an hour ago, signed in for their room assignments and keys, and now they were about to see their room for the first time. As they stopped in front of room 421, Addison took a deep breath and put the key in the lock, opening the door to reveal a fairly large room, empty save for a bed, desk, and dresser for each of them.

"It's…cute," Addison said hesitantly.

"I like it," Meredith said, walking over to the bed in the corner. "I got the good bed."

Addison rolled her eyes as she placed her bag on the bed that ran along the wall between the windows, looking around the room unsurely.

"We'll make it our own," Meredith continued. "Pictures or whatever."

"Yeah," Addison said, a smile spreading across her face. "This is our room, Mer."

Meredith smiled. "Let's get more stuff from the car," she said as she walked towards the door, stopping as she bumped into someone walking down the hall. "Oh, sorry," she said, looking up to set eyes on a boy with dark curly hair and crystal blue eyes. "I, um, I didn't see you there."

He swallowed hard before he smiled softly. "Don't worry about it," he assured her before she turned to walk away. He stared after her as she walked down the hall, a red head hurrying to join her on her way towards the stairs. He didn't know what had just happened to him, but he was pretty sure the enchanting blonde he'd just collided with had something to do with the wonderful tingling that was running down his spine at that moment.

He turned and shook his head slightly as he walked into the room across the hall where Mark was hanging a dartboard over his desk. "Dude, if we bunk our beds we can totally fit a couch in here," he said over his shoulder.

Derek rolled his eyes. "We're not bunking the beds," he replied.

"Why not?" Mark asked. "I'd even let you have the top. It's not like you're going to get laid anyways."

Derek chose to ignore the image of the girl he'd just bumped into in his arms, her body squirming underneath his. "Forget it," he said.

"Fine," Mark replied. "Speaking of getting laid, have you seen the redhead across the hall? That's some hot stuff."

"You're sick," Derek stated. "You better stop talking like that before Mom comes back up."

"Talking like what?" his mother asked as she walked back into the room, a box of cleaning supplies in her arms, followed by his father.

"Nothing," Derek replied, taking the box out of her arms. "Seriously, Mom, we don't need any of this stuff."

"Just humor me, Derek," Emma said. "I know how you boys are, but it makes me feel better that there are at least supplies in this room even if they're not used."

"For my, sake, humor her," Michael added. "If she doesn't leave these here, I'll I'm going to hear about is how messy this room must be."

"Fine," Derek replied, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

Emma nodded as she looked around, obviously trying to find a reason to stay for longer. "Are you sure you have enough hangers in your closet?" she asked, moving to open the door to Mark's closet.

"It's fine, Emma," Mark said gently.

"What about your bed?" Emma asked smoothing her hand over the navy blue comforter. "Are you sure the sheets are tucked in enough?"

"Mom, everything's fine," Derek said. "Thank you for making sure."

Michael cleared his throat and placed a hand on Emma's back. "We should go, Em," he said gently. "We have to be back for Liz's soccer practice."

Emma nodded, tears filling her eyes as she looked at the two boys in front of her. She first reached for Mark, leaving Derek to say good bye to his father.

"I'm proud of you, Derek," Michael said as he patted Derek on the back. "You're going to great things, I can feel it."

"Thanks, Dad," Derek said. "I um…I'll be home in a couple weeks and we can go out to the lake?"

"Sounds wonderful," Michael said as he took his only son into an embrace. "I love you son."

"I love you too," Derek said, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than he had in a long time, about to be by himself for the first time in his life.

Michael pulled back to reveal Emma reaching her arms out to him, her eyes already filled with tears from saying good bye to Mark. "Derek," she whispered as she wrapped him in his arms. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Derek whispered, burying his face in his mother's shoulder. "I'll be home in a few weeks, Mom. And you've got Liz and Alexis to keep you busy."

Emma nodded as she pulled back to look at him. "I'll talk to you tonight," she stated firmly.

"Okay," Derek said gently, pressing a kiss to her cheek before Michael gently took her hand and led her out the door.

Once they were gone, Derek and Mark stood in the middle of the room, each absorbing the overwhelming sense of independence they felt as they had their first moments of college.

The moment was quickly broken when Derek was drawn into the hallway by the melodic sound of laughter. He walked into the hallway to see the beautiful girl he had seen earlier giggling as she and her roommate stood on her bed, trying to hang up curtains. As he watched her, he felt Mark come up beside him and shake his head. "Man, that red head," he said softly. "She'll be putty in by hands by the end of the week."

"Whatever you say," Derek said, his eyes fixed on the blonde. Her jeans were snug around her hips, giving him the perfect view of her rounded curves, and her entire upper back was exposed above her halter top. Surprising both himself and Mark, he walked across the hall and knocked gently on their door before he asked, "You girls need some help with that?"

They both turned to look at him, and Meredith stumbled slightly on the bed. "Oh," she said, glancing at Addison. "Um, no I think we can handle it."

Derek flashed her a smile as he leaned against the door. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I'm very good at hanging curtains."

Addison rolled her eyes and turned back to the window, but Meredith giggled, obviously amused. "Really?" she asked. "How many curtains have you ever hung?"

Derek was thrown off for a moment. "Well, none…but I could still help," he said feeling like an idiot and choosing to ignore Mark's snickering from behind him.

"Okay, well, I think we've got it under control," Meredith said as she turned back to the curtains, whispering something to Addison before they both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Defeated, Derek turned and walked back to Mark, who was snickering not so subtly. "Man, that was awful," he laughed. "No wonder no girl's ever given it up for you."

Derek scowled. "First of all, that's not true," he said. "Second of all…I doubt you could do any better."

Mark puffed his chest up, accepting the challenge. "I totally could," he replied.

Derek gestured to the open door across the hall. "Be my guest," he offered.

Mark stared at him for a moment before he took a deep breath, walking across the hall to the girls' room, knocking gently on the door before he leaned in, raising his eyebrows in a seductive manner towards Addison. "Ladies, I do believe that this requires a big, strong man to be done well," he said in a deep voice.

Addison rolled her eyes and jumped off the bed. "If that was a pick up line, you need to learn a thing or two about women," she stated before she shoved him out the door and began to close it. "We are able to hang a curtain rod by ourselves. And we would have had it done about twenty minutes ago if we hadn't kept getting interrupted."

With that, the door was closed in Mark's face, leaving him with a frown on his features and Derek echoing his earlier smirk. Finally Mark turned and stormed back into their room, Derek following with an amused smile.

"This does not happen to Mark Sloan," Mark stated, moving to his dresser and digging through the drawers, effectively ruining the neat piles Emma had created earlier that day.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked.

"Making myself irresistible," Mark replied as he held up a light blue shirt and threw it aside before he picked up a navy blue one, nodding as he tore the shirt he was wearing off and pulled the new one over his head. "She'll crack eventually."

Derek rolled his eyes. "They're not interested," he replied.

"Not right now," Mark replied. "They just said goodbye to their families, they're scared about college. But we're going to be living across the hall from them all year. Running into them as they come back from the shower. Watching them get ready to go out at night. Supporting them when they are upset about classes. There for them, Shep."

"You're sick," Derek said. "Do you ever think of anything besides sex?"

Mark thought for a moment before he said, "Science. And doctors. That's about it."

"You need help," Derek replied.

"Whatever, Shep," Mark said as he reached for his cologne. "We'll see which one of us gets our girl."

"I don't want a girl," Derek lied. "I'm here for school."

"And that's officially the lamest thing you've ever said," Mark replied. "We're in college now, Shep. We can do whatever we want. And you can totally reinvent yourself."

"Why do I need to reinvent myself but you don't?" Derek asked, clearly annoyed.

"Because the great Mark Sloan doesn't need to change," he boomed.

"Clearly you do if you want the girl across the hall," Derek pointed out.

"We're talking about you," Mark replied. "And you want that blonde, I can tell."

Derek rolled his eyes, but he didn't deny it. He wasn't sure he could think about not wanting the charming girl across the hall, and he smiled slightly as he opened his orientation packet, already formulating ways to get her attention.

XXXX

Across the hall, Meredith and Addison sat giggling on Addison's bed.

"Can you believe them?" Addison asked. "They think they're all charming and wonderful."

Meredith smiled. "Seriously," she said. "I mean, do they really think they can just make us bow at their feet?"

"They're going to be fun to mess with," Addison smiled. "Especially the cocky one."

"They're both cocky," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Although neither one of them really has anything to be cocky about."

"Well, you have to admit they're a little hot," Addison said. "Did you see the arms of the blonde one?"

"Mmmm," Meredith said. "I noticed the eyes."

Addison nodded as the two of them thought in silence for a moment. Finally Meredith giggled. "This is going to be so fun," she said.

"What?" Addison asked.

"We're living across from them," Meredith replied. "All year. They obviously already want us. So we can tease them. Wear our towels to the shower. Get all dressed up in short skirts and high heels. Leave the door open a crack to think they might get a peek at us while we change."

Addison's eyes gleamed with excitement. "I like the way you think, Meredith Grey," she said. "This is going to be amazing."

Meredith giggled, but she couldn't help wondering about the boy with the perfect hair and amazing eyes across the hall. He was definitely hotter than any boy she'd ever seen in high school, and she couldn't help the tingle that ran down her spine when she thought of the way his eyes had looked at her, like he could offer her things that she had never known before. And she couldn't help being drawn to him. He was...completely captivating, and she wanted to know more about him.

Of course, it would be fun to watch his reaction to her teasing as well.

This college thing wasn't bad, not at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek looked in the mirror as he ran his gel covered hands through his hair. It was Saturday night, his first real weekend night at college. The night before had been filled with talks by the administration and lectures about alcohol policies, so this was the first chance they had to go out and have fun at college. He'd put on his good looking red shirt, and was now working the gel into his hair to create the suave look he had perfected over the summer in a desperate attempt to no longer be known as afro boy, like he had in high school.

"So I heard about a party across campus," Mark said as he came into the room, wearing his robe and running a towel through his hair. "I figure it's probably our best bet."

"Sounds good," Derek replied, wondering whether the girl from across the hall would be there. He had to find out her name. Right now she was the nameless enchanting beauty from across the hall, and he had to find out her name. Maybe if he saw her tonight, he could find out her name.

"So that blonde chick just came out of the girls' bathroom in her robe," Mark said as he shrugged into a dark green shirt. "Shortest damn thing I've ever seen in my life. If only it had been the redhead..."

Derek swallowed hard, torn between jealousy and pure desire as he pictured Meredith in a robe. "You think we'll run into them?" he asked.

"Maybe," Mark shrugged. "Remember, Shep, the key is to not be completely desperate. Play hard to get. It will make her want you more."

"Of course," Derek nodded. "Because that's gotten you so far."

Mark frowned. "She'll break," he said. "I saw her this morning and she winked at me. Winked, Shep. Soon as the girl gets some booze in her, she'll be begging me."

"Keep telling yourself that," Derek laughed as he reached for the door. "Ready?"

"Yup," Mark replied.

Derek pulled the door open and felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw the girls stepping out of their own room. She looked beautiful in a short black dress, her wavy hair falling in soft curls around her face. He allowed his gaze to roam over her toned arms and curved hips, down her long legs and black high heeled sandals before back to her eyes, which were sparkling as they met his.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," Derek replied.

She turned to her friend and giggled slightly before they started to walk down the hall. Derek and Mark exchanged a glance before they turned to hurry after them, silently ageing that tag teaming would work best.

"Where are you going?" Mark asked Addison as he appeared at her side.

"No where that you're invited," Addison replied.

"Well, that's just hurtful," Derek said. Looking at Meredith, he asked, "You want me to come, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't even know you," she said.

"You could know us," Mark said.

"You could," Derek agreed. "You need to know us to love us."

"We're very lovable," Mark added.

Meredith and Addison glanced at each other before they stopped walking and looked at the two men who had stopped a few feet in front of them when they'd realized that they were no longer following anyone.

"We're gonna go," Addison said, pulling Meredith along with her. "And I do believe it could be considered sexual harassment if you followed us."

They walked into the stairwell, their giggles traveling back to Derek and Mark as they stood defeated in the hallway. "This is war," Mark said, charging down the hallway, leaving Derek to stumble after him to catch up. "That girl cannot resist me. I refuse to give up."

Derek sighed. "They're not interested," he said.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Have I taught you nothing, Shep?" he asked. "They totally want us. We just have to play along with their little game for awhile, and then they'll give in. We have to make sure we don't break first. If we do, we'll never have any power in the relationship."

"Fine," Derek said. "Where are we going? They never told us where they're going."

"We're going to the party," Mark replied. "It's the biggest party on campus, they have to show up there at some point."

Derek sighed as he followed Mark down the street. He wasn't sure why he wasn't even interested in the party anymore. All he wanted was to talk to the blonde across the hall, to find out her name and everything else there was to know about her.

XXXXXX

Meredith and Addison walked into the party, looking around with wide smiles on their faces. "This is awesome!" Addison yelled over the music. "Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, I'll get a beer," Meredith replied. They made their way to the table of drinks and opened a couple of beers, looking around the crowded house. "We should go dance," she said after a few minutes.

"Let's go," Addison giggled, grabbing Meredith's arm and dragging her to the middle of the room. As they allowed themselves to get lost in the music, Meredith felt herself lose a little bit of her self consciousness, allowing herself to show more of who she truly was as she moved to the music.

After a couple songs, she looked around and noticed that Addison was nowhere to be seen. She sighed as she turned back to the drink table, freezing when she saw Addison in the corner of the room, leaning against a wall and laughing as the blonde man from across the hall leaned close to her. That could only mean that the hot one was here somewhere, and he would probably corner her as well. She swallowed hard, telling herself to keep control and not let herself sink into who she used to be. She couldn't sleep with him, as much as she wanted to.

She reached for a beer and moved outside, sitting down on the steps as she looked up at the sky. The moon was bright, and the stars were glimmering, and she found herself slipping into daydream mode as she stared at the vast darkness above her.

"Well, you look awfully lonely out here," she heard a familiar voice say, and she closed her eyes as she reminded herself to act normal.

With a sigh, she opened her eyes to see the familiar blue eyes smiling at her. "Hi," she said softly.

"So I've been thinking," Derek started. "We're living across the hall from each other."

"We are," Meredith agreed with a smile, curious to see where he was going with this.

"And we're going to be living across the hall from each other all year," he continued. "So I feel that information about each other is essential."

"You do?" Meredith asked. "What information are we talking about here?"

"Well, we could start with names," Derek replied, holding out his hand. "Derek Shepherd."

Meredith stared at him for a moment, considering her options in her head for a moment before she gently took his hands. "Meredith Grey," she said softly.

Derek flashed her his best smile. "Well, Meredith Grey, it appears that we have reached a new plateau."

"Oh, really?" Meredith asked, giggling slightly. "Which plateau is next? Learning where each other is from?"

"Hmm….I could handle that," Derek nodded. "New York. Born and raised."

"I'm from Boston," Meredith said with a nod. "Although, I moved out there from Seattle when I was five."

Derek nodded. "I'm glad I know things, Meredith Grey from Boston," he said.

Meredith giggled, unable to completely resist him. The man was completely and totally cheesy and corny, but there was something else about him, something safe, and…homey. She felt like he was home, which was weird and insane. People couldn't feel like home, especially annoying, curly haired boys with amazing eyes who lived across from her. But Derek…there was something perfect about his name and his eyes and his hair and just…him.

Before their conversation could go any further, the front door of the house burst open and Addison stumbled onto the porch.

"Mer, thank God," she said, reaching to pull her best friend to feet. "We've got to go. Mark's driving me crazy?"

"Who's Mark?" Meredith asked.

"The hot one from across the hall," Addison replied, causing Derek to frown. He definitely didn't want to be known as the hot one's roommate.

Meredith glanced over her shoulder at Derek as Addison dragged her away. She smiled brightly and shrugged helplessly, as if saying that she would talk to him later. He nodded and smiled in return before he stood and walked back to the party, preparing to kill Mark. When he laid eyes on his best friend at the drink table, he made his way over to him and grabbed his arm.

"Thanks a lot," he said.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Mark asked. "We're at a party. Loosen up, have a beer."

"I don't need a beer," Derek snapped. "I was actually getting somewhere with Meredith, and you had to go and ruin it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mark demanded.

"I was talking to Meredith," Derek sighed. "And she was…amazing. And then her friend came out and demanded that they leave because you were annoying her."

Mark frowned. "That's totally not what happened," he said. "I tried to kiss her and she freaked out."

"I wonder why," Derek muttered under his breath.

"You know what this means, Shep?" Mark asked, a sly smile on his face.

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," Derek rolled his eyes.

"It means that they're going to give in earlier than we thought," Mark said. "I'm telling you, Shep, they'll be ours by the end of September."

Derek didn't say anything, but he couldn't help hoping that his idiot of a best friend was right, that he would be dating Meredith by the end of the month. There was something enchanting about her, something that made him feel complete, and he barely even knew her. He couldn't wait until he could know her more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story so far :)**

"And it wasn't that it was a bad kiss," Addison continued to ramble as the two of them laid in their beds later that night. "That's not it at all. It's that it was a really good kiss. One of the best kisses ever. But he's…Mark. He's arrogant and cocky, but…God, Mer, that was the best kiss ever."

"Mmhmm," Meredith mumbled, not really listening as her best friend went on and on about her perfect kiss. Since they had gotten back to their room, Addison had been freaking out about realizing her desire for the boy across the hall, and Meredith had listened only partially, the majority of her mind still lost in Derek's deep blue eyes. There was something about him that made her feel completely safe, and she couldn't believe how captivating his gaze was.

Derek Shepherd. Even his name sounded perfect as she rolled it around in her head. She wasn't sure why she was thinking like this, being the girl who obsessed over the boy with the perfect hair. She'd never been that girl before, and was instead more interested in partying with Addison and their friends from high school than she had been in messing around with boys. But now…she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with him. There had definitely been a spark when he'd taken her hand, gently massaging the back of her hand with his thumb, and she could only imagine what it would be like to be wrapped in his arms.

"Mer?" Addison asked, propping herself up on her elbows. "Are you still awake?"

"Hmm?" Meredith asked. "Sorry, Addie, I was just…thinking."

Addison flopped back onto her back. "So what do you think I should do?" she asked.

"We just started college," Meredith replied. "This is our second night here. We haven't even started classes yet. We can't fall for anyone right now?"

There was a long silence in the room, and Addison finally asked, "We?"

Meredith cursed herself in her head, hoping that she could cover herself okay. She didn't want Addison to know about her feelings towards Derek. "You," she said quickly. "I meant you."

"You were talking to Mark's roommate on the porch," Addison stated. "Mer, do you like him?"

"No!" Meredith cried. "I can't like him. I don't even know him. And I'm here for school. So no. I don't like him."

Addison was silent, and Meredith could swear she could hear her smirking. "We can't let them win though."

"Win what?" Meredith asked tiredly. Suddenly she couldn't wait until classes started on Monday so she could have something to focus on rather than Addison's games.

"The game," Addison rolled her eyes. "They're playing us, Mer, waiting for us to give in first. And we can't let that happen. If we want any power in these relationships, we can't let them win."

"There is no relationship," Meredith said. "And there won't be."

"Good," Addison replied. "That's the attitude we need to have around them so we can make sure they know where we stand." She paused for a moment, a smile playing over her lips. "I can't believe it, my little Meredith is finally starting to show emotions for a boy."

"I'm going to sleep," Meredith rolled her eyes, turning onto her side to face the wall, her back towards Addison. She heard Addison shift around as well, getting comfortable before the room was quiet, leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts.

The last thought in her mind as she drifted off to sleep was of the way Derek's eyes had told her that she was special, and he wanted to know her forever.

XXXXXX

"Oh, God," Meredith muttered under her breath as she and Addison sat at a corner table in the cafeteria the next morning. She ducked her head closer to the table, trying to hide her face behind a newspaper.

"What?" Addison asked, ducking her head close to Meredith's as she followed her gaze.

"Idiot one and idiot two at three o' clock," Meredith whispered as she watched Derek and Mark move through the food line. "What do we do?"

Addison glanced to her left, lying eyes on the boys before she turned back to Meredith. "Do we make a run for it?" she asked.

"If they see us here they'll sit with us."

"If they see us trying to leave they'll corner us."

"Shit," Meredith muttered. "I think it's too late."

Derek and Mark were approaching their table, matching grins on their faces. Meredith rolled her eyes as she sat up, picking up her newspaper and trying to ignore Derek as he sat down next to her and Mark sat down next to Addison.

"Good morning, ladies," Mark greeted them. "Lovely day out, isn't it?"

Addison and Meredith exchanged a glance before they both returned to pretending to read the newspaper.

"You're ignoring me," Derek stated as he scooted his chair closer to Meredith.

"Trying to," Meredith replied without lifting her eyes off the paper as she scooted her chair further in the other direction.

"You shouldn't ignore me," Derek murmured in her ear. "I've already told you, I'm someone you need to get to know to love."

Meredith couldn't help the small smile that played along her lips. "You really like yourself, don't you?" she asked.

Derek shrugged. "What's not to like?" he asked.

"I could think of a few things," Meredith said coyly as she picked up her tray. "Ready to go, Addie?"

"Definitely," Addison replied as she pulled herself away from Mark's hovering presence.

"I don't think you should go," Derek said, looking up at Meredith with earnest eyes.

"I agree with Shep," Mark said firmly before he frowned. "I think that's the first time that's ever happened."

"Shep?" Meredith asked, her eyes shining with amusement as she looked down at him.

"Mark thinks it's the best nickname ever," Derek said as he rolled his eyes. "He's an idiot, you can ignore him."

Addison watched in fascination as Meredith sat back down, this time not caring that the chair was close to Derek's. She'd never seen her best friend act like this, and she couldn't help be glad that Meredith was showing interest in Derek. She would definitely never have expected Meredith to fall for someone like Derek, but if that's what was happening, she was more than happy for her.

"You know, we could leave them alone," she heard Mark murmur in her ear, feeling his hot breath on her neck.

She rolled her eyes as she turned to face him. "It's ten o clock in the morning," she said. "I have things to do."

Mark gestured with his head to Derek and Meredith as they sat close together at the table, talking quietly. "You think they want us around?" he asked.

Addison sighed as she turned to look at him. "Fine," she said. "I'm going back to my room. If you're going to your room, we can walk together."

Mark smirked. "Oh, I'm coming," he said, offering her a wink.

Addison rolled her eyes as she stormed towards the door, trying to ignore the feelings of arousal surging through her body.

"So you really think that the Red Sox have a chance?" Derek asked Meredith back at the table, his eyes wide.

Meredith giggled. "Of course they do," she replied. "We're the best."

"We?" Derek asked. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're taking a leave of absence from the major leagues to attend college."

"Everyone knows that you refer to your team as we," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And to think that you consider yourself a baseball fan."

"I'm a real baseball fan," Derek laughed. "The Yankees are the best there is. No one can deny that."

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. She looked up for a moment, surprise in her eyes when she turned back to him. "Our friends are gone," she stated.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Mark probably found some excuse to get her up to our room," he said.

"Oh, so Mark's the womanizer," Meredith nodded. "You're the perfect gentleman."

"Of course," Derek said with a smile, tilting his head to the side. "Have I done anything ungentlemanly?"

"Hmm…except for the time every time you use lame lines to try to pick me up?" Meredith asked. "Nope."

Derek frowned. "They're not lame," he protested.

"Have they ever worked?" Meredith asked.

Derek leaned forward and winked. "You're the only one worth using them on," he said huskily.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stood up. "And you think you're not corny," she said. "I have to go."

Derek jumped up and followed her to the door. "Where are you going?"

"I have to buy books," Meredith replied. "And talk to professors. And do…things. Things that don't involve you."

"See, that's where I think you're wrong," Derek argued as he walked beside her. "I think I should be involved in your life."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stopped walking, looking closely at him. "What is it with you?" she asked. "You're chasing. You don't even know me, but you're chasing. And if you knew me, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be chasing, so…you should just stop chasing. It will be better for everyone."

Derek frowned. "I'm chasing because it's fun," he said. "And you're right, I don't know you. But I want to know you. And I'm pretty sure that I won't stop chasing once I know you."

"But why?" Meredith asked. "What's the point?"

Derek smiled softly as he took a step closer, brushing some hair out of her face. He looked deeply into her eyes as they tried to read into his thoughts, and after a moment he leaned down to press his lips to hers in a quick but firm kiss.

"That," he whispered in her ear as he pulled away. "That is the point of the chasing."

With that, he turned and walked back towards the dorm, leaving Meredith standing in the middle of the path, lifting a hand to her lips to feel the tingle of where his lips had been, starting to think that maybe there was a point to the chase.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek entered the large lecture hall in the science building the next morning, fully ready to sit through his first college class. Abnormal psychology was a class that was usually reserved for upper-class pre-med students, but AP credits had allowed him to bypass the usual introductory courses that future medical students usually had to take. Mark was beyond pissed that Derek had been aware of what he wanted to do when he was in high school that he was able to bypass the first year classes, since he had to sit through both bio and chemistry 101.

As Derek settled himself in a seat in the middle of the auditorium, the scent of a familiar flowery perfume swept over him, and he snapped his head forward to see the honey blonde hair of Meredith Grey a few rows ahead of him. With a sly smile, he grabbed his backpack and stood, moving to slide into the seat beside her.

"Well, it looks like we're of similar breeds, Meredith Grey," he said, smiling as he felt her body tense before she turned to look at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Wow, I'm glad I know how you feel about me," Derek nodded.

"Seriously, Derek, freshman aren't supposed to be in this class," Meredith argued with wide eyes.

"Ah, yes, but it seems that yours truly did well enough in his AP classes that he could skip those boring classes to move into things that really matter," Derek said as he placed his feet on the chair in front of him and folded his hands behind his head.

"And what really matters?" Meredith asked.

"Psychobio," Derek replied, a gleam appearing in his eyes. "I'm going to be a neurosurgeon."

Meredith stared at him. "You're kidding, right?" she asked. "You're just playing some mean joke because you've been stalking me and you don't really want to be a neurosurgeon, do you?"

Derek frowned. "Okay, first of all, I am not stalking you," he said. "It's not my fault that we live across the hall from each other. And second…I'm a neurosurgeon. Or I will be one in about ten years."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Okay, I'm missing the problem here," Derek frowned. "My dad's a neurosurgeon, and I've wanted to be one ever since I learned the meaning of the word. The brain…it's amazing."

"I know it's amazing," Meredith snapped. "That's why I'm going to be a neurosurgeon."

"You're…" a small smile played over Derek's lips as the words sank in. "You're psychobio too?" He couldn't help the excitement he felt at the thought that he and Meredith would be on the same track for their entire four years at college.

Before Meredith could answer, the professor began to speak, causing them to fall into a concentrated silence. Derek smiled to himself as he took notes on the professor's lecture, feeling strangely comforted by the feeling of Meredith sitting beside him.

When the class was let out, Meredith shot out of her seat, bolting towards the door so fast that Derek practically had to run to keep up with her. She rolled her eyes as she noticed him walking next to her and asked, "Are you ever going to leave me alone? Because I should know now if I'm going to have to transfer over winter break."

"Hey," Derek said, grabbing her arm. "What's wrong with you? I thought we were connecting."

"That's what's wrong with me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We can't connect. Because I'm here for school. And you want things, things that I can't give you and I don't have the energy to keep turning you down. So it would be great if you could just stop annoying me all the time."

She turned and stormed away, leaving Derek standing stunned in the middle of the science center lobby.

XXXXX

"Dude, what the hell did you tell her you want?" Mark asked. "Because if you told her you want sex, it's over."

"Of course I didn't tell her that, Mark," Derek snapped from his desk. "I'm not stupid. And I didn't tell her that I wanted anything from her. She just assumes that she can't give me anything that I want, but I don't even know what she thinks I want."

Mark shook his head. "You've got yourself a mess there," he said.

"She's not a mess," Derek said defensively. "She's just skittish."

Mark shook his head. "Whatever, man," he said. "Addie…she's amazing. I'm totally winning."

"I don't understand what the competition is," Derek frowned.

"Power, Shep," Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm totally going to have the power in the relationship. I finally convinced her to go out to dinner with me Friday night."

"Well, good for you," Derek replied. "Some of us are at a loss of what to do."

"At least she's in a class with you," Mark offered. "Maybe she'll be in one tomorrow too. Between class and living on the same floor, she'll be seeing you a lot, whether she wants to or not. So now's the time to turn on the charm and make sure she knows that you're irresistible."

Derek opened his mouth to reply, but was quickly cut off when they heard the sound of a loud crash from across the hall, followed by a loud scream. Without hesitation, Derek and Mark both jumped up to run across the hall to Meredith and Addison's room, Derek's heart stopping at the sight before him as they swung open the door.

"Meredith," he gasped, moving towards her from, sprawled across the floor. "Are you okay?"

"My ankle," she gasped.

"Can I see?" he asked, gently, moving towards her foot and rolling up her pants leg to reveal an already swelling ankle. "Oh, Mer," he breathed. "It's swollen. I think it might be broken."

She whimpered slightly, and he moved back to gather her into his arms. "What happened?" he asked gently, running his finger through her hair.

"I was trying to set up the shelf," Meredith replied. "And it broke. And I fell and my stupid ankle is broken."

"I'll get you to a doctor," Derek assured her softly. "Mark, can you pull the car up?"

"Sure, man," Mark said as he hurried out of the room.

"Don't worry, Mer," Derek said softly, lifting her into his arms as he sat down on the bed and cradled her in his lap. "You're okay. I've got you now."

"Derek," she whimpered, turning her head to bury it in his shirt. "It hurts, Der."

"I know," he whispered, pressing his nose into her hair, desperate to find a way to distract her from the pain in her ankle. "Hmmm...your hair smells good," he murmured.

Meredith frowned at him. "Seriously?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," he whispered. "I'm trying to distract you, Mer, to get your mind off the pain."

"Oh," she winced, settling against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around him. "Um...it's lavender."

"Lavender," Derek whispered, burying his nose in her hair. "I love it."

"What else?" Meredith asked, trying to ignore the pain. "What else do you want to know about me?"

"Middle name?" Derek asked.

"Alyse," Meredith whispered.

"Favorite ice cream?"

"Strawberry."

"Favorite band?"

"Duran Duran."

Derek frowned, his hand pausing in her hair. "I'll give you that one because you're in pain," he said. "But seriously? Duran Duran?"

"What's wrong with Duran Duran?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Derek replied, hiding his smirk in her hair. "Mark should have the car pulled up by now. Are you okay if I carry you down?"

"Yeah," Meredith whispered, her fingers clutching his shirt. "Don't leave me, Derek. Please...stay with me."

Derek swallowed hard as he moved to carry her down the hall. He wasn't sure where this sudden neediness was coming from, especially since she'd told him an hour ago to stay away from her. He wasn't going to question it though; there was something seriously appealing about taking care of Meredith, helping her when she was sick.

"I'm not leaving," he whispered. "I promise."

The ride to the hospital was quick, only about twenty minutes, but Meredith clutched Derek's hand in pain every time the car went over even the smallest of bumps, causing pain to radiate from her ankle to the rest of her body. Derek whispered gently in her ear, trying to distract her from her pain as tears streamed down her face. When they finally reached the emergency room, Derek helped her into a wheelchair and walked with her into the waiting room, his hand never leaving hers as they waited for her name to be called.

Two hours later, Meredith hobbled out of the emergency room doors with Derek at her side, his hands stretched out and ready to stabilize her if she fell. He'd called Mark a half an hour before, and he was already waiting at the entrance. "Hey Shep," he said as he got out of the driver's seat. "Meredith...looks like you're going to be a cripple for awhile."

"Mark," Derek rolled his eyes as he leaned forward to open the backseat door for Meredith, gently taking her crutches and helping her in.

"Sorry," Mark said. "Addison said she's sorry she couldn't come, but she's still in class. She was going to get everything in your room ready."

"Okay," Meredith said softly. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" he asked, leaning down to look her in the eye.

"Can you...sit in the back with me?" she whispered.

"Oh, Mer," he replied as he moved her to the side gently so that he could sit beside her so that she could lean against him. "Of course. I'll do anything you need."

"Thank you," she whispered in relief as she relaxed in his arms. "I'm...thank you."

"Of course," Derek replied, a smile playing on his lips as he met Mark's eyes in the rear view mirror. This was a big step. She was starting to depend on him, and he was going to be able to spend some time with her getting to know who she really was as he helped her recover. He hated that she was hurting, but he couldn't help the feeling of anticipation that ran through his body as he thought about getting to know her better.

XXXXX

"And I got some frozen food," Addison stated later that afternoon. "Mark said we could leave it in their fridge, and whenever you want anything, I'll go put it in the microwave so you don't have to get up."

"Thanks, Addison," Meredith smiled from her bed where her ankle rested on a prop of pillows. "You really didn't have to do all of that."

"Of course I did," Addison replied, a frown on her face. "I did tell Mark that I would eat dinner with him, though, so..."

"It's fine," Meredith said with a wave of her hand. "Go have fun with him. I'll just get ahead in my reading."

"Do you want me to heat some food up for you now?" Addison asked. "Before we go?"

"I'll do it," Derek said as he walked into the open door. "I'm staying with her."

"Derek," Meredith frowned. "You've already done enough. Go have a fun dinner with Mark and Addie."

Derek waved a hand in dismissal. "You really think I want to eat with Mark?" he asked. "Think again. I'd much rather eat with you."

"Okay," she said slowly. "Ummm...I guess you're good to go, Addie."

"Alright, I'll go get Mark," Addison said. "I shouldn't be too long."

"Take your time," Derek supplied for Meredith. "I'll take good care of her."

"I'm not an invalid," Meredith rolled her eyes at him as Addison walked out of the room.

"I know," Derek nodded as he reached for her ankle, moving it from the pillows to his lap. "How are you feeling?"

"It hurts," she whispered. "But it will be better in the morning."

"Good," Derek replied. "Do you want me to call someone?"

"For what?" Meredith asked. "Do you want take out instead of frozen food? Cause I could totally go for pizza, but I hate Chinese, so..."

Derek laughed slightly. "That's not what I meant," he said softly. "Although if you want pizza, we can get some. And I'll make sure that I'll never feed you Chinese food. But I was wondering if you want to call your parents or anything."

"Oh," Meredith replied, and he could see a visible change in her demeanor. "Um...No, it's okay."

"You don't want to call your parents?" Derek asked. "Mer, I think they'll want to know."

"Not they," Meredith shook her head. "She. I don't have a father. And my mother...she doesn't care."

"She doesn't care?" Derek asked.

"She's a doctor," Meredith shrugged. "She just loves the job more than she loves me."

Derek thought for a moment. "Ellis Grey?" he asked.

"That's her," Meredith nodded.

"My dad's worked with her," Derek murmured. "He wasn't too fond of her."

"That's surprising," Meredith replied. "She's the best surgeon in the country."

"Yeah, but according to my father she had no compassion," Derek said. "I'm sorry, Mer, that you had to grow up with someone like that."

"It's okay," she shrugged as she dozed off to sleep. "I don't...it's fine."

"Someday," Derek whispered. "Someday, Meredith Grey, I will take you home with me, and you can see what family is really supposed to be like." He leaned forward to kiss her cheek lightly, allowing him to slip into a daydream of what it would be like to bring her home to his family.

She would fit perfectly.


	6. Chapter 6

"Here we go," Derek said as he walked back into Meredith's room, a hot pizza in his hands. "Straight from the oven."

"Mmmm, yummy," Meredith giggled, reaching forward to take the pizza from his hands. "Thanks," she said.

"You're welcome," Derek said, settling into his place at the foot of her bed. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Meredith set her plate to the side and asked, "Derek, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" he asked, looking up from the textbook spread open in his lap.

"This," Meredith sighed. "For the past week you've been bringing me food and making sure I get to my classes and sitting with me. It's amazing, it really is. But…you're just starting college. You should be out having fun and meeting girls instead of taking care of your crippled neighbor."

"Meredith," Derek said softly, closing his book and setting it on the floor in front of him. "I'm here because I want to be. I told you I wanted to get to know you, and that's what I've been doing. And I love it."

Meredith didn't say anything for a long moment as she played with the crust of her pizza, tearing it into pieces. "Derek, listen," she said. "You're really great. Really really great. And I appreciate everything that you've done for me. But I can't…I can't be your girlfriend. I know that's what you want because even when you're taking care of me you're being all dreamy and perfect, and I just can't do that."

Derek frowned. "Okay, that's not true," he said. "I'll admit when I first met you…that was what I wanted. But now, I just want to know you. I want to be your friend, Mer. If you're not comfortable with anything else, that's fine."

Meredith bit her lower lip, considering his words. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Because I know that most guys are like Mark, who's sleeping with Addison, and that's what most guys want to be doing in college and I just can't let you have that with me. I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't."

"Meredith," Derek said softly, scooting closer to her on the bed. "Will you open that thick skull of yours and listen to me? I'm not Mark. I don't want to sleep around. I'm here for school, to become a doctor. And I just happened to meet an amazing girl who lives across the hall. And right now, all I want is to know you. As a friend. Nothing more."

"Okay," Meredith said softly.

"Okay?" Derek asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Okay," she nodded more firmly. "I just don't want to keep you from doing what you want to be doing."

Derek smiled as he settled back against the wall, reaching for another piece of pizza. "I'm doing it, Mer," he replied.

"Good," she nodded, opening a book and flipping through it.

"Besides, I can't even go into my own room," Derek laughed. "Addison's pretty much taken permanent residence there."

Meredith giggled. "Yeah, she hasn't slept here in a couple nights," she said. "Sorry you've been replaced in Mark's life."

Derek frowned. "I haven't been replaced in his life," he said. "I may be homeless now, but that's okay. I have you."

"Yeah," Meredith said softly. "You have me."

Derek smiled at her as he turned his attention back to his textbook. For the past week, they had fallen into a familiar, comfortable pattern. At some point, Mark and Addison had become completely inseparable, leaving Derek and Meredith to spend the majority of their time in the girls' room, studying, talking, and watching movies. Although Meredith's broken ankle prevented them from doing too much, Derek had realized that he'd never enjoyed any one person's company more than he had enjoyed her. He was trying to ignore the feeling of how much she completed him, because for whatever reason she wasn't letting him into that part of her life. He had to be patient, he knew, because there was something there. Eventually, maybe she would realize how amazing they could be together and everything would work out for them.

From beside him he heard Meredith sigh, and felt her shift uncomfortably for a moment and he turned his attention to her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said. "I'm just bored."

Derek smiled. "Well, I'm glad I'm such good company."

"It's not that," she sighed. "I just wish I could get out of bed and do something."

"You can," Derek nodded. "You want to go somewhere?"

"I can't walk, Derek," she snapped.

"I know," he replied. "And if I told you that all you had to do was get outside, which I would help you to do, would you want to go somewhere?"

"Yes," she replied automatically. "But where would we go?"

"You'll see," he said, leaning forward to squeeze her hand. "I'm going to go down and get my car. I'll come back up to get you, okay?"

"Sure," she nodded, not sure she completely trusted Derek to know exactly what she would enjoy, but not really having a choice.

"I'll be right back," he assured her as he got up and walked quickly out of the room.

Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes as she thought about how much her life had changed just in the two weeks she had been at college. She had never thought that she would become so enamored with a boy, especially one as cocky and annoying as Derek Shepherd. And yet every time she tried to push him away, he ended up flashing her those perfect eyes and dreamy smile and she couldn't remember why she was so desperately fighting this.

With a sigh, she reached for the crutches he had placed next to her bed and struggled to stand up, looking up in surprise when the door opened. "That was fast…" she started but trailed off when she saw Addison rushing into the room. "Oh, it's you."

"Wow, thanks, Mer," Addison laughed. "Who did you think it was?"

"Derek," Meredith sighed. "He's getting the car. He wants to take me somewhere."

"Aw, that's sweet," Addison said. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "The idiot seems to think it's okay to surprise me."

Addison giggled. "You hate surprises," she said.

"I know," Meredith replied. "And I told him that. You would think he'd listen."

Addison froze as she put on her make up, looking at Meredith carefully. "What?" Meredith asked.

"Meredith," Addison said, a smile spreading across her face as she set her mascara down. "Are you and Derek…together?"

"No!" Meredith cried a little too quickly. "No. Definitely not. We're not like that."

"He likes you," Addison nodded earnestly. "Mark told me."

"It's…nothing," Meredith shook her head. "Mark. Let's talk about you and Mark. And how I'm completely jealous."

"Well, if you're jealous, you could just be with Derek," Addison shrugged.

"It's not like that," Meredith said. "Sex. I'm jealous of the sex. And Derek…he wants something real. But I can't do that. So friends. We're friends. Me and Derek. Just friends."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Mer," she said. "What is it with you refusing to get close to a guy?"

"Nothing," Meredith replied. "I just…you're that happily ever after person. I'm not. So there's no point in me having anything to do with guys."

"Maybe you are," Addison said. "I know your parents weren't the best example, but… maybe you could be that person."

Before Meredith could respond, the door opened and Derek poked his head in. "Hey, are you ready, Mer?" he asked as he moved forward to help her with her crutches.

Meredith glanced at Addison, ho was watching her with expectant eyes. "Um…actually Derek, I'm not really in the mood to go out right now."

Derek frowned. "You just said you were bored."

"I know," she said. "I changed my mind."

Derek looked at her carefully, confused by her sudden change in demeanor. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine," she said crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "You can go back to your room now."

Derek's eyes flashed towards Addison. "Okay," he said carefully. "Um…let me know if you need anything."

"I'm fine, Derek," she said. "Just go."

Derek stood and walked out of the room, shooting her one last concerned glance before he stepped out of the room.

"What the hell was that?" Addison demanded as the door shut behind Derek.

"That was me proving to you and the rest of the world that I don't care about Derek Shepherd," Meredith replied. "Are you going to keep annoying me?"

Addison shook her head. "Whatever, Meredith," she said. "I hope you're happy with yourself for hurting him."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she scooted lower in her bed, pulling her covers over her head and effectively ending their conversation. She squeezed her eyes closed tightly, trying to chase the image of Derek's hurt expression out of her mind, and erase the feeling of pain piercing her heart as she thought of the fear that she had just chased Derek out of her life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you guys are enjoying this story, and if you have any suggestions for scenes/plot lines, I'll see what I can do to fit them in :)**

"Damn it," Derek heard a familiar grumbling coming from the hallway a week later, and he frowned as he looked through the glass doors to see Meredith hopping up the stairs. He rolled his eyes and moved to open the door and grab her arm.

"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" he asked. "Why aren't you using the elevator?"

"It's broken," she replied. "And I'm fine."

"You're not fine," he argued. "I don't know why you can't let anyone take care of you, but you can't go around hurting yourself."

"I'm not hurting myself," she said as she hobbled towards her room. "I'm walking towards my room."

"You just walked up four flights of stairs!" Derek exclaimed. "Meredith, you could have fallen and cracked your head open. What good would that have done anyone?"

"Well, lucky for me, my stalker is a future brain surgeon," she replied. "You would have been there just like you always are."

Derek stepped in front of her, prohibiting her from moving any further and he looked into her eyes. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked. "You won't even let me be friends with you now?"

"I don't need you!" Meredith yelled. "I don't need anyone, so just leave me alone."

"That's bullshit," Derek argued. He'd been waiting all week to do this, to find out what was going on in that head of hers. She had made it obvious that she didn't want anyone to break through the barriers she had set up for herself, and the entire time she'd been avoiding him, he'd spent trying to figure out how to get her to talk to him. "Everyone needs someone."

"That's not true," she argued as she tried to maneuver towards her.

"Yes it is," Derek said, moving to stand firmly in front of her door. "Do you want to tell me why the hell you're denying this?"

"Denying what?" Meredith asked, fire in her eyes.

"The fact that there's something between us," Derek said softly. "And not sexually. It's fine if you don't want that. But you're completely denying the fact that there's any connection between us at all, and I want to know why."

"You want to know why?" Meredith asked. "You really want to know why I can't let you get close to me?"

"Yes," Derek said, all anger fading away from his voice as he stepped forward, not touching her but his eyes boring into hers. "Why, Mer?"

Meredith bit her lower lip and turned to walk into her room, leaving the door open as a sign for Derek to follow. She sank onto her bed, and Derek paused for a moment before he sat down at her desk, not wanting to invade her space. There was a long silence in the room before Meredith finally began to speak.

"My dad…he left when I was five," Meredith said softly. "My mom was cheating on him, and they hated each other, so he just…he left. I heard them fighting the night before he left, and he told her that she was a robot, not really human and not worth loving. The next morning he was packing the car and I ran out to ask him where we were going. He always used to take me to the zoo, on picnics…fun stuff. But he looked at me and he told me I was exactly like my mother and that if I cared about anyone, I shouldn't let myself poison them."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, moving to sit next to her on the bed. "That…is so not true."

"It is true," she replied around her tears. "And that's why I've never let any guy close to me. Because I'm poison. Especially you, Derek, you deserve so much better than me."

"Meredith," Derek whispered. "That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."

"It's true," Meredith insisted, reaching for the tissues that sat on the dresser next to her bed. "So can't you see that's why I can't let you get close to me? Because if we're friends, you're going to keep wanting more and I can't give you more because you'll just get hurt."

"Do you want to hurt me?" Derek asked quietly.

"What?" Meredith asked. "No, of course not. I'm protecting you, Derek."

"Listen to me," Derek said, reaching to cup her cheek in his hand and forcing her to look into his eyes. "Meredith, if you really don't like me and you don't want me around, then I'll back down. It's not what I want, but if you really don't want anything with me, I'm willing to forget it. But only if you can look into my eyes and tell me honestly that you don't feel a connection and don't want to see it through."

"It's not about what I want," Meredith shook her head, tears filling her eyes.

Derek felt his heart break for this amazing girl in front of him, and he couldn't help but feel the need to want to fix her. "It does," he insisted. "That's all that matters, Meredith."

"But my dad…"

"Is an asshole that I never want to meet," Derek dismissed. "I know those words hurt and you can't just forget about them, but for one second, think about what you want."

There was a long pause, and after a moment Meredith's tear filled eyes met his hopeful ones and she whispered, "I want you."

Derek felt relief and hope replace the anger and concern in his heart, and he smiled widely. "See, now, was that so hard?" he asked.

"I guess not," Meredith replied. "But…Derek, I don't know how to do this."

"It's okay," Derek nodded. "We don't need to do anything until you're ready."

She nodded, staring past him to gaze out the window. "You've probably had lots of perfect girlfriends before," she stated.

He smiled softly. "Believe it or not, there's only been one girlfriend," he said. "And she was far from perfect."

"I've…I don't have boyfriends," she whispered.

"Who said anything about a boyfriend?" Derek asked.

"You want…" Meredith started, shaking her head slightly. "You want perfection."

"I don't want perfection," Derek argued. "And I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to date you. I do. But if you're not ready…I'm good with being friends. I just don't want to be shoved out of your life."

Meredith nodded. "No pressure?" she whispered.

"None," Derek replied, holding up his hands. "Scouts Honor."

Meredith giggled. "You were a Boy Scout?" she asked.

"For a couple weeks," Derek replied. "But Mark got us kicked out."

"Mark got both of you kicked out?" Meredith asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I was the perfect Boy Scout," Derek said proudly. "He set me up."

"I see," Meredith said, a sparkle in her eyes. "And what did Mark do that got both of you kicked out?"

"He may have ran through the Girl Scout showers and put a mouse in one of the cabins," Derek said.

"Ah," Meredith nodded. "I'll be sure to tell Addison that her boyfriend is so skilled that he can be in two places at once and everything you've ever gotten in trouble for was his fault."

"Exactly," Derek nodded. "I'm glad someone finally understands."

Meredith smiled softly, but he could still see the fear present in her eyes. "Are you sure, Derek?" she asked.

"I'm sure," he nodded. "Friends. Nothing more."

"And nothing less," Meredith agreed.

Derek smiled and cocked his head to the side, causing Meredith's breath to catch in her throat as she looked into his eyes. After a moment, she reached for his hand and squeezed gently, whispering his name.

"Hmm?" he asked, allowing himself to shift so that he was sitting beside her.

"I'm getting my cast off on Tuesday," she replied. "Will you…can you come with me?"

"Of course," he replied. "We're going at your pace with this. I'm good with being friends."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "And, um…I know Addison will probably be in your room with Mark, so…you can sleep in here. You know, cause that's what a friend would do."

Derek smiled. "Thanks," he said softly. "I like that I have a place to go when I'm sexiled."

Meredith giggled. "I'm sorry, Derek," she whispered.

"For what?" Derek frowned.

"For pushing you away," Meredith replied. "Addison told me that I was hurting you and I didn't want to do that, but…I just don't know how to do this. And I'm sorry for that too. Because if it were up to you, I would be some perfect bimbo who hung on your every word."

Derek frowned. "Why would I want that?" he asked. "And I'm going to keep telling you, Meredith, I just want to know you. It doesn't matter how, I just…I need to have you in my life."

"Okay," she whispered. "I just don't want to hurt you again."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You won't, Mer," he whispered. "Because I have faith in you."


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay, Derek, seriously, this is creepy," Meredith giggled as her hands went up to the blindfold covering her eyes. "I'm taking it off."

"I already told you, if you take it off, we're going back to school and I'm not feeding you," Derek replied from the driver's seat of his car.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and sighing dramatically. "Do I even get a hint?"

"I already told you, it's where I was going to take you the time you tried to convince me that you don't need me in your life," Derek replied.

"That's not a hint, you wouldn't tell me that night either," Meredith argued, trying not to think about what her life would be like if Derek had let her push him away. As he laughed softly in the seat next to her, she realized how much she relied on his presence in her life. For the past three weeks since she'd gotten her cast off, the two of them had somehow become inseparable, except for the two classes they didn't have together. Since Addison was busy with her new romance with Mark, Derek had quickly become Meredith's best friend and confidant, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved spending time with him, and she wasn't sure she would even be happy right now if she didn't spend as much time with him as she did.

"Okay, we're here," Derek said softly as she felt the car come to a stop.

"Good," Meredith replied, reaching up to tear the blind fold off her eyes. She looked around for a moment, taking in the cars that surrounded them before she realized exactly where they were and turned to look at Derek with wide eyes.

"Seriously?" she asked. "The drive in?"

"Sure," Derek replied, flashing her a smile. "What's wrong with the drive in?"

"Nothing," Meredith giggled. "Should I call you Fonzie?"

Derek frowned. "You're mocking me."

"Golly, I would never do that," Meredith gasped. "Are you going to ask me to wear your pin? Because I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

Derek shook his head as he reached for his door handle. "I'll have you know, Meredith Grey, that the drive in can be just as good as a regular movie theater. And no one will throw us out when you talk through the whole thing."

"Hey," Meredith frowned, getting out of the car and following her to the snack stand. "I do not talk through movies."

"Sure," Derek laughed. "That's why I knew how every single movie we've watched ends before it's over."

"That's…you're annoying," Meredith snapped, turning to walk back to the car. "You better get me a large popcorn."

"Bossy," Derek muttered under his breath as he stepped forward to hand the money to the cashier, nodding thanks as he picked up their popcorn and sodas.

"Thanks," Meredith said with a smile as Derek slid back into the car and handed her a bag of popcorn and a cup of soda. "So what movie are we watching? Something scary so you can act like a manly man and promise to protect me from harm?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "Of course not," he said. "I'll have you know that they're showing a classics marathon. Tonight they're showing Casablanca."

"Oh," Meredith said, turning to him with wide eyes. "That's…"

"Your favorite movie, I know," Derek grinned.

"How did you know that?" Meredith asked, her head suddenly swimming with desire to kiss him.

"Addison told me," Derek replied. "I figured you would like it."

"I do," Meredith breathed, hesitating for a moment before she reached over to squeeze his hand. "Thanks, Derek."

"You're welcome," Derek replied. "Are you cold?"

"A little," Meredith admitted softly.

"Here," Derek said, pulling the armrest up and opening his arms to her. "Come here."

"Oh," Meredith said, biting her lower lip. Everything in her heart was screaming at her to accept his offer and cuddle into his warmth as they watched her favorite movie, but a tiny voice in her head was somehow overpowering them to tell her that friends didn't cuddle. "Um…is that okay?"

"Of course," Derek frowned. "I mean, if you're okay with it."

Meredith nodded, knowing that he was leaving the decision up to her. After a moment, she slid across the seat and into his arms, settling comfortably against his chest. Derek sighed contentedly as he buried his nose in her hair for a moment, allowing the scent of lavender to wash over him. They settled into a comfortable silence as the movie started, each of them savoring the moment of being close together and safe.

XXXXXX

"Seriously, that was amazing," Meredith said excitedly as they drove back to campus.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Derek smiled, glancing over at her briefly before returning his gaze to the road.

"Seriously, I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself that much," Meredith sighed as Derek pulled into a parking spot. They got out of the car and began walking across campus to their dorm, Meredith's brain working in overtime as they walked in comfortable silence. After a long moment, she moved closer to him and tentatively reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. Derek looked down at her in surprise for a moment before he gave her hand a gentle squeeze and smiled down at her, telling her it was okay that she was taking initiative.

They walked in comfortable silence the rest of the way to the dorm, and when they finally stopped in front of their rooms, Meredith smiled softly up at him. "Thanks again, Derek," she said softly. "Um…do you want to come into my room? We could hang out or something, since Addison's probably in your room…"

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, the door to his and Mark's room burst open and Addison stormed out.

"If you're going to be an asshole about it, then maybe I'll just stop coming over and being your love slave," she snapped as she stalked past Derek and Meredith and slammed the door to her room shut behind her.

"Fine, I don't need you!" Mark's voice boomed as he appeared in the doorway, rolling his eyes when he saw Derek and Meredith staring at him with wide, curious eyes. "She's in a mood," he said by way of explanation before he disappeared back into the depths of the dark room.

"So, I guess the night's over," Derek said with a soft, disappointed smile.

"Yeah," Meredith whispered. "I guess so."

"Mer," Derek breathed before he leaned in and quickly brushed his lips against hers in a quick kiss. He started to pull back, anticipating her freak out, and was surprised when he felt her pull him back in, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she kissed him passionately, allowing her tongue to slip into his mouth and battle with his for power. They kissed for a moment before they both felt the need for oxygen and pulled back slightly, leaning their forehead against each other's as they breathed heavily.

"Good night," Meredith whispered after a moment, brushing her lips against his once more before she turned and walked into her room, flashing him a sly smile over her shoulder before she closed the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes as she relieved the entire evening in her head.

"Mer?" Addison asked from her bed. "What's going on?"

Meredith took a deep breath as she pushed herself off the wall and collapsed onto her own bed, a smile playing over her lips. "I don't know," she said honestly.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said. "I'm trying to be a supportive best friend right now and talk about your love life, but I could be really selfish and complain about the stubborn pig that lives against the hall. Which do you want?"

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed. "I think I went on a date with Derek."

"You think?" Addison asked, flipping onto her stomach and cupping her chin in her hands. "You don't know?"

"He said we were just going out to get off campus, do something different," Meredith said. "He took me to the drive in, which is lame and corny, I know, but…there was something about it that was just amazing. He made sure we got to see Casablanca, and it was cold, but he held me…and I don't know, Addie, it was just…perfect."

"Oh, Mer," Addison breathed, a smile spreading over her face. "You're falling in love with him."

"I…" Meredith automatically started to deny it, but she collapsed against her pillows as she let her mind wander back to the kiss they had shared moments earlier. "I might be," she whispered.

"Wow," Addison breathed. "Does he know?"

"No," Meredith said quickly. "He…I know he wants to be with me, but I told him I want to be friends, and I just don't know how to do this without ruining it."

Addison nodded. "I get it," she replied. She looked at Meredith closely for a moment, taking in the way her best friend's eyes sparkled as she thought about Derek. She could tell that Meredith didn't want to talk about it anymore, so she flopped onto her back to stare at the ceiling and asked, "so do you want to hear about how stupid Mark Sloan is?"

Meredith giggled as she leaned forward, clutching a pillow in her arms. "Sure," she said. "What did he do?"

"I told him that I want him to come to dinner with my parents," Addison said. "And he told me that he doesn't do parents."

"So?" Meredith asked.

"So…" Addison replied. "If he doesn't do parents, that means he's not serious about me, which means that I've been wasting the entire past two months."

"Mmmmm," Meredith nodded, tuning her friend out as she recalled the feeling of Derek's lips on her own, knowing that it was the best feeling she had ever experienced, and she couldn't wait to feel it again.


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith and Addison sat on Meredith's bed the next evening, munching on popcorn and giggling as they watched a movie on TV. Addison had refused to speak to Mark earlier that day, which had led Meredith to reluctantly turn down Derek's offer to dinner so that she could be there for Addison whenever she felt the need to curse Mark's existence. It was nice to spend some time with her best friend, but she couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that she'd had to turn down an evening with Derek.

"Why can't love really be this easy?" Addison sighed. "It looks so simple and wonderful in the movies."

"Yeah, but it's not real," Meredith sighed. "The movies…they don't show how messed up people are, how complicated relationships can be."

"I know," Addison sighed. "I just wish that Mark would understand how important it is to me that he takes me somewhat seriously."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but before she could do so the door burst open and Mark walked in. "Get dressed," he said to Addison, whose eyes narrowed and darkened.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"If you want to go out to dinner with your parents, I doubt they'll be impressed by your pajamas," Mark replied.

Addison's face went from angry to confused before a slow smile spread across her face. "Mark, what did you do?" she asked.

"Well, I was thinking about how much it must mean to you that I meet your parents if you got that upset over it," Mark shrugged. "So I called them, and they'll be here in an hour."

"You called my parents?" Addison asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Mark said. "That okay?"

Addison laughed as she launched herself off the bed and into his arms. "I can't believe you did that," she said happily.

Mark pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he held her close. "Well, I only did it because I knew it would get me laid tonight," he said.

Addison rolled her eyes as she pulled back and slapped his arm, a sparkle in her eyes. "You're terrible," she said.

Mark laughed as he pushed her towards her closet. "Get dressed, we're meeting them in an hour."

"Okay," Addison giggled as she rushed over to the closet. Mark walked over to her bed, winking at Meredith. "Hey, Grey, I think Shep might be getting lonely across the hall."

Meredith couldn't suppress the smile that came over her lips any more than she could help the nervous ramble that followed. "Okay," she said. "Um…what should I do about it? I mean, other than go keep him company which is what a friend would do, except that I'm not sure we're really still friends, we might be more, but that shouldn't mean that I avoid him. But I'm not sure if he thinks we're more than friends, which might make it awkward if I go over there thinking we're more than friends and he thinks we're still just friends…"

"Oh God," Mark groaned. "Seriously, Grey, you both know that you want to tear each other's clothes off, so why don't you just go over there and do it already?"

"What?" Meredith snapped, trying not to focus on what Derek would look like naked. "I don't…we don't do that. We're friends. Friends, definitely friends, and friends don't do that, because they're friends."

"I don't think I've ever heard the word friends uttered so much in one sentence," Mark declared.

"Mark," Addison warned, rolling her eyes. "Mer, I'm sorry about our movie night. Maybe we can do it tomorrow?"

"Sure," Meredith replied with a shrug.

Addison paused for a moment before she said, "Maybe you can go out with Derek now. I know you turned him down because of me, but now…you're free."

Meredith sighed. "I'm getting the feeling that I'm being kicked out of my own room," she frowned.

"And she finally gets it," Mark said with a nod. "Thanks, Grey, I appreciate it."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stood. "Whatever," she said as she walked out the door and through the open one across the hall. "Hey," she said as she walked in and collapsed onto Derek's bed.

"Hey," he said happily, turning away from the textbook spread out in front of him on his desk. "So Addison bought Mark's plan?"

"Apparently," Meredith frowned. "They're going out with her parents."

Derek shook his head. "I can't believe Mark's doing this," he said.

"Doing what?" Meredith asked. "Sleeping with Addison?"

"No, that I believe," Derek said with a laugh. "It's the relationship part I'm surprised about."

"Why?" Meredith asked curiously.

"He just…he grew up alone, his parents were always gone. By the time we met, my mom always made me bring him home so that he wouldn't have to be in his house by himself, but at that point there was a certain amount of damage that was already done."

"Oh," Meredith said softly. "Is he…do you think…" she bit her lower lip, trying to figure out how to phrase her question.

"What, Mer?"

"He's me," she said softly. "He…grew up alone, without any parents or siblings or friends. Except he was lucky enough to find you."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he sighed and moved to sit on the bed beside her, putting a gentle arm around her. "You found me too, Mer," he whispered gently.

"I know," she nodded. "I just…it's hard for me to be in a relationship. And Mark's the same way, and I don't know if Addison knows about that and she probably wouldn't have pressured him if she'd known…"

"Mer, it's okay," Derek whispered softly. "You don't need to worry about Addison and Mark. That's their problem."

"Yeah," she whispered. "Um…I guess I should worry about me?"

"That would be good," Derek nodded.

"Okay," Meredith breathed, taking a deep breath. "Um…so what does my romantic life look like?"

Derek inhaled sharply, not having expected her question so quickly. "Meredith," he said softly. "You know how I feel about you. We're going at your pace, so whatever happens next is your call."

She nodded, thinking for a moment before she whispered, "Slow."

"Hmmm?" Derek asked, ignoring his pounding heart at the thought that he might get exactly what he wanted from Meredith.

"Can we just take this slow?" Meredith asked. "Because I want to be with you, Derek, I do, but I'm not sure I'm entirely ready to just throw myself into a relationship when I've never been able to trust anyone before."

Derek leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We can take it as slow as you want," he replied.

"So where does that leave us?" she asked.

Derek was silent for a moment before he whispered, "How about this? We don't change anything about our relationship, but we'll say that we won't date anyone else."

"Okay," Meredith replied. "I can do that."

"Good," Derek replied. "Because I'm pretty sure I couldn't be held responsible for what I did to anyone you dated anyways."

Meredith giggled. "Of course not," she replied. "You're my big strong cave man."

Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. "I just don't think I would be able to control my rage at seeing you with any other man," he said.

"I wouldn't be able to do that either," Meredith admitted quietly. "Watching you date another girl…I would have hated that."

"Good," Derek nodded firmly. "Now that that's settled, what do you want to do tonight?"

"I think you said something about dinner earlier today?" Meredith questioned.

"I did," Derek said with a nod.

"Is that offer still on the table?" Meredith flirted.

"I think I can manage it," Derek smiled. "You think you're allowed back into your room to get dressed yet?"

Meredith shrugged as she looked down at her pajama pants and T-shirt. "You mean we can't wear pajamas?" she asked with a dramatic sigh.

"Well, we can stay in if you like," Derek laughed as he squeezed her gently. "I don't mind cooking for you."

"Mmmmm," Meredith breathed. "Lasagna?"

"Of course," Derek replied, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. "Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're not dating anyone else."


	10. Chapter 10

**Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! Thanks for all the great reviews :) I hope you all enjoy the update!**

Meredith shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying her best to ignore the way Derek was gently massaging her thigh. He'd somehow come up with the idea that paying attention to the professor as he lectured about brain synapses and the functions of the frontal lobe was unnecessary, and it was much more fun to watch Meredith squirm as he slowly tried to turn her on.

"Derek," she hissed as he leaned close to her and nibbled gently on her ear.

"Hmmm?" he whispered, not letting go of her ear.

"Class, we're in class," Meredith stated as she tried to move away from him and write down the notes from the board.

"I know," Derek whispered huskily. "I missed that last part, I need to get your notes."

Meredith rolled her eyes as he leaned close, pretending that he was looking at her notes as he moved his hand to the waistband of her jeans, gently brushing against the sensitive skin just below her belly button. "Derek, seriously," she hissed, ignoring the shivers that ran down her spine. "If you ever want to do that, I'd suggest that you stop right now."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed. "I think you like it."

Meredith closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to ignore the feelings of arousal that were surging through her body at the feeling of Derek's rough fingers against her skin. "We have a test next week."

"I'll help you study," he murmured in her ear.

Before Meredith could respond, she noticed people standing up and moving towards the door, and breathed a sigh of relief as she realized that class was over. She pulled away from Derek as she shoved her books back into her bag, shooting him a dirty look. "I hate you," she declared.

Derek smirked as he slid his own books into his backpack. "You do not," he replied.

"I do," Meredith said with a firm nod, turning to walk out the door. "Hate, Derek."

"You liked it," Derek said. "I could tell by your eyes."

"My eyes?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Derek said, grabbing her arm to pull her close to him, his eyes glazing over with a look of pure adoration. "They turned dark green, and I could just tell…you want me."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to argue with that," she said. "But I'm not going to let the first time we do that be in the middle of class."

Derek paused for a moment. "So after we've done it we can do it in class?" he asked.

Meredith smiled coyly. "We'll have to wait and see about that," she said as she slid her hand into his, lacing their fingers together.

"Well, I can't wait until that day comes," he said with a smile.

Meredith smiled as they reached the cafeteria, grabbing trays as they walked through the food line. "You're being very patient, Derek, and I appreciate it," she said as they sat down at a quiet table in the corner.

Derek flashed her a smile. "I'm going at your pace, Mer," he reminded her quietly, in what had become his mantra in the past couple weeks since they had decided not to see other people.

Meredith smiled as she reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "Soon, Derek," she promised gently. "I'll be ready soon."

XXXXXX

"Where's he taking you again?" Addison asked as she watched Meredith pull the last of her curlers out of her hair.

"The Italian place down the road," Meredith replied. "He said they have the best lasagna in town."

Addison smiled softly. "He really takes into account what you'll like," she said. "It's sweet."

"I know," Meredith said as she fumbled with the bracelet she had just fastened around her wrist.

"You're nervous," Addison stated.

"I am," Meredith nodded. "He wants…I mean, I think tonight's the night I'm…Derek and I…are going to do…things."

Addison's eyes widened, but before she could say anything, there was a knock at the door and Derek poked his head in. "Hey, guys," he said. "Are you almost ready to go, Mer?"

Meredith nodded as she reached for her coat. "Yeah, I'm ready," she said with a nod.

"You okay?" Derek frowned, noticing her distracted behavior.

Meredith nodded as she flashed him a nervous smile and grabbed her purse. "Yeah, I'm good," she said. "Bye, Addie."

"Have fun," Addison said with raised eyebrows as Meredith glanced at her over her shoulder.

"You sure everything's okay, Mer?" Derek asked as he slid an arm around her waist. "You're awfully quiet."

"Yeah," Meredith said. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he said gently. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

The drive to the restaurant was quiet, with Meredith brooding over what they were going to do after dinner, and Derek worrying that something was wrong. She gripped his hand tightly as they waited for their table to be ready, and smiled gratefully when he pulled her chair out for her, but he could still tell that there was something bothering her.

"So," Derek started awkwardly, hoping that somehow they would get back to their usual rhythm and lose the nervous atmosphere that surrounded the two of them."

"So," Meredith replied nervously, her hand playing over her fork.

Derek sighed as he reached forward to take her hand. "Mer," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Derek, I'm fine," she sighed. "Just nervous. About tonight…after the date. Because I promised you things."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed. "Don't be nervous. I'm fine with waiting."

"I know," Meredith said. "I just…it's the whole first time thing and I don't know what to do…"

Derek squeezed her hand gently to calm her down. "It's okay, Mer," he said softly. "Let's just enjoy dinner and think about tonight later."

"I can do that," Meredith said softly, a smile playing on her lips.

The rest of the dinner was calm and relaxing as the two of them gently teased each other and stole food from each other's plates, enjoying each other and the soothing atmosphere. When Meredith finally finished her cheesecake, Derek took her hand and led her back to the car, each of them anticipating what was about to come when they got back to the dorm.

Meredith gently unlocked her door and smiled when she found an empty room, turning to Derek. "You want to come in?" she asked gently."

Derek smiled as he gently ushered her inside and turned on her bedside light. "It's okay, Mer," he said. "It's just me."

There was a long silence in the room as Meredith stared at him for a moment before she suddenly threw herself into his arms, kissing him passionately. He was surprised at first, but he quickly responded as he ran his hands up and down her spine and gently walked her towards the bed. "Mer," he breathed into her mouth as he gently slid the zipper of her dress down and eased the straps off her shoulders.

"Derek," she breathed, feeling her body begin to tremble as his fingers trailed over her bare skin, stopping to undo her bra before gently sliding it off and moving his mouth to kiss her skin.

Meredith gently reached up to undo the buttons on his shirt, sliding it over his shoulders as she let her eyes roam over his chest before moving lower to the tenting in his pants. She swallowed hard as she reached for his belt, gently undoing his pants and watching as he stepped out of them, her eyes widening at the sight of him naked before her.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek said gently. "You can touch me." She looked at him hesitantly for a moment before he took her hand and gently guided it to his erection, helping her to stroke him and fully develop his erection.

Derek gasped as she quickly took over, learning quickly what it took to please him. "God, Mer," he groaned. "You're amazing." He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers in a hot, passionate kiss.

They sank onto the bed together, Derek propping himself on his elbows above her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You okay, Mer?" he whispered. She nodded as she leaned forward to press her lips against his and moved her hips up to his, signaling him she was ready. "Please," she whispered, gasping when he finally sank into her. She squeezed her eyes closed as she felt a sharp pain rush through her, and Derek stopped, still nestled within her. "It's okay, Der," she whispered. "I just…I want to feel you." Derek nodded and gently thrust into her again, causing her to moan and wrap her legs tightly around his waist.

As Meredith felt the pain subside and pleasure begin to wash over her, she gently nipped at his shoulders and trailed her fingers up and down his back. "Derek," she breathed as she felt her orgasm wash over her. "God, Der." She tightened around him and closed her eyes tightly as she clung to him, allowing herself to succumb to the pleasure surging through her body.

With one final thrust, Derek emptied himself into her and collapsed onto her, nestling his head between her breasts.

"Oh my God," he breathed.

"Wow," Meredith gasped.

"That was…amazing," Derek said, trying to catch his breath.

Meredith smiled as she ran her hands through his hair. "Der?" she whispered.

"Hmmm?" Derek breathed, not finding the energy to find any real words.

"I…I love you," she whispered, trying to ignore the complete terror she felt at saying those words out loud.

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, lifting his head to meet her eyes. "I love you too," he whispered before he pressed his lips against hers in a soft kiss.

After a long moment, they both felt the need for oxygen, and they pulled back to smile softly at each other.

"Sleep, Mer," Derek laughed softly as he noticed her eyes getting heavy with sleep. "We can talk later."

"Okay," she whispered, snuggling into his side. "That was amazing."

"Love you," Derek whispered into her hair, inhaling the scent of lavender.

Meredith sighed contentedly as she closed her eyes as she whispered, "love you too."

"Sleep," Derek ordered gently, pressing his lips against her temple.

"Okay," she whispered softly.

Derek smiled as he looked down at the sleeping figure curled up next to him. She was amazing.

This was it for him. He had no doubt that Meredith Grey was the only woman he would ever want to date, and he couldn't believe that she was finally his, officially with him until forever. She loved him, and that was more than he had ever dreamed of.

He pressed his lips against her forehead, saying a gentle prayer of thanks that she was really here and she wasn't freaking out.

As he felt sleep begin to take him over as well, he leaned close to Meredith to whisper in her ear.

"I love you, Meredith Grey."

She sighed and moved closer to him in her sleep, causing him to tighten his arms around her.

Derek finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep, quickly finding that he had never slept as well as he had with Meredith Grey in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm glad you're all enjoying the story! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, and please keep it up :)**

When Meredith woke the next morning, it took her a moment to remember why she felt so safe and comfortable. After a moment, when she felt Derek pull her closer and nuzzle his face against the back of her neck, she remembered the night before and felt a slow smile spread across her face. She turned gently in his arms and pressed her lips against his, cupping his face in her hands and smiling softly as his eyes fluttered open. "Morning sleepyhead," she whispered.

"Mmmmm, morning," Derek whispered, pulling her closer and pressing his lips to hers again.

"Last night was amazing," Meredith whispered.

"It really was," Derek smiled. "God, Mer, I can't even begin to tell you how incredible you are."

Meredith smiled softly as she ducked her head to rest against his chest. "I love you," she finally whispered.

"I love you too," Derek replied, running his hands up and down her spine. "God, I love you so much."

She sighed happily as she relaxed in his arms. "Can we just stay like this forever?" she asked.

He laughed slightly, the sensation causing Meredith to smile against his chest. "I'd love to, Mer," he replied. "It might pose a problem for our schoolwork though."

"You just had to say that," she sighed. "I guess you're right though."

Derek laughed again as he tightened his arms around her. "We'll always be able to have this, Mer," he whispered. "I know we have to go out into the real world, but…If you're okay with it, we can always come back to this."

She nodded against his chest. "I want that," she whispered.

They lay curled together for a few long moments, not speaking or moving, just holding each other and enjoying the safety they felt. After a few minutes, however, their perfect existence was interrupted when the door barged partway, the chain lock stopping Addison from entering. "Mer, let me in," she groaned.

Meredith sighed as she pulled herself out of Derek's warm arms and wrapped her robe around herself, throwing Derek his boxers. She opened the door to reveal a frenzied Addison as she bustled into the room.

Addison walked straight to her closet and reached for her coat, rambling all the way as she did so. "Mark and I are going to breakfast. He's freaking out because he has an exam tomorrow, so I told him I'd take him out to breakfast so he can…" she trailed off when she saw Derek laying shirtless in Meredith's bed and a slow smile spread across her face. "Meredith," she breathed.

"Addison," Meredith shook her head. "Don't make a big deal out of this, please."

"This is so exciting!" Addison squealed, moving forward to hug Meredith tightly. "Mark!" she called across the hall. "Come here!"

"What's going on?" Mark asked as he walked into the hall, smiling as he saw Derek. "Nice, Shep, finally sealed the deal."

Derek smiled slyly, but quickly turned serious when he noticed Meredith's scowl. "Drop it, Mark," he said, nodding that he would spill everything later.

"Okay, well, we should all go to breakfast," Addison said excitedly. "We can all go out on double dates now."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I need to get dressed."

"I bet Shep's going to back out now," Mark laughed.

"Mark," Addison groaned, pushing him out of the room. "You're seriously impossible."

"We'd love to go to breakfast, Addison," Derek laughed as he pulled his shirt over his head. "We'll let you and Mer get dressed, just come get us when you're ready."

"Okay," Addison nodded as she watched Derek and Mark walk out of the room

Derek smiled over his shoulder at Meredith, causing her to smile and duck her head to ide her blush.

As the door shut behind them, Addison turned to Meredith and said, "Spill."

"It was…amazing," Meredith breathed as she reached for her dresser drawer. "Derek is just so incredible, and I can't believe how perfect he can make me feel."

Addison giggled as she collapsed onto her bed and looked at her best friend. "I'm so happy for you, Mer," she said.

Meredith sighed as she turned to look at Addison. "Please don't make a big deal about this, Addison," she begged.

"But it is a big deal," Addison insisted. "Your first relationship, your first time with a guy, your first time letting anyone into your heart. It's a big deal, Mer."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And we're serious now. But I'm not the kind of girl that can just walk around and flaunt being in a relationship with a guy. I'd rather have it just be kept quiet."

"Fine," Addison sighed. "Are you ready to go?"

Meredith walked over to her dresser to grab her hairbrush. "Almost, just give me a few minutes."

Across the hall, Mark smiled at Derek as he watched him run his gel covered hands through his hair. "So it finally happened," he stated.

"She's amazing, Mark," Derek breathed. "I can't get over how incredible she makes me feel."

Mark rolled his eyes. "You always were a chick like that," he said.

"I'm done," Derek breathed, ignoring Mark's sarcasm. "She's so skittish, and I'm pretty sure she would freak out if I told her that, but I love her. And she's it for me."

"You want to bring her home?" Mark asked with wide eyes.

Derek nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Mom would just love her, she would immediately be part of the family. And I'm pretty sure Dad will adore her too."

"Wow," Mark breathed. "I can't believe you actually want Mom to meet one of your girlfriends."

"I know," Derek said with a nod. "She's so anxious for me to get married already, and even though Dad tells her she's being unreasonable, I'm pretty sure he's just as anxious for me to bring a girl home."

There was a slight pause in the room before Mark said, "I'm happy for you, man. I'm glad that she's finally come around."

"Thanks," Derek said as he collapsed onto his bed. "It looks like we're both officially with the girls of our dreams."

The door opened slightly before Mark could respond, and Derek looked up with a wide smile when he saw Meredith poke her head in. "Hey, you."

"Hey," Meredith said with a smile. "Um, Addie and I are ready to go, so if you're both ready…we can go."

"We were just waiting for you," Derek replied as he stood and moved towards her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"Good, let's go," Meredith replied, leading them out the door.

Derek laced his fingers through Meredith's as they walked to the cafeteria, enjoying the newfound closeness and security he felt at the feeling of having her close to him. They walked quickly through the line and sat down at a table in the corner, everyone digging into their meal before Mark began to speak.

"So I've been thinking, and I have a brilliant idea," he announced. "What?" he asked when everyone groaned loudly.

"Nothing," Addison replied. "It's just…when you have ideas someone else ends up suffering."

"The last time you had an idea, I almost had to tell my parents I couldn't graduate high school because of the principal's toupee on top of the flag pole," Derek chimed in.

Mark rolled his eyes. "That was a flawed plan," he said. "But I'll have you know that I have great ideas. Like God."

Meredith laughed as she leaned in to rest her head against Derek's shoulder. "I'll listen to your idea, Mark,"

"Thank you, Grey," Mark said, shooting Derek and Addison a dirty look. "Anyways, my brilliant idea is that since we're all happy or whatever now, we should switch rooms. Live with our significant others."

The table was silent for a moment as they processed Mark's request. Switching rooms was against the rules, but Derek felt his heart tighten with excitement at the thought of living with Meredith.

"I think that's a great idea," Addison said, leaning forward to press a kiss to Mark's cheek. "For once your idea isn't so bad."

Derek looked at Meredith, trying to gauge her reaction to Mark's idea. She turned to look at him, searching his eyes before a slow smile spread over her features. "I think it's a great idea," she said to Mark.

"Good," Mark said with a firm nod as Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"And maybe…after this year we can think about getting an apartment off campus so we can all really live together?" Meredith suggested cautiously.

Derek turned to look at her with amazement written all over his face. With a wide smile, he leaned forward to press a kiss to Meredith's lips. "I love you he whispered in her ear, causing her to smile widely before they turned to finish their breakfast. After they had all finished, Addison and Mark parted ways with them to head to the library, while Derek and Meredith walked back to the dorm.

"I'm not trying to be difficult," Meredith rolled her eyes as she opened her mailbox in the library. "I really do have to study."

"I'm going to help you," Derek insisted.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she tore open a letter from her mother. "Yeah right," she said. "Maybe if you mean distract instead of help."

"Come on," Derek pouted, reaching for her hand. "I'll make it fun.

"You're an idiot…" Meredith's voice trailed off as she read the letter in her hands, her head starting to swim as she felt Derek take her weight into his arms and ask her what was wrong, but she couldn't respond. She couldn't breathe. Her mother was sick, and she didn't know what to do.


	12. Chapter 12

"Mer?" Derek asked, looking at the pale, fragile girl clinging desperately to him. "What is it?"

She shook her head as tears sprung into her eyes and she clung desperately to his jacket. "Der," she gasped. "I…I need…I need…Derek."

"I'm here," he soothed gently. "What is it, Mer?"

"Mom," she whispered, burying her face in his shoulder. "Derek…"

"Mer, let me see," Derek said gently, easing the letter out of her hands. "It's okay."

Her grip loosened on the piece of paper, and he gently took it, his eyes searching over the paper.

Alzheimer's.

The word stuck out on the paper like a sore thumb, and Derek inhaled sharply, knowing that this would traumatize his poor girlfriend. "Meredith," he breathed softly. "Oh, Mer, come here."

Her entire weight was practically leaning on him, and he gently scooped her into his arms, carrying her to the elevator and holding her close as they rode up to their floor. When they were safe in the privacy of Derek's room, Meredith finally let herself go and allowed sobs to overcome her body. Derek held her closely, letting her cry herself out before he managed to calm her down at all. When her sobs finally managed to subside, she remained curled on his lap, clinging tightly to him.

"Mer," he whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I…" Meredith whispered. "No. I don't know what to do, Derek."

"Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked gently.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "She would just want me to come back, to keep working at school. And I could never explain you to her."

Derek decided to ignore the sting of her not wanting to introduce him to her mother in favor of comforting her. "Okay," he said softly. "Mer…what do you want to do?"

She was silent for a moment before she whispered, "I want to call her."

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"Can you…" Meredith started. "I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. Never mind, forget I even asked, it's stupid."

"Can I what?" Derek asked, ignoring her ramble.

Meredith avoided his eyes as she whispered, "can you come with me?"

"Oh, Mer, of course," he said. "You want to go over to your room?"

She nodded, and he stood, grabbing her hand to pull her to her feet. They walked across the hall to her room, and she curled onto Derek's lap on her bed as she grabbed her phone and dragged it onto the bed, punching in the numbers to her house.

"Hi, Mom," she said softly. "I…I just got your letter. Do you want me to come home?.... That's what I thought….Well, if you've got Alzheimer's, I don't think you should be operating either…I know, Mom, but maybe it's for the best. You can come visit me, we can do some traveling before it gets too bad…Oh….well, if that's what you want to do, that's okay. Just…be safe okay?...I know, Mom…I just wanted to talk to you, make sure you're okay…okay, I will…Mom? I love you…okay, bye."

She gently placed the phone back in the cradle and Derek eased it out of her hands before wrapping his arms tightly around her again. "What did she say?" he asked gently as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"She's mad because she had to stop cutting," Meredith replied. "And she's going to spend some time writing, getting her affairs in order. She wants me to stay here and focus."

Derek nodded, trying to hold back his criticism of Ellis Grey's parenting style. He didn't think any child should have to learn something like this through a letter and then be dismissed over the phone after offering to help. "I'm sorry, Mer."

She shook her head slightly. "I guess…there's nothing that I can really do anymore," she sighed as she pulled out of his arms. "Let's move."

"Move?" Derek frowned.

"I want to move into your room," Meredith replied. "Please, Der?"

Derek looked at her for a moment, sure that she was avoiding the issue completely and not sure how to handle it. Finally he nodded as he stood. "Okay," he replied. "Let's do it."

"Thank you," Meredith said, yanking her dresser drawers open as she grabbed an armful of clothes and marched across the hall, dumping the pile onto Derek's bed. He sighed as he reached under her bed for a suitcase, hoping to be a little more rational than his girlfriend when it came to packing to move in with him.

XXXXX

That night as they lay in Derek's bed, his fingers trailing up and down her spine as she nestled tightly in his arms. After several minutes of silence, Derek finally buried his face in her hair for a moment before he whispered her name.

"Hmmm?" she asked quietly.

"I know this may make you freak out," he said softly. "But hear me out before you do so."

Meredith tilted her head to look up at him, curious. "What is it?" she asked.

"I know you're going to be having a hard time with this," Derek started. "And I'm here for you, you know that. But I was thinking…my grandmother died from Alzheimer's when I was in middle school, and my mom…I think she would be someone who could really support you and know how you're feeling. If you want to meet her, I mean."

Meredith sat up and stared at him with wide eyes. "You want me to meet your mom?" she asked. "And probably your dad too. Derek, I…"

"I know you probably don't want to," he said quickly. "And I haven't even told her that you might want to. But…the offer's there if you ever need support. She'd be more than happy to meet you."

She stared at him for another moment before she relaxed against his chest again. "Not yet," she whispered. "I just need to deal with this on my own, and I can't think about meeting your family right now."

Derek nodded as he pressed his lips against her forehead. "No pressure," he whispered.

Meredith nodded against his chest, silent for a moment before she whispered, "Tell me about them."

"What do you want to know?" he replied.

"Just…tell me about your family," she replied. "About who they are and holidays and family stories…I want to hear about them."

"Hmmm," Derek whispered. "Well, I'm smack dab in the middle of four sisters. Kathleen and Nancy are older, and Elizabeth and Caitlin are younger. I met Mark in third grade, and when my mom found out how much time he spent alone at his house, she insisted that I bring him home so he could get a proper home environment. My dad takes me out a couple times a year for camping and fishing. He says that we need to get away from the estrogen in the house every once in awhile, so we just go and spend time just the two of us in the woods."

"What's your mom like?"

"She's…incredible," Derek replied. "She makes sure that all of her children are well mannered and taken care of, and she's usually pretty laid back. But when one of us gets in trouble, she has this look that will make you want to cower into the floor. And she and my dad…they're so in love. I think that's where I get my inspiration for life from. They'd be lost without each other, and they have the relationship I hope my marriage will be like."

"You think one day we could be like that?" Meredith whispered so softly he wasn't sure if he'd imagined the words.

"Yeah," he replied, tightening his arms around her. "I think we will be, one day."

"Me too," she whispered. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too," he replied.

"We have October break in a few weeks," Meredith sighed. "I was going to stay here, but now…I think I'm going to go home."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Derek asked softly.

"No," she shook her head. "You should go home and enjoy your family. It will be weird though."

"What will?" Derek asked.

"Not being with you," Meredith admitted. "Addison will be there, but I don't talk to anyone else from high school. And if Mom's not working, then she'll probably be home, but I've never really been home with her for long periods of time. I don't think she'll even want me there, but I have to go."

Derek nodded. "I get it," he said. "I'll miss you too. But we'll talk all the time."

Meredith giggled. "Will your sisters get mad at you for taking up the phone line?" she asked.

"I'll just be making up for all the time they didn't let me spend on the phone in high school," Derek laughed.

"From what Mark's told me, there weren't exactly a ton of people calling you," Meredith giggled. "Besides the director of the band, I mean."

Derek frowned for a moment before his hands found her hips and began tickling her. "Well, Meredith Grey, you are going to pay for that comment," he threatened, rolling over her so she was pinned to the bed.

"Derek, stop!" she giggled, trying to wiggle out from underneath him as he tickled her mercilessly. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she felt all the stresses of dealing with her mother's sickness fade away as she focused on Derek and how amazing he made her feel. As long as he was here, she suddenly knew that she could do anything.


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith clung tightly to Derek as they stood outside the door, Addison's parents waiting while Addison and Mark stood in a similar pose on the other side of the car. After a long moment, Derek pulled back and brushed some hair behind Meredith's ears. "It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "It's only a couple days, and then we'll be back here."

Meredith nodded slightly, looking down at the ground to hide her tears. "You've ruined me, Derek Shepherd," she whispered. "Look at me, I'm crying because I'm going to be away from you for three days."

Derek laughed as he pulled her close and pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. "I'll talk to you later tonight, okay?" he said. "And we'll be back here before you know it, and then you'll be rolling your eyes and calling me an idiot."

"Okay," Meredith whispered. "I love you."

Derek squeezed her hand and gently guided her to the backseat of the car. "I love you too," he said. "I'll see you in a couple days."

Meredith slid into the backseat of the car and smiled softly at him as he closed the door behind her. Addison slid in a few moments later and smiled slightly at Meredith. They sat quietly in the backseat for a few moments before Addison asked, "How's your mom, Mer?"

Meredith shrugged. "I guess she's okay," she said. "I doubt she'll know that I'm coming home. It will be an interesting break, but I just want to get through it and see Derek again."

Addison reached over and squeezed her hand. "If things get to rough at your house, you know you can still come over to my house," she said. "I know this will be hard for you."

"Thanks, Addie," Meredith said softly. "I know it will be hard, but I'm just hoping maybe we'll be able to get to know each other a little better before things get too bad."

"I hope so too," Addison said softly.

Meredith sighed as she turned to lean against the window, watching the trees as they sped by on the road. She wasn't looking forward to being away from Derek, and was even less excited about going home. She was nervous about seeing her mother for the first time since leaving for college and knowing that pretty soon her only family in the world wouldn't even know who she was, but she was also scared that Ellis would be her same old self, judging her and telling her she wasn't good enough.

When they finally pulled into Meredith's driveway, she hugged Addison and thanked her parents before sliding out of the car and cautiously walking towards the front door. With a deep breath, she slid the key into the lock and opened the door.

"Mom?" she called, hearing Ellis rummaging around in her study.

"Meredith?" Ellis asked, appearing in the door of her study, a frown on her face. "What are you doing home?"

Meredith sighed. "It's my October break, Mom," she said gently. "I have Monday off of school, so I figured I would come home and spend some time with you. I talked to you last night, remember?"

Ellis frowned for a moment. "Well, you shouldn't have bothered," she said. "I've got a million things to do, I don't have time to baby you right now."

Meredith looked at her for a moment before she nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "I'm just going to go up to my room and settle in. If you need anything, tell me, okay? And I'll make dinner, so you don't have to worry about that."

Before she had even finished talking, Ellis was back in her study, muttering to herself as she sorted through piles of papers.

Meredith sighed as she made her way up the stairs, wondering if she should have just stayed at school. Obviously hoping that her mother had changed since contracting Alzheimer's had been a mistake.

XXXXX

When Derek pulled into his driveway, he smiled softly when he saw his parents sitting on the front porch swing, talking softly and sipping coffee. He could see himself and Meredith in their place in thirty years, and he suddenly felt a sting in his heart at the thought of missing her. It quickly faded away when Emma saw in and quickly pulled out of Michael's arms, rushing down the porch steps to embrace her son.

"Derek," she exclaimed. "Oh, it's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Mom," he said with a smile as he squeezed her back tightly.

"Where's Mark?" Emma asked when she finally pulled back.

"He went to his house," Derek replied. "He wanted to get some stuff and he figured he should at least say hi to his parents."

"Derek," Michael said with a smile as he pulled his son into his arms. "Good to see you."

"You too Dad," Derek said, clapping him on the back.

"How's the wonderful world of neurology treating you?" Michael asked as the three of them made their way into the house.

"Pretty good," Derek nodded. "It's fascinating, and I really like it, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick with it."

"That's my boy," Michael said proudly as Emma scurried them into the kitchen and poured some hot cider for Derek.

"How's Mark's girlfriend?" she asked. "I still can't believe that someone has managed to tame him."

Derek swallowed hard, knowing that this was the moment of truth. "Addison's really good at keeping Mark in line," he said. "And…it works out well because she's best friends with…Meredith."

Emma froze over the stove and turned to look at him with a sparkle in her eyes. "Who's Meredith?" she asked, not bothering to try and suppress her smile.

"Meredith is…my girlfriend."

Before he had even finished saying the word, Emma was at his side and taking him into her arms, demanding to know more about Meredith.

"Emma, calm down," Michael said, a sparkle in his eyes as well. "It's college, he's supposed to be dating."

"Oh, but I want to know about her," Emma said.

"She's wonderful," Derek smiled. "She's from Boston, and she's on the fast track to being a neurosurgeon too. And she's just…amazing."

"Oh, Derek," Emma sighed. "I'm so happy for you."

"It sounds like you've found yourself a pretty special girl," Michael said, reaching for Emma's hand. "Take it from experience, they're not easy to get, so make sure you hang onto her."

"I will," Derek smiled. He looked around for a moment before he asked, "Where are the girls?"

"Liz is at swimming practice and Caitlin's shopping with a friend," Emma said. "They're both very excited to see you."

Derek smiled as he looked around the kitchen that hadn't changed a bit in the two months he'd been gone. "It's good to be home," he said.

"It's good to have you back," Michael said. "Maybe between the two of us we can have some say in what goes on in this house full of women."

Emma rolled her eyes and Derek laughed. "I don't think that will ever happen, Dad," he said.

"Fine," Michael said. "I'm off work tomorrow, how about we head down to the lake and do some fishing?"

"That'd be good," Derek nodded. As he opened his mouth to ask what his mother was making for dinner, the back door burst open and Caitlin ran into his arms.

"Derbear!" she squealed. "I missed you!"

Derek laughed as he tightened his arms around his thirteen year old sister. "I missed you too, Caitie," he said. "I'm glad I'm home."

"You want to come see my room?" Caitlin asked, tugging on his hand. "Since Kathleen's really moved out now, I moved into her room, and now Liz and I don't have to share!"

Derek allowed his sister to pull him to his feet. "Alright, let's go," he said. He laughed as he looked over his shoulder at his parents. "I'll be back later to help with dinner," he called.

For the next hour, Derek listened to his sister chatter away about her new room and school and friends and other dealings of thirteen year old girls. When she finally ran out of things to talk to him about, she kicked him out so she could write in her diary, and he made his way to his old bedroom, smiling at the way everything had stayed the same. Since he was the only boy, he had been the only one of his siblings to keep the same bedroom for his entire life. The bookshelves were still lined with various texts from high school, the top shelf scattered with trophies and certificates. Pens and papers were still scattered across his desk, but his bed was neatly made, and the posters of the Clash and pictures of the family were still completely intact. It was clear that his parents didn't want to change his room, even if he wouldn't be living there very much anymore.

With a soft smile, Derek pulled a picture of him and Meredith out of his backpack and placed it next to a picture of his family on his nightstand, nodding in approval. She fit, next to his family. He sighed as he collapsed onto the bed and ran a hand through his hair, wondering what she was doing at that moment. He hadn't expected to miss her as much as he did, and he briefly wondered if calling her already would seem pathetic.

"Derek!" his mother called up the stairs. "You have a phone call!"

Derek jumped off the bed, hoping that it was Meredith and he would no longer have to worry about missing her. "Thanks, Mom," he breathed as he took the phone she was holding out at the bottom of the stairs. He sank onto the steps and smiled widely as he heard Meredith's voice greet him.

Suddenly, he didn't miss being at college anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

"Meredith, this looks wonderful," Meredith heard her mother say as she poured the spaghetti sauce over the noodles in the pot. This was really the only thing she knew how to cook, and she wanted to make it for her mom so they could have some semblance of a normal evening together. Her talk with Derek that afternoon had left her inspired to do something meaningful for her mom, and she hoped this would work.

"Thanks," she said softly as she put the plate onto the table. "I, um, I know you're busy, but I was thinking that we could at least eat dinner together."

"I'd like that," Ellis said as she sat down. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Ellis said, "Tell me about college."

"It's really good," Meredith said with a nod as she reached for another piece of garlic bread. "I'm doing well in all my classes and I really like them. I love neurology."

Ellis nodded. "I'm proud of you, Meredith," she said. "I know I haven't been the best mother, but you have turned into a wonderful young woman despite of that."

"Thanks, Mom," Meredith said, blushing slightly.

"I have something for you," Ellis said suddenly, putting her fork down and disappearing out of the kitchen for a moment. Meredith sat awkwardly at the table for a few moments before Ellis returned with a large box in her hands. "I know I missed a lot in your life, Meredith," she started. "And I do regret that. But I hope this lets you know how much you mean to me, and even if I wasn't there, I did pay attention to your life. And I kept everything, here in this box."

"Mom," Meredith breathed as she opened the box and smiled softly. On top was her graduation announcement, and as she kept digging she found more treasures representing her life; her college acceptance letters, her certificate proving her passing the driver's test, various awards and certificates, everything all the way back to self portraits in kindergarten. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," Ellis offered a rare smile. "Meredith…things are going to get difficult for you soon."

Meredith nodded, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I know," she replied.

"I want you to know that you don't have to worry about anything," Ellis continued. "I'm going to be moving into a retirement home, where they can take care of me. I've also spoken to my attorney, and he's going to make sure that your tuition is paid on time for college and med school. And the rest of my money is going to be put into accounts you'll be able to access when you're twenty one."

"Mom, I can't," Meredith started, but Ellis stopped her, leaning forward to rest her hand on his.

"Meredith, this is important," she said. "Consider this me taking care of you for the first time in a very long time. You need to be prepared for what's going to happen."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, tears in her eyes.

"I know the time we have left won't make up for anything, but I was thinking that maybe we could spend the evening catching up, watching movies?" Ellis suggested meekly.

Meredith was surprised for a moment, but quickly agreed. Her mother had never been one to sit still and socialize, let alone watch a movie, but she was going to take it. Ellis was certainly acting better, and she had to cherish the time they had together.

XXXXX

Derek woke up the next morning and immediately frowned as he realized that his arms were empty. After a moment, he remembered that he wasn't in his dorm and that Meredith wasn't with him. He sighed as he flopped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. It had taken him forever to fall asleep the night before without his girlfriend in his arms, and now he was awake after only five hours of sleep because somehow that girl had managed to completely ruin him and not let him sleep by himself anymore.

There was a knock on the door and he grunted a response as he sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning, Derek," Michael said as he walked into the room. "Are you up for some fishing?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Let me get dressed."

"I'll be downstairs," Michael smiled. "Your mother made waffles, so you better get down there before they're gone."

"I'll hurry," Derek laughed. "Thanks, Dad."

Michael closed the door behind him and Derek quickly changed into jeans and a flannel shirt, grabbing his fishing vest out of the closet before heading downstairs.

"Good morning, dear," Emma said as she pressed a kiss on the top of his head and placed a plate of waffles down in front of him. "You really are your father's son."

"What's wrong with that?" Michael frowned around a mouthful of waffles.

"Nothing," Emma rolled her eyes. "None of the girls would be caught awake this early on a Saturday. Derek's always been an early riser."

"He's just excited to spend time with his old man," Michael said, reaching out to pat Derek's shoulder. "Eat up, son, we want to get out there sooner rather than later."

"I'm eating," Derek nodded. "Breakfast is delicious, Mom, thank you."

"You're welcome," Emma said as she sat down across from him with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. "And you're spending the day with your father, but I fully expect some time with you as well."

Derek laughed. "I'll help you with dinner," he said. "How's that sound?"

"Perfect," Emma nodded.

"Alright," Michael said, picking up his plate and walking over to the sink. "You ready, Derek?"

"Yeah," he said as he shoved his last bite in his mouth and followed his father's actions.

Michael walked over to the table and planted a kiss to the top of Emma's head. "Bye, Em," he said. "We'll be back in a couple hours."

"You better bring us some dinner," Emma said with a smile as she leaned up to press her lips against Michael's quickly.

"We will," Michael assured her before moving to open the back door.

"Bye, Mom," Derek said, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before following his dad out the door.

"Be careful!" Emma called after them as the door closed, causing Michael to shake his head and smile as they opened the shed and began taking out their fishing gear.

"Your mother is one special woman," he said. "She keeps me in line, that much is sure."

Derek laughed. "Mer's like that too," he said. "She's not afraid to call me an idiot and roll her eyes when she thinks I'm annoying."

Michael smiled as he started his truck. "She sounds like one special girl," he commented.

"She is," Derek nodded. "And Dad, the things she's been through are just terrible, but… somehow she's still managed to be this incredible girl that I can't imagine my life without anymore."

Michael offered his son a large smile. "Don't let her go," he said. "I want to meet this girl, so you better not scare her away before you bring her home with me."

Derek smiled. "She'll come home with me sooner or later," he said. "I'm pretty sure she's the one."

Michael shook his head. "I can't believe you're old enough to be talking about this," he sighed. "But I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Derek sighed, leaning back against the seat as he allowed himself to get ready for a day with his dad that was long overdue.

XXXXX

"You're just mad because I caught more fish," Derek laughed as he and Michael entered the house. "You know Mom always asks, and you always win. Now she'll be more proud of me."

Michael frowned. "That is not true," he said. "And since when is it okay to talk to your father like that?"

Derek laughed and called into the house, "Mom! We're back!"

Emma appeared in the hallway from the kitchen, a serious expression on her face. "Derek, dear," she started. "Um…"

The laughter faded off of both Derek and Michael's faces as they took in Emma's troubled expression.

"Mom?" Derek asked, stepping forward. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"There's someone here to see you," Emma replied, her eyes sparkling even through her concerned gaze.

Derek pushed past his mother to walk into the kitchen, blinking quickly when he saw Meredith sitting at the kitchen table, cradling a cup of warm apple cider in her hands.

"Mer?" he asked, rushing forward to pull her to her feet and into his arms. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder, clinging tightly to him. "I know you're here to spend time with your family, but I just…I needed you."

"It's okay, Mer," he whispered, pressing his lips against the top of her head. For the first time, he noticed Mark and Addison standing together in the corner of the kitchen and although he wasn't sure why Meredith had felt the need to come to him, he was glad they both had wonderful friends who would take care of them. Now all he had to do was take care of Meredith.


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm so glad you are all enjoying this story so much! The reviews are complete motivation for me to keep writing, so thanks a million :) **

"Mer, what is it?" Derek asked softly after he spent a few long moments rocking her gently.

Meredith shook her head. "It's nothing really," she replied. "At least, nothing new."

"You ca tell me," Derek encouraged, squeezing her hand.

"My mom and I had a great night last night," she whispered. "And we made peace. But then this morning she didn't even want me there and she threw me out of the house. So I went to Addie's and Mark was there, and suddenly…I just needed you."

Derek leaned forward to press his lips against her forehead before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're okay now, Mer," he replied. "You're always welcome here."

"You most certainly are," Emma cut into the conversation. "Now that Derek's here, darling, why don't you go wash up? Derek, bring her upstairs and get her some fresh towels. And your father can help me with dinner since you have company."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said gratefully, squeezing Meredith's hand as they headed towards the stairs. They were silent as Derek walked her into his room, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Meredith turned to Derek and buried her face in his shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For letting me stay."

"Of course you can stay," Derek whispered. "You can always come to me, Mer. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"She just…kicked me out of the house," Meredith whispered. "And the way she looked at me was just terrible. I didn't have the energy to deal with that. So Mark and Addison took me here."

"I wish I'd been here," Derek sighed. "You shouldn't have had to deal with that alone."

"I had Addie," Meredith replied. "And your mom…she's amazing, Derek."

"I know," he said softly. "I'm glad you like her."

"I told her what happened," Meredith admitted quietly. "She told me that it's not really her anymore. And she said that last night, when my mom was being all amazing…that was probably who she really is. And that she really is proud of me."

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, cradling her close. "I'm sure she's proud of you. You're amazing."

She buried her face in his chest for a moment before she lifted it to look around his room. "So this is your room," she said with a soft giggle. "It looks like…Derek."

"Well, I should hope so," Derek laughed. "It is my room."

Meredith's eyes landed on the picture he had placed on the nightstand the day before. "And I'm in your room," she whispered.

"It's where you belong, Mer," he said softly. "With me."

She nodded softly. "Should we go help your mom with dinner?" she asked.

Derek tilted his head to the side and looked at her closely. "Are you sure you want to deal with my family?" he asked.

"Yeah," Meredith said. "Your mom…she's really nice. And I want to meet your dad."

"Okay," Derek said, standing from the bed and pulling her to her feet. "But first I have to do this."

Meredith was surprised when he pressed his lips against hers in a passionate kiss, but she quickly gave in and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, her tongue battling with his for power. They engaged in the passionate kiss for several moments before she finally pulled back and smiled widely. "Wow," she said.

"I've always wanted to make out with a girl in my room," Derek smirked.

Meredith laughed as she pulled him out of the room. "Don't get your hopes up," she said as they made their way down the stairs.

When they entered the kitchen, Emma and Michael were talking quietly as they stood over the stove. Derek cleared his throat and Emma turned to face them quickly, rushing over to take Meredith into her arms. "How are you feeling, dear?" she asked.

"I'm okay," Meredith said with a smile. "Thank you for everything."

"It's what we do," Michael said with a wide smile as he pushed Emma gently to the side. "I'm Michael, and I am so glad to meet you."

"Oh," Meredith smiled as she shook his hand. "You too, Dr. Shepherd."

"Does it look like we're in a hospital?" Michael frowned. "Call me Michael. Dr. Shepherd is way too formal for my own house."

"Okay," Meredith said with a nervous smile.

"Alright, we have dinner pretty much under control," Emma said. "Derek, you can set the table please."

"But I have company," Derek practically whined, pulling Meredith close to her.

"Excuse me, Derek Christopher?" Emma asked, eyebrows raised.

"I mean, I have company that can help me set the table more quickly," Derek corrected himself, pulling Meredith into the dining room, causing her to giggle.

"You're a mama's boy," she said as he handed her a pile of plates.

"I am not," Derek frowned. "She's just scary when you say no to her."

"Hmmm, and that's why you dragged me in here," Meredith said. "Because you didn't want me to see that."

"No, I dragged you in here because I wanted to do this," Derek replied, grabbing her waist and pulling her close, kissing her passionately. Meredith responded quickly, moving her body closer to his and wrapping her arms around his neck, returning the kiss until they heard someone clearing their throat in the doorway. She pulled away and immediately felt her face heat as she saw the two teenage girls staring at her from behind Derek, who, unaware of his sisters' presence, leaned in for another kiss.

"Derek," she hissed, turning him around quickly.

"Oh," he breathed. "Um, Liz, Cait, this is Meredith. Mer, these are my two younger sisters, Elizabeth and Caitlin."

"Hi," Meredith said softly.

"Hi," the girls said unanimously. "Daddy said dinner was ready," Liz said with a smirk. "I didn't realize you were sneaking dessert first."

"Very funny," Derek rolled his eyes. "Go help with the plates."

Liz giggled as she ran into the kitchen and Caitlin smiled at Meredith as she sat down at the table. "You're a lot prettier than Derbear's last girlfriend," she said, shooting Derek a smirk.

"Derbear?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrows at her boyfriend before she sat down across from his sister. "I think I'm going to need details. On the nickname and the old girlfriend."

Caitlin giggled. "He gives bear hugs," she said. "Just like Daddy. That's where the nickname came from."

"I see," Meredith said with a smile playing on her lips. "And the girlfriend?"

"She looked like a horse," Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"Are you talking about the candy girl?" Liz asked as she entered the room with her parents. "Thank God you dumped her, Der. She was awful."

"Now, Rose was a very nice girl," Emma said. "Certainly not as suited for Derek as Meredith, but there's no need to make fun of her."

"You've got to admit, Em, that that was not one of our son's better choices," Michael said. "I knew it from the first time she came over and tried to steal Nance's candy."

"Okay, we get it," Derek said. "Derek used to have bad taste in girls. Everyone can have a good laugh now."

Meredith laughed. "Apparently I'm out of your league, Derbear," she said.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that," he said to Caitlin.

"Alright, that's enough," Emma said. "We want to hear more about Meredith."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "I um…I'm not that interesting."

"Derek tells me you're studying neurology," Michael said. "That makes you pretty interesting in my opinion."

Meredith blushed slightly as she looked down at her plate. "I'm…yeah, neurology. I love it," she said. "Derek says you're a neurosurgeon."

"I am," Michael nodded. "I'd love to sit down and talk to you about it sometime. Maybe even sneak you into a surgery."

"Really?" Meredith breathed.

"Sure," Michael nodded. "Derek here used to get in trouble at the hospital all the time for sneaking into the gallery to watch me operate. I'm sure by now they'd be willing to let you sit in."

"That would be…amazing," Meredith said, looking at Derek with shining eyes. "Surgery, Der."

"I know," he laughed, draping his arm around her chair. "It's pretty cool to see."

Meredith leaned into him as his family chatted casually about their lives, updating each other and laughing together. This felt good, this is what family was supposed to be like. And as Derek held her close to him, she couldn't help but think maybe she'd finally found where she was supposed to be.


	16. Chapter 16

"I'm pretty sure my parents like you more than me," Derek laughed later that night as he led her into his bedroom.

She giggled as she watched him open the closet and pull down a pillow and blanket from the shelf. "I like them too," she said. "They're like…the perfect parents."

"Don't tell them that," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure they'll never let you leave."

Meredith smiled as she sat down on the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

"Getting stuff to make up the couch," Derek replied. When he saw Meredith's frown he shook is head before moving to sit down on the bed. "My parents aren't stupid, Mer, and you know I'd love to sleep in here with you. But I'm pretty sure hell would freeze over before my mom let us share a bed in a room that shares a wall with my thirteen year old sister."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, looking down at her hands. "Um, okay. But you're not sleeping on the couch. I am."

"No you're not," Derek rolled his eyes. "Don't even think about arguing about this, Mer, you're not going to win."

"Fine," she sighed, scooting back onto the pillows. "I guess I'll just sleep in this big bed all by myself." She sighed as she leaned back into the pillows, closing her eyes and moaning in appreciation. "This is so much better than that bed we sleep on at college."

"You're evil," Derek frowned, looking down at the bulge in his pants. "You're seriously going to send me downstairs like this?"

She shrugged. "I offered to sleep on the couch," she said. "And you have a hand for a reason."

"Yeah, because you're cruel," Derek muttered before he dropped the sheets and strode across the room, pulling her into his arms and kissing her hard. She quickly responded, getting onto her knees on the bed and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, feeling his erection press into her stomach before he pulled back and offered her a smirk. "There," he said. "Now you know how it feels."

Meredith frowned as she stared at him, breathless and panting slightly. Finally she got off the bed and pushed him towards the door. "Good night, Der," she purred in his ear, rubbing herself gently against him before pushing him out the door and closing it firmly behind him.

"Evil," he muttered, hearing her laugh from the other side of the door. With a sigh, he trudged down the stairs to make a bed for himself on the couch. He would have much preferred to sleep with Meredith wrapped tightly in his arms, but he wasn't sure he would be able to keep his hands to himself, and with the lack of privacy in this house, it would lead to horrible consequences he wasn't sure he wanted to live out.

So he was making himself a bed on the couch, sighing as he sank onto the soft cushions and tried to get comfortable. Somehow, though, the thought of Meredith asleep in his childhood bed kept him wide awake, imagining several scenarios that he would love to act out with her in that bed.

Suddenly, he heard sounds coming from the kitchen and he frowned as he sat up, looking into the hallway to see the soft glow of light coming from the doorway. He slid out from the blankets and slowly made his way into the kitchen, frowning when he saw his father standing over the stove, wrapped in his bathrobe.

"Dad?" he asked. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, Derek," Michael said, looking up. "I'm having trouble sleeping, so I came downstairs to give your mom some peace. I didn't realize you'd be sleeping on the couch though."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "I haven't done much sleeping," he admitted.

"You're afraid of what your mother will say if she sees you and Meredith sharing your room," Michael said with a soft smile. "Not that I blame you. The woman can be downright terrifying."

Derek smiled softly, but his eyes showed that he was thinking about something else as he looked up at his father. "When did you know?" he asked. "That you wanted to marry Mom?"

Michael looked at Derek curiously for a moment before he smiled softly and said, "Pretty much the second I met her."

"Really?" Derek asked.

"Mmmhmm," Michael nodded, his eyes glazing over as he began to get lost in the past. "I was engaged when I met her, you know. I was an intern when she came into the ER after she came in with a concussion. I asked her out for that night, broke up with my fiancé, and asked your mother to marry me before our meals were even served."

Derek laughed. "She couldn't have said yes," he stated.

"Of course not," Michael laughed. "I had to ask four times before she finally said yes."

"Four times?" Derek asked. "How did you have the patience to wait for her?"

"She was worth it," Michael shrugged. "I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't imagine being with anyone but her. And she wasn't ready when I was, so I waited. She is six years younger than me."

Derek nodded slowly. "I want to marry Meredith," he said softly. "Not now, obviously, but I want to marry her one day. But I'm afraid she'll never be ready."

Michael leaned forward to pat Derek's arm reassuringly. "That girl is crazy about you," he said. "You'll know when she's ready. And if she loves you like your mom loves me, she'll just roll her eyes and call you an idiot every time you propose before she's ready."

"She already does that," Derek laughed. "Thanks, Dad."

Michael nodded as he stood up. "You know, your mom usually leaves pretty early for church," he said. "I doubt she'll check in on you or Meredith before she leaves. Just thought you could use that information to your advantage."

Derek nodded, a slow smile coming over his lips. "Okay," he said. "Thanks, Dad."

"Just doing my job," Michael shrugged before he turned to walk up the stairs, leaving Derek sitting in the dimly lit kitchen with a smile playing on his lips. After a moment he stood and switched the lights off, moving to the stairs and making his way into his room. He smiled softly as he closed the door behind him and slid into bed behind Meredith, pulling her tightly into his arms.

"Hmmm," she sighed. "Der?"

"It's me," he whispered. "It's okay, go back to sleep."

Meredith settled more comfortably against his chest, sighing happily as she traced her fingers over his arm. "What about your mom?" she whispered.

"It's fine," Derek said. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay," she whispered. "Der?"

"I love you."

He smiled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too, Mer," he whispered. "So much."

"Good," she sighed. "I know I'm completely lame and corny, but…I'm glad you came up here."

"Me too," Derek said, squeezing her gently. "I'm pretty sure last night was the worst night's sleep I've ever had. And it's because you weren't there."

She smiled as she buried her face in his shoulder. "Do you think it's weird?" she asked. "I mean, we're eighteen, and we have such strong feelings for each other?"

"I don't think it's weird," Derek shook his head. "I think we're lucky. Some people look for this kind of love forever and never find it."

"And some people have it and give it up," she whispered.

Derek was quiet for a moment before he whispered, "I want to marry you."

He wasn't at all surprised when Meredith pushed herself off of him and reached for the light, her eyes wide and panicking as she looked at him. "Seriously, Derek?" she asked. "We're eighteen. How can you be proposing? Eighteen, Derek. We've known each other for two months and we have four years of college and then med school and residency, and you want to get married? Seriously? Seriously."

Derek laughed slightly as he reached to pull her into his arms. "Not right now," he said. "I'm not even proposing. I just want you to know…I'm going to propose. Eventually. When we're both ready."

"Oh," Meredith said, nodding slightly. "Um…okay. I guess."

"You guess?" Derek laughed.

"Well, how am I supposed to respond to that?" Meredith asked, rolling her eyes. "You're an idiot sometimes."

"I tell you I want to marry you and you call me an idiot," Derek laughed. "That feels good."

Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms around him. "You know I love you," she said, pressing her lips against his neck.

"Hmmm…I think I might need a little convincing," Derek groaned as she moved to straddle his hips.

"How about this?" she murmured, reaching between them to pull her shirt over her head and moving to press her breasts against his face.

"I like this convincing," Derek murmured before he took a nipple into her mouth, running his hands up and down her back.

"God, Der," she whimpered, pushing herself closer to him.

"Quiet," he whispered against her skin. "We have to be quiet."

Meredith purred quietly in response, pulling him so that he lay gently over her. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, feeling him completely take her into his control and never feeling safer. All she could think about was marrying Derek one day and how happy that made her.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith giggled as she sat on the counter next to the stove, watching as Derek tried to flip the pancakes he had poured onto the pan. He had promised to cook her breakfast, and after eighteen years of watching his father cook them pancakes every Saturday morning, he thought that he would be able to do so.

He'd been wrong.

Meredith was having a field day watching him as he mixed too much flour in, then poured too much batter onto the stove, and now he couldn't even flip the pancake.

"Der, maybe I should try," she giggled. "I thought you were a good cook but at this point…I actually think I might be better than you."

"Shut up," Derek frowned. "I've been watching my dad do this my entire life."

"Well let's hope you're more prepared when you operate on your first brain," Meredith said before bursting into another fit of giggles.

Before Derek could respond, the back door burst open and Caitlin stormed in and walked directly to the stairs, followed closely by Liz. Derek frowned, and a moment later his parents appeared in the doorway as well.

"What's wrong with Caitie?" Derek asked.

"Oh, just the same old thing," Emma said, waving a hand in dismissal. "Boy trouble."

Derek frowned. "When the hell did she start dating?" he asked.

"Watch your mouth, Derek Christopher," Emma warned as she looked at the stove. "What in the world are you doing?"

"He thinks he's making pancakes," Meredith chimed in. "Personally, I think it's hilarious."

Derek frowned and Michael pushed him out of the way. "Alright, son, I think it's time you learned the secret to the Shepherd family pancakes," he said. He looked pointedly at Emma, who rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Meredith, dear," she said. "Michael refuses to make the pancakes if I'm anywhere near the kitchen. Apparently I'm not worthy enough to know the Shepherd secret."

Michael laughed as he leaned forward to kiss her. "You're plenty worthy," he said. "It's just a secret for the men. My dad taught me, I'm teaching Derek, and he'll teach his son."

"Of course, dear," Emma nodded, reaching for Meredith's arm. "We can go sit on the porch, Meredith."

Meredith hoped off the counter and followed Emma out the door, shooting Derek a smile over her shoulder as she walked out the door. When they were settled on the porch swing facing each other, Emma reached out and gently squeezed Meredith's hand. "How are you doing, dear?" she asked.

"I'm good," Meredith said with a nod. "I…it's not like my mom and I were ever very close, and…well, I just have to make sure she gets into a home."

"It doesn't matter if you were close, does it?" Emma asked gently. "It still hurts."

Meredith nodded, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"I know exactly what you're going through," Emma said gently. "My mother…she hated that I married Derek's father. She thought I was too you, didn't know what I was doing… so when I married him and started my life, we had a very strained relationship. I only saw her at family events, and when she got Alzheimer's, it was just as painful as me as it was for my siblings who she hadn't disowned."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "But…how did you deal with it?"

Emma sighed. "It was quite difficult," she said. "But I had my sisters and my brother to help me. It's a terrible disease and there's really nothing we can do about it. Michael nearly quit being a neurosurgeon to research a cure for it, but thankfully I was able to convince him otherwise. I just hate that you don't have anyone else to care for her while you're at school."

Meredith smiled softly. "I don't have any family besides her," she said. "She made plans to get into a retirement home, and I'll call them this week to see if they can take her in soon. Then all I have to do is clean out the house and it will be put on the market."

Emma frowned. "You shouldn't have to deal with that, Meredith," she said. "And you do have family. You're apart of this family now."

Meredith shook her head. "That's very nice, Emma, and I love Derek, I really do," she said. "But this isn't your responsibility. It's mine."

"We just want to help," Emma replied, squeezing Meredith's hand. "After your mother is placed in the home, Michael and I will be more than happy to come up to Boston and help you figure out the legal hassles."

"Really, you don't have to," Meredith started, but Emma leaned forward to stop her.

"This family is not easy to get out of, Meredith," she said with a smile. "Just ask Mark. Once you're in, you're in."

Meredith smiled softly. "Thanks," she said. "I…I really like spending time here."

"I'm so glad to have met you," Emma replied. "You are the perfect girl for my son."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Um…thanks."

They heard a throat being cleared in the doorway, and turned to see Derek standing there with a smile on his face. "Pancakes are served," he announced.

Meredith smiled as she stood to face him. "Should I believe that these are actually pancakes?" she asked with a smirk.

Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed her gently through the door. "Shut up and go eat," he ordered.

"Don't tell me what to do," Derek ordered.

When he and Emma reached the kitchen, Meredith was already pouring a gracious amount of syrup over her pancakes, grinning up at him. "I think it's your dad," she said. "I'm pretty sure he knows how to cook."

Derek frowned. "I helped," he said.

Michael looked at him with a spark in his eyes before he winked at Meredith. "I don't know, Derek, I think that might have qualified as watching," he said.

"Well, maybe I'll just go back to school if everyone likes Meredith so much," Derek muttered under his breath.

"Oh, Derek, don't be melodramatic," Emma sighed. "You know we love you."

"Yeah, just not as much as Meredith," Derek pouted.

"Hey, I never had a family," Meredith shrugged. "This is just making up for lost time."

Derek couldn't help but grin at the fact that Meredith was considering apart of his family. "You are," he nodded, reaching forward to squeeze her hand.

XXXXX

"Now, don't forget that your sisters will be here on Wednesday night for Thanksgiving," Emma reminded Derek the next morning as they stood in the driveway. "I want you here then too. It's about time the family is all together again."

"We'll be here, Mom," Derek said. "Don't worry."

"Meredith," Emma said, turning to embrace her. "I'm so glad to have met you. And please don't be afraid to tell Michael and I if you need anything at all."

"Thank you," Meredith breathed, sinking into Emma's arms. "For everything."

"It's my pleasure, dear," Emma smiled before stepping back.

"Make sure you drive safe, Derek," Michael said as he clapped his son on the back. "You don't want to put this pretty girl here in danger, do you?"

"I'll be safe, Dad," Derek said as he hugged him quickly.

"And you," Michael said, turning to Meredith. "Keep him in line, will you?"

"I'll try," Meredith giggled slightly, looking down at her feet. Awkward, this was awkward.

"Get over here," Michael said, pulling her into his arms. "Shepherds like to hug."

Meredith smiled slightly as she hugged him back. She'd never had a hug from a dad before, but this felt good. Derek's dad hugging her was good, and she was glad that she'd come to his house.

"We'll see you guys at Thanksgiving," Derek said as he and Meredith climbed into the car.

"Goodbye," Emma breathed, leaning into Michael's arms as they watched the car back out of the driveway. When they were on the road, Derek turned to Meredith and asked, "how are you doing?"

"Good," she said. "I'm still…it's going to be a long journey with my mom, but I'm really glad I met your parents. They're amazing, Der."

"I know," Derek said with a soft smile. "They love you too."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "Thanks, Derek."

"For what?" he asked softly.

"For being you," Meredith shrugged. "For loving me. For telling your parents how amazing I am. You're the first person who's really believed in me, who's ever loved me."

"Oh, Mer," he breathed. "I do love you. And I love doing all those things for you."

"I know," Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. "I love you too."


	18. Chapter 18

**Hopefully this can hold you guys over until Grey's tonight. Enjoy :)**

Derek Shepherd was an idiot.

Meredith had known this for about three months now, since the first time he'd tried to hit on her by telling her that she should let him hang the curtains in her room. But now, now she knew the full extent of what an idiot he was. As she stormed up the stairs to her room, her stupid boyfriend running after her, she was never more sure of what a complete idiot he was.

"Mer, just stop and listen to me," he groaned as he followed her down the hall.

"I don't need to listen to you," she snapped. "I already listened to you enough. I listened to you tell our professor that he needs to grade my papers easier because I have a sick mother."

"I didn't say that," Derek replied. "But if your schoolwork is being effected because of all of this, your professors need to know about it. And I know you well enough to know that you're sure as hell not going to talk to them about it."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Meredith asked. "You have no right to talk to my professors about my schoolwork! I'm handling this in my own way, and if I need your help, I'll ask for it."

"No, actually, I don't think you will," Derek argued. "You're too damn stubborn for your own good."

"That's not actually the problem here," Meredith snapped. "The problem is you and your egotistical, caveman, protect my girlfriend from everything because she's too weak to do anything for herself attitude!"

"I don't think like that and you know it," Derek shouted. "Just because you don't like it when people try to look out for you doesn't mean that you can bite my head off every time I try to protect you from yourself."

"I don't need protecting!" Meredith yelled back. "You think I'm some fragile weak thing that can't do anything for myself! Let me tell you something, Derek Shepherd. I basically raised myself. I've been by myself for my entire life, and I turned out pretty well despite that. And if you think you can keep doing everything for me, maybe we should just end this."

"What?" Derek whispered, feeling the breath leave his chest. "Mer…no."

Meredith sighed as she collapsed onto the bed. "I don't know what you want, Derek," she said. "I'm not the kind of girl you need to take care of and do everything for. So if you want that kind of girl…maybe we should end this."

"You don't mean that," Derek shook his head, rushing to kneel in front of her. "Mer, please, tell me you don't mean that."

"I don't want to break up with you, Derek, I don't," Meredith whispered, tears building in her eyes. "But if you want someone you can boss around…that's not me."

Derek inhaled deeply before he moved to sit beside her, pulling her into his arms. "I don't want someone to boss around," he whispered. "I want you. And everyone knows that you're the real boss."

"You say that," Meredith replied, pulling away. "And then you do things like today, telling people to watch out for me and threatening guys that even look at me. I can't deal with that, Derek, it drives me crazy."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I'm sorry, Mer, I really am. And when I do things like that…yell at me, tell me I'm an idiot. I can handle all those things. But I can't handle you saying that you're going to end this."

"I told you I didn't want to," Meredith sighed. "But I just can't deal with you talking to everyone in my life about me. I control what I want my professors to know. I can handle school and my mom, and if I couldn't I'd talk to them myself. You have no right to do that."

"You're right," Derek whispered, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. "You're so right and I'm sorry. But you can't tell me that you're going to break up with me just because you're mad at me."

"What else can I do?" she asked. "Because when you make me mad, all I can think is that you want to break up with me."

"No," Derek shook his head. "I don't want to break up with you. We'll fight. Just like any other couple fights. But fights do not mean that we're going to break up." Meredith was silent and he tilted his head up to meet her eyes. "What are you thinking, Mer?" he asked gently.

"I guess I've just never had fights before," she whispered. "Everyone always leaves. And it's hard for me to believe that you're not going to leave when we get mad at each other."

Derek nodded softly. "Okay," he said. "Well, I can promise you that I will never leave. Okay? We're going to fight, we're going to yell, and knowing you I'll probably have a lot of things thrown at my head. But we're still going to be us when it comes down to it."

Meredith looked up at him through hopeful, tear filled eyes. "Okay," she whispered.

Derek leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers for a moment before he pulled back slightly and whispered, "Are we okay now?"

"Mmmm," Meredith murmured, her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and squeezed him.

"I love you," he whispered into her neck.

"I love you too."

"And now," Derek continued, pulling back with a twinkle in his eye. "Is the best part of fighting."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before a sparkle came into her own eyes and she asked, "Make up sex?"

"Make up sex," Derek confirmed, leaning in to kiss her hard. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfect," she purred, reaching up to tug gently on his curls. "About to get a little better."

Derek smiled as he gently eased her onto her back, letting his hands play over her curves. "I love you," he whispered against her neck as he tugged at the bottom of her shirt. "I love you so much."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the pillows. Derek ran his fingers over the soft skin of her stomach before gently lifting the shirt over her head, immediately reaching to unclasp her bra as well. "Der…" she moaned softly, holding his head in place as he nipped at the skin of her breast. Her hands were traveling down to his pants when the door suddenly burst open and Mark's voice cursed loudly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Derek demanded, reaching for a blanket to throw over Meredith.

"Christ, Shep, if you're going to fuck her at least lock the door," Mark groaned. "I don't want to see that."

"What are you doing?" Derek asked, still trying to calm himself down from the high.

"Addie needs you, Mer," Mark said. "She's mad at me, the only thing she said to me for the past hour is to find you."

"Oh," Meredith frowned, looking at Derek for a moment. "Can it wait fifteen minutes?"

"Half an hour," Derek corrected quickly. "It can wait half an hour."

"I don't think so," Mark ran a hand over his face. "She's pretty upset, Mer."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. "Um…can you…I need to get dressed, and then I'll…"

"Right," Mark nodded, closing the door behind him as he stepped out of the room.

Meredith turned to Derek with an apologetic smile as she reached for her bra and shirt. "Sorry, Der," she said as she pulled the shirt over her head.

Derek sighed. "Not your fault," he said. "Just…we'll make it up later."

"Definitely," Meredith nodded, leaning forward to kiss him. "Sorry," she whispered.

"For what?" Derek frowned.

"The fight."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "It's okay, Mer. As long as we're good now."

"We're good," she nodded. "And we'll finish this later, I promise."

"Good," Derek nodded, pressing a final kiss to her lips before pushing her towards the door. "Go fix Addie so Mark will stop annoying me."

Meredith laughed as she opened the door, her smile quickly fading as she saw Mark sitting against the wall, his face in his hands. "Mark?" she asked gently, moving to sit beside him. "What's going on?"

Mark looked at her, and she was surprised at how lost he looked, how sad his eyes were. "I don't know," he shook his head. "She just…came back from class and told me she never wanted to see me again and said if I wanted to be useful to find you. Then she locked herself in a stall in the girl's room and refuses to move or talk."

Meredith sighed as she looked down the hall to the bathroom. "Okay," she nodded. "I'll... I can figure this out. Don't worry, Mark, she loves you. I'm sure she's just…having a bad day or something."

Mark muttered something under his breath and Meredith didn't bother to ask him what he'd said as she stood and made her way to the girl's room.

"Addie?" she asked gently, seeing that only one shower stall was closed. "It's me, what are you doing?"

She heard Addison sniffle before her muffled voice asked, "Are you alone?"

"Of course I'm alone," Meredith frowned. "Addie, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

There was a long pause, and a moment later the door opened and Addison stood in front of her, her eyes rimmed with red.

"I think I'm pregnant."


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith stared at Addison for a moment before she shook her head and asked, "What?"

"I think I'm pregnant," Addison repeated a little louder.

"Did you take a test?" Meredith asked, ignoring the cold fear that ran through her body.

"No," Addison replied. "I just…I've been so sick to my stomach. I was blaming it on the bad cafeteria food, but now my period's late and I'm crabby, and I don't know, Mer, I don't know what to do."

"Okay," Meredith said, taking a deep breath. "Test, you need a test. And you need to talk to Mark. I can…"

"No," Addison snapped. "I'm not going to talk to Mark. It's his fault that I'm here, and he's the last person I want to see right now."

"Addie, he's the father," Meredith breathed. "You need to tell him. He'll help you."

"Meredith, I just have to know," Addison whispered. "Do you want to help me or not?"

"I'll help," Meredith said quickly, reaching out to wrap her arms around her friend. "I'll do anything you need me to."

"I need a test," Addison replied. "But I'm so sick, I'm afraid of leaving the bathroom."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. She suspected that Addison's desire to stay in the bathroom had more to do with avoiding Mark than it did being sick, but right now she wasn't going to dwell on it. Right now, she had to help her friend. "I'll run out and get you one, okay?"

"Thank you," Addison murmured. "I'll just…wait here."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "I'll get you some nausea meds too."

Addison nodded, a vacant expression on her face as she leaned against the counter. Meredith offered her one last hug before she turned to walk out the door, moving quickly to Derek's room.

"I need your car keys," she announced as she burst into the room.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"I need to borrow your car," Meredith repeated. "Please, Der, I don't have a lot of time."

"Okay," Derek said slowly, pulling the keys out of the drawer and handing them to her. "Where are you going?"

"I…" her eyes flickered to Mark, who was sitting at Derek's desk with his face buried in his hands. "I don't have time to explain right now."

Derek frowned, but he knew better than to press Meredith for details when she was already on the edge. "Okay," he said softly. "Be careful."

"I will," she nodded, leaning forward to press her lips against his quickly before turning to walk out of the room. She hurried out of the building and to the parking lot, driving quickly to the closest drug store and rushing to the pregnancy tests, looking at the large number quickly before she grabbed five random boxes. Throughout the entire excursion, she couldn't think of anything besides what would happen if Addison was pregnant. She knew that her parents would never support their all-American daughter having a baby, but there was no way she could stay at college while preparing to have a baby.

She also couldn't ignore the voice in the back of her head that was telling her that if Addison was pregnant, it was entirely possible that this could be her in the same predicament someday.

She pushed aside that frightful thought aside as she hurried back to campus. She practically ran upstairs and flew past Derek's door, ignoring his concerned gaze and inquiry as to whether she was okay as she burst into the bathroom. Addison was sitting on the counter, staring at her hands as her hair fell limply around her shoulders.

"I got a couple," she breathed. "Do you want to take them now?"

"Yeah," Addison said as she slid off the counter, taking the boxes and disappearing into the stall. Meredith paced the small floor of the bathroom impatiently until she heard a quiet gasp come from inside the stall and froze, trying to decipher whether it had been a good or a bad gasp. "Addie?" she asked cautiously.

The door flew open and Addison stood in front of her with a wide smile on her face. "It's negative," she announced. "Negative, I'm not pregnant."

"Oh," Meredith sighed in relief, moving to her and wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. "That's great, Addie."

"Yeah," Addison breathed. "Negative."

"Now you don't have to hate Mark," Meredith pointed out with a giggle.

Addison froze as she turned to the sink to wash her hands. "Mer…can you not tell him about this?"

"What?" Meredith frowned. "Addie, I know I'm new to the whole relationship thing, but…I know if this were me and Derek, I would need him. I'd want him to know."

"Yeah, that's Derek," Addison sighed. "He worships the ground you work on."

"And Mark doesn't?"

"Mark's…Mark," Addison shrugged. "He doesn't love anyone in that passionate way that Derek does."

Meredith frowned. "Mark loves you," she said. "You…I can't believe you don't think that Mark loves you."

"Mark loves sex," Addison sighed. "We've…we've been together longer than you and Derek have. And he still can't tell me he loves me. You and Derek are talking about forever, and Mark can't even tell me he loves me."

Meredith frowned. "You can't compare yourselves to Derek and I," she said softly. "We're different."

Addison sighed as she buried her face in her hands. "I know," she said. "I just…I guess I was looking for an excuse to push him out of my life. I was using the possible pregnancy as an excuse, but now I need a new excuse, and I just thought of you and Derek."

"Why do you need to push him out of your life?" Meredith asked.

Addison rolled her eyes. "He can't tell me he loves me, Mer," she sighed.

"So?" Meredith asked. "Have you said it to him?"

Addison paused for a moment before she shook her head. "I can't," she whispered. "I can't bear to say that and not hear him say it back."

"Maybe he's waiting for you to say it," Meredith insisted. "You can't just push him away because you're scared. I know. I tried to do it with Derek and he wouldn't let me. And now…God, I can't even know what I'd do without him right now."

Addison sighed as she shook her head. "I just…it's hard," she whispered.

"I know," Meredith nodded. "But you don't know what he's going through right now, Addie. When he came to find me he was completely desperate. He was terrified that something was really wrong with you. And when I went to get Derek's car keys…I'm pretty sure he had been crying."

Addison inhaled sharply. "You think…you really think he loves me?" she asked.

"I do," Meredith nodded. "And I think you need to talk to him about it."

Addison took a deep breath before she pushed herself off the counter and moved towards the door. "Fine," she said. "Let's go."

Meredith blinked in surprise as she followed Addison down the hall. She shoved the door to Derek's room open and saw Mark sitting on the bed, a beer cradled in his hands. "Mark," she breathed.

"Addie." His head snapped up to look at her, his eyes bloodshot. "Are you…what…are you okay?"

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I'm okay. Can we…go somewhere? Talk?"

"Yeah," Mark pushed himself off the bed. He stood in front of her for a moment before he leaned in hesitantly to press a gentle kiss to her lips before taking her hand and leading her out the door.

When they were gone, Meredith sighed and collapsed onto the bed. Derek moved closer to her and ran his fingers through her hair, looking curiously into her eyes. "What's going on, Mer?" he asked.

Meredith sighed and shook her head. "I never realized how insecure Addison is," she whispered. "I've been friends with her since freshman year of high school and I was always the messed up one, and she was the confident, put together one. But now, I just had to convince her that Mark loves her. She was completely against the idea."

Derek frowned. "Of course he loves her," he said.

"I know that," Meredith replied. "But she wasn't sure. And…she was comparing them to us. She said we're lucky because we know. We know that we're going to end up together, and even though that thought scares me to death sometimes, I still know it's true. But Addison was comparing her life to mine, Derek, and saying that it was better than hers. My life is better than strong, confident, perfect Addison. It's like we switched places or something."

Derek leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I've got news for you, Meredith Grey," he whispered. "You're strong and perfect. And the confidence…I figure the next eighty or ninety years with me will boost that a little."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Ninety years?" she asked. "You're going to live until you're a hundred and eight?"

"Yes," Derek nodded firmly. "Maybe longer. I've got to make my time with you last."

"You're corny," Meredith whispered as she leaned up to press her lips against his.

"Maybe," Derek whispered. "But you love it."

"I don't," she whispered against his lips, forcing him onto his back as her hands worked under his shirt. She kissed him deeply, trying to ignore the fear in the back of her head that was screaming that she and Derek could end up like Mark and Addison.


	20. Chapter 20

**I hope you're all still enjoying this story. I'm trying to figure out where to take it next, but please let me know what you like/don't like. Thanks for reading :)**

"Meredith," Derek said in a frustrated sigh. "What the hell has been going on with you?"

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked up from her book. "I'm studying, Derek, there's nothing going on with me," she snapped.

Derek threw his pen onto the desk and turned to stare at her as she lay stretched out on the bed. "Mer, I'm not talking about right now," he said. "There's been something going on with you for weeks now. And finals are coming up, but I can't concentrate while I'm constantly thing that there's something wrong with you. Come on, Mer, talk to me."

"I don't need to talk, I need to study," Meredith replied.

"I just asked if you wanted to take a break for pizza," Derek replied. "You never turn down pizza breaks."

Meredith slammed her book shut and stood, reaching for her backpack. "If you're going to keep annoying me, I'm going to the library," she said. "I can't do this now, Derek."

"Do what?" Derek demanded, grabbing her arm and forcing her to face him. "What can't you do right now?"

"This!" Meredith snapped. "Deal with you constantly trying to protect me from everything when I'm trying to study for finals, get my mom transferred to the home from two hours away and worrying that we'll end up like Mark and Addison!"

"Mark and Addison?" Derek frowned. "Mer, they're great now. Better than they've ever been."

"But they weren't," Meredith argued. "For a long time, they weren't."

Derek frowned as he moved closer to her. "I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, Mer," he whispered. "Can you please just take five minutes to talk to me so I can figure out how to fix it?"

She stared at him for a moment before she sighed and allowed her backpack to drop to the floor. "Fine," she said. "I'm just scared, Derek. Because we're happy. And people who are happy break up all the time. And I'm afraid that something terrible is going to happen and we won't be able to recover from it."

Derek frowned. "Alright, Mer," he said softly. "I don't know what's bringing this on all of a sudden, but I'm going to promise you something, okay?"

She looked at him for a moment before she whispered, "okay."

"I promise you, Meredith, that there is nothing you could possibly do that will ever make me stop loving you."

"Really?" she whispered, her eyes wide.

"Really," Derek nodded. "I'll get mad, Mer, but that doesn't mean that I'll stop loving you. I've told you that before."

"I know," she whispered. "I just need to hear it." She paused for a moment before she asked, "What about if I was pregnant?"

Derek inhaled sharply, and he pulled back, his eyes darting briefly to her stomach before he searched her eyes. "Mer," he whispered. "Are you…is that…are we…?" he felt stupid as he couldn't form full sentences, but she knew what he was saying.

"No," she shook her head firmly. "I'm not, but Addie thought she might be, and I just thought about what would happen if that happened with us because it could. But I don't want it to."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "We're careful, Mer."

"I know," she said. "But I just can't get the fear out of my head."

Derek nodded softly. "I don't know what I can do about that, Mer," he admitted softly. "I wish I did."

She shook her head slightly as she leaned in to press her lips against his. "It's okay," she said. "I really do need to study though."

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"So, I'm going to go to the library," she said, reaching for the discarded backpack. "And maybe tonight we can go out to dinner or something?"

"Yeah," Derek agreed with a smile. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too," she said as she kissed him again. "I'll be back later."

"Okay," Derek nodded, watching her walk out of the room before falling back against the pillows and sighing heavily. She still wasn't herself, and he had no idea what to do to make his wonderful, amazing girlfriend come back to him and be the girl he had fallen in love with. He'd always love her, he knew that, but he wasn't sure what to do if she wouldn't accept the love he so desperately wanted to give her.

XXXXXX

Meredith trudged up the stairs later that evening as she felt the weight of her day on her back. Between worrying about what she had told Derek earlier and studying for her finals, she was officially exhausted. On top of that, she was terrified that she would see all her belongings packed outside their room and Derek would never want to see her again.

She was very pleasantly surprised.

"Derek," she gasped as she pushed the door to their room open and saw his desk pushed to the middle of the room, a plate of delicious looking pasta sitting in between two plates. "What is this?"

"Well, I know you wanted to go out to dinner," he said, smiling softly. "But I wasn't really in the mood. And I know you've been feeling a little weird about things between us lately, so I figured I'd just give you a little reminder of how I'm the most amazing boyfriend in the world."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Cocky," she murmured before she leaned in to press her lips against his.

"Are you disagreeing?" Derek asked as he looked down at her, his eyes laden with desire.

"Hmmm…no," she sighed as she moved out of his arms. "This looks fantastic."

"I told you I could cook," Derek laughed as he moved to serve some pasta onto her plate.

"Sure, that's why Caitlin used your pancakes as Frisbees," Meredith giggled.

"She did not," Derek rolled his eyes.

"But she wanted to."

"You're impossible," he said as he sat down next to her. "But seriously, Mer, I hope this lets you know how much I love you. I get that you have doubts and you get scared. But you should tell me those things, so I can help."

"Okay," Meredith nodded softly. She was silent for a moment before she said, "I do love you, Der. I love you a lot, and I'm not regretting you or us, but…I guess I'm just scared because people have problems. Even happy people have problems and I have no idea how to deal with problems and be happy with you at the same time."

"Mer, I don't know how to do that either," Derek said, squeezing her hand. "But I love you too. And I happen to know one very good strategy for getting rid of unnecessary worries."

"You do?" Meredith asked, raising a coy eyebrow. "What would that be?"

"Well, first you would come over here," Derek began, pulling her close to sit on his lap. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead against his. "Now what?"

"Now…I show you how amazing you are," Derek whispered in a husky voice as he shifted her so that he could pull her sweater over her head and unhook her bra. "God, Mer, you're beautiful."

"Hmmm," she murmured, arching her back to bring her breasts even with his face. "Please, Der."

Derek smiled as he obeyed her request, gently running his tongue along one breast as his hand moved to massage her other one. "You taste so good," he murmured against her skin.

"Derek," she moaned as she reached down to tug at his shirt. "Clothes…too many clothes."

Derek laughed as he gently moved her to her feet and stood up as well. Her hands were immediately on his belt buckle, working furiously as he pulled his shirt over her head. When he finally kicked his clothes off, he reached for her jeans, pulling them over her hips as he gently lowered her to the bed. As he lay over her, gently whispering praises and worshipping her body with his own, she suddenly felt everything was right in the world again.

XXXXX

"Hmmm," Derek sighed in contentment as he buried his face in her hair later that evening. "How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful," she whispered, shifting so that she could rest her chin on his chest and meet his eyes. "I'm sorry I've been weird, Der."

He smiled softly as he pressed a kiss against the hand that was grasped tightly in his. "It's okay," he replied. "I just hope you're okay."

"I'm good," she nodded. "I just need to be reassured sometimes."

"I get that," Derek whispered. "Anytime you need to be reassured, just let me know."

She rolled her eyes as she settled herself back on his chest. "You're an idiot," she stated.

"What?" he asked. "I'm just saying. I will always be willing to reassure you like we just did."

"I'll keep that in mind," Meredith giggled.

"Good," Derek nodded, glad that he seemed to have his Meredith back for the first time in weeks.


	21. Chapter 21

Meredith giggled as she slid into bed behind Derek, wrapping her arms tightly around him. She'd managed to sneak out his grasp earlier that morning to get things ready, but now it was time for him to wake up.

The past few weeks had been absolutely amazing. She'd gone home with him again for Thanksgiving and enjoyed meeting his older sisters and the rest of his extended family, and all the fears she'd had about their relationship were essentially gone. She had learned how to just enjoy being in love with her amazing boyfriend, and she couldn't wait to spend today with him.

"Der," she whispered in his ear, gently nibbling as she ran her hands up and down his back. "Wake up."

"No," he whimpered, moving to pull her close. "Sleep."

She giggled as she leaned over him, her hair falling around her face and tickling his chest. "Wake up," she repeated.

"Hmmm," Derek murmured, already half asleep.

"Der…" she whispered, leaning close to his ear. "Happy birthday."

Derek's eyes opened slowly and he looked up at her with lazy eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Now get up," Meredith giggled, sitting and pulling him with her.

"I don't want to," Derek replied stubbornly.

Meredith giggled as she ground her hips against his. "It looks like part of you is already up," she observed.

"It is my birthday, you know," Derek observed.

"It is," Meredith nodded. "And I made breakfast."

Derek frowned. "You made breakfast?" he asked. "Did I sleep through the fire alarm?"

Meredith reached out to slap his bicep. "Don't be an idiot," she said. "I made pancakes. Without your stupid Shepherd secret, I might add, and they're delicious."

"The Shepherd secret is not stupid," Derek said. "And if they're not black, I'm sure they're very good."

Meredith slid out of bed and reached for her robe, bringing a plate of pancakes back to the bed for him. "Happy birthday, Der."

He leaned up to press his lips against hers for a moment before he looked down at the golden brown pancakes in his lap. "They actually look good," he stated.

She rolled her eyes as she reached for her own plate. "Thanks for the confidence," she said.

He laughed as he took a bite. "You're amazing, Mer, you know that," he said. "But I've been trying to teach you to cook for months and you never cared."

"Well, this is special," Meredith shrugged. "It's your birthday."

"It is," Derek nodded. "The best birthday ever."

"You woke up five minutes ago," she stated.

"Yeah, but no one's ever made me breakfast in bed before," Derek shrugged. He paused for a moment, then shook his head.

"What?" Meredith asked, reaching for a piece of his bacon.

"Nothing," Derek said. "I was going to say something, but you'd just roll your eyes and tell me I'm lame and corny, so I'm not going to say it."

"Tell me," Meredith giggled.

"No."

"I'll give you a kiss."

"No. But you can give me a kiss anyways."

"I won't give you your presents unless you tell me."

"Maybe I don't want them.

"Oh you do." There was an evil glint in Meredith's eye and he looked carefully at her.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well, let's just say that Addie and I spent more money in Victoria's Secret yesterday than I've ever spent in any other store."

Derek swallowed hard. "When do I get these presents?" he asked.

"After you tell me how corny you are," Meredith giggled.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said. "I was going to say that this is the best birthday ever because it's the first birthday I've spent with you."

"That's…probably the lamest thing you've ever said," Meredith giggled.

"Yeah yeah," Derek rolled his eyes. "Can I have presents now?"

"Later," Meredith promised, leaning in to press her lips against his.

"Later?" Derek frowned. "I want presents now."

"Too bad," Meredith shrugged. "I have things planned."

"Things?" Derek asked.

"Yes, things," Meredith nodded. "Things you need to be dressed for."

Derek sighed as he slid out of bed and began getting dressed. "Do I get to know what these things are?" he asked.

"We're going to Boston," Meredith nodded. "With Mark and Addie."

Derek nodded. "Boston," he repeated. "Okay."

"You'll like it," Meredith smiled, tugging on his hand. "Ready?"

"Ready," Derek nodded, laughing as she pulled him into the hall. He'd never seen her this excited before, but he liked it.

"Happy birthday, Shep," Mark greeted as they walked into the hall.

"Thanks," Derek nodded, returning Addison's hug. "So…Boston, huh?"

"I know just as much as you," Mark defended. "Leave it to the natives. They know what they're doing. I hope."

Derek laughed as he wrapped an arm around Meredith's waist. "Lead the way, my little Bostonian," he commanded.

XXXXX

Later that afternoon, the four of them sat on a bench outside the Boston Harbor, watching as the boats pulled in and out of the docks.

"I love Boston at Christmas," Meredith breathed. "It's just…so festive."

Derek squeezed her hand. "I know what you mean," he said. "This has been an amazing day."

"What was your favorite part, Derek?" Addison asked from her place in Mark's arms.

"Museum of Science," Derek nodded, all of them nodding in agreement. "Thanks, Mer."

"You're welcome," she said, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Although it's not over yet."

"Oh, I know," he nodded. "You owe me a private celebration later tonight."

She giggled and blushed slightly as she looked over at Mark and Addison. "Well, yeah, but there's more before that," she said.

"I'm being spoiled," Derek announced.

"It's just dinner," Mark shrugged. "We need to eat anyways."

"A special dinner," Addison said, nudging Mark with a roll of her eyes.

"Let's go," Meredith said, looking down at her watch before jumping to her feet and pulling Derek down the street.

"Slow down, Mer," he laughed. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," she replied, a sparkle in her eyes as she waited impatiently for the signal to tell them it was safe to cross the street. They walked for a couple blocks before Meredith stopped abruptly outside an Irish pub. "Okay, are you ready?" she asked.

Derek frowned as he looked at the pub sign. "Mer, I'm not turning twenty one," he started.

"I know that," she rolled her eyes. She pushed the door open and led them into the crowded pub. She approached the bar and talked to the bartender for a few moments, leaving Derek standing awkwardly in the doorway with Mark and Addison.

"Do you have any idea what she's up to?" Derek asked.

"Hell if I knew," Mark shook his head. "Damn, I wish I was twenty one."

Addison rolled her eyes at Mark before she turned to Derek. "Trust me, you'll love this," she said. "Mer's been working on it for weeks."

Derek smiled softly. "That girl will never stop surprising me," he said with a laugh as he watched her make her way back to them.

"Come on," she said, lacing her fingers through his.

"Where are we going?" Derek asked.

"Upstairs," Meredith nodded, gesturing for him to go first.

"What's upstairs?" he asked.

Meredith didn't respond, but opened a door, giggling at the expression on Derek's face as he saw his family, all yelling surprise and happy birthday as he walked into the room.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for your reviews! They are much appreciated :) Enjoy**

Derek stood dumbfounded in the middle of the banquet room of the pub, completely thrown off at seeing his entire family gathered there.

"What…" he started, his eyes darting from his sisters to his parents to his girlfriend. "Did you…?"

Meredith giggled as she watched Emma move forward to hug Derek. "Happy birthday sweetheart," she said. "You have quite a special girlfriend."

Derek smiled as he looked at Meredith again. "You planned all this?" he asked.

"Well, it was my idea," she shrugged. "Your dad helped a lot."

Derek reached out to pull her into his arms. "Thank you," he whispered. "God, I love you so much."

"I love you too," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips before she pushed him towards his family.

"Happy birthday, son," Michael said, pulling Derek into a hug before pulling back. "Come in, stay awhile."

Derek laughed as he moved into the room, hugging his sisters as Meredith followed him in, Mark and Addison in tow. After everyone had greeted one another, they settled down at the long banquet table, Derek at the head of the table, Meredith cuddled close to him, and Michael on the other end.

"So, Derek," Emma said, her eyes shining. "Do you know why this is where Meredith wanted us to meet you today?"

Derek frowned as he looked down at Meredith before returning his gaze to his mom. "No," he said. "Is it special?"

"Yes," Emma said, sliding a paper across the table. "This is the pub your grandfather Maloney opened when he first traveled to America from Ireland."

"Really?" Derek asked.

"It's where I proposed to your mother," Michael nodded, a soft smile on his face.

Kathleen laughed. "Which time?" she asked.

"The time it counted," Michael rolled his eyes.

"I told Meredith about it at Thanksgiving," Emma continued. "She seemed to think it would be a good birthday surprise for you."

Derek pressed a kiss to the top of Meredith's head. "It was a wonderful birthday," he nodded.

Meredith smiled as she cuddled closer into Derek's arms. "I thought you would want to see your family," she whispered.

"It's perfect," he nodded. "I can't believe you were able to get everyone together, especially Kath and Nance."

"It helps that it was a weekend," Nancy said.

"And Daddy would never have accepted no as an answer," Kathleen added.

Michael shrugged. "I like having us all together," he said. "Plus, you should want to see your brother on his birthday."

"They should want to see me every day," Derek corrected.

"Stop being obnoxious, Der," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"This is why we like you, Meredith," Kathleen laughed. "You can't get in trouble for being mean to Derek."

"She's just keeping him in line, dear," Emma laughed. "You'll be the same way when you find your someone."

Kathleen smiled. "Speaking of which…" she started. "Chris said he was going to have a certain talk with you soon, Daddy."

Michael groaned. "I'm not old enough to have children getting married," he stated.

As the rest of the family began to laugh, Derek pulled Meredith to her feet and lead her to the corner of the room. She looked up at him curiously for a moment before he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her as he squeezed her tightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you. God, thank you so much."

"Der?" she questioned, pulling back, surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he nodded. "Just…God, I love you. I can't believe you brought my family all the way to Boston."

"They wanted to come, Der," she said, squeezing his hand. "I just asked."

"But you knew that's exactly what I needed to make my birthday perfect," he replied. "Mer, I know I said it earlier but now…this really is the best birthday ever."

She giggled as she leaned in to rest her forehead against his, her arms wrapping around his neck. "I guess I'll have to be super creative for next year," she said.

"Hmmm…I'm pretty sure nothing will top this," Derek shook his head. "Go ahead and try, though."

Meredith pressed her lips against his for a moment before pulling back and leading him back to the table. They spent the rest of the evening laughing and enjoying time with his family. By eleven, Michael had practically carried Caitlin out to the car, and the Shepherds had all bid their goodbyes to the four of them. When the car pulled away, Derek turned to Meredith and asked, "home now?"

"Actually," Meredith giggled. "I have one more surprise."

"Another one?" Derek asked, eyebrows raised. "Mer…I love these surprises. But you promised me a surprise that I want right now. Like really really want."

She giggled as she leaned into him. "We're not actually going back to school tonight," she said.

"We're not?" the three of them asked.

"Well….you are," Meredith nodded. "But Derek and I, we're staying in the city."

Addison frowned. "What are you doing in the city?" she asked.

"They're going to fuck like rabbits," Mark rolled his eyes, taking her arm. "Come on, Addie."

Addison giggled as she followed Mark down the street, shouting a happy birthday to Derek as they went. Derek turned to Meredith with wide eyes and asked, "Where are we going?"

"Come on," she said, grabbing his hand and leading him through the streets to stop in front of the Marriott. "I know it's nothing special, but I just thought it might be nice for you to be spoiled for a night."

Derek smiled as he pulled her into his arms. "You are something else, Meredith Grey," he said. "And I love you."

"I love you too," she said. "Let's go in, I'm freezing."

"You won't be for long," Derek laughed, following her into the hotel.

XXXXXX

"Derek?" Meredith whispered into the dark room later that night, running her fingernails up and down his arm, which was resting on her stomach.

"Hmmm?"

"You remember when Addie thought she was pregnant?"

"You mean do I remember the week you completely flipped out on me?" Derek asked. "Yes, I remember. Worst week of my life."

Meredith offered a soft smile, but her eyes were somewhere else. "What if it had been me?" she asked softly.

Derek paused for a moment, tightening his arms around her. "We would have worked it out," he said.

"You want babies?"

"Eventually," Derek nodded. "I've always wanted kids, Mer."

"You'd be a good dad," she whispered. "I…I'd be a crap mom."

Derek was silent for a moment as he buried his face in her hair. "I don't think so," he said eventually. "You have so much love to give. That's all a baby really needs."

"But my mom…"

"Sucked as a mom, I know," Derek nodded. "Mer…it's not that I don't love thinking about a future with you, but we're so far away from ever having kids. I don't think you need to worry about this now."

She nodded against his chest. "You're right," she whispered. "I know you're right. But eventually…after we're finished with med school and internships and are married…you want kids?"

"I do," Derek replied.

"Okay," Meredith nodded.

"Okay?"

"I'm…we don't have to worry about this now, you're right," she said. "I just wanted to know if you want them. Eventually. A long time from now. Because I think with you…I could want kids."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too."


	23. Chapter 23

"No," Derek dismissed the diamond earrings Mark was pointing to in the case of the jewelry store they'd spent the past hour in.

"Seriously, Shep?" Mark groaned. "It's just Christmas. Just get her something and let's go. I'm hungry."

"I can't just get her something," Derek sighed as he moved to study necklaces in the next case. "She's…Meredith. It has to be perfect."

Mark sighed as he followed Derek. "There!" he pointed to a pearl bracelet, a triumphant look on his face.

"No," Derek frowned. "I don't know that jewelry is the best gift for Mer."

"Then what the fuck are we doing in a jewelry store?" Mark boomed, looking around at the salespeople shooting him dirty looks. "Sorry."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to figure something out," he said. "But she's so complicated. And she told me she doesn't need anything."

"Have Mom pick something out," Mark suggested. "Or one of the sisters."

"It has to come from me," Derek insisted. "And it has to be….perfect." his voice trailed off as he laid eyes on an emerald necklace, sparkling brightly from its space on the white gold chain.

"Did you finally find something?" Mark asked, hope lacing his tone. "Good, just buy it and we can get out of here."

Derek smiled as he looked down at the necklace. "Can I help you, sir?" a saleslady asked, approaching him from the other side of the counter with a smile on her face.

"Yes, I'd like to buy that necklace," Derek said with a soft smile. "For my girlfriend. She has…the most beautiful green eyes, and this would just make them sparkle even more."

"Shep, she doesn't need your life story," Mark rolled his eyes. "Just your money."

Derek ignored him as he paid for the necklace and opened the jewelry box that had been slid across the table for him. "She'll like it, right?" he asked Mark.

"Yes, she'll like it," Mark said. "Now let's go."

They walked out of the jewelry store and back into the mall, each of them feeling confident about the presents they had gotten for their girlfriends. Christmas was coming soon, and they had taken advantage of the girls studying for their first year seminar final to do some Christmas shopping.

"Is Mer coming home with you for winter break?" Mark asked as they neared the food court.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "After New Year we'll probably go back up to Boston with Mom and Dad to pack up her house so it can officially be put on the market. I'm not sure how that's going to go, but that's why I wanted to wait until after Christmas."

Mark nodded. "She's in for her first real Christmas, huh?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" Derek frowned. "She's had lots of Christmases before."

"Man, you're pretty dense," Mark shook his head. "You think Ellis Grey had time to play Santa?"

Derek stopped walking and frowned. "She's never had a Christmas," he stated.

"Don't worry," Mark shrugged. "One Christmas with the Shepherds makes up for a lifetime of missed ones. I know."

"I guess," Derek muttered, shaking his head as he started to walk again. "I can't believe I never thought of that."

Before Mark could respond, there was a familiar giggle penetrating the air, and a flash of red hair across the food court. He glanced at Mark and smiled as they both realized their girlfriends were likely to be doing the same thing they were. With a nod, they moved towards their table and sat down, smiling smugly at the girls.

"Studying, huh?" Derek asked with a grin. "I'm sure you're getting a lot of inspiration from the mall."

"Der," she breathed, looking at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing you are," Derek shrugged, reaching for the bags at her feet. "What'd you get me?"

"Shut up," she said, slapping his hand away. "That's not for you."

"Oh really?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "Who's it for?"

"My other boyfriend. The one I like better."

"Well, you might want to return them," Derek suggested. "I'll kill him."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're a caveman," she stated as she leaned into him.

"Just protecting what's mine," Derek shrugged.

Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him. "I'm just kidding," she whispered.

"I know," Derek laughed.

"You're definitely my favorite boyfriend."

"Okay, seriously?" Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm going to throw up."

"Be nice, Mark," Addison automatically.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you had to follow Shep around for three hours as he shot down every single thing in this mall," Mark rolled his eyes.

"Mark," Derek groaned. "Stop talking. Now."

"How did I know that you wouldn't listen to me when I told you not to get me anything," Meredith sighed.

"Mer, I'm not going to not get you anything," he laughed. "You're going to be so spoiled this Christmas."

"You didn't go overboard, did you?" she sighed. "Because I don't want a lot of stuff…"

Derek laughed. "I didn't go overboard," he said. "At least not by Shepherd standards.

"Oh, God," she groaned, turning to Mark. "Do I want to know how corny this will be?"

"Probably not."

"Great," Meredith sighed, flopping back in her chair as she picked up her pizza crust and started playing with it.

"Hey," Derek said gently, nudging her shoulder with his own. "What's going on with you?"

"I just…I hate Christmas," she sighed.

"You…what?" Derek breathed.

"I can understand how people love it," she said. "But those people have families and people who want to watch each other open presents and be happy. I was always jealous of them and now…I hate Christmas."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand over her hair, feeling a combination of anger towards Ellis Grey and pity for his amazing girlfriend at the fact that she had never really experienced Christmas. "You'll have that this year, Mer," he murmured. "My parents will make sure of it."

She sighed as she leaned into him. "I know," she nodded. "And I know you love Christmas. But it might take me awhile to really let go of those feelings."

He sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I know," he sighed. "And I can help with whatever you need."

She looked down at her watch and turned to Addison. "We should get back to school," she said. "To actually study."

Addison nodded, leaning forward to kiss Mark lightly. "We'll see you later," she said as she and Meredith stood. Derek ran a hand through his hair as he watched Meredith walk away.

"Well, at least you know there's one thing about her you don't consider perfect," Mark said with a laugh.

"Maybe for now," Derek replied. "But after a Christmas at our house…she'll be transformed. I can feel it."

XXXX

A week later, Derek trudged wearily down the hall to his room, pleased that his last final was over. He would take off for home in the morning with Mark and Meredith, and he couldn't wait to really spend a significant amount of time at home.

He opened the door and blinked rapidly at the sight before him, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he again took in the amazingness of his girlfriend. "This is quite the welcome home," he said with a laugh as he closed the door behind him, locking it quickly.

Meredith was lounging on the bed, clad only in deep red lingerie, stockings, and a Santa had. His eyes roamed in her body, taking in everything from the red high heels on her feet to the mouth that was sucking eagerly on a candy cane. He swallowed hard as she stood and moved closer to him, pushing him onto the bed before standing in front of him with a seductive smile on her face.

"Santa told me that you've been a bad boy," she purred. "I think you need punishing."

Derek's foggy brain couldn't come up with words, and he nodded eagerly as she reached up to pull the straps of her lingerie down over her shoulders, leaving her shoulder bare and begging for him to run his tongue all over them. She moved her hips I slow circles as she slid out of the lingerie, smiling as Derek's eyes glazed over at the sight of her standing before him clad only in stockings and high heels. She reached for her garter, but he leaned forward and pulled her onto the bed with him.

"Leave them," he growled with an animalistic groan she'd never heard before. "It's hot."

She laughed breathlessly as she reached for his shirt, pulling it quickly over his head. "So this is a fantasy of yours?" she asked.

"Hell yes," he murmured against the skin of her breast.

"Well, then," Meredith purred, reaching down to shove his pants and boxers down. "Let's see how the reality compares."

"Oh God," Derek groaned, collapsing against the pillows as she lowered herself onto him, moving her hips in gentle circles as she rode him. She threaded her fingers through his thick hair, leaning down to kiss him hard as his body trembled beneath hers, his hands running over the stockings that still covered her thighs. "Mer…" he moaned, taking complete pleasure in the fact that she was in control. "God, Mer…"

"Derek," she whimpered, moving faster over him as she felt him twitch inside of her. "God, Der, I'm close."

"It's okay," he murmured, his voice muffled by the skin of her neck where he was gently nibbling. "Come, Mer."

She arched her back against him as she tightened around him, moaning softly as she felt him come moments later. She collapsed on top of him, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as their sweaty bodies meshed together.

"Merry Christmas, Der," she murmured after a few minutes.

He laughed as he tightened his arms around her. "That was my present?" he asked.

"One of them," she sighed. "The one I couldn't give you at your parents house."

He sighed happily as he lifted her head to kiss her gently. "Thanks, Mer," he whispered when he pulled away. "And you'll have the best Christmas ever. I promise."


	24. Chapter 24

Derek pulled into his driveway the next afternoon with a huge smile on his face. As Mark got out of the car and rushed inside for the much desired Christmas cookies, Derek turned to Meredith with a smile on his face.

"It's…Christmas," she finally said.

"Yeah, Mer," Derek said with a laugh. "That's why we got that long break from school and stuff. It's Christmas."

"I know," she rolled her eyes. "But…your house, it's Christmas."

Derek grinned as he turned to look out the window at the Christmas lights sparkling over the porch, the reindeer sitting on top of the roof, and the wreath on the front door. "I know," he said.

Meredith sighed as she moved to get out of the car. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Inside," she frowned. "I'm assuming that's where we're supposed to go."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," Derek replied.

"Nothing's wrong," Meredith groaned. "It's just…Christmas."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "Okay. But you'll like this, I promise."

"I'll like it more when I can go inside," Meredith said.

"Go on," he laughed, leaning in to kiss her. "I'll get the bags."

"I'll help," she said, moving around to the trunk and opening it to stare at the bags stuffed in the trunk. "How much stuff did you buy?" she asked.

"I have a lot of people to buy for," Derek defended. "And we've got to make up the past eighteen Christmases for you."

She rolled her eyes as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. "I told you, if you went overboard for me, I'm never speaking to you again," she said as she moved towards the door. "I need to be eased into this."

"Meredith!" Caitlin squealed from the porch. "You're here!"

"I'm here," Meredith giggled as she dropped the suitcase she was holding to wrap the teenager in a tight hug. "How are you?"

"Good!" Caitlin cried. "You wanna see what Brandon got me for Christmas?"

"Who's Brandon?" Derek asked with a frown as he stepped onto the porch.

"My boyfriend," Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"Duh," Meredith added with a smirk.

Derek ignored Meredith as he narrowed his eyes. "When did you get old enough to date?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, Derbear, Daddy's already scared him to death," she said. "I don't need you doing it too."

Derek frowned as he followed them into the house. "I don't like it," he announced it.

"Don't like what, dear?" Emma asked as she pulled Meredith into a tight hug.

Derek pouted even more. "How my entire family seems to like my girlfriend better than me."

Meredith giggled as Emma pulled away and took Derek into her arms. "Don't be ridiculous, dear," she rolled her eyes. "Of course we love you."

Derek smiled as he hugged his mom back. "Right," he said. "Where is everyone?"

"Your father went to the train station to pick up Kathleen," Emma reported as they followed her back into the kitchen. "She's bringing Chris home, and he wanted to meet him before anyone else."

"When did all my sisters get boyfriends?" Derek asked as he collapsed at the kitchen table.

"Nancy doesn't," Liz pointed out, looking up from her book.

"Well…she's Nance," Derek dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"Be nice," Emma warned. "And from what I gather, we may be throwing a wedding soon."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Kath thinks she's getting engaged before we even meet the guy?" he asked.

"You're going to meet him shortly," Emma replied. "And I trust that you will be on your best behavior."

Derek rolled his eyes and Meredith giggled as she reached around him to grab a cookie. "I'll make sure he's good," she said.

"Thank you, Meredith," Emma rolled her eyes. "He's spent too much time with his father for his own good."

"Dad says it's good that I listen to him," Derek said. "Since no one else does."

Before Emma could respond, the door opened and Kathleen burst in, dragging a tall redhead behind her. "Hi everyone," she exclaimed, hugging Emma tightly. When she pulled back, her hand found Chris's and she said proudly, "Everyone, this is Chris Kelly. Chris, this my mom, Emma, my brother Derek, his girlfriend Meredith, his best friend Mark, and my sisters, Elizabeth and Caitlin."

"Nice to meet you," Chris nodded, glancing from face to face.

"Don't worry, dear, no one expects you to know everyone right away," Emma laughed as she stepped forward. "I'm so glad to meet you."

"You too, Mrs. Shepherd," Chris smiled.

"Oh, Emma, please," she said with a smile. "Derek, Meredith, why don't you two bring your bags upstairs and help get Kathleen and Chris settled in?"

Derek frowned, but Meredith kicked his shin before she turned to smile at Kathleen. "It's good to see you again, Kath," she said with a smile. "And it's nice to meet you, Chris."

"Thanks," Kathleen said, leaning in to hug Meredith. "What's wrong with Der?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's just being a baby," she replied. "Come on, I'll help you bring your stuff up."

"I'm coming too," Derek insisted, standing and walking over to them. "Hey Kath."

"Hi Derbear," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Be nice," she whispered.

Derek pulled back and looked at Chris for a moment before he offered him his hand. "Derek Shepherd."

"Nice to meet you," Chris nodded, giving his hand a firm shake.

"Hurt her and I kill you," Derek said firmly.

"Derek," Meredith and Kathleen groaned at the same time.

"I'm just saying," Derek defended himself. "It's nothing to do with you. She's my sister."

"I get it," Chris nodded. "I have a little sister, and when she starts bringing boys home, I do the same thing."

"See?" Derek said shooting Meredith and Kathleen a smug look. "He gets it."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said as she moved forward to giggle with Kathleen as they made their way towards the stairs.

"Ah, I see you boys have met Chris," Michael said as he walked into the kitchen and smiled widely at Mark and Derek. "He's going to come down to the lake with me tomorrow morning. What do you guys think?"

"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," Derek frowned.

"So?" Michael shrugged. "We leave early enough so we won't miss anything."

"And most of the Christmas Eve stuff is at night anyway," Mark nodded. "I'm in."

"Sure," Derek nodded.

"Good," Michael nodded. "Where's Meredith?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "She went upstairs with Kath," he replied. "And I'm starting to think the only reason I'm welcome in this house is because I bring Meredith with me."

Michael laughed. "You know that's not true," he said, throwing an arm around Derek. "You're my only son. I am glad you bring Meredith home though. She's one special girl."

"I know," Derek nodded. "Believe me, I know."

"Derek!" Meredith's giggle floated down the stairs. "You have to come see this!"

Derek laughed as he moved towards the stairs. "I'm being called," he said as he excused himself from the kitchen. He found Meredith sitting on Liz's bed, still giggling as she looked at pictures spread out in front of her.

"You never told me you dyed your hair," she laughed as she held up a picture of him with bright purple hair. "I used to have pink hair. Maybe we would have gotten together better in high school than I thought."

"That was so not my fault," Derek snapped as he pulled the picture from her hands. "I have four sister who thrived on making me miserable. They put hair dye in my hair gel bottle."

"Sure, Der," she nodded.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You had pink hair?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied. "I was a rebel. Apparently you were just a victim."

"I hate you," he said as he turned to storm out of the room.

"You love me!" Meredith yelled after him before she dissolved into giggles with his sister again. Maybe this Christmas thing wouldn't be so bad after all.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry for the delay in getting this up! I had finals last week :( I hope you guys enjoy Christmas at the Shepherds :)**

Meredith sighed as she set her hot chocolate on the table in front of her, cuddling into Derek's arms the next night. They had gotten home from church about an hour ago, another first for Meredith, and the rest of the house had retired early, preparing for the early rise they would have to face the next morning. Derek and Meredith, however, had opted to stay downstairs to enjoy the crackling of the fire and the sparkling lights of the Christmas tree a little longer.

"So what do you think of Christmas so far?" Derek murmured into her hair.

She sighed happily as she wrapped her arms tighter around him. "Not too bad," she murmured back.

Derek sighed happily as he ran his hands lazily through her hair, trying to imagine if there was anything in the world that was better than this very moment. For the life of him, he couldn't think of anything. This was perfection.

Meredith shifted closer, practically sitting in his lap by this point as she tightened his arms around her. He knew she was enjoying herself so far, and he couldn't believe the overwhelming love he felt for the tiny woman in his arms. As he felt her chest rise softly against his, he knew this was the most amazing moment of his life.

They stayed silent for a long time, cuddled together as they watched the fire burn down to ashes. Neither wanted to say anything for fear of ruining, the perfect moment, and they were both content to sit together.

After several long moments, Derek pulled back and looked at Meredith smiling softly as he brushed some hair behind her ears. "I want to show you something," he said softly. "Come here."

Meredith frowned as he tugged her to her feet and led her to the Christmas tree. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I want to show you this," he said, moving to sit on the ground next to the tree and pulling her down with him.

Meredith sat down hesitantly, but he smiled encouragingly at her as he lay down under the tree. "Come here," he repeated. "It's one of my favorite parts of Christmas."

Meredith followed him, a smile immediately gracing her lips as she stared at the lights and the ornaments twinkling through the branches of the tree. It was almost magical to see the way the light played with the branches of the tree, and she was quickly convinced of why this was Derek's favorite parts of Christmas.

"Oh, Der," she breathed. "This is…amazing."

"Hmmm," Derek breathed, turning to look at the wonderment on her face. "It's beautiful."

Meredith could feel his eyes on her, and she turned to look at him with a smile on her face. "You're not looking at the tree," she said with a laugh in her voice.

"I know," Derek said, reaching down to thread his fingers through hers. "And you're beautiful."

She smiled softly as she shifted closer to him. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Derek replied, wrapping an arm around her.

"And I…I think I'm starting to like Christmas," she whispered.

"I'm glad. I knew you would."

They laid together under the tree for a few more minutes before Derek pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, "We should go upstairs soon. We'll get up early."

"How early is early?" Meredith murmured as he stood and helped her to her feet.

"Ummm…five?" Derek suggested.

"Five?" Meredith repeated. "Maybe I don't like Christmas that much."

"Yes you do," Derek rolled his eyes. "It won't be that bad."

She sighed as the started up the steps, her head falling to his shoulder. "I guess," she sighed.

Derek laughed quietly as the entered his room. "It'll be good, Mer," he promised.

"I know," she sighed as she pulled one of his T-shirts over her head and slid into a pair of his boxers. "I'm just not used to that."

They both slid into bed, and Derek didn't waste any time in pulling her close to him. "I love you, Mer," he whispered. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," she nodded against his chest. "Der?"

"Hmm?"

"In case I forget to tell you tomorrow…this was the best Christmas ever."

He tightened his arms around her. "I'm glad, Mer," he replied. "I'll eventually help you to love Christmas."

Her soft breaths told him that she had drifted off to sleep, and he sighed happily as he closed his eyes as well and began to drift into sleep himself. This was definitely coming close to topping the list of his favorite Christmases ever.

XXXX

"Der. Derek. Wake up."

A voice was invading his amazing sleep, and he didn't want to listen to it. "Mmmm…go 'way," he mumbled, pulling Meredith closer and burying his face in her hair.

"Derek. Christmas. It's Christmas."

At that word, his eyes flew open and he could make out Liz's excited form leaning over his bed. "Christmas," he stated.

"Yes," she replied impatiently. "Everyone's already downstairs. Including Mark. So get your lazy girlfriend up so we can have Christmas."

"Mer," Derek whispered, brushing his lips against her temple. "Wake up."

She groaned and tightened her arms around him, but didn't wake up.

"Mer," he laughed, trying to untangle her arms from around him. "Come on, there are presents."

She sighed as he pulled away from her and moved to stand beside his sister. "It's cold," she frowned. "Come back."

He laughed as he leaned down to kiss her pouting lips. "Merry Christmas, Mer."

Her eyes remained foggy for a moment before she smiled and squeezed his hand. "Merry Christmas."

"Come on," Derek said, pulling her to her feet. "Presents."

"Presents," Meredith nodded. "Right."

"It'll be fun, Mer," Liz nodded. "Don't worry."

They reached the bottom of the steps and Meredith gasped as she took in the scene in the living room. The entire family was gathered around the sparkling tree, presents piled beneath it. Coffee and cinnamon buns were steaming from the coffee table, and Meredith couldn't help but smile as Derek dragged her into the room and settled her at his side as he sank onto the floor next to Caitlin.

"Alright," Michael said with a wide smile. "Here we go."

He began handing out presents one by one, watching as the girls squealed over new clothes and books, Derek and Mark in awe over their new tackle boxes. When he finally handed a present to Meredith, she looked at him with wide eyes. "What…" she asked, her voice trailing off as she stared at the flat, long box in her hands.

Michael laughed. "You didn't actually think we were going to give everyone else presents but not you?" he asked. When Meredith stared at him blankly, he shook his head and reached out to pat Derek on the shoulder. "You've got to get some more confidence in this girl, son."

"I know," Derek nodded. "I'm working on it. Open it, Mer."

Meredith fingered the ribbon for a moment before she gently tugged on it and tore the wrapping paper off. This was her first real Christmas present, and she wanted to cherish everything about opening it. As she slowly slid the lid off the top, she gasped as she saw a red and white stocking, with her name stitched into the top. "Oh…"

"Now you have to give it back to us," Emma said with a smile. "I have to fill it and hang it with the other stockings. We open those after breakfast. And we'll keep it here with the rest of the families, but Michael and I thought…"

"It's perfect," Meredith whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Emma smiled. "I made it myself, just like everyone else's."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "It's beautiful."

Emma smiled as she gently took the stocking and moved to another room as Derek wrapped an arm around her and brushed his lips against her forehead. "I have something for you too," he murmured, sliding the jewelry box into her hands.

"Der," she breathed, opening it to stare at the emerald necklace. "It's beautiful."

"It matches your eyes," he pointed out. "Here, let me help you put it on."

She lifted her hair as he fastened the necklace around her neck and turned her to look at her. "Beautiful," he breathed.

"I um…I have something for you too," she whispered, reaching for a box under the tree. "I hope you like it because it's kind of cheesy and…well, I hope you like it."

Derek laughed as he pulled the wrapping paper off the box. "New cologne. I love it Mer."

"Good," she nodded, leaning into him.

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, watching as his mother came back into the room and hung Meredith's full stocking next to his. The two stockings hung perfectly together, and he knew that that was just a representation of how well he and Meredith fit together.


	26. Chapter 26

"Can we go now?" Derek asked Michael anxiously a couple hours later, after the presents had all been opened and the wrapping paper cleaned up.

"Go?" Meredith frowned. "Go where?"

Derek ignored her as he stared at his father, anxiously awaiting an answer.

"It's earlier than usual, Derek," Michael said with a laugh. "Why do you want to go now?"

"I want to show Mer," Derek said. "Please?"

Michael glanced at Emma, who shrugged, then said, "Alright everyone, we're leaving in half an hour. Get dressed, bring your presents upstairs, and meet back down here."

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand and pulled her towards the stairs, a grin taking over his face. "Derek?" she asked. "What's going on?"

"You'll see," he said as he pulled her into his room and closed the door behind them. "Dress warmly, you're going to need it."

Meredith frowned as she pulled a pair of jeans and a thick sweater out of one of the drawers Derek had cleared out for her. "Seriously, Derek, I'm not sure I'm okay with this super secret…whatever."

He laughed as he pulled a sweater on and moved over to her. "Shepherd family Christmas tradition," he said. "You'll like it."

"Okay," Meredith said dubiously. "But for the record…I hate surprises."

"I know," Derek laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "But so far, you've been pretty accepting of all of them."

She frowned as he pulled her back down the stairs, grinning when he saw his father entering the house, followed closely by Mark. "Is everything all set?" he asked.

"Sure is," Michael nodded. "Just waiting on your sisters."

Derek rolled his eyes and turned to the stairs. "We're leaving in two minutes, no matter who's ready!" he shouted.

"Derek!" Emma rolled her eyes as she came down the stairs. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous," Derek said. "I'm just excited."

"For what?" Meredith asked Emma, in hopes that she could elicit an actual response.

Emma laughed as she reached out to hug Meredith. "Nice try, dear," she said. "But I know Derek wants to surprise you with this."

Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest, a pout on her face. "Fine."

"Come on, Mer," Derek laughed, reaching for her hand. "We can go ahead of everyone else. Since the girls won't be ready until after New Year's."

"Stop being melodramatic, Derek," Emma said with a smile. "But you and Meredith can go ahead if you want to."

"Let's go," Derek said, pulling her out the door and towards the car. "Come on, Mer, you're going to love this."

She sighed as she looked out the window, watching as he drove down the road until the houses became more sparse and eventually disappeared. He parked in front of a huge clearing, covered in clean white powder, a frozen lake next to the clearing. "This is it," he said with a smile. "Every Christmas, we come out here and go sledding. Sometimes we ice skate too, but the ice isn't always thick enough."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, looking out over the perfectly untouched snow. "It's beautiful, Der."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, allowing himself to remember exactly how he was feeling in this perfect moment. "I wanted to show this to you," he whispered. "Before the family gets here and everything gets crazy. Because it's one of my favorite places in the world and I just…I needed you to see it."

"Thank you," she whispered, turning in his arms to take his face in her hands and kiss him gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered, squeezing her tightly. "You want to go sledding?"

Meredith bit her lower lip before she nodded. "I've never done it before," she admitted it quietly.

"It's okay," Derek said, taking her gloved hand as he moved towards the trunk and pulled out a sled. "I'll ride with you."

"Okay," she giggled as Michael's truck pulled up and the rest of the family spilled out of the back. "Let's go."

She followed Derek as he ran up to the top of the hill and set the slid on the ground. He settled himself on the sled and sat down behind her, wrapping his arms around her before he pushed the sled down the hill with his foot. Meredith's hair blew into his face as they sailed down the hill, and her laughter met his ears as she tilted her head back to rest against his shoulder. "Derek," she breathed as they reached the bottom of the hill.

He laughed as he jumped off the sled and pulled her to her feet. "Like it?" he asked.

"I loved it," she exclaimed. "Let's do it again."

"Derek!" Mark shouted, storming over to the two of them. "You broke the good sled!"

"What?" Derek asked, a frown on his face.

"You broke the sled," Mark replied. "Last year. Your dad told you to fix it and you didn't. Now we only have two sleds this year."

"Why are you getting so upset?" Derek asked. "If you cared that much, you could have fixed it yourself."

"Boys," Emma said sharply. "Knock it off. We'll just have to share."

"No it's not okay," Mark replied as the rest of the family began to climb the hill, leaving the three of them at the bottom of the hill. "Because Shep's lazy and whenever anyone asks him to do anything, he conveniently forgets about it."

"What the hell is your problem?" Derek shouted. "Just because you…" He trailed off when he felt something collide with the back of his head and turned to see Meredith standing a few feet behind him, an innocent smile on her face. "Did you just throw a snowball at me?"

She gasped as she looked at him with wide eyes. "Would I ever do that?" she asked, amusement evident in her tone.

"I think you would," Derek replied, moving closer to her.

"Hmmm…what are you going to do about it?" she asked. As she began to slowly back away from him, he suddenly ran forward and gently tackled her, pinning her to the snow.

"You think you can hit me with snowballs?" he asked, holding her hands down at her sides.

She giggled as she squirmed underneath him. "You were acting like you were five," she said. "So I figured that was how I could get through to you."

He laughed as he leaned down to kiss her gently. "At least you had a reason," he said. "Just don't let it happen again."

She shrugged as she pushed him off of her. "Whatever," she said. "And you and Mark were seriously fighting over a sled? It's not that big a deal, Der."

"You never saw that sled," Derek argued as he brushed the snow off his pants. "You want to go up again?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, grabbing his hand. "Let's go."

They ran back up the hill, spending the next couple hours alternating between sledding down the hill and playing in the snow at the bottom of the hill. When the sun finally began to set, they dragged themselves back to the cars and drove back to the house, everyone looking forward to warming up in front of the fireplace.

"I can't believe I've never done that before," Meredith giggled as she and Derek changed out of their wet clothes in his bedroom. "Can we do this more?"

"We do it every Christmas," Derek promised, smiling as he watched her towel her hair off. "And you'll be here for all of them."

"I will," Meredith nodded, sighing as she collapsed onto the bed.

"You okay?" Derek asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah," she sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "It's just…this is a lot. Of family, and Christmas. And I love it, you know I do. But it's just a little overwhelming."

Derek was silent for a moment as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "I know you've got some catching up to do. So if you need some time…it's okay. Just tell me, or whoever's around."

She nodded against his shoulder. "Maybe…maybe I could just stay up here for a little while before dinner? Cause your mom got me that book and that way I could just have some space. Unless there's more family stuff you want me to do, because I can…"

"Mer," Derek sighed, gently pulling away from her to allow her to curl up against the pillows. "It's fine. I'll come get you for dinner, okay?"

"Thanks," she sighed gratefully as she reached for the book she had set on the night table that morning.

Derek watched her for a moment before he shook his head and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him. He made his way down the stairs to the kitchen, where Emma was scurrying around with Kathleen, getting dinner ready for the family.

"Need help?" he asked as he sat himself on a barstool and picked a carrot up from the vegetable platter.

"Don't eat anything," Emma said, slapping his hand away as he reached for a piece of broccoli. "Where's Meredith?"

"She's reading her new book," Derek shrugged. "Trying to warm up from this afternoon."

"Here, peel these," Emma said, placing a bowl of potatoes in front of him. "She seems to be enjoying herself."

"She is," Derek nodded. "I'm really proud of her. She was so nervous to come here, but she really feels like a part of the family."

Kathleen looked at him closely for a moment. "You're awfully smitten, little brother," she stated.

"That's not exactly a newsflash, Kath," Derek rolled his eyes.

"I mean, obviously you really love Meredith," Kathleen continued. "But…it's more than that. Isn't it?"

Derek glanced at his mother, who was pretending to read her cookbook, but the sparkle in her eyes couldn't be missed. "Yeah, Kath," he said. "But we're nineteen year old pre med students. Nothing's going to happen for awhile."

Kathleen nodded as she continued to chop onions. "But eventually," she said. "Mer's going to be a Shepherd sister?"

Derek couldn't help the grin that came over his face at the thought of Meredith as a Shepherd. "Yeah," he said. "Eventually."

"Hey," Meredith's voice came from the stairs as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey you," Derek smiled, turning to look at her. "I thought you were reading."

"I was," she shrugged, reaching for a carrot. "But I got bored."

"Don't eat those," Derek said, slapping her hand away from the tray.

"Derek Christopher," Emma said sharply. "Do not treat your girlfriend like that."

Derek frowned. "So I eat and I get in trouble, and then when I tell other people not to eat I again get in trouble?" he asked.

"I'm the mother, dear," Emma said, reaching over to pat him on the shoulder. "Leave the scolding to me."

"Yeah, Der," Meredith giggled. "Let your mom do the scolding."

Kathleen laughed. "You want to help, Mer?" she asked.

"Oh," Meredith said, biting her lower lip. "Um…I'm not the best cook in the world."

"It's okay," Kathleen replied. "I'm not that great either. That's why Mom's here."

"Okay," Meredith said, hopping off her stool to stand beside Kathleen and beginning to help chop vegetables. Derek stared at his girlfriend, the thought of her being a Shepherd sister officially rolling around in his head as he realized how perfectly she fit into his life. She would make a wonderful Shepherd sister. Eventually.


	27. Chapter 27

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Derek asked, squeezing Meredith's hand tightly as they stood outside her mother's house. It wasn't her house anymore. Home was now associated with New York, with the Shepherds.

"Yeah," she whispered, staring at the house she had lived in for thirteen years. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"It's alright if you're not, dear," Emma said softly. "There's no hurry."

"I want to do it now," Meredith nodded as she began moving towards the front door, Derek and his parents trailing behind her. "I want it to be over."

Derek placed a comforting arm around her shoulder as she took a deep breath and unlocked the front door, letting it swing open to reveal a foyer filled with boxes. She stepped inside cautiously and looked around, wondering where she should start.

"Well, it looks like your mother started your job for us," Michael said, trying to lighten up the situation. "Where do you want to start, Meredith?"

"Um…I guess we can start with these," she said. "I really don't want anything, but if you guys like any of the furniture, or you think Kath or Nancy would like it, you can totally take it, because then I wouldn't have to sell it, and…"

"Mer," Derek said gently. "It's okay. We're here for you, okay? So just take a few deep breaths, and if this all gets to be too much, we'll just take it back."

"Okay," she nodded. "Um…the bedrooms were packed up last time I was here, so it's really just my mom's study and the kitchen and the living room."

"Em and I can start in the kitchen," Michael said with a nod. "How about you start in the study?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, we can do that," she nodded. "I think…I mean, my mom probably packed stuff, but we can go through it just to make sure."

"Come on, Mer," Derek said, gently placing a hand on her back and letting her guide him towards her mother's study, shooting his parents a worried gaze over his shoulder. When they entered the study, Meredith took a deep breath and looked around at the stacks of boxes before she shook her head and said, "Let's just take them out to the truck. We can take them to the dumpster later."

Derek was surprised for a moment before he asked, "Mer, don't you want to keep some stuff? Medical notes or textbooks or anything?"

She sighed as she sat down on the floor. "We can look through them," she nodded. "This is hard, Derek."

"I know," he whispered, sitting down beside her. "I'm here."

She nodded as she pulled the box open and began pulling pictures out. "That's me," she whispered, pointing to the little girl proudly pulling on a red wagon.

"You were cute," Derek smiled softly. "Is that your dad?"

"Yeah. He left when I was five. My mom dragged me out here after that and I never heard from him again."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment, amazed that the girl who had suffered from such terrible parents had turned into the amazing, albeit skittish, woman that he was in love with. "I'm sorry, Mer," he murmured. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you."

She shrugged as she reached into the box again. "The pictures stopped after Seattle," she sighed. "Mom really wasn't that bad before then, at least from what I can remember. But after the man she was having an affair left her…she just wasn't interested in anything besides being a doctor. It's like she stopped herself from ever feeling anything, and she wanted me to be the same way."

"She was wrong, Mer," Derek said softly. "It's wrong to completely shut down like that. I hate that you had to grow up like that."

"It's okay," Meredith said, a smile finally gracing her lips. "Because if I had stayed in Seattle, I probably wouldn't have come out here for school, and we never would have met."

"Hmmm…I think we would have," Derek nodded. "Maybe not now, but eventually… we'd have met and fallen in love."

She rolled her eyes. "You really are a loser," she said.

"A loser you love," Derek laughed.

As Meredith turned to another box, she frowned as she heard the sound of the front door opening again. "Are your parents leaving?" she asked.

"They wouldn't leave without saying anything," Derek replied. "Maybe they just went out to put something in the car."

"I'll go check," Meredith said, leaning forward to kiss him softly before she stood and walked into the hall. She stopped suddenly when she saw her mother's lawyer standing in the hall, a short, gray haired man standing beside him. "Mr. McCall," she frowned, taking a step forward. "What are you doing here?"

"Meredith," Mr. McCall sighed. "You never answered any of my messages, and I wasn't sure if you wanted anything to do with this house. I have to put it on the market, so I contacted your mother's next of kin to clear out the house."

"Next of kin?" Meredith repeated. "What, are you some kind of long lost uncle or something?"

The man laughed slightly and shook his head. "Meredith," he breathed. "You're…all grown up."

Meredith glanced at the man for a moment before looking at Derek, who had moved out of the study and was glancing at the group of people in the front hall curiously.

"Meredith….this is Thatcher Grey," Mr. McCall said gently, obviously not having realized that Meredith had not had any contact with her father.

"Thatcher?" Meredith whispered, grabbing Derek's arm for support.

"Meredith?" Emma asked, hurrying out of the kitchen. "Are you alright? You look pale."

"You're…my father."

Thatcher smiled slightly as he stepped forward. "Yes," he whispered. "I am."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she turned into Derek, looking at him with glazy eyes.

"Mer?" Derek asked, holding her tightly. "Meredith!" he yelled as she slumped into his arms.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked, running out of the kitchen.

"She passed out," Derek said, taking her into his arms. "Dad, do something."

"She'll be fine," Michael said. "Take her to the couch, Em, go get a cool cloth and some water." He looked up at the men in the doorway and asked, "Who are you?"

"Sam McCall," the lawyer said with a frown. "Dr. Grey's lawyer. This is her ex-husband. And you are?"

"Looking out for Meredith," Michael snapped. "I suggest that you get out of here so she can get better quickly."

"This house is under my name," Mr. McCall started, only to be interrupted by Michael.

"We're here to clear out the house," he stated. "And I'm assuming that Meredith's condition is a result of meeting the two of you here. That girl doesn't need any more trauma from either one of you."

"Dad?" Derek interrupted, stepping out from the living room. "Mer's waking up, but she's a little disoriented. Do you think we should take her to the hospital?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Michael said. "I'll give her a quick check." He glanced at the two men in the foyer for a moment before he followed Derek and Emma into the living room, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Der," Meredith whispered from the couch, where Derek sat clutching her hand and Emma pressed a cool cloth to her forehead. "Where am I?"

"You're at your house," Derek said gently. "We're packing up your mom's things and you just passed out for a second. Dad's going to check you out to make sure everything's alright, okay?"

"Dad?" Meredith asked, her eyes growing wide as she hurried to sit up. "Oh, ow," she winced, pressing a hand to her head.

"Meredith," Michael said gently, easing her to lie back down. "Your father was here, but I told him to leave. Him being here isn't the best thing for your health right now."

"But…he's here."

"Meredith, you need to calm down," Michael said gently, looking at her eyes carefully before reaching to her wrist to take her pulse.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, her eyes filling with panic.

"I'm here," Derek said quickly, moving to stand beside his father. "It's okay, Mer."

"Everything looks okay," Michael sighed as he leaned back from Meredith. "I want you to keep drinking, and try eating in a little bit, okay? I think the shock combined with not eating since breakfast is what made you a little weaker. Let's just take it easy for the rest of the afternoon, okay?"

Meredith reached for Derek's hand and nodded as he gently slid onto the couch behind her, letting her rest her head on his lap. "Is he still here?" she whispered.

"Do you want to see him?" Michael asked.

"I…" Meredith bit her lower lip as she looked at Derek. "Not now. But…maybe later? Will he stay? Does he even want to see me?"

"I'll go see," Michael said softly. "You just relax."

Meredith sighed as she watched Michael walk out of the room. She took Derek's hand and threaded their fingers together, cuddling closer to him as Emma stood. "Are you hungry at all, dear?" she asked. "You should eat."

"I'm a little hungry," Meredith nodded. "Maybe just a sandwich?"

"Consider it made," Emma smiled as she stepped out of the room as well.

Derek sighed as he looked down at Meredith, running a hand through her hair. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "That was just…a lot to take it."

"You scared me," Derek whispered. "I didn't know if you were okay."

"I'm fine, Derek," she rolled her eyes. "People pass out all the time. Especially when they see their fathers for the first time in thirteen years."

Derek nodded. "I know," he replied. "But that doesn't mean I liked it."

Meredith sighed and thought for a moment before she asked, "Der, do you think I should see him?"

"I don't know," Derek murmured. "I can't imagine not talking to my dad. But he was there for me, and he didn't abandon me. It's different for you."

"What if he's disappointed in me?"

"Oh, Mer," he whispered, squeezing her hand. "That's not possible. Even if he hasn't kept in touch with you…there's no way he'd be disappointed in you."

"You don't know that," Meredith argued.

"I do," Derek insisted. "You're amazing, Meredith, anyone can see that."

"He looked kind of nice," she whispered. "Not exactly…friendly, but nice enough."

"He did," Derek nodded. "Mer, I can't tell you what to do."

"I know," she whispered. "I just wish this was easier."

"I do too," Derek whispered, leaning down to kiss her. "I'm here for you, Mer, whatever you want me to do."

"Thanks," she whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. He was there for her, and no matter what happened with her dad, she knew he would still love her. That was really all that mattered.


	28. Chapter 28

**I hope you guys are still enjoying this story! Please let me know what you think :)**

Meredith couldn't sleep. Which was weird because she loved sleep. Sleep was amazing, and usually the only time she couldn't sleep was when Derek wasn't with her, which was actually pretty rare these days. But right now, even though Derek lay sound asleep beside her, his arm thrown over her stomach, there was no way she would be able to fall asleep.

Maybe it was the fact that she was in her old house, the house, she had spent so many nights sneaking out of to meet Addison instead of spending lonely evenings alone in her room. But she was pretty sure that it was because she had seen her father for the first time since she could really remember, and she wasn't sure what to do about it.

If she could work up the courage to see him, she knew it would be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. Thatcher obviously had no interest in knowing her; if he did, he would have contacted her when he found out that Ellis was sick. And when, if, they did meet for real, she knew she could find out what he really thought of her and her mother, and she wasn't sure she could stomach hearing that, even if she could predict what he was going to say.

On the other hand, not meeting him would always cause her to wonder what would have happened. She wasn't someone who could let go of her demons easily, and she wouldn't be quick to forget the opportunity she had had to really meet her father and know more about who she was. Even if it was bad, she would at least know more about her past and her family.

She sighed as she slid out from under Derek's arm and reached for her robe to pull on over her sweatpants and T-shirt. If she couldn't sleep, maybe she should just pack some more stuff. The sooner they could get out of here and back to New York, the better it was for everyone.

When she flicked on the light to her mother's study, she was surprised to see that many of the boxes had already been cleared out. Michael and Emma must have done some work while she and Derek had lounged on the couch and watched a movie that afternoon. None of them were about to let her start packing after passing out earlier that morning.

She sank to the floor and opened a box, frowning when she saw piles of black notebooks staring up at her. She reached for the one on top and opened it, her eyes widening as she saw her mother's handwriting, capturing the emotions her mother felt right after Meredith had left for school. She quickly flipped to the back of the diary to see the last entry the day that her mother had checked herself into the assisted living facility.

With a gasp, Meredith looked through each of the diaries, looking at the dates on the top of the first page until she saw a familiar one.

March 23, 1972. The day Meredith was born.

_My daughter is beautiful. At this point in time, I can't imagine anything more perfect than holding my daughter._

As Meredith read those lines, she felt herself relax, knowing that for at least a moment in time, her mother had been excited about her, had loved her.

"Meredith?"

Her head snapped up to see Michael standing in the doorway, a concerned expression on his face. "Michael," she gasped, quickly slamming the book closed and throwing it back into the box. "Um…what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep so I was just going to make some tea," Michael said. "Care to join me?"

"Oh," Meredith nodded as she stood and walked towards the doorway. As much as she loved Derek's father, she'd never spent any time alone with him, but it might be nice to get perspective on the whole dad thing. "Sure."

Michael smiled warmly as he followed her into the kitchen. "So how's it feel to be back in your house?" he asked as he sat down at the counter, allowing her to boil the water.

"It's…weird," Meredith said as she set the kettle on the stove and moved to sit next to him. "I don't really consider this home anymore. If anything, home is with your family, in New York."

Michael smiled warmly. "I'm glad you feel that way, Meredith," he said softly. "Derek loves a lot, and Emma and I…we're just happy to give you a real home."

Meredith blushed and ducked her head, and Michael reached out to pat her shoulder. "Can I ask why you're not sleeping?" he asked.

Meredith sighed as she moved to pull the tea kettle off the stove before it could whistle and wake Derek and Emma. "I just…I can't stop thinking about my dad," she whispered. "I don't know what to do."

"Ah," Michael nodded. "I'm listening, Meredith."

She sighed as she handed him a mug of tea and sat down again, pulling one of her knees to her chest. "When I was a teenager," she said softly, playing with the string of her tea bag. "My friends were always complaining about their parents not letting them do anything and about how protective of them their fathers were. But the entire time, I just wished I had a dad who cared about me to even send a birthday card once in awhile. I was never really involved with boys before Derek, but still…I just wanted a father to look out for me if I wanted to go out on a date and take me out to breakfast every Saturday like Addison's dad did. And…I really wanted someone to punish me."

"Punish you?" Michael asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah," Meredith blushed. "I just…I thought if someone cared enough about me, they would punish me when I did something wrong. That's why I dyed my hair pink and started failing tests on purpose, but then I didn't get into Harvard and…I just wanted someone to care."

Michael smiled as he leaned forward to squeeze Meredith's hand. "Emma and I can punish you," he nodded. "And I know you're confused about what to do with your own father, but if you'd like…I can do all the fatherly stuff for you that you want."

Meredith smiled slightly. "You mean when Derek decides he's ready to propose he's going to have to come to you to ask for my hand?" she giggled.

"If that's what you want," Michael said with a nod. "I'm going to have to do it four other times anyways."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "It…it means a lot to know that maybe I'm not such a horrible daughter. At least someone wants to be my father."

"The decision is yours, Meredith," Michael said softly. "No one can tell you whether it's for the best to meet Thatcher or not."

"I know," she said softly. "I just need some time."

"You have time," Michael nodded. "Get some sleep, Meredith. You'll be able to think more clearly in the morning."

"Okay," she nodded, moving to place her mug in the sink. "Thank you. For listening. And just…thank you."

Michael smiled as he reached out to pull her into his arms. "You're welcome, Meredith," he said. "I do think of you as one of my own daughters."

She blinked back tears as she pulled back and smiled slightly. "Good night."

"Good night," Michael echoed.

Meredith inhaled deeply as she slipped back into her bedroom, trying to control her tears. The last thing she needed right now was to deal with worried Derek.

"Mer?" she heard him shift under the covers and she slid into bed beside him, smiling when she felt his arm connect with her stomach. "Where were you?"

"Couldn't sleep," she replied. "I tried packing some more."

"You should have woken me," Derek murmured.

"It's okay," Meredith replied, her voice shaky.

"You okay?"

"I'm….no, not really."

"Oh, Mer," he breathed, pulling her fully into his arms. "Is it your dad?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "And I found a box full of my mother's diaries."

"Hmmm," Derek breathed. "Are you going to read them?"

Meredith inhaled sharply for a moment, remembering the one entry she had read about the day she had been born. "No," she whispered. "I don't want to know what she thought about me. This way…I can at least imagine that on some level she probably loved me."

Derek tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, Mer."

"I know," she whispered. "And right now…that's all I really need."

"Good."

"Your dad offered to be my dad too," she admitted softly.

Derek laughed softly. "My parents are like that," he replied. "They take in people who need it. And you are apart of the family now, Mer, whether you want to be or not."

"I do," she nodded firmly. "I definitely do. But no one's ever really wanted me before, and I'm trying to deal with my own parents not wanting me and your parents that do want me. I'm kind of torn between emotions."

"It's okay to be confused," Derek whispered, squeezing her tightly. "And you can talk to me, you know that, right?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I love you for being so understanding. But some things I need to work out for myself."

"Okay," Derek answered, and she could practically feel him giving her his McDreamy look.

"Can we go to sleep now?" she whispered.

"We can," he said. "Good night, Mer."

"Night, Derek."

XXXXX

There were voices coming from downstairs, and they pulled Derek out of his sleep. He looked down at Meredith, who was finally sleeping soundly in his arms, and smiled slightly before he disentangled himself from her. He couldn't make out what his father was saying, but from the tone of his voice, he wasn't happy.

"Dad?" he asked with a frown as he descended the staircase. "Mom, what's wrong?"

Emma smiled slightly as she looked up from where she was sitting on the couch. "Derek," she said softly. "Good morning."

"Morning," he said distractedly, looking between his parents. "What's going on?"

"That pathetic excuse for a man was just here," Michael said, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe they let people like that have children."

"Mom?" Derek asked, turning to his mother.

Emma sighed as she glanced towards the staircase, as if assuring herself that Meredith couldn't hear her. "He came to say good bye to Meredith," she said softly. "He said…he said that he's glad she turned out alright and is happy, but he thinks it would be best for his daughters if they didn't have any contact."

"Daughters?" Derek repeated with a frown.

"Apparently he's remarried, and has two daughters. He was heading to the airport to go home. He's settled everything with Ellis's lawyer."

"How can he just…leave her?" Derek breathed. "She's the most amazing girl in the world, and he's just going to leave her again? He'll never know how truly amazing his daughter is, despite his lack of presence in her life."

"I know," Emma nodded, reaching out to place her hand on Derek's arm. "But as I told your father, being angry about this is not going to help Ellis. Now, maybe you can be more of a man and understand that, since your father obviously can't get it through his thick skull."

"How am I supposed to tell her?" he breathed, collapsing onto the couch, next to Emma.

She reached out to gently stroke his hair. "I don't know," she said softly. "He left her a letter. Maybe you should let her read it before you say anything."

Derek nodded slowly. "Yeah," he nodded. "She's strong, she can handle it. I just hate this. I know this is what she had to deal with for her entire life before I met her, and I hate that she ever had to be this depressed and feel this bad about herself. How am I supposed to crush her like this?"

"Like what?"

The three of them turned to look in the doorway where Meredith was standing, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she looked at the expectantly. "Derek? What's going on?"


	29. Chapter 29

Happy New Year everyone! I know I haven't been updating as much, but I hope you're all still enjoying this story. I want to let you all know how much I appreciate all the reviews and readers, you guys are totally awesome! FYI, I'm going to be studying abroad this coming semester, so updates may be coming a little less often. I'm definitely planning on continuing this story and I have some really exciting stuff coming up, so I hope you'll all continue reading. Thank you so much for reading! 3

"Mer," Derek breathed, glancing quickly at his parents before he moved closer to his girlfriend. "Um, your dad stopped by this morning."

"He did?" she asked, her eyes widening. "Um...where is he? what did he say?"

"He left you a letter," Derek said softly. "He went back to Seattle, Mer."

"Oh," Meredith said, nodding quickly. "I guess that's...okay."

"Okay?" Derek repeated with a frown. "Mer, are you sure?"

"Yeah," she said with a shrug as she moved to sit next to Emma on the couch. "It's not like I really lost anything. And if anything, I've gained a dad this weekend," she added, glancing at Michael with a smile.

"Meredith," Michael said with a soft smile. "You know I mean what I said last nigh. but it's okay if you're upset about this."

"I really am okay," Meredith said with a nod. "I just want to go...home. Cane wew just leave? I really don't want to be here anymore. I can sign the house over to Mr. McCall."

Derek felt his heart skip a beat as he heard her refer to his house as home. "Sure, Mer," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "Whatever you want."

"We'll just take a little while to gather everything together and make sure we have everything," Emma said.

"Okay," Meredith nodded. She paused for a moment before she said, "Thank you so much for being here. I can't imagine what it would have been like without you here."

"You're our daughter, Meredith," Michael said wit a smile. "Of course we're here for you."

"Thanks," she said softly, trying to blink away tears.

"Come on, Mer," Derek said softly as he pulled her to her feet. "Let's go pack."

She smiled as she followed him up to her old bedroom. They packed in comfortable silence, and just as Derek zipped his suitcase, they heard the front door burst open and Mark bellow their names.

"How the hell does he know I'm here," Derek grumbled as Meredith giggled slightly.

"Mark Gregory Sloan," Emma's voice said as sternly as Derek and Meredith made their way down the stairs. "You do not walk into people's houses and yell for them."

Mark sighed. "It's just Grey," he muttered.

"Mer!" Addison exclaimed, moving from Mark's side to look at her best friend. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, accepting Addison's hug. "I have a new family now. A real family."

"How would you like an apartment?" Addison asked.

"An apartment?" Derek and Meredith asked at the same time.

"Mark found a beautiful apartment right across from campus," Addison said, pullng a newspaper out of Mark's and and handing it to Derek. "We can move in this week."

"It's beautiful," Meredith breathed.

"Two bedrooms, kitchen, living room, balcony," Derek read. "There's even fireplaces in the bedrooms."

"It's eight hundred dollars a month," Mark said. "Divided by four, it's practically nothing."

"I'm in," Meredith said with a nod. "I can live there summers too."

Michael laughed as he looked at Derek's pleading expression. "You don't have to give us that look, son. We know you want to live with Meredith and your friends."

"Just make sure you come home once in awhile," Emma added.

"I will, Mom," Derek said with a laugh. "Okay, I guess I'm in too."

"And I have a house full of furniture," Meredith added. "We won't really have to buy anything."

"Well, then it's perfect," Mark nodded. "You want to go sign the lease?"

Michael laughed as he threw an arm around Emma's shoulders. "What it would be like to be young again," he said with a laugh. "I remember what it was like to sign a new lease at the drop of a hat."

"Mark will drive us back to New York tonight," Derek said. "Right, Mark?"

"Sure," he said with a shrug. "I have stuff there I need to pick up."

Meredith stepped forward to hug Emma. "Thank you so much for doing this," she said softly. "I know I've said it before, but...I'm really glad you're here."

"Of course, Meredith," Emma said with a warm smile. "I just want what's best for you."

"We should go, Em," Michael said softly as he pulled back from with own hug with Meredith.

"Goodbye, dears," Emma said as she pressed a kiss to Derek's cheek.

"Bye Mom," Derek said with a smile. When they'd left, he turned to the rest of them and said, "Let's go see our new home."

XXXXX

Two weeks later, the four of them were all moved into the new apartment. Meredith had moved a majority of the furniture from her mother's house into the cozy apartment, allowing them with very few purchases to be made to furnish the new home. Classes were about to start up again, and Derek was starting to worry about Meredith. She hadn't said a word about either one of her parents, but he knew there was something wrong with her.

Now, as he walked into their bedroom preparing to go to sleep, he heard her sobbing quietly as she lay under the sheets, and he felt his heart break.

"Mer," he breathed as he slid under the covers and pulled her into his arms. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she snapped. "Just leave me alone."

"I'm not going to leave you alone when you're crying," Derek said. "Is this about your dad?"

"I'm fine," she repeated. "Now leave me alone."

"No, I'm not going to leave you alone," Derek sighed. "Talk to me, Mer."

She sighed and pushed the covers off of her. "If you're going to keep annoying me, I'm going to the living room," she announced.

"Mer," he sighed. "Fine. If you don't want to talk, I'll go outside. I just want you to know that you can talk to me."

"I'm fine," she rolled her eyes. "Just go."

Derek sighed as he leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too," she whispered. "I just need some space."

Derek nodded sadly as he stood and walked out into the kitchen. He began boiling some hot water and looked up when the door to Addison and Mark's bedroom opened.

"Hi Addie," he sighed.

"Hey," she said, sitting down at a barstool. "What are you doing up?"

"Mer's just having some space to herself," he said. "You want some tea?"

"Sure," Addison sighed. "Is Mer okay?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed as he handed her a mug and moved to sit on a barstool beside her. "She's really upset about her dad, but she won't admit it."

"She's never talked about him," Addison nodded. "At first I tried to help her, to let her know that she can talk to me about it. She never wanted to. Don't take it personally."

"I'm not," Derek shook his head. "I just hate seeing her like this. I wish there was something I could do to help."

"She just needs to work through it on her own," Addison said. "Derek, people like us...we were raised differently than Mer and Mark. They're loners, and it's hard for them to open up. When she's ready, she'll talk to you."

"You're right," Derek sighed. "I know you're right. I just hate seeing her like this."

"I get it," Addison nodded. "It's not easy loving people like them, is it?"

"No," Derek sighed as he moved to put his mug in the sink. "But it's definitely worth it."

Addison followed his actions and moved to hug him tightly. "Be patient with her, Derek," he said with a nod. "She'll come around."

"Thanks, Addie," he said as he hugged her back. "Night."

"Goodnight," Addison smiled.

Derek quietly edged closer to his bed, sighing in relief as he heard Meredith's soft breathing, indicating that she was asleep. He settled into bed behind her and threw an arm over her stomach, smiling as she edged closer to him and grasped for his hand in her sleep. He inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of lavender as he tried to assure himself that everything would be okay.

XXXXX

Meredith was not a neat and tidy person. If anything, that was the main difference between her and Derek, but they had somehow managed to work it out. But the only thing that drove her crazy living with Mark Sloan was the wet towels that were constantly thrown on the bathroom floor.

"Mark!" she yelled, storming out of the bathroom, his towel clenched in her hand. She shoved the door to his room open and threw the towel at him.

"What the hell?" he asked as he looked up from his desk. "What gives, Grey?"

"I'm sick of you leaving your stupid towels all over the place," Meredith snapped. "If you want to leave them all over the floor, leave them in your own room so I don't have to deal with it."

"Okay, geez," Mark said. "Calm down, it's only a towel."

"It's not only a towel," Meredith yelled. "It's the face that you aren't concerned about any of the rest of us."

"What the hell is your problem?" Mark asked. "Are you still pissed that Shep went home for Liz's swim meet?"

"It has nothing to do with Derek," Meredith said. "It's the fact that I have absolutely no control over anything that happens in my life, including keeping my own bathroom clean because of you and your stupid towels."

"Oh," Mark nodded, realization coming over his face. "This is about your dad."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything about my dad."

"Oh, I don't?" Mark raised his eyebrows. "You think I don't understand what it's like without a dad, and a mom who told me she hated to look at me because of how much it reminded her of him? I get more than you might think, Grey."

Meredith hesitated for a moment before she asked, "How do you deal with that? Being rejected by your parents, I mean."

"Well, I learned to love myself enough for both of my parents," Mark said with a smirk. "And eventually I had Shep's parents."

Meredith nodded slightly. "Yeah, they're great," she nodded. "It's still hard to let go though."

"Let Shep in," Mark said, patting her shoulder. "He loves you more than anyone ever will, and he wants to help."

"I will," Meredith nodded. "Thanks, Mark. And I'm sorry about the towel thing."

He shrugged. "It's okay," he said. "It's not like you're scarier than Addie when she yells at me."

Meredith laughed as she moved towards her room, hoping Derek would be home soon so she could talk to him.

Half an hour later, the door to the apartment swung open and she rushed out of her room, straight into Derek's arms.

"Umph," he grunted at her unexpected assault but wrapped his arms tightly around her regardless. "I missed you too, Mer."

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest. "I know I made you worry, and I'm sorry."

"Oh," Derek nodded, a sense of relief washing over him as he realized his beloved girlfriend was back. "It's okay, Mer."

She looked up at him with wide, tear filled eyes. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Because I kicked you out of bed and didn't let you in a lot…"

"Mer, I know you've got a lot going on," he said. "And you have to deal with it in your own way, I get that. But it doesn't mean I like when you're miserable."

She sighed as she took his hand and led him towards the couch. "I know you want me to tell you things," she said softly. "But it's hard for me to talk about my parents."

"I get that," Derek nodded. "And I just don't know when I should push you and when I should leave you be."

"If there was ever anything really wrong, I'd tell you that," Meredith said softly. "There are some things I need to figure out for myself, but big things I'll talk to you about."

"Okay," Derek nodded, leaning forward to kiss her. "I'm glad you're back."

She giggled as she ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't go anywhere."

"Not physically," Derek agreed. "But for a couple of weeks…you weren't you."

Meredith sighed as she snuggled into his side. "I'm back," she whispered.

"Hmm," Derek tightened his arm around her. "Liz missed you too."

"How did her meet go?" Meredith whispered. "I'm sorry I was too…me to go."

"It's okay," Derek nodded. "She won her event and relay came in second. They're sending her to the regional championships."

"That's great," Meredith said with a smile. "I'll have to call her."

"And Kath and Chris are engaged," Derek continued.

"Really?" Meredith exclaimed. "Oh I wish I had been there."

"They'll have an engagement party," Derek assured her. "They don't have a date or anything set yet."

"That's amazing," Meredith breathed. "Derek, your sister is getting married."

"I know," he frowned. "He better be good to her."

"He will be," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He loves her.

"I know," he sighed, leaning into her. Before their lips could meet, however, the front door burst open and Addison barged in.

"We need jobs," she blurted out.

"What?" Meredith and Derek asked at the same time.

"I just saw the landlord," Addison explained. "I had to write the entire rent check even though I already paid Mark for this month. I can't afford to be writing eight hundred dollar checks, so if you guys want to live here, you need to pay up when you're supposed to. In order to do that, you need jobs."

"Okay, calm down, Addie," Meredith said. "It's okay, we'll pay you."

"It's not okay!" Addison yelled, causing Mark to come into the living room. "We just jumped into all living in this apartment without thinking about how much responsibility it's going to be!"

"Whoa, Addie," Mark came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, which only caused her to flinch. "Calm down!'

"I'm not going to calm down," she replied. "You all owe me two hundred dollars. And if this happens every month, I'm out of here, just so you know."

"It's okay, we'll make sure it doesn't happen again," Meredith assured her.

"Good," Addison replied, turning and walking into her room without another word, Mark following.

"What was that?" Derek asked Meredith.

"Her parents didn't want her to move in with Mark," Meredith sighed. "They probably cut all her money off."

Derek sighed. "I guess it's a really good thing my parents are okay with us living together," he said. "And I'll be able to make ends meet once my job in the bio lab starts up again.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you get paid to look at fish all day," she said.

"I'm not looking at them," Derek scoffed. "I'm observing how chemicals affect them."

"Whatever," Meredith replied. "At least as a tutor I actually help people."

"Oh, you think you're so much better than I am," Derek laughed, moving closer. "I think I know a way to get you to admit that's not true."

"No," Meredith giggled, scrambling to get off the couch. "Derek, don't."

"Say you're not any better than me," Derek laughed, pulling her onto his lap and tickling her slightly.

"No," she replied, struggling to get out of his grasp.

"Yes," Derek insisted, tossing her onto the couch and pinning her hands above her head with one hand, tickling her with the other. "Say it."

"I'm...I'm not better than you," Meredith gasped for breath.

"Thank you," Derek slid off of her and she giggled as she stood. "Except I am," she said quickly as she took off towards their room.

"Oh, you are so going to pay for that," Derek threatened as he chased after her, closing the door to the sound of her giggles.


	30. Chapter 30

"It will be an interesting class at least," Meredith giggled as she and Derek entered the apartment the next evening after the first day of classes. "I mean, at least the professor's cute, even if he doesn't know very much."

"Well, that is not the way to convince your boyfriend to like a class," Derek frowned.

"Aw," Meredith dropped her bag on the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Don't be jealous. You know you're the only one I love."

Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her close. "I think I might need a reminder," he said huskily.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she pressed her lips to his. "I think that can be arranged." She took his hand and pulled him towards their bedroom, groaning when the phone in the kitchen rang.

"Ignore it," Derek mumbled against her neck.

"I have to get it," she mumbled. "It might be the nursing home calling about my mom's surgery."

"Mer…" Derek sighed, watching as she walked towards the kitchen. He leaned against the doorway as she answered the phone, praying that it wasn't anything important so that they could get back to what they had been doing.

"Hi Kath…what's wrong?" Meredith frowned, then her eyes went wide as she reached for the wall next to the phone, sinking to the floor. "Oh my God. What…when…we'll be there. We'll leave right now, and be there as soon as possible…He's right here."

Derek felt his heart stop beating as he watched Meredith fall apart as she talked to his sister. Something was wrong, something was really wrong and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was.

"How's your mom?" Meredith murmured into the phone. "Of course…We'll be there as soon as we can. I'm sorry Kath. I know that doesn't mean anything, but…okay, I will. Bye, Kath."

She hung up the phone and turned to look at Derek with tears filling her eyes. "Der," she whispered, reaching her hand out to him. "I…"

"Meredith, what is it?" he asked, moving slowly towards her, not sure he wanted to know.

"It's…your dad," she whispered choking on a sob. "Derek, there was an accident…"

"No," Derek shook his head, backing away from her. "Don't say it, Mer. Don't."

"Derek," she breathed, scrambling to her feet, and walking quickly to his side, wrapping her arms around him. "There was nothing they could have done."

"I don't believe you," Derek shook his head, pushing her away. "They're wrong. It's someone else. Not my dad."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, moving closer to him again. "It wasn't a mistake. We have to go home."

"I'm not going home," Derek said. "Because everything is fine at home. They made a mistake, and everything is fine."

"You can't ignore this," Meredith said softly, tears streaming down her face. "Your family needs you, Der."

He stared at her for a moment, and before either one of them could say anything else, the door swung open and Mark and Addison stumbled in, laughing happily. As soon as they saw the distraught couple standing in the kitchen, however, their faces sobered and they both knew something was very wrong.

"What is it?" Addison asked softly.

"It's nothing," Derek said quickly. "They made a mistake."

"Derek?" Mark asked softly, looking at his best friend. "Who made a mistake?"

Derek shook his head as he turned and braced himself against the kitchen counter, trying to control the sobs that were threatening to take over his body. "No," he gasped as Meredith hurried to his side and wrapped her arms around him.

"There was an accident," she choked out as Mark and Addison looked at her with wide eyes. "Michael…"

"He's fine!" Derek shouted, pounding his fist against the counter. "Damn it, Meredith, why do you keep saying that? He's fine! The paramedics are just stupid and they don't know what they're doing. They think it's him, but it's not! It's not my dad! He's at work and he's going to come home and everything will be fine!"

"Derek," Meredith said firmly, taking his face in her hands. "You can't live in denial. I know this hurts, and I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. But we have to go home. Our family needs us. They need you."

"Michael," Mark breathed, gasping for Addison. "Oh God…Addie."

"It's okay," Addison whispered, wrapping her arms around him. "Mark…I'm so sorry."

"I have to go," Mark gasped. "We…Derek…"

Derek looked up to see his strong, confident best friend standing before him with tears streaming down his face, clearly distraught. "Mark," he whispered, moving to hug his best friend, his brother, tightly. "Oh God…Dad."

The two of them stood there for a long, painfully silent moment before Derek let out a loud sob and turned to reach for Meredith. "Mer," he gasped. "Mer, what am I going to do."

"Shh," Meredith whispered, leading him slowly to the couch and wrapping him in her arms, rocking him slowly. "We'll go home, Der. We'll go home, because that's where you need to be right now."

"I can't…I can't do this, Mer."

"I know," she whispered, gently stroking his hair. "I know, but you will. Whatever you need, Derek, I'll help you with. You need to go. Your sisters need you. Your mother needs you."

"Mom," Derek breathed, a new batch of sobs coming up. "Oh, God, Mom's going to be traumatized."

"Derek," Meredith said, tipping his head to look into his eyes. "You're the man of the house now. It sucks, I know it sucks, and I wish we didn't have to do this. But we do. They need us. They need you."

"We?" Derek asked, looking up at her with red rimmed eyes.

"We," Meredith nodded firmly. "It's us, Der, not you and not me. We. We're a team, and I'm going to be here for every second that you need me."

Derek leaned into her, his head resting against his chest as he breathed shakily. "I need you," he admitted. "I can't do this without you."

"You won't have to," Meredith shook her head. "I'm here, Der, for whatever you need."

Derek was silent for a moment as they lay together, the only sound being the occasional sobs from both of them. After several minutes, Derek lifted his head to look at her. "Can we…can you drive home?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, reaching to wipe the tears from under his eyes. "I'll go get Mark and Addie, okay?"

"I'll come," Derek nodded, his hand tightly squeezing hers as they stood. She sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. When they reached Mark and Addison's room, they found him lying in her arms, a blank expression on his face. "Are you ready to go?" Meredith whispered quietly to Addison.

"Yeah," Addison said. "Come on, Mark." She gently helped him to his feet, and he leaned heavily on her as they walked out to the car.

The ride to New York was long and silent, the only sounds being of the soft sniffles of Meredith as she drove and the occasional sobs from Mark and Derek. Derek kept his hand tightly in Meredith's as she drove, not wanting to feel disconnected from her in any way right now. After four long hours, Meredith finally pulled into the driveway of Derek's house, unsure of whether the cars lining the street in front of the house were a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, she was glad people were here to support the Shepherd's but on the other hand, she knew it should be a time to the family to grieve quietly, on their own.

"Come on, Mark," Addison said quietly, coaxing him out of the soft sleep he had fallen into. "Let's go inside."

He followed her numbly inside, not looking at anything besides the ground in front of him as she led him up the porch.

"Derek," Meredith said softly, turning to look at him. He sat as still as a rock in his sear, staring straight ahead of him as his eyes glazed over. "I can't do this," he said numbly. "Mer, I can't do this."

"You don't have to," Meredith whispered, reaching for his hand as he turned to face her, fresh tears filling his eyes. "We're going to do it, remember? Us. Not you."

Derek took a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he nodded softly. "Okay," he whispered. "Us. We can do it."

"We can," she nodded, squeezing his hand tightly as she leaned in to press her lips against his softly. "Let's go."

They got out of the car and Derek wrapped an arm tightly around Meredith as she guided him towards the door. When they stepped into the house, it was all Meredith could do not to turn around and run in the other direction. The amount of grief that enveloped the house was almost suffocating, and she wasn't sure she could handle this.

"We," she whispered, more to herself than Derek, her hand tightening in his when she saw Liz walk into the foyer."

"Derbear," she whimpered, throwing herself into his arms. "He's gone, what are we going to do?"

Derek let go of Meredith's hand to wrap his arms tightly around his sister, squeezing his eyes closed as he held her closely. Meredith stepped back, wanting to give him space to be with his sister. She looked around for a moment before she saw Caitlin sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at her hands. She moved closer to her, sitting down on the couch and wrapping an arm around the young girl.

"Hey, Caitlin," she said softly. Caitlin didn't say anything, so Meredith sat back on the couch and pulled Caitlin to her side. "I get that you don't want to talk. But if you need to, I'm here for you. I'm your sister now, Caitlin, and I want to take care of you."

Caitlin turned to look at Meredith, tears filling her eyes. "Meredith," she whimpered. "I don't have a daddy anymore."

"Oh, Caitlin," Meredith breathed, hugging her tightly. "You still have a daddy. You will always have a daddy. Just because he's…he's not here anymore, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and he wasn't a good daddy. Because he was. I know he was. It's okay to be sad, but you do have a daddy. Don't ever forget that."

Caitlin curled into Meredith's side, crying quietly as she clung to Meredith's waist. "I miss him so much," she whispered. "I don't know what to do."

Meredith hugged her tightly, rocking her back and forth much as she had earlier that day with Derek. "It's okay," she soothed. "Just get it all out."

Meredith didn't know how long she sat with Caitlin on the couch, but when Caitlin finally pulled back from the long embrace, she whispered, "Mom's really upset."

"I know," Meredith said softly, smoothing some hair back from Caitlin's face. "She's probably not acting like herself right now, but she still loves you. That will never change, Caitlin."

She nodded softly. "I think…I'm going to go see if Kathleen has any food," she whispered.

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "You're doing great, Caitlin. Hang in there."

Caitlin smiled slightly before she moved out of the room. Meredith sighed, burying her face in her hands for a moment before she took a deep breath and stood, making her way towards the stairs in search of Derek. She paused when she reached the foot of the stairs, noticing the door to Michael's office was half open. She edged it open gently and felt her heart squeeze as she saw Derek sitting behind Michael's desk, a numb expression on his face. After a moment, he realized she was standing there and fresh tears rushed to his eyes.

"He'll never be here ever again," he said flatly. "I'm never going to see my father again."

"Oh Derek," she breathed, moving to sit on his lap, hugging him tightly. "It's okay. Just let it out. It's only me."

Derek shook his head as he stared at the picture sitting on the desk. Michael stood with his arm around a ten year old Derek, who help up a fish and smiled proudly. "I can't break down," he whispered. "I have to be strong. I have to go see Mom."

"You can be sad too," Meredith whispered.

"No," Derek stood, pushing her off of his lap. "I have to go. There's planning, and…I have to go."

Meredith watched helplessly as she watched Derek move out of the room, wondering what she could do to help him. As she sat back in the chair, her eyes landed on another framed picture on his desk, and felt her own tears spring to her eyes. She reached for the picture of her and Michael that had been taken last Christmas and stared at it for a moment before clutching it to her chest and crying quietly.

XXXX

Okay, so I really hated to do this and it was a really hard chapter to write, but there are a lot of different directions to go from here, so I think it's for the best. I really hope you guys will keep reading. Thanks!


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey everyone! I hope you're all having a wonderful new year. Enjoy the update and please let me know what you think!**

Derek stood outside the door to his parents' bedroom, staring at the closed door in front of him. With a deep breath, he shook his head. It was his mother's bedroom now. Nothing belonged to his father anymore. Now, everything was Emma's.

He sighed and closed his eyes tightly for a moment before he pushed the door open and saw his mother sound asleep, wrapped tightly in his father's bathrobe. Tears still stained her cheeks, and she clutched a handful of tissues as she slept. Kathleen was sitting on the other side of the bed, her eyes red and swollen. When she saw Derek standing in the doorway, she stood and made his way over to him, wrapping her arms tightly around each other. They stood locked in that embrace for several moments before they stepped out into the hallway, Kathleen closing the door gently behind her.

"I gave her a sleeping pill," she explained. "She's a mess, Der."

Derek ran a hand over his face. "How are you doing?" he asked.

Kathleen shrugged. "As well as can be expected," she sighed. "I um…when his lawyer heard, he pulled up Dad's will. Everything's still in there…funeral plans, burial plot. We just have to figure out when we should have it."

"Soon," Derek nodded. "We can't…there's no way we can just put this off."

"I know," Kathleen nodded. "I need…God, I just can't even think right now."

"It's okay," Derek said softly. "I'll do it all."

"Derek," Kathleen said softly. "Don't do this. You're grieving just like the rest of us."

Derek sighed as he moved to open the door to his childhood bedroom, sinking down onto the bed and burying his face in his hands. Kathleen followed, wrapping her arms around him. "Is Meredith here?" she asked gently.

"Yeah, she's downstairs," Derek shook his head. "Nance is on her way?"

"Her plane was delayed," Kathleen sighed. "Chris is picking her up at the airport."

Derek nodded. "Kath, I…I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle this," he whispered.

"None of us do," Kathleen replied. "We'll get through it together."

"That's what Mer says," Derek said softly. "What happened, Kath? I mean, what actually happened?"

Kathleen shook her head. "He was on his way home from the hospital," she said. "It was raining, and as far as they can tell, he just lost control of the car. There was nothing anyone could have done, he died on impact."

Derek leaned back onto his pillow, staring at the ceiling. "How are we ever supposed to be the same?" he asked. "How are we supposed to have Christmas and birthdays and graduations…without Dad there?"

"I don't know," Kathleen whispered. "For now…we just have to get through the next couple days and make sure that Mom's taken care of."

"I can't even imagine what I'm going to say to her," Derek whispered.

Kathleen shook her head, tears coming to her eyes. Derek sat up and hugged her tightly, allowing himself to put his own grief aside to care for his sister.

"Derek?" Meredith's meek voice came from the doorway, and both he and Kathleen looked up to see her standing there, her face pale. "Um…Nancy just got here. Also, your, um…aunt, I think is on the phone. I told her you're not up for talking, but…she seemed pretty insistent."

"It must be Aunt Caroline," Kathleen managed to laugh. "She never takes no for an answer. I can take care of her."

"Thanks, Kath," Derek smiled slightly. She walked out of the room and Meredith cautiously approached, wringing her hands together. "Mer," he breathed. "Come here."

"I…I want to help," Meredith said. "What do you want me to do?"

"I need you," Derek whispered. "I know…I'm not exactly me right now, but I do need you, Mer."

"How's your mom?" Meredith asked.

"She's asleep," Derek sighed. "I need to plan and make sure that everything is all set for the funeral, and I have to take care of Mom and the girls."

"I can help," Meredith breathed. "Let me help plan the funeral."

Derek nodded numbly. "He has everything all set," he said. "Kath has it all, but we just need to…do it."

"I'll take care of it," Meredith whispered. "Derek, do you need to be with your sisters?"

"Yeah," he said softly. "Can you…stay with me? Please, don't leave me, Mer."

"I won't," she whispered, pressing her lips to his temple. "I love you, Der."

"I love you too," Derek whispered. "We can do it."

"We can," Meredith nodded.

"Okay," Derek sighed, standing and moving towards the door.

XXXXX

Two days later, Derek stood in front of the freshly dug earth in the cemetery, staring at the ground where his father now lay for an eternity. The day had been the hardest he'd ever had to experience, from giving the eulogy to watching his mother completely break down as the casket was lowered into the ground, and now he stood alone in the graveyard, a bottle of scotch in his hands as he sat down in the fading sunlight of the day.

"Derek?" Meredith's meek voice came from behind him, but he didn't say anything as he lifted the bottle to his lips. "Derek, it's cold out here. Let's go home."

"I don't want to go home," he murmured. "Too much family, people telling me how sorry they are…I can't handle that."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "We can go somewhere else. But you can't sit out here."

"What does it matter?" Derek muttered. "It's not like anyone cares anymore."

"Derek," she breathed, dropping to her knees beside him. "You know that's not true."

"It is true!" Derek snapped, turning to look at her with anger flashing in his eyes. "You don't know anything about this. I want to be alone with my father."

Meredith inhaled sharply, reminding herself that he was upset, and he wasn't really angry with her. "There is no you," she reminded him gently. "It's we, remember?"

Derek closed his eyes for a moment. "I know, Mer," he whispered. "I just…I need some time with Dad. Please, just let me have this."

"Okay," she whispered, pressing her lips to his cheek. "I'll just…be in the car."

Derek didn't respond as he stared at the ground below him, brooding quietly. He sat still on the grass for a moment before he took a deep breath, knowing that he had to leave. "Bye, Dad," he said softly as he poured the remaining scotch over the overturned ground. "I'll come back tomorrow." He walked back to the car, sliding into the passenger seat beside Meredith. "Let's go," he said flatly.

"Derek," she breathed, looking closely at him.

"Meredith, just drive," he snapped. "I can't deal with this right now."

"Okay," she said softly, putting the car into drive and quickly driving the short distance to his house. Emma had insisted on putting Michael in the closest possible cemetery so she could see him frequently. Before the car was even turned off, Derek was out of the car and storming towards the house, leaving Meredith sitting alone in the car, trying to control her sobs. After a moment, she finally collected herself enough to step out of the car, gasping when she practically collided with Mark.

"Hey," she said, linking her hand through his arm as they walked towards the house. "How are you doing?"

Mark sighed as he looked down at her. "I'm okay," he sighed. "Not as bad as Shep, but… lost. Like I don't know how to live like this, without Michael. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a real dad."

Meredith sighed as they stepped into the house, immediately surrounded by a thick, tense air of mourning that had enveloped the house. "I know how you feel," Meredith sighed. "I felt like I was just about to have a real family. I mean, I know I still do have a family, but…there's no dad. I'll never have a real dad."

Before Mark could answer, there was a loud crash from the kitchen, and Derek's voice bellowed through the soft murmurs that were being uttered throughout the house.

"Don't tell me you're sorry!" he shouted. "You have no idea how it feels to have your father be completely gone forever. "Don't tell me how I'm supposed to feel! It's none of your business! And the only thing in the world that I need right now is to see my father. But don't tell me what's normal to feel. I don't even know you!"

Meredith broke free of Mark's embrace and ran into the kitchen, stopping only briefly to take in the sight in front of her. Derek stood in the center of the kitchen, a mess of sandwiches, plates and cups scattered across the floor at his feet. He stared around the room wide eyed for a moment before they settled on Meredith, and the tears completely sprang to his eyes. "Meredith," he gasped in one single breath before he collapsed onto the floor, burying his face in his hands.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith sighed, pushing people to the side to reach his side, wrapping her arms tightly around him and not caring as she knelt in a pool of wine and soda as she cradled his shaking body in her arms. "You have to breathe, Derek. Just breathe."

"Mer…I can't…can't…"

"Come on," Meredith sighed, shooting Mark a pleading look. "Let's go upstairs. We don't have to stay down here."

Mark moved forward quickly to help Meredith lift Derek to his feet. As they made their way towards the stairs, Derek shifted his weight onto his own feet and wrapped his arms tightly around Meredith."

"Mer," he whispered. "Can we…alone?"

"Of course," she nodded, squeezing him tightly. "I've got him, Mark."

Mark clapped a hand on Derek's shoulder before he ran a hand through his own hair, walking back to where Derek's sisters were huddled together at the kitchen table.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she settled him into the bed, moving to pull his shoes off of his feet and slipping his jacket over his shoulders.

Derek shook his head as he opened his arms for her. "I'm not okay," he said. "But I just need you."

"I can give you that," Meredith said as she crawled into his arms. "Derek, I wish I knew what I could do to make this better to you."

Derek sighed as he buried his nose in her hair. "There's nothing that will make this better," he said softly. "But this…it's helping."

"Are you sure?" Meredith whispered, running her hand through his hair. "I'm not really doing anything."

"You are," Derek sighed. "Just being up here with you…I can't be down there, Mer, I can't listen to people tell me that they're sorry and I'm holding up well…I just need to be here with you because you're you and I love you."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, trying to hold her own tears back as she settled her head back on his shoulder. Derek needed her right now, and she couldn't let herself break down, not when he needed her so badly. She had to stay strong for him.

"Mer," he breathed in deeply, his breath shaking. "How…are you okay?"

"I'm…I'm fine," she said, trying to hold her voice steady as she tightened her arms around him. "I mean…not fine, because I loved your dad, but I'm better than you because he was your dad and you were…you don't know anything besides him."

"Yeah, but you were close to having a dad," Derek murmured into her hair. "He really loved you, Mer. He made sure to tell me that every time we talked."

"Derek," she gasped as she tried to suppress her sob. "I can't. You need…he was your dad, and I need to stay strong. Because he's your dad, and you need someone to take care of you, so…I can't." As the words came out of her mouth, a loud sob accompanied it, and Derek tightened his arms around her.

"Mer," he gasped, tears falling down his own face. The two of them lay together, sobbing as they mourned the loss of the father they had both adored.


	32. Chapter 32

Meredith paced the floor of her apartment, nibbling on her thumbnail as she looked out the window worriedly. Derek was late. He was later than late, and she was officially going to kill him. Once he was home, she was going to hug him, and then kill him herself.

In the month and a half since his father's funeral, Derek had changed dramatically. Once they'd come back to school, he'd driven home every weekend, sometimes even during the week, to make sure his mothers and sisters were okay, and although he told everyone he was doing fine, Meredith knew he was lying. He barely spent any time at home, and he was constantly keeping himself busy with completely mundane tasks that she knew he was using to cover his emotions.

"Have you heard anything?" Addison asked as she came out of the kitchen and handed Meredith a cup of tea.

"No," Meredith sighed, waving off the tea as she moved to look out the window again. "I haven't seen him since class ended at twelve thirty. He said he was going to work, but that was almost twelve hours ago."

"I'm sure he's fine," Addison assured her. "Mark's out looking and he probably will find him in the library or something."

"I hope so," Meredith breathed, collapsing onto the couch and biting her nails. "How could he do this to me?"

Before Addison could reply, the door swung open and Mark stormed in. "I can't find him anywhere," he announced. "Mer…I don't know what to do."

"I don't…." Meredith sighed as she leaned into the couch. "I'm not sure what we can do either. He won't listen to me about anything."

Mark sighed as he ran a hand over his face. "He's still taking this pretty hard," he said. "But he refuses to let anyone else think that."

"I don't know what to do," Meredith whimpered. "I hate seeing him like this, but I can't just tell him to get better. Not when I don't know how to get better either."

Addison moved to sit on the couch beside Meredith. "I think he just needs people to stand by him while he works this out," she said. "He needs…he has to know that you're here for him, that we all are. And eventually, he'll be back to himself."

"What if he doesn't?" Meredith whispered. "Because I know it sounds horrible, but…I'm not sure that I can be in love with this Derek."

Before either one of them could say anything, there was the sound of a motorcycle roaring down the street and Addison rolled her eyes. "You'd think people would at least be respectful if they want to try to kill themselves," she said. "It's two in the morning, people are trying to sleep."

Meredith smiled slightly, but it didn't reach her eyes as she chewed on her thumbnail. "He hasn't even called," she exclaimed. "He doesn't even have the decency to call! I'm going to kill him."

"Maybe you should call Emma," Addison said. "Maybe he went home and just didn't call because he thought he told you."

"I can't call Emma," Meredith shook her head. "She's barely sleeping through the night, and if Derek was there, I would hate to wake her like that. And if he's not there…the last thing she needs is to worry that there's something wrong with Derek."

Suddenly, the door slammed open and Derek strode in, stopping when he saw them all sitting in the living room. "Whoa, what's going on?" he asked.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, jumping off the couch and throwing herself into his arms. "Thank God you're alright."

"Mer," Derek said, wrapping his arms around her. "You okay?"

She pulled out of his arms and pounded his shoulder, a scowl overtaking her features. "Where the hell have you been?" she shouted. "I've been worried about you for hours. Hours, Derek. You can't just disappear."

Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed past her, moving towards the kitchen. "I'm fine, Mer," he said. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Seriously?" Meredith yelled, storming after him. "Derek, you of all people should know that it's important for the people you love to know that you're okay."

"Meredith, I have to deal with things," Derek snapped. "I don't need you baby sitting me all the time."

"I'm not baby sitting you," Meredith sighed. "Derek, I know you need time to work through things. I totally get it. But you have to let me know where you are, because I can't do this, Derek, I can't."

"You want to know where I was?" Derek asked. "Fine. I went to Rhode Island."

"Rhode Island?" Meredith asked. "What's in Rhode Island?"

"My uncle's dealership," Derek replied. "He got me a deal on a Harley."

"Niiiice," Mark interrupted from where he leaned against the counter.

"Shut up Mark," Addison said, smacking his arm.

"A Harley," Meredith repeated. "A motorcycle. You bought a motorcycle."

"Yes," Derek nodded.

"A motorcycle," Meredith repeated.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, except for the fact that the entire time I've known you, you've never showed any interest in motorcycles."

"Well, I'm not who I was," Derek replied with a shrug. "Things change."

Meredith sighed as she pushed herself off the counter to move closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I know you're still grieving," she said softly. "And I want to do whatever I can to make this easier for you. But Derek, I can't let you hurt yourself."

"I'm not going to hurt myself," Derek rolled his eyes, pulling out of her grasp. "I thought you would like it."

"I do," Meredith sighed. "It's hot. But don't expect me to get on that thing if you're in one of your self destructive moods. I can't let you do this, Derek."

Derek sighed. "I'm not going to do anything stupid," he whispered. "Mer…my dad always wanted a bike. He never got one because by the time he was our age, he was married and expecting Kathleen. Now…I need to do this. For him, to live out all the dreams he never had."

Meredith silently reached up to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much, and I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

Derek pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too," she replied. "I'll be careful, Mer, I promise."

"Okay," she whispered, not sure if she believed him.

XXXXX

"So where's Derek?" Liz asked a couple weeks later as she led Meredith into the house. "I haven't seen him in a couple weeks."

Meredith sighed as she swung her bag onto the counter. "He's…coming," she replied. "He's not doing so great, Lizzie."

Liz sighed. "Sometimes I feel like the only normal one in this family," she said. "When I think about Daddy….I cry. I don't try to hide it or bury my emotions like everyone else."

"Good," Meredith nodded, pulling the younger girl in for a quick hug. "I'm proud of you."

"Meredith," Emma's weak voice greeted from the staircase. "Dear, it's so good to see you."

"Oh, Emma," Meredith sighed, letting go of Liz to rush towards the older woman. She wrapped her arms around her and squeezed tightly. "How are you doing?"

Emma hugged her back tightly. "As well as can be expected, I suppose," she sighed. "How are you doing?"

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "I just…I hate watching you all go through this."

"Hmmm," Emma said. "You know, it's alright for you to feel sad too. I know how much you adored Michael."

"I did," Meredith whispered. "I really did. But…you all lost so much more. Derek's… he's not doing well."

"Where is my son?" Emma asked, as if first realizing that Derek was nowhere to be seen.

Meredith and Liz exchanged a glance before Meredith cleared her throat. "Um…he just had some things to do at school. He should be here soon."

Emma looked at Meredith closely for a moment and Meredith shifted on her feet, uncomfortable under Emma's scrutinizing gaze. "Meredith, I may be grieving right now, but I am not stupid. Where is Derek?"

Meredith sighed trying to figure out the best way to tell Emma that she hadn't seen Derek since that morning, when he'd ridden off on his motorcycle before breakfast. Luckily, she heard the roar of what was hopefully Derek's motorcycle approach the house.

Emma frowned as she moved off her barstool. "I've never heard a motorcycle on this street in all the years I've lived her," she said, walking into the front hall. "At least I can be thankful that Michael never…oh no. Derek?"

"Mom," Liz sighed, reaching for Emma's arm. "Come on, just sit down. Derek will come in and explain this to you. He's probably just…borrowing it because his car broke down."

"I don't need to sit down," Emma snapped, yanking her arm out of her daughter's grasp. "I'm not an invalid, and I wish everyone would stop treating me like I am. What I need is to find out what is going on in that thick head of my son." She marched to the door and swung it open, stepping onto the porch as she saw Derek swinging his leg off his motorcycle. "Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

Derek looked up at her with wide eyes before he smiled briefly. "Hey, Mom," he said as he approached the porch.

"What in the world is that?" Emma demanded, pointing at the motorcycle.

"It's just a motorcycle," Derek said with a shrug as he approached her, leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek. "Hey, Lizzie, Mer."

"It is not just a motorcycle," Emma said, following him past the girls into the house. "Derek, you know how I feel about those things. And why aren't you wearing a helmet?"

"Mom, it's not a big deal," Derek sighed. "I just…needed a change. Cars get you places. A bike gets you places. They're the same."

"Derek Christopher, I do not need this right now," Emma said. "I was relieved enough when your father gave up on that dream. You think I have enough strength to worry about you riding around on one of those things as well?"

Derek rolled his eyes as he walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge, pausing for only a moment as he thought about the fact that it was the last beer his father had bought with the intention of drinking. "I don't need any of you telling me what to do," he said. "I know how I want to live my life.

"Come on, Derek," Liz said softly. "We're just trying to help you. Don't be a jerk. Dad would have kicked your butt a long time ago for acting like this."

There was a significantly loud pause in the kitchen as Derek stared at his sister, who met his gaze straight on. Meredith shifted uncomfortably behind Liz, while Emma stared at her son with anger blazing in her eyes. After a long moment, Derek silently put his beer bottle on the counter and walked quickly out of the room, the front door slamming a moment later.

Meredith rushed after him, stopping on the porch when she saw him pacing on the grass in front of the house. "Derek," she said, tentatively stepping off the porch and reaching for him, flinching as he jerked his arm out of her grip.

"I can't do this," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I can't be the one who's responsible for everything and everyone all the time. It's not fair that I'm supposed to do that. I'm in college…I just can't do this, Mer, I can't."

"Derek, you don't have to do anything you don't want to," she said. "I know it's hard. But everyone is worried about you. I'm trying to help you through this, Derek, but frankly…I'm terrified Derek. I hate that I can't help you."

Derek looked at her for a moment, and the next thing she knew, he had collapsed onto the grass, his hands going to claw at the skin of his neck. Meredith snapped into action as she recognized the onset of Derek's panic attack. She had been caring for them ever since the funeral, and as much as she hated watching him go through them, she knew he needed her to do it for him.

"It's okay," Meredith said softly. "You have to breathe Derek. I'm right here. Just breathe. Come on, Der, breathe." She gently coached him through the breathing process before he finally calmed down, sagging his weight against her. "Oh, Derek," she sighed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "It's okay, I'm here."

"I'm not ready for this," he whimpered. "Mer, I can't do it."

"Come on, let's get back inside," Meredith said softly. She wrapped her arms around him and gently helped him to his feet, casting a worried glance at Liz and Emma who stood watching on the steps.

They made their way back into the house and Meredith settled Derek on the couch, watching as Emma hurried towards her son with open arms. Derek cuddled into her arms as he cried quietly, clinging to his mother as she rocked him back and forth.

Meredith backed away slowly, letting Derek and his mother have a moment alone. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized how worried she was about Derek.

"He's not doing well, is he?" Liz asked softly from behind Meredith. "I mean, none of us are, but Derek…he really depended on Daddy to show him how to be a good man. He doesn't know where to go anymore."

Meredith shook her head. "He's very lost," she whispered. "And I…I don't know what to do to make it better."

"I miss him," Liz whispered. "I really miss him. I already lost my daddy, but now it feels like I lost my brother too."

Meredith sighed as she wrapped her arms around Derek's sister. "I know," she whispered. "I know exactly what you mean."


	33. Chapter 33

The bed was moving. Meredith wasn't sure why or how, but her bed was moving, and it was waking her up. With a groan, she rolled onto her side and reached for Derek, quickly regaining consciousness when she realized that her restless boyfriend was the cause of the moving bed.

Her usually peaceful sleeping boyfriend was thrashing under the sheets, groaning as he tossed his head from side to side.

"No," he whimpered. "No…."

"Derek," she whispered, gently reaching out to touch his arm. "Der, it's okay. Wake up."

"Meredith," he murmured, still lost in sleep. "No….Mer!" He shouted her name and sat up straight, looking around the room with confused eyes, his hair standing up on end as he panted heavily.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, reaching out to place her hands on his arms and press a kiss to his naked shoulder. "It's okay. It was just a nightmare."

"Meredith," he gasped, turning to face her quickly and pulling her tightly into his arms. "Oh, Mer."

"It's okay," she whispered, holding him tightly. "I know, Der. It's okay, just let it out."

"It was you," he whispered. "You were there…instead of Dad."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, inhaling sharply. She wasn't sure which one would be worse for him, the dream or the reality. "I'm here, Der."

"I can't…Meredith, I can't lose you," he whispered, clinging tightly to her. "Please don't leave me, don't ever leave me."

"I won't," she whispered. "It's okay, Derek, I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"Mer," he breathed, clinging to her shirt as his tears began to appear on his t-shirt that she slept in. "My Mer…"

"Shhh," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "It's okay. I love you, Der."

She wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, her rocking him back and forth as he cried quietly, but she knew she was more worried than she had been before. He'd been having nightmares ever since the funeral, but none had him this shaken up, so terrified that his body trembled as he clung tightly to her.

When his tears had finally subsided, he pulled back and looked at her with a shaky smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be sorry," she shook her head, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Derek sighed as he moved to lean against her chest again. "I don't think I am," he said honestly. "Mer, that dream…that was worse than all the others I've had. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Meredith sighed as she held him tightly to her. "I know, Derek," she said softly. "But you can't live your life with this fear. I know you have to deal with your dad, and that's completely understandable. But maybe…maybe it's time things got back to normal."

"There is no normal anymore," he murmured. "Not without Dad."

"You're right," she nodded. "But I don't think he'd like you living like this. You only eat when I practically shove it down your throat and you quit your job. And don't pretend that I haven't noticed those tests you've been failing."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But it just hurts so much."

"I'll help," she whispered. "It's we, remember?"

"We," Derek repeated. He took a deep, shaky breath, tightening his arms around her. "Okay, I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening," Meredith said with a small smile, wrapping his curls around her finger.

"I'll get my life back together," Derek said. "As long as you promise you'll never leave me."

Meredith smiled as she leaned down to press her lips against his forehead. "Deal," she whispered in his ear.

Derek shifted in her arms, looking up at her with a mischievous smile. "I think we need to seal the deal," he murmured, gazing at her with hooded eyes.

"Oh you do?" Meredith asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hey, I can't think of a better way to start my life again," he said, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt.

"Der, are you sure?" she asked, biting her lower lip. "Because I mean, I want to, I really do, but I don't want you to use this as a distraction or anything, and it's been a really long time. Not that it matters, because I know you've had other things on your mind, but I really just want to know that you're sure because you shouldn't feel like you have to do this for me or…"

"I think you just out rambled yourself," he laughed against the skin of her neck. "And this is definitely not just for you. I want this, Mer."

"Oh," she gasped against the straining she could feel through his pajama pants. "Well, if you insist…"

She laughed as he pushed her onto her back and began ravaging her neck with kisses.

XXXXX

"So what time are you going to be home?" Derek asked as Meredith poured coffee into a travel mug the next morning.

"For the fifth time, Derek, I don't know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I have tutoring after class, and then I have a meeting with a professor. I don't know how long it will take."

"But…I need to know when you're going to be back."

"I won't be any later than five," she sighed, turning to look at him. "Der…I know you're worried about me, and I love you for it, I really do. But you can't keep tabs on me all the time. I'll be home later tonight, okay?"

Derek bit his lower lip in a gesture that he could only assume he had picked up from her. "Mer, I just…I need to know that you're okay," he said. "I can't lose you, Mer, I can't."

His eyes were wide and worried, and she couldn't find it in her heart to tell him that she would be driven completely crazy by him constantly following her around. "Fine," she said softly. "I'll be at the tutor center until two thirty, and then I have a meeting with my professor at three. It shouldn't take more than a half hour, and if you want, you can meet me at the tutoring center and wait outside the office for me."

Derek sighed in relief as he pressed his lips against her forehead. "Thank you, Mer," he whispered. "I just…I can't be apart from you right now."

"I know," Meredith sighed, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It's okay, Derek, I'm glad you're trying to focus on something other than…well, you know. But just so you know… this is not going to last for the rest of our lives."

Derek couldn't help but smile at her implying that they would be together for the rest of their lives. "I'll try, Mer," he whispered. "This will pass soon. I hope."

She smiled as she leaned forward and kissed him firmly. "It's okay, Der," she said. "This is the first step in you getting better. And I'll do anything to help you with that. Even if it means I have to let you follow me around all the time."

"Thank you," Derek whispered, holding her close for a moment. "I love you so much, Mer."

"Hmmm, I love you too," she murmured against his lips. "Ready for class?"

"Okay," Derek said with a smile, pecking his lips against hers one last time. "Let's go."

They walked out of their apartment, and Meredith couldn't help the warm tingle that ran through her body as Derek squeezed her hand tightly. She couldn't even remember the last time he had paid her any attention besides rolling his eyes and snapping at her for worrying about him, and it felt good to have his hand in hers again as they walked to class. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she thought that things might actually be returning to normal.

"Mr. Shepherd," their professor said with a wide smile as the two of them walked into the classroom. "How nice of you to join us."

"Professor," Derek said, squeezing Meredith's hand before he let it go. "I know I haven't been performing to the best of my ability in your class, but…I've been having some personal issues and…"

"Mr. Shepherd, I am aware of your issues," the professor said with a sympathetic smile. "And I'm deeply sorry for your loss. However, if you are back at school, I can only assume that you are ready to resume your usual studies. I'm sorry, but…the grades I have issued still stand. If you want to ensure that you pass this semester, you will need to ace every assignment between now and the end of the semester."

Derek stared after the professor as he walked away, his gaze turning down to his feet as he realized how much trouble he was in.

"Der…" Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm fine," he nodded, moving closer to the seats in the front of the room. "Let's just… listen to the lecture and then I'll figure the rest out later."

Meredith sighed as she sat down next to him, pulling her notebook out of her bag and settling down to begin taking notes. As the lecture started, she noticed Derek shifting beside her, occasionally writing things down before he sighed in frustration as he threw down his pen. She glanced at him for a moment, finally realizing that he didn't have any context for what this lecture was about. She smiled slightly as she reached over to squeeze his hand and edged her notebook over to him, hoping that he wouldn't let his frustration lead him back to the place that he'd been in previously.

As the class ended, Derek sighed and got to is feet, pushing Meredith's notebook back into her hands as she stared up at him. She shoved her books back into her bag and hurried after him, hoping that he would not resort back to the place he had been in since the funeral.

"Derek," she sighed as she grabbed his arm. "Talk to me."

"I just…Mer, how am I supposed to do this?" he asked. "I can't catch up in school, there's no way I can do this in all three of my classes."

"You can," Meredith insisted. "I'll help you. It's only March, and you're smart. You can catch up. I'll help you, Mark and Addison…we'll all help you."

Derek stopped pacing and looked at her for a long moment, his eyes shining. "I need you," he whispered. "I know I say that all the time, but honestly, Mer…I really can't do this without you."

"I know," Meredith nodded, pulling him closer. "Derek, you know that I'll be here for you. Whatever you need."

Derek nodded, squeezing her tightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you, Mer. Just…thank you."

"You're welcome," she whispered. "I have to tutor now. And you're going to come with me, and catch up on all the reading and all the notes you've missed. And you're going to go over your tests and understand it all. You're going to do that everyday, okay? And you'll get caught up, I promise."

"Okay," Derek whispered. "Let's go."

They walked together to the tutoring center, Derek squeezing her hand tightly as he breathed in deeply, trying to control his feelings of frustration so he could get his life under control.

"Okay, you're just going to start at the beginning and go over all these notes," Meredith said, handing him her notebook. "And if you have questions, look in the textbook. Pretty much everything you need to know will be in there. But if you don't get something, just wait until I have a down moment, and ask, okay?"

"Okay," Derek said. He stared blankly at the page for a moment before he picked up his pen and began copying her notes over.

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek concentrate on his reading, his brow furrowed and hair falling over his forehead. She was glad to finally see him concentrating on school again, and she knew she was getting her real Derek back.

They worked quietly, Meredith reading for her own classes before other students showed up looking for her tutoring skills. It was nice, she thought, to have the ability to just sit and concentrate together, without any dramatic implications.

When Derek couldn't concentrate any longer, he closed his books and looked at Meredith as she helped another student with biology 101. She was beautiful, with her hair falling around her shoulders as she worked patiently. He felt his heart tighten with how lucky he was to not have pushed her away yet.

Derek looked at her for a few long moments before she turned to him with a self conscious smile. "Come on, Mer," he said, reaching in to press his lips against hers. "Let's go home."


	34. Chapter 34

**I had a boring day today, so I thought I'd give you guys an extra update :) I hope you still like it, please let me know! Oh, and um...Derek has a ring!!!!!  
**

Meredith sighed as she closed the door to the bathroom, sinking down to the floor and burying her face in her hands. For the past two weeks, Derek had been following her everywhere she went, and she had quickly learned that locking herself in the bathroom was the only way she was able to get any time to herself.

She knew he was worried about losing her, and he told her repeatedly how often he needed her, that he couldn't do it without her. She had wanted to be there for him, to help him through his father's death, but now she wasn't so sure she could do this. He was driving her crazy, but she couldn't very well tell him to stop worrying about her or to get over his father's death. She just had to get through this and hope that he would return to himself soon.

"Mer?" he knocked on the door and she closed her eyes tightly, hating herself for wishing that she was anywhere besides there. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said after taking a moment to get herself under control. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," Derek said.

She waited to hear him at least retreat to the living room or kitchen, but there were no footsteps, and she sighed, knowing he was waiting outside the door for her.

When his depression had lifted, she had thought they were finally going to get back to normal. His grades were getting back on track, he was even smiling and laughing more. He still talked to his mom on the phone everyday, but his visits home had decreased dramatically. To everyone else, Derek was getting his life back on track.

But he was always there.

She loved him, she really did, and she was pretty sure that was why she had been able to put up with this for so long. But she wasn't sure how much longer she could take this without snapping. She wanted to be able to go out with Addison and her other girlfriends without Derek tagging along, she wanted to go to class and come home to find him waiting for her, she wanted to be able to talk to him. Since he spent every second of every day attached to her side, she didn't even have anything to talk to him about since he experienced everything with her.

With a deep breath, she stood and leaned over to flush the toilet and run some water, trying to make it seem like she wasn't hiding from him. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply before she opened the door and saw Derek standing in front of her, a smile on his face.

"Hey," he said, following her into the kitchen. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Well, Addison is going out with the girls," Meredith said. "I was thinking I might go with them. Maybe you and Mark could go shoot some pool or whatever you guys do."

Derek frowned. "I don't want to go out with Mark," he said. "I want to stay with you."

Meredith sighed. It had been worth a try. "I know," she said. "It's just…it's a girl thing, Derek. You went last time and you were bored."

Derek smiled slyly as he pulled her closer to him. "Well, we could always stay in and have some fun of our own," he said, leaning down to kiss her neck.

Meredith closed her eyes as she moved her head to the side, trying to let his actions effect her in the way they usually did. Her attempts were futile, however, and she didn't feel any of the tingling sensation she usually felt when he kissed her.

"No," she said, pushing his hands off of her hips and stepping away from him.

"No?" Derek frowned.

"No," she repeated. "I want to go out. I don't want to stay in."

"Okay," Derek shrugged. "We can go out…"

"No," Meredith practically shouted. "I don't want us to go out. I want to go out. With my friends."

"Mer, what's going on?" Derek asked.

"You," she sighed, collapsing into a chair. "I just…you're always around."

"I just want to spend time with you," Derek whispered. "I couldn't bear it if I lost you, and I don't want to be apart from you. I know you're safe when you're with me."

"Derek, I love you for protecting me," she said. "I get it, I really do. I don't want to lose you either. But spending every second of every day together…that's not going to fix anything. If anything, it will just make it worse."

"We don't spend every second of every day together," Derek scoffed.

"Oh, really?" Meredith asked. "When was the last time we were apart for more than an hour?"

"I…" Derek started to answer, then frowned as he thought back on the last couple weeks. "Mer, I just want to spend time with you. I need you to get through this."

"I know," she groaned. "You tell me that about twenty times a day. And I meant it when I said I wanted to help you. But I just…you're driving me crazy."

Derek blinked, obviously not having expected her words. She could see the pain etched on his face, and she immediately hated herself. "Derek…"

"I drive you crazy?" he asked. "Well, what about you? Sometimes the rambling isn't so cute. And don't even get me started on your need to constantly be assured how amazing you are!"

Meredith stared at him for a moment. She had not been expecting this to turn into a fight. "No one asked you to stay around me all the time!" she shouted back, jumping out of her chair. "And never have I once asked you to tell me anything about myself. You're the one who is constantly telling me how amazing I am and how you can't live without me or whatever it is you say all the time!"

"I'm glad to know my words mean so much to you," Derek snapped. "I can't…Mer, I'm trying to hold on here, but I can't do this."

"Then don't," she snapped, dropping back into her chair. "Look, I don't want to fight with you. I just…why don't we just take a break?"

"A break?" Derek breathed, reaching for the wall. "You want to break up?"

"No," Meredith sighed, burying her face in her hands. "I love you, Derek, you know I do. But…I can't live like this. I can't have you constantly following me around all the time. I miss you. I miss the old you."

"My dad died, Mer," he said softly. "I'm never going to be that person again."

"I know," she nodded. "I'm not asking you to."

"You just don't think you can be with the new me," Derek stated.

Meredith simply stared up at him, tears filling her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. She didn't need to say anything for him to know what she was thinking.

"Fine," he nodded, turning and walking towards the door.

"Derek!" she yelled. "Where are you going?"

He pulled the door open and turned to look at her. "You're getting your break," he said before he slammed the door behind him.

XXXXX

"How can you not know if you broke up?" Addison asked Meredith an hour later as they sat on the couch, surrounded by tissues and cups of tea.

"I just…I told him I wanted a break," Meredith whispered.

"I don't get it, Mer," Addison shook her head. "You and Derek are better for each other than Romeo and Juliet."

"I didn't mean that," Meredith whispered. "I never wanted to break up with him, I just wanted to get a break from…him. He's been following me around for weeks, telling me how much he needs me and everything and I just needed a break. I'm tired of having to constantly be strong and put together and…I just want my Derek back. Not the crazy one who's been following me around for weeks."

"So he's gone?" Addison asked, pushing some of Meredith's hair behind her ear.

"I don't know," Meredith sobbed. "He just left. And then I heard the motorcycle and I don't know where he went. Addison, what am I supposed to do?"

"I really don't know, Mer," Addison sighed. "I never thought you and Derek would get this bad."

"Me either," Meredith whispered. As she ducked her head down, her eyes caught on something sitting in the corner of the room and she felt her heart stop as she rushed over to pick it up. "No," she whispered.

"Mer?" Addison asked, confused.

"He didn't bring his helmet."

XXXXX

"Hey Dad," Derek said, sitting down in front of his dad's grave. He had driven four hours on the motorcycle, ignoring the frigid coldness that had set in on his body. As soon as he had realized that Meredith wanted to break up with him, the only thing he'd wanted to do was talk to his dad. So here he was, sitting in a graveyard in the middle of the night, practically frozen to the core.

"So…I guess you pretty much know everything that's been going on. I can feel you sometimes, and lately I've been thinking a lot about what you would be doing if you were in my place. Because that's the kind of man I want to be. I want to be the man you were, the kind who gave his family everything they deserved. You and Mom…God, you were my age when you got married. And you still managed to provide her with everything she's ever wanted. And now she's completely broken because you're gone.

"And Mer…God, Dad, how did I manage to screw this up? You always told me that even if I made a complete mess of absolutely everything in my life, if I just held onto Mer, it would all be okay. But now…I think I just broke up with her. It was a stupid fight, Dad, I know, and I would give anything to take it back. I said some pretty horrible things and I just…I can't believe that this is how it's going to end. I need her, Dad, I really do. But my needing her has made her miserable, so I guess…I guess I can learn to live without her, if that's what it will take to make her happy. I want her to be happy, I want that so much. But I wish she could be happy with me, because without her…there's no happiness for me.

"I don't know what to do, Dad. I came here because I needed to know what you would have done. I know by now you would have kicked my ass for letting it get this bad in the first place, but I did. And now…I just need your help to fix it. Help me fix it, Dad, please."

His voice broke, and he collapsed into sobs as he rested his head against his father's gravestone, needing to feel some sort of connection to him. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but when he finally got the strength to stand, he slowly made his way back to the motorcycle, ignoring the tears that were still gathering in his eyes.

The last thing he wanted to do was drive all the way back to school, especially now that he had nowhere to live up there. He didn't want to go to his house, his mother would never stop worrying about him if he showed up at home in the middle of the night, especially on his bike.

With a sigh, he turned around and began making his way towards downtown, where the hospital was located. His father had always gone to the hospital to think, and now Derek felt the need to go there as well. Maybe he would be able to figure out a way to fix this, just by sitting in the gallery and watching doctors save lives.

It began to rain as he made his way into the city and he sped up a little, trying to get out of the cold as soon as possible. He'd never been this cold in his life, and he had a feeling it had little to do with the temperature. He was cold because he was alone. His father was dead. Meredith had left him.

He had no one.

He couldn't believe that for the past six months, he had completely changed what he wanted out of life in order to put her first and make sure that she had a place in the world. He had always told her that place was with him, but she obviously didn't care about it half as much as he had. If she had, she wouldn't have thrown everything they'd had away because of some stupid fight.

The tears were coming stronger now, mixing with the rain in his face, and he unconsciously sped up even more, not even paying attention to where he was going at this point.

He didn't even see the bend in the road until it was too late.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hopefully this will relieve some of your suspense. And really now? Did anyone actually think I was going to kill Derek? That would just be a crime to humanity ;)**

"Where is he?" Meredith demanded, bursting through the doors of the ICU, running to the desk. "I need to see Derek Shepherd."

"Are you family?" the nurse behind the desk asked, her expression unchanging.

Meredith opened her mouth to yell again, but Mark grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "She's his sister," he said. "I'm his brother. Our mother is with him right now, and we just want to see our brother."

"Alright," the nurse said, "right this way."

Meredith yanked her arm out of Mark's grasp and hurried after the nurse. When she led them into Derek's room, Meredith's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Derek's battered body lying in the hospital bed. His arm was in a sling, and a large bandage covered his forehead. Emma sat at his bedside, tears streaming down her face. When she looked up and saw Meredith and Mark, she smiled softly and stood, moving to embrace them both.

"He's…a little beat up but he should be okay in a few weeks," Emma whispered.

"I need…I'm sorry, but can I just have a minute with him alone?" Meredith asked.

"Of course," Emma nodded. "Come on, Markie, let's go call the girls."

They walked out of the room and Meredith took a deep breath before she stepped towards the bed.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek murmured, his eyes still closed.

"What…of course I'm here," Meredith whispered, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Derek, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I needed to get lost after my girlfriend ripped the world out from under me."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she said, "I can't believe you're blaming this on me. You're the one who decided to ride your stupid motorcycle without your help. Some future neurosurgeon. You should be grateful to be alive."

"I'd be more grateful if my bike was still operable."

"Your bike?" Meredith exclaimed. "You're lying here in the hospital, having a crash that almost cost you your life, and you're worried about your stupid bike? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Why are you here?" Derek asked.

"I'm here, because I just got the phone call I've always dreaded," Meredith replied. "I'm here because I love you. I love you, and if you really loved me, you would have thought about how painful it would be for me to lose you. You've been going on and on for weeks about how lost you would be if you lost me. Maybe you should have thought about me and how I would feel if I lost you."

"Well, if you really loved me, you wouldn't have broken up with me," Derek said evenly, turning his head away from her.

Meredith shook her head, tears falling down her face. "Derek, I never…" she started, but he interrupted her. "I'd like to be alone," he said.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered in his ear before she turned and hurried out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind her, she sank onto the floor, her back against the wall as she finally let out the sobs that she had been holding in ever since she'd heard that Derek had crashed his motorcycle.

"Hey, Grey," she heard a familiar voice say as a body appeared next to her. "It's okay, he's going to be fine."

"Mark," she gasped, leaning into his embrace. "It's…he's upset about his stupid bike. He almost died, and all he cares about is his stupid bike. He didn't even think about me. He's been going around for weeks telling me how important it is that he doesn't lose me, but he didn't even think about what it would be like for me to lose him. I know it's selfish, Mark, I know. But I've spent the past two months putting myself aside so that he would be able to have what he needs. And now, just this once, I'm going to be selfish. Because all I want is Derek to be alive and to love me."

Before Mark could answer, the sound of various machines beeping in Derek's room made echoed in the hallway, and a moment later a team of doctors rushed into his room, the door slamming behind them. Meredith stared after them for a moment before she turned to Mark with wide, scared eyes.

"What's going on?" she asked, fear evident in her voice. "Mark, what's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," Mark said, fear lacing his own voice. "I don't know, Mer, but he's going to be fine. He's going to pull through."

"I don't…I can't lose him, Mark, I can't."

"I know, Meredith," he said, wrapping his arms around her and swallowing his own tears. We just have to wait, and they're going to come in and tell us that everything is fine."

Meredith buried her face in Mark's shirt, gripping his hand tightly as she stared at the door, willing it to open so that she could see Derek's open eyes, laughing and telling her that he was just joking and she could come in so he could apologize to her.

"What's going on?" Emma asked as she walked back to the two of them, her eyes filled with fear. "Meredith? What happened?"

"The machines just went off," Mark said. "We don't know what's going on, but they're working on him."

"They're going to save him," Meredith murmured as she scrambled to her feet and moved to hug Emma tightly. "He's going to be fine. He can't not be fine."

Before Emma could say anything else, the door to Derek's room opened, and a doctor stepped out, his hands shoved into the pockets of his labcoat. "Mrs. Shepherd," he said softly. "Your son is stable. However, he has slipped into a coma, and we can't seem to get him to regain consciousness."

"Unconscious?" Emma asked. "What…there has to be something you can do to help him. You have to do something, Dr. Hathaway."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Shepherd," Dr. Hathaway continued. "His concussion was much more severe than we originally anticipated, and this is his body's way of telling him that he needs to regain his strength. This often happens with severe concussions. We'll monitor him closely for the next few hours, and then see where we are if he hasn't woken up."

"That's it?" Meredith demanded softly. "That's all you're going to do. You're a doctor, you're supposed to help him! And now you're just going to watch him? You need to do something?"

"I'm sorry," Dr. Hathaway shook his head. "There's nothing I can do until we know more. We'll run some tests and then go from there."

"Meredith," Mark said, pulling her towards Derek's room. "Go in and see him. He needs you right now."

Meredith glared at the doctor for one last moment before she moved into Derek's room, tears flowing down her face as she stared at the image of her wonderful boyfriend, lying unconscious in her hospital bed. With a sigh, she moved closer to the bed, lying down next to him and resting her head on his chest as she whispered, "Please come back to me, Derek. I love you."

XX

Derek knew where he was, but he had no idea how he'd gotten there. At one moment, he had been lying in his hospital bed, yelling at Meredith and mourning the loss of his motorcycle. Now, he lay in the grass next to the lake where his dad had always taken him fishing. With a frown, he looked sat up and looked around, trying to figure out how he had gotten here. His arm wasn't in a sling, and his head was no longer pounding, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out how he'd gotten here.

"You're wondering how you got here?" a familiar voice asked from behind him.

Derek froze, trying to convince himself that he wasn't really hearing this, that he was imagining his father's voice coming closer to him.

Michael laughed as he sat down next to Derek, looking over at his son as he took a deep breath. "I know you're confused, son," he said. "But you seemed pretty upset last night, and I figured you needed some fatherly advice."

"But…you're dead," Derek said, the words coming out in a choked sob.

"I know," Michael said, leaning forward to pat Derek's shoulder. "But do you really think I'd leave you and your sisters and your mother that easily? I'm still here, Derek. And from what I heard at the cemetery last night, you need some special advice."

"Am I…" Derek couldn't find the words to ask what he wanted to.

"No," Michael said with a laugh. "You're just…away for a little while."

"Oh," Derek said. "Dad?"

"Yeah, son?"

"I miss you."

"Oh, Derek," Michael said, leaning forward to put an arm around his son. "I miss you too. But I've been keeping an eye on you."

"Great," Derek muttered, pulling away from his dad to pick at the grass in front of him.

"Derek," Michael sighed. "Alright, let's grab some fishing poles and talk it out."

Derek smiled softly. "Like we used to?" he asked.

"Yeah," Michael said with a smile. "Come on."

"Where are we going to get…" Derek trailed off as he looked down and saw a fishing pole already in his hands. "Oh."

Michael laughed as he cast off into the lake. "Things are a lot easier here, son."

Derek cast off as well, quiet for a long moment before he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Michael asked. "For what?"

"For…not being me," Derek replied. "For ending things with Mer. For not making you proud."

"Derek," Michael sighed. "Alright, I'll admit that you haven't exactly been the son I raised lately, but…I think you can change."

"I can?" Derek asked. "Because I tried to, Dad, I really did, but all that happened from that was Meredith breaking up with me."

"Son, you need to understand something," Michael said. "The world…it's not written in black and white. That's the way I saw it, and now, looking back…you need to learn that now, Derek. Otherwise you will make mistakes, mistakes that you might not ever recover from."

"But…she said she doesn't want to be with me anymore."

"See, this is what I'm talking about," Michael said. "She never said that. You're like me, Derek, and you only hear what you want to when people talk to you."

"You think I wanted to hear Meredith say she wants to break up with me?" Derek asked. "That's ridiculous, Dad. You know she means everything to me. This killed me."

"And you think she doesn't feel the same way?" Michael asked. "Derek, when was the last time you were there for Meredith? When was the last time you let her need you instead of the other way around?"

"I…" Derek started. "Dad, I don't know what to do."

Michael sighed as he set down his fishing pole and turned to look at his son. "I'm going to lay it out for you," he said softly. "This was your warning. I know you've been mourning, and I sympathize with that. But you can't keep living like this, Derek. You're young, and you're in love, and you've got a promising future in front of you. So I want you to go back. Go back to your life, your mother. Go back to Meredith. And if you don't take advantage of this…I might not give you just a warning next time."

"Oh," Derek nodded softly. "Thank you, Dad. I just…I think I needed this. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without being able to go to you for advice."

"You can always come to me," Michael said. "I promise you, Derek, that you will never be without me. Maybe not in the most overt ways, but I'll always be there for you."

"I love you, Dad," Derek whispered.

"I love you too, son," Michael said, pulling him into a tight hug. "Now…you need to go back to Meredith."

Derek took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," he said. "I'm ready."


	36. Chapter 36

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think**

Meredith was not a worrier. Usually, if something was going on in her life, she was able to shrug it off or distract herself with school or work. Even over the past couple months when she had been worried about Derek, she had lived under the assumption that he would eventually become himself again, and she had channeled all her worries into focusing on that hope. Now, as she lay beside him in the tiny hospital bed, his arm in a sling and his forehead bandaged as he fought for consciousness, she couldn't do anything except worry.

"Is there any change?" Mark murmured from the chair next to the bed where he'd been dozing on and off all night.

"No," Meredith sighed. "Mark…what if something happens?"

Mark leaned forward to squeeze her hand. "It won't," he said firmly. "There's nothing in the world that would make Derek leave you."

"I used to think that," she whispered. "But…that was before he crashed his motorcycle and kicked me out of his hospital room."

Mark ran a hand over his face, wondering how he was supposed to help his best friend's girlfriend get through this difficult time. "Meredith," he sighed. "Look…I'm going to go out to the waiting room to check on Emma and the girls, give Addie a call. Do you need anything?"

"No," Meredith whimpered, curling closer to Derek as she laid against his chest again. "Just…Derek."

"Hang in there," Mark whispered, squeezing her hand before he moved to walk out of the room.

Meredith sighed as she adjusted on the bed, moving so that she was sitting up, facing him with her hands cradling his uninjured hand. "Derek," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. For everything. You kept telling me how much you need me and how scared you were of losing me, and I know that I said I hated that but the truth is…I feel the same way. Derek, if I lost you, if you don't come back…I don't think I'll ever recover. Because you made me into the person I am today, and I love you so much. So please, just come back to me. I promise you can follow me around, and never leave my side again, if that's what you want. I'll never complain about it again, as long as you come back to me. Derek, I love you so much, so please…just come back. Please."

Tears streamed down her face as she leaned back down to rest against his chest. She cried quietly against his hospital gown as her fingers clutched the thin fabric, silently begging him to wake up. She wasn't sure how long she laid there crying before she heard a low groan and felt shifting beneath her head. With wide, hopeful eyes she sat up and looked down at Derek, whose eyes were still closed but were fluttering slightly like they always did when he was about to wake up. "Derek," she whispered, taking his face in her hands. "Derek, can you hear me? Please wake up, please, Der."

"Mer," he managed to groan after a moment, his eyes finally fluttering open.

"Derek," she sighed in relief fresh tears coming to her eyes, this time full of relief. "You're awake. Oh, thank you, thank you."

Derek groaned again, inhaling deeply before he whispered, "Sorry."

"Sorry?" Meredith frowned, moving to frame his face with his hands. "For what?"

"Evything," Derek mumbled.

Meredith frowned, hoping that his disorientation and slurred speech had more to do with just waking up than any serious medical conditions that could present themselves. "It's okay," she whispered. "I love you so much."

"Love…too."

She leaned forward to press her lips against his cheek. "I'm going to go get Dr. Hathaway," she whispered. "I'll be right back."

"No," he murmured, tightening his hold around her hand. It was still weaker than usual, but he clearly didn't want her to go.

"I have to, Der," she whispered. "I'll be right back, I promise."

"Stay," he whispered, shaking his head slightly.

Meredith smiled softly as she laid down next to him again. "I guess I have to hold onto my end of the bargain," she whispered. As she rested her head on his chest, the door opened and Emma poked her head in. When she saw Derek's open eyes, a look of complete relief overcame her face as she stepped into the room.

"He's awake?" she breathed.

"Mm wake," Derek mumbled.

"Well it's a good thing," Emma said as she approached the bed. "And you'll be lucky if you're still alive when I get through with you, Derek Christopher. Do you think I can handle you doing this to me so soon after your father. I could kill you myself."

Derek groaned slightly. "You'd kill me because I almost died?" he asked.

Emma shook her head. "Sometimes, young man, I don't know why I put up with you." She leaned down to press a kiss to his bandaged forehead. "I love you, sweetheart."

Meredith shifted slightly on the bed, finally sliding out of Derek's grasp to stand beside them. "I'll um…give you two a moment," she said softly. "I need to get the doctor anyways."

Derek opened his mouth to protest her leaving, but quickly remembered what Michael had said to him and nodded. "Okay," he said. "Hurry back."

Meredith squeezed his hand as she walked out of the room, only letting go when their arms were too far stretched to maintain contact any further. She stepped out of the room and sagged against the wall in relief, burying her face in her hands. After a moment, she heard a voice ask, "is everything okay, Ms. Shepherd?"

With a frown, Meredith looked up to see Dr. Hathaway standing in front of her with a kind smile on his face. "Oh," she said, suddenly remembering that she had told the hospital she was Derek's sister in order to get access to his ICU room. Still, she couldn't let go of the thrill she felt at being addressed as a Shepherd. "Um, yes, I was just coming to find you," she said. "Derek, he's…he just woke up."

Dr. Hathaway smiled as he moved to usher her into the room. "Well, let's go check him out, then," he said.

Meredith followed him into the room, smiling as she saw Derek sitting up further in bed, smiling as he talked with Emma. She stood awkwardly in the corner of the room, trying to act sisterly instead of girlfriendly. Derek frowned, but she shook her head and mouthed "later."

"Well, Mr. Shepherd," Dr. Hathaway said, stepping forward to begin examining him. "It looks like you're feeling good enough to join us in the land of the living. Let's check you out and make sure that there isn't any more damage than we originally anticipated."

Derek smiled nervously as he let the doctor look him over. "Everything looks okay, right?" he asked. "I mean, I feel okay. Except for my head. And my arm. But… everything's okay, right?"

Dr. Hathaway sighed as he stepped back from the bed. "Everything does look okay," he said. "But I'm a little concerned about the fact that there isn't any outward cause to your coma. I'd like to run a few tests, make sure everything really is okay."

"Is he going to be okay?" Emma asked, fear evident in her eyes.

"I'd like to keep him overnight, monitor his brainwaves and make sure he doesn't slip into another coma. If you wouldn't mind, Mrs. Shepherd, there is some paperwork I need you to fill out."

"Alright," Emma said as she stood slowly. She leaned in and kissed Derek's forehead. "I'll be right back, sweetheart."

"What the hell are you doing all the way over there?" Derek demanded as soon as the door closed behind them.

Meredith smiled softly as she looked down at her feet. "They think I'm your sister," she said. "It's the only way they would let me in. I didn't want the doctor to think we were a bunch of perverts."

"Well, he's not here anymore, so get your ass over here," Derek said, reaching out for her hand.

She smiled as she stepped closer to the bed, taking his hand and moving to stand beside the bed, running her fingers through the hair that was curling out from under the bandage on his forehead. "Sorry," she whispered. "I just…don't really know where we are right now."

"Mer, I know I've been acting weird lately, but…things are going to be better from now on," Derek whispered. "I promise."

Meredith nodded against his shoulder. "I…I'm trying to believe you," she whispered, causing Derek to inhale sharply, closing his eyes as he tried to calm down. "Mer…" he whispered. "You can trust me on this."

"Derek, you've said this before," Meredith whispered. "And last time you said things were going to be better you broke up with me and drove your motorcycle into a tree. So I'm trying really hard to believe you, but I don't know if I can."

"Meredith, things really are different now," Derek whispered, tugging on her hand so she sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. "And I know I let you down. But I'm going to make it up to you. It's okay if you don't believe me right now, because that's my fault. But I'm going to make you trust me again. I promise."

She nodded slowly as tears filled her eyes. "Derek," she whispered. "I thought I'd lost you for good. And that kills me. I just…I tried to help, and you pushed me away. So now I don't know what to believe."

"I hate that I did that to you," Derek sighed. "But I want you to know that I'm going to fix it. And things are going to be better than they ever have been, I promise."

Meredith sighed as she leaned down to rest her head against his chest. "Okay," she whispered. "Just…don't leave me again, okay?"

Derek sighed as he reached out to stroke her hair. "Never again, Mer," he whispered. "I promise."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, clutching tightly to the fabric of his hospital gown as she tried to suppress her sobs.

"I love you," Derek whispered. "So incredibly much."

Meredith smiled softly against his chest. "I love you too," she whispered, sitting up quickly when the door opened.

Emma smiled as she entered the room. "Hey, Mom," Derek said with a weak smile, pulling Meredith back down to his side.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Emma asked as she sank into the chair at Derek's bedside.

"I'm great," Derek smiled. "Um, Mer? Do you think you could run out and get me a coffee? The stuff they have here just doesn't cut it."

"Sure," Meredith nodded, understanding the need for Derek to be alone with his mother. "I'll be back in a little while." She leaned over the kiss Derek gently before turning to walk out of the room.

Emma squeezed Meredith's hand gently before turning to her son and smiling softly. "Are you really okay, Derek?" she asked. "I thought the only way you would let Meredith out of the room is if you were sedated."

"Mom…" Derek breathed, shaking his head slightly. As much as he hated being apart from Meredith right now, he needed to talk to his mom alone, to tell her what he'd seen. "I saw Dad."

"Derek, I know you have a concussion and you're confused right now, but that's not…" Emma started, only to have Derek interrupt her.

"Mom, I know it sounds crazy," Derek said. "But when I was unconscious…Dad was there. And he yelled at me for everything I've done wrong with Mer and everything. But he told me…even though he's gone, he's still here. He said he's here with all of us, all the time. And he wants you to know that he still loves you a lot. He says you should start to move on, because no matter what, he's still with you."

Emma leaned forward to squeeze Derek's hand as tears spilled down her face. "Derek," she whispered. "I….if that's what you saw, then I believe you. But it's only been two months. There's no way I can start moving on from the life I built with your father."

Derek frowned as he looked at her. "I know it's hard, Mom, believe me," he said. "It took me a near death experience to realize it. But now I know that even though Dad's gone and nothing will be the same…I can still have a life. And you deserve that too."

"I know," Emma nodded. "But it's different for you, sweetheart. You're young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have a wonderful future to build with Meredith. And me…I've already built that life. With your father. And your sisters are still living at home, they have to be my first concern right now. I can't walk away from this, nor do I want to. Your father will always be the center of my world."

There was a long silence in the room, Derek staring at his mother as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Mom," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just…I hate seeing you hurt like this. And Dad doesn't either."

"Of course not," Emma nodded. "And I love you so much, Derek. You're so much like you're father, and you're going to be a wonderful man."

She smiled softly as she leaned forward to kiss his forehead. Derek sighed as he looked at his mother, smiling widely as the door peeked open and Meredith poked her head in. "Can I come in?" she asked quietly.

Derek smiled as he reached out a hand to her. "You better," he said. "Get over here."

"I'll leave you two alone," Emma said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "In fact, I have to pick the girls up from school, and then I'll bring them by to see you."

Emma leaned forward to press a kiss to both of their foreheads, gently stroking the bandage covering Derek's. "I love you both so much."

"Love you too, Mom," Derek murmured, Meredith echoing his words before Emma walked quietly out of the room.

Meredith turned to Derek, handing him the cup of coffee. "Drink fast, it's not supposed to be here," she ordered.

With a smirk, Derek took the cup and took a sip before he put it down on the table and reached for her. "Thanks, Mer," he whispered. "I love you."

Even as the words came out of his mouth, Meredith could see his eyes beginning to close and she smiled softly. "Sleep, Der," she whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up."


	37. Chapter 37

**I hope you guys enjoy the update :)**

Meredith Grey felt out of place.

That was the only thing she could think as she stood in the middle of the reception hall of the Shepherd's country club, clad in a purple cocktail dress as she clutched ginger ale in her hands. She was completely and totally out of place at Kathleen's engagement party.

The plans for Derek's eldest sister's engagement had been put on hold with the tragic death of his father as the family had taken the time they needed to grieve. But now it was June, six months after the family had lost its patriarch, and the Shepherds were moving on with life, as different as it was.

Meredith was sure that she had never seen Derek more motivated, focused, or happier than he had been since leaving the hospital. Gone was the angry, clingy Derek that had appeared as a result of his father's death, and in his place was an amazing man that was determined to make every moment of his life count to the fullest.

He hadn't been lying when he'd promised her things would be different, and it hadn't taken much time for him to convince her to trust him again. She'd thought he would try to win her over by fancy candlelit dinners and walks on the beach, but thankfully he knew that wasn't her. Surprisingly, he'd known to bring home tequila instead of roses, and take her out for steak instead of lobster. They'd had fun over the past few months, falling into an easy relationship that was even more comfortable that it had been before the accident. They were both all too well aware of how easily their lives could change in a split second, and neither wanted to waste any of their time by fighting or being weird around each other.

But now Meredith stood in the corner of the room at the country club, feeling more out of place than ever before. It wasn't Derek's family, she knew that. She was a full fledged member of the family now, and she had spent Christmas there a few months before. She was a daughter to Emma and a sister to the girls, and she knew that they weren't trying to isolate her. She'd just never had to go to a fancy party, get dressed up and talk to people she didn't know. Derek had been great at first, but he had been roped into dancing with one of his aunts, and now she felt completely alone as she stared at the room filled with Derek's family and friends.

"Hey Mer," she heard a familiar voice say and she sighed in relief as she turned to see Mark standing beside her.

"Mark," she breathed. "Thank God, I don't know anyone here. Where's Addie?"

"Ran to the ladies room," Mark shrugged. "You're looking pretty lonely over here. Shep just threw you to the wolves?"

Meredith shook her head as she nodded to the dance floor. "He got pulled into a dance with his aunt," she sighed. "So…now I'm just here looking like a lame ass loser cause I don't know anyone."

Mark laughed as he reached for her hand. "You know me," he said. "Come on, let's dance."

"Oh," Meredith said, nodding as she put her drink down on the table beside her. "Sure."

He led her onto the dance floor and they began dancing, Mark looking down at her curiously. "So Shep seems to be doing a lot better," he said.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "I'm really proud of him. He's done amazing getting over this. It's not something that can be easily done."

"Hmm," Mark nodded. "You know this is the first time we've been together as a family since the accident. And I thought it was going to be a lot harder than it was. But your boyfriend…man, he's doing a great job taking on the role of father of the bride, so to speak."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked at Derek, who had moved off the dance floor to speak with Kathleen. As Kathleen's only brother, he had naturally been elected to fill Michael's shoes as father of the bride and walk his oldest sister down the aisle. He had been more than eager to do so, and taken more responsibility for the wedding than he would have had he been a simple groomsmen.

"He's really excited about it," she agreed. "And he knows he's going to be doing this kind of stuff now. He'll have to walk the rest of his sisters down the aisle and…he's the man of the house now."

"I sense a but coming on," Mark laughed as he moved to twirl her.

Meredith giggled as she moved back into his arms. "I worry sometimes," she sighed. "He's doing great in school again, he's being an amazing boyfriend, and he's somehow managing to take care of the entire family. Sometimes I worry that he's going to wake up one morning and decide that it's too much."

"And you're afraid that you're the one thing he's going to give up," Mark nodded.

Meredith stopped dancing as she stared up at him. "How did you know that?" she asked.

"Because I'm a genius," Mark shrugged, pulling her to dance again. "We're the same people, Grey. You and me…we were raised by shit parents, we have insecurities and difficulties letting people love us. And when we do, we doubt their love."

Meredith giggled. "Did Addison tell you all of this?" she asked.

"She tends to bring it up whenever I do something stupid," Mark shrugged. "But Shep loves you. Hell, I'm not sure he would have gotten to the place he is now if you hadn't been around."

"I know," Meredith sighed, her eyes moving to look for Derek again, frowning when she saw him talking to a girl about their age, with a big smile and a piece of licorice in her hands. She could tell Derek was trying to be polite, but she couldn't help noticing the way the girl kept edging closer to him, placing a hand on his arm. "Mark, who's Derek talking to?" she asked.

Mark followed her gaze and laughed loudly. "Oh, that's Rose," he said. "Shep's high school girlfriend. If you call playing in the band together and going to the movies a relationship."

Meredith tilted her head to the side. "Is that the one Caitlin says looks like a horse?" she asked as Derek met her gaze, his eyes begging her to help him.

"Yeah," Mark said with a snort. "You bet she does. And it looks like he's looking for a little help there, Grey."

Meredith giggled as she stepped out of Mark's arms. "This could be fun," she said with a wink before she moved closer to Derek.

"There you are," she said with a dramatic sigh as she moved to Derek's side, discreetly pushing Rose out of the way as she looped her arm through Derek's. "I've been looking for you forever."

"Hey you," Derek said a little too happily, pressing his lips firmly against hers. "Sorry I got caught up in wedding stuff."

"Hmmm, it's okay," Meredith sighed against his lips. "This way you'll know exactly what to do for our wedding."

"Oh," Derek cleared his throat, not having expected such a comment. "Of course. I can't let you plan the whole thing by yourself."

Meredith smiled as she turned to Rose. "Hi, I'm Meredith," she said. "Derek's fiancé." She bit back a giggle as she felt Derek's hand tighten around her waist and Rose's eyes widened considerably.

"You're engaged?" she asked Derek.

"Um…yeah," Derek replied, trying to sound normal. "I just didn't want to take away from Kath's day."

Rose frowned. "But…what about us?" she asked.

"We broke up two years ago."

Meredith giggled as she turned to look at Derek. "Sorry baby, I know you wanted to keep it a secret, but I'm just too excited to keep it in."

"Hmm…like I can stay mad at you," Derek whispered, pressing his lips against hers. "Love you."

Rose frowned as she looked at the two of them before she turned and stormed off in the other direction, leaving Meredith to burst into a fit of giggles as Derek laughed alongside her.

"Thanks," he finally said, pulling her closer. "I was trying everything I could to get rid of her."

"I thought it would be fun," Meredith giggled. "And seriously, Derek, you could have done way better than her. Even if you did have an afro and play the trumpet."

"Hey," Derek frowned. "That is no way to talk to your fiancé."

Meredith's face turned serious as she looked up at him. "Sorry," she said. "I just thought that would be more fun than telling her we're dating."

"It's okay," Derek said with a grin. "We'll be engaged eventually. At least now I know I like being engaged to you."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she sat down at the nearest table. "So…this is an engagement party," she said.

"Hmmm," Derek said as he sat down next to her, smiling when she didn't hesitate to put her feet in his lap. "Are you having fun?"

"Hmm," Meredith nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"Well, that was convincing," Derek laughed slightly, reaching out to tilt her face to look at him. "What's up, Mer?"

"I just….I don't do this," Meredith sighed. "The fancy clothes, the mocktails, small talk. It's not me, and I just…I don't fit. With your life, I don't fit. And that scares me a little. Or a lot."

Derek frowned as he pulled back to look at her. "What do you mean, Mer?" he asked.

"I just don't know how to do this," Meredith replied. "I mean, a country club, Derek, seriously? The closest I've ever come to a country club was at my senior prom which was in a reception hall, next to a country club. And you…you're comfortable here."

"Mer, you know that you fit into my life," he said softly. "All of this…it's what Kathleen wants. And since Dad isn't here…I have to do this for her."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And it's great that you're doing it for her. I just…I wish I fit better."

Derek nodded, leaning closer to rest his chin on her shoulder. "You fit with me, Mer," he whispered. "And my family loves you. That's all that matters. And you know what I think you need?"

"What?" Meredith asked, smiling slightly.

Derek smiled as he gently shoved her off of his lap and stood, pulling her close. "You need to dance with me," he said, pulling her onto the dance floor. She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing him in and savoring the closeness she felt to him in that moment.

After a few minutes of turning in slow circles, she felt Derek press his lips against her neck. She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair, a spark running through her body when he murmured, "Want to sneak away for a few minutes?"

Meredith smiled as she reached out to take his hand, walking in front of him seductively as she led him out of the reception hall. As soon as they were out of sight, Derek pinned her against the wall, kissing her passionately as his hands moved to massage her breasts through her dress. "Der," she moaned around her tongue. "Bathroom…closet…need somewhere…less public."

As Derek pulled away from her, his eyes landed on the coat closet a few feet away, and he dragged her with him. When he threw the door open, they were shocked to find Mark and Addison one step ahead of them, her head thrown back in ecstasy as he gripped her hips tightly.

"Geez, Shep, what the hell are you doing?" Mark cried as he pulled away from Addison and turned his back to them as Addison's face turned bright red and she hurriedly tried to straighten out her clothing.

"I wanted to do the same thing you were," Derek frowned. "But now I think I'm scared for life."

"Like those sounds Grey can bring out from you aren't scarring," Mark snapped.

"You're just jealous that I get hotter sex than you," Derek smirked.

"Okay, we can change the subject now," Meredith interrupted, her face turning pink.

Derek sighed. "I should go check on Kath," he said. "She's going to want to dance soon. You okay, Mer?"

"I'm good," she nodded, leaning forward to kiss him. "Go be a father of the bride. Or the brother of the bride or whatever."

Derek laughed as he squeezed her hand one last time. "Love you," he called over his shoulder as he moved back to the party.

"Love you too," Meredith sighed, suddenly not feeling so out of place in Derek's life.


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you to all who have been reviewing! I love hearing your feedback, and I'm glad you're still enjoying this story. I definitely want to continue writing this story, but I want to know what you guys think, because I have a couple ideas. I'm leaning towards doing a pretty significant jump in time to look at Meredith and Derek in med school, but I do have a few ideas to write about them some more in college. I can't decide what to do, so....it's up to you! Please let me know what you think :)**

Derek stared at the ring on his mother's finger, completely tuning out everything around him as his sisters fluttered around Kathleen. Emma was supervising her daughters as they dressed their eldest sister for her wedding, and Derek had been more than happy to stand aside and wait quietly until it was time to walk Kathleen down the aisle.

But then Emma's engagement ring had caught on the light in the room, and he couldn't help staring at it. Because he wanted that ring to be on Meredith's finger. It was crazy, he knew, to want to get engaged at nineteen when they had college, med school, and internships to look forward to, but ever since she had pretended to be engaged at the engagement party months earlier, he couldn't help thinking how amazing it would be to have Meredith Grey wearing the ring that his father had promised his mother with. And the most amazing thought in the world to him at this point in time was the fact that she would be Meredith Shepherd. And that was perfect.

"Derek Christopher," his mother's firm voice interrupted his thoughts, and he snapped to attention.

"Yeah Mom?" he asked.

"You need to go make sure everything is running smoothly downstairs," Emma said. "Make sure the guests are being greeted properly, the boys are seating everyone alright."

"Okay," Derek nodded, moving to walk out of the room. As he made his way down into the chapel, he ran into Mark as he returned from showing some guests to their seats. "How's it going?" he asked as he peered into the chapel.

"Fine," Mark shrugged. "I just seated our girlfriends. Man, they look hot. I say we designate places for us to go during the reception so we don't have a repeat of the engagement party."

Derek rolled his eyes as he moved closer to the door to look for Meredith. She was seated in the first row on the left side of the church, alone until he and his mother proceeded down the aisle to join her. She'd said it wasn't necessary to sit with Kathleen's immediate family in the first row, but he had insisted. He wanted to sit beside her as his sister got married and imagine what their wedding would be like.

"I have to see her," he breathed.

Now it was Mark's turn to roll his eyes. "You're such a chick," he said. "You saw her two hours ago when she had to push you out the door to get here early."

Derek ignored him as he made his way into the church, smiling politely at familiar faces as he made his way to Meredith's side. "Hey," he breathed as he sank onto the pew next to her.

"Derek," she breathed, turning to look at him with wide, surprised eyes. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her gently. "Just wanted to see you," he said. "You look beautiful." His eyes swept over her body as he took in the black halter dress that went down to just above her knees. He swallowed hard as his eyes landed on her left hand. Her very empty left hand.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she giggled as she reached out to straighten his bow tie. "But Kathleen is probably freaking out wondering where you are."

Derek laughed as he leaned forward to kiss her one more time. "I'll see you in a few minutes," he said with a smile before he stood to walk to the back of the church.

"Derek, there you are," Emma sighed as she sank onto a chair in the foyer. "Did you…" her voice trailed off as she caught Derek staring at her hand. "You've been staring at my hand for weeks now, Derek. What's going on?"

Derek shook his head as he sank into a chair beside his mother. "Nothing," he murmured. "It's Kath's day."

Emma stared at him for a moment, knowing something was up. "What is it, Derek?" she gently prodded.

"I just…I remember when I was little," Derek said softly. "And Dad would tell me how he proposed and how lucky he was. And he told me that one day…he was going to have to convince you to part with your engagement ring because he wanted me to give it to my wife."

Emma's eyes misted over slightly. "He told me not to get too attached to it," she said softly. "When he proposed. Because he wanted his son to have it. And when you brought Meredith home, he told me that I should enjoy wearing it while I still could because pretty soon it would be hers."

"I know," Derek murmured running a hand through his hair as he stared at the ring.

"Derek," Emma sighed, tilting his chin up to look into his eyes. "You're nineteen."

"I know," Derek repeated. "I just…I want to marry her, Mom."

Emma's eyes widened slightly. "Derek Christopher, if that girl is pregnant…"

"What?" Derek cried. "No, Mom. Geez. I want to marry her because I love her, not because she's pregnant."

"Good," Emma nodded firmly. "And Derek…you know I love Meredith like one of my own daughters. She's completely perfect, and your father thought so as well. But you can't possibly be thinking of proposing to her when you're nineteen and studying to become a doctor. You've seen how difficult that is from your older sisters."

"I know, Mom, but…God, there's nothing that I want more to marry her," Derek breathed, a smile taking over his lips.

Before Emma could respond, there was a flurry of excitement as the four Shepherd sisters emerged from the stairwell, ready to start the ceremony. "We will discuss this later, Derek," Emma said softly, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "Alright, everyone, it's time to start."

Derek smiled widely at his sister as he stood, moving to stand in the back of the processional line with her. "You doing okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she breathed. "Just…don't let me trip, okay?"

Derek laughed as he squeezed her hand. "I promise," he said.

"Derek, thank you," Kathleen whispered. "I know…this must be hard for you, doing what Daddy should be doing, but…you've been amazing through this whole thing. And I'm so grateful, because you're so much like him, and…it's almost like he really is doing this."

Derek smiled softly as he leaned forward to kiss Kathleen's cheek. "Of course I'd do this for you, Kath," he said softly. "And I know Dad would want to be here. But he liked Chris, and I know he's proud of you."

Kathleen swallowed hard, trying to hold back her tears. "Thanks, Derbear," she whispered.

"Alright, you ready?" Derek asked, offering her his arm.

She sniffled slightly and took a deep breath before she nodded, taking his arm and clutching her bouquet in the other hand. "Let's go," she whispered.

XXXXX

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek dance with his mother as the reception came to an end. Kathleen and Chris had left about a half hour earlier, which resulted in most of their guests departing as well. Even Addison and Mark had left, leaving Meredith alone with the Shepherds, Chris's parents, a few random guests who were refusing to part with the open bar just yet.

The wedding had been beautiful, and after the couple had exchanged rings and vows, Meredith found herself daydreaming about marrying into the Shepherd family herself as the minister droned on and on in a speech about love and commitment that he had undoubtedly recited hundreds of times before.

But now she knew what she wanted her wedding to be like, which surprised her. She had never been the kind of girl to daydream about her future husband in high school, and when Addison had spent hours looking through wedding magazines from the time they were twelve, Meredith had rolled her eyes and moved towards the medical journals, hoping to understand some of the fancy language so she would have something to talk to her mother about.

Derek had turned her into that girl. Now she believed in love and happiness, and she actually wanted a wedding, a day that was all hers. But more than anything, she just wanted to marry Derek.

"Hey," his voice interrupted her thoughts as he came over to her. "You look like you're a million miles away. What's up?"

"Nothing," she smiled as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Just thinking. About the wedding. It was beautiful."

"Hmm…it was," Derek nodded. "Are you ready to go?"

"Go?" Meredith frowned as she watched Emma sit down with Chris's parents. "Shouldn't we wait for your mom? And your sisters?"

"Mom said we could go," Derek nodded. "And we're not going home tonight."

"We're not?"

"Nope," Derek smiled, standing and then helping her to her feet. "It's a special occasion. I booked us into a hotel in the city."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "That's…you didn't have to do that."

"Oh, but I did," Derek laughed. "Because you look too beautiful in that dress to not be taken advantage of, and since you have that stupid rule about no sex in my parents' house, I had to."

Meredith laughed as they walked out of the banquet hall. "Your mom's okay with that?" she asked. "Because I know it's not exactly what parents want to know about…"

"Mer, it's fine," Derek said. "So stop freaking out."

Meredith rolled her eyes as they got into the car. "I'm not freaking out," she replied. "I'm just…I want to make sure your mom's not going to think I'm a slut or something."

"Mer, we live together," Derek pointed out. "We're going to get married. I think she knows that we sleep together."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her heart speeding up at Derek's words. It was the first time he'd spoken them with that much confidence in his voice, but somehow, it made it seem more different, more real. And someday, she was going to be Meredith Shepherd. And she couldn't wait.

XXXXX

Hours later, Derek smiled down at Meredith as she lay sprawled on his chest in the hotel bed. In retrospect, getting a king sized bed was a little unnecessary since she always managed to sleep on top of him, but it had proved to be useful during the earlier activities of the night.

"Der?" she whispered, her chin resting on his chest as her eyes met his.

"Hmmm?" he asked, twirling a strand of hair around his finger.

"Earlier, in the car…you said we're going to get married."

"Well, that's what I want," Derek nodded. "And I hope you want it too."

"I do," Meredith nodded. "I was thinking about it today, because of your sister and everything, and I know we're nineteen and we won't get married for a really long time, but have you thought about it? Getting married?"

"I think it will be wonderful," Derek murmured. "What are your thoughts?"

Meredith bit her lower lip, her eyes leaving his gaze. "No tuxes," she finally whispered. "You look good in tuxes, you do. But…I don't want a tuxedo wedding."

"No tuxedoes," Derek nodded. "As long as you don't wear a dress with millions of layers. Kathleen looked beautiful, but I want you in a simple dress."

"Simple is good," Meredith nodded. "And I know your family is Catholic, and this will probably be a huge battle with your mom, but…I want to get married outside. Not in a church. And not millions of flowers."

"That sounds perfect," Derek nodded. "We'll get there, Mer. If I could, I would marry you today. But with college and med school…it's just not the right time."

"I know," she nodded, then giggled a little. "We haven't even known each other a year."

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "I'm so glad I have you, Mer. This year…I wouldn't have made it through without you."

Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him softly. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Derek murmured as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "More than you will ever know."


	39. Chapter 39

**Okay, so I decided to go with my gut on this. Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you enjoy :)**

Derek smiled widely as he entered his mother's house, glad to be home for the first time in too long. Over the past two years, school had gotten completely out of control, and he hadn't been able to make it home as much as he had wanted. But now it was a week before the start of his senior year of college, and his mother had called, insisting that he come home so she could spend some time with him. Meredith hadn't been able to get time away from her summer internship at the doctor's office on campus, and although he would miss her, he was looking forward to having some time alone with his mother. It would give him the chance to do something that he'd been wanting to do for a long time.

"Derek?" Emma's voice called as she walked out of the kitchen, a wide smile on her face. "Oh, dear, it's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Mom," Derek said, reaching forward to hug her tightly. "I'm sorry I've been so busy. It's just school and applying to med school…it's a lot."

"I know how it is," Emma nodded with a smile as she walked into the kitchen. "How's Meredith?"

"She's good," Derek said with a nod as he settled onto a stool. "She feels bad that she couldn't come, but she just couldn't get away from the office."

"It's okay," Emma said with a smile. "To be honest, I'm glad to get to you to myself for a little while."

Derek smiled softly as he reached for a carrot. "Sorry, I know we're kind of a packaged deal these days," he said. "She really doesn't have anyone else."

"Don't be ridiculous, Derek," Emma shook her head. "You know I love that girl like she's my own daughter. But you're my only son, and I do miss you a lot."

Derek smiled. "I miss you too," he said. "If we go to Columbia for med school, hopefully we'll be able to make it home more."

"Hmmm," Emma said with a nod. "Have you gotten your MCAS scores yet?"

Derek laughed as he shook his head slightly. "I did well," he nodded. "Mer did better than me, of course. But you'll never tell Mark that."

"Of course not," Emma said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

Derek looked at her closely as she moved around the kitchen. "How are you doing, Mom?" he asked softly. "With Liz gone, and only Caitlin home…it must be pretty quiet around here."

"It is," Emma said with a nod. "But I'm fine, dear. I…things are fine."

Derek frowned. "Liz told me last week that Mr. Phillips asked you out again, but you said no," he said. "Why won't you give him a chance?"

Emma rolled her eyes as she dropped a plate onto the counter. "I swear, you and your siblings," she sighed. "Your father is still the love of my life. That will never change."

"Dad's been gone for nearly three years, Mom," Derek said softly. "Caitlin's in high school and the rest of us are on our own. What's wrong with just having some companionship?"

Emma stared at him for a moment. "Derek, I can't betray your father," she whispered.

Derek sighed as he ran a hand over his face. He knew that this wasn't the time to fight about this again. "Sorry, Mom," he murmured.

Emma smiled softly as she moved around him to set dinner on the table. "It's alright, dear," she said. "I know you're just watching out for me. But I can't. Not yet."

"It's okay, Mom," Derek said as he walked over to the table, kissing her cheek quickly as he moved to sit down beside her. They ate in comfortable silence for a moment before Derek set his fork down and said, "I want to propose to Meredith."

Emma's fork clattered loudly to her plate, and she stared at him for a long moment before she repeated, "You're going to propose."

"I want to," Derek nodded. "She's ready. We're ready. And if I propose now, we wouldn't get married until after we graduate. And med school…people get married in med school all the time. Mom, we're ready. We can do this."

Emma nodded. "I don't doubt you can," she said. "You love each other very much. And when I was your age, I already had a baby and another one on the way. You're ready."

Derek smiled softly, his eyes moving to her ring briefly before returning to his plate. "I…I don't know how or when I'm going to do it," he said softly. "I just know that I want to do it soon."

"And you want my ring," Emma nodded, reaching out to finger the simple diamond that had sat on her finger for nearly thirty years.

"Mom, it's okay if you don't want me to take it," Derek said softly. "I get that it's all you have left of Dad, so…."

"No," Emma shook her head as she eased the ring off of her finger. "He wanted you to have it. I'm sure if he were still here he would have made you put this ring on her finger a long time ago. And it's not all I have. I have five beautiful children, a house full of memories, and a lifetime of love that some people aren't ever lucky enough to find."

Derek swallowed hard as he reached out to take the ring, for the first time examining it as Meredith's engagement ring instead of his mother's. "Thank you, Mom," he said softly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Just make sure you don't hurt her," Emma said as she squeezed Derek's hand. "That ring represents a special kind of love, and I don't want you tainting that."

Derek smiled slightly. "I won't, Mom," he said softly.

"Good," Emma said with a firm nod. "Now, let's get to planning this engagement. I'd hope that you're not going to propose with rose petals and teddy bears."

Derek laughed as he shook his head. "Mer would hate that," he said. "I'm not proposing until I have the perfect scenario. And feel free to help with that, because I'm currently at a loss."

Emma smiled as she took another bite of lasagna. "I'm sure you'll figure something out, dear."

Derek smiled as he looked down at the diamond cradled in his palm. He was going to propose to Meredith. He had the perfect ring, and now all he had to do was find the perfect way to do it.

XXXXX

"Mer?" Derek called as he walked into their apartment the next afternoon. "Are you home?" he was met with silence, and he felt disappointment run through him as he moved towards his room. At least now he wouldn't have to worry about hiding the ring.

He stood in the middle of their room for a long moment, looking around as he tried to find the perfect hiding spot. Everywhere in the room, Meredith would go at one point or another, and he had no idea what he should do with it until then. He quickly shoved the box into his pocket when he heard the front door open and close, sighing when he heard Mark's voice bellow out a greeting.

"Mark," he said as he came out of the room. "I need a favor."

"Well, good to see you too, Shep," Mark said. "How's Emma?"

"Fine," Derek said distractedly. "Listen, she, um…she gave me something." With a deep breath, he reached into his pocket and pulling the ring box out, holding it out for Mark to see.

"Whoa, Shep, I'm flattered, but I'm already in a relationship," Mark said with a smirk.

"Shut up," Derek rolled his eyes. "I need you to hide it. Mer can't see it until I'm ready to propose."

"Where am I supposed to hide it?" Mark asked.

"Doesn't matter," Derek shrugged. "She doesn't go in your room. Just…put it somewhere until I need it."

"Fine," Mark rolled his eyes, moving to take the box. Derek smiled in thanks, then pushed him into his room as the door opened and Meredith stumbled in.

"Derek!" she cried, her face lighting up when she saw him. "You're home."

"I'm home," Derek laughed, moving to pull her into his arms. "I missed you."

"You were gone for one night," Meredith rolled her eyes, cuddling into his arms nonetheless.

"Still missed you," Derek shrugged. "Are you saying you didn't miss me?"

"Hmm," Meredith shrugged, pulling out of his arms as she moved towards the kitchen. "I'm starving, what's for…damn it!" she interrupted herself as she dropped her bag on the ground, causing a sea of papers to fall from the opening.

"Oh, my graceful Mer," Derek laughed, moving to help her clean up the papers, freezing when he picked up a medical school brochure. "What the hell is this?"

Meredith looked up to see the Dartmouth flier in his hands and she moved to grab it from him. "Nothing," she said.

"It's not nothing," Derek replied, grabbing it back and staring down at the rest of the papers, which included more medical school brochures. "University of Washington… Stanford? Mer, what are you doing with these?"

"It's nothing," Meredith shook her head. "They just…saw my MCAS scores and sent me some information."

"You kept them," Derek replied. "You want to go to med school all the way across the country?"

"No…I don't know," Meredith sighed. "They're good schools, Derek."

"And Columbia isn't?" Derek asked, standing as he crumpled the brochures in his hand.

"Of course Columbia is," Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "But it's not the only good school in the country. I just want to consider my options."

"The options that put you three thousand miles away from me?" Derek exclaimed. "Mer, med school isn't easy. If we want to have a relationship, we can't go to school six hours away from each other."

"Maybe you should think about branching out," Meredith shouted. "You and Columbia. You're refusing to even look anywhere else!"

"I want to go to Columbia because it's the best!" Derek shouted. "And if you were thinking of going to other schools you could have at least told me!"

"I do not have to get your permission for everything I do!" Meredith yelled back. "You're my boyfriend, Derek, not my parent. I can do whatever I want, and I don't need your permission."

"Well excuse me, if I thought you would want to be near be!" Derek boomed. "I'm sorry if I put you before everything else and you're not willing to do the same."

He turned to storm out the door, but Meredith surprised him by catching his arm and whirling him around to face her. "Do not walk away from me," she said evenly. "We have to figure this out."

Derek's eyes were cold and hard. "How about you figure out where you want to go to school and we'll go from there," he snapped before he turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

Meredith stared at the door for a moment before she stormed into her own bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her before she threw herself onto the bed and began to sob quietly.

XXXXX

"Mer." There was a voice interrupting her throat and Meredith shook her head as she buried her face in Derek's pillow. "Mer, wake up. I have big news."

"No," Meredith moaned.

"Mark's going to propose," Addison squealed excitedly.

That got Meredith's attention as she sat up quickly. "What?" she asked.

"I found the ring in Mark's night table," Addison exclaimed. "You'd think he'd be able to think of a better hiding spot, but that doesn't matter, because he's going to propose!"

"Oh," Meredith said, trying to fake a smile for Addison's benefit.

"What's wrong?" Addison asked, noticing her best friend's lack of enthusiasm.

"I'm going to Seattle for med school."


	40. Chapter 40

Meredith stared at the wall in front of her, her eyes blank as she thought about what she had done. Derek had been gone for two days now, and no one had heard from him, even his mother. As soon as she had explained to their situation to Addison, her best friend had been sympathetic, but too excited about the accidentally discovered diamond ring to be too supportive. At the moment, Addison and Mark were out to dinner, probably getting engaged as she sat in her room, surrounded by tissues and an empty ice cream pint, wondering whether she even still had a boyfriend.

Suddenly, she heard the apartment door slam shut, and she frowned as she looked at the clock. Seven on the dot. Addison and Mark had only left a half hour earlier, there was no way they were back yet. Which meant….

"Derek," she breathed as his form appeared in the doorway. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Seattle," Derek replied. "And Stanford. And I'm going to make an appointment at Dartmouth."

"You…what?" Meredith asked.

Derek sighed as he moved closer to the bed, sitting down in front of her and taking her hand gently. "I'm sorry, Mer," he said softly. "For yelling, for leaving without telling you where I was going. I just…I wasn't expecting you to be applying to any other schools that I wasn't, and the thought of being away from you…that scared me to death."

"Oh," Meredith said.

"Are you going to say anything else?" Derek asked, tilting his head to the side and smiling softly.

"I'm still mad at you," Meredith murmured. "You can't just take off like that, Derek. Even your mother didn't know where you were. So you can't do that. Ever."

"I won't," Derek shook his head.

"You said that last time," Meredith whispered. "When you got in your motorcycle accident. But now you did it again."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "I know, Mer, I'm sorry."

She sighed as she examined him closely. "It was very sweet," she finally consented. "And I appreciate it."

"I'm sorry, Mer," Derek whispered. "I just…I have plans and I was thrown off. But I'm not leaving this, I'm not leaving you. I could never do that."

"Okay," Meredith whispered.

"You're being far too understanding about this," Derek said. "I was expecting to come home and have pots and pans and various other household objects thrown at my head."

Meredith shook her head. "It's fine, Derek," she said. "I hate that you disappeared without telling me, but I love that you did that. We'll apply to schools, and see which ones we both get into. We'll just have to go from there."

"Good," Derek leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers gently.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him down to rest against her chest as she leaned against the headboard. "You want to hear something exciting?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied.

"I'm ninety nine percent sure that Mark's proposing to Addie right now."

"What?" Derek sat up quickly, looking into her eyes with panic in his own. "Are you sure?"

"Well…no, not positive," Meredith replied, flustered by his reaction. "But she found a ring in his nightstand, and they went out to a fancy dinner…"

"No," Derek breathed, jumping off the bed and running out of the room.

"Derek?" Meredith asked, climbing off of the bed and following him into Mark's room. "What are you…."

Her voice trailed off when she saw him standing in front of Mark's night table, clutching a ring box in his hands. When he saw her standing in the doorway with wide eyes, he froze for a moment before he dropped to his knees in front of her.

"Marry me, Mer," he breathed.

"You…what?" Meredith asked.

"I want to marry you," Derek said softly. "I know we're young and we still have med school, and internships, but we can do this. I love you so much, and that's all that matters. So, Meredith Grey…will you marry me?"

"Yes," Meredith breathed, tears filling her eyes. "Of course I'll marry you."

Derek let out a sigh of relief as he gently slid the ring onto her left hand and stood to pull her tightly into his arms. "Thank God," he breathed.

Meredith kissed him deeply, and he smiled as he felt the unfamiliar cool steel of her ring touch against his cheek as she gently cupped his face in her hands. "Seriously?" she murmured against his lips.

Derek pulled back and looked at her with concern in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You just proposed to me in Mark's room," Meredith giggled. "And I'm in sweats, and I just ate two pints of ice cream because you disappeared for two days."

"You found me with the ring, what was I supposed to do?" Derek defended himself.

"Nothing," Meredith shook her head as she looked down at her ring. "It was perfect. For us. I thought you would have done some big fancy thing with flowers and violins and corniness. This was perfect."

"Good," Derek nodded firmly, leaning forward to press his lips against hers.

"I love it," Meredith whispered as she pulled back to stare at the ring on her finger.

"It's my mom's," Derek murmured. "It looks good on you."

"Your mom's?" Meredith asked with wide eyes. "Derek, I can't take your mom's ring, your dad gave it to her, and she…"

"Mer," Derek laughed softly, placing a hand on her lips to interrupt her. "Dad wanted you to have it. Mom says the first time I brought you home he told her to enjoy the ring while she could because pretty soon it would be yours."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, tears filling her eyes as she looked down at the diamond. "It's perfect."

Derek smiled as he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. "It fits okay?" he asked. "Because we can get it resized. Or if you want a more modern setting…"

"It fits perfectly," Meredith nodded. "And I wouldn't dream of changing it."

"Good," Derek nodded. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too," Meredith breathed against his lips. "Let's go…celebrate."

"Hmm…celebrating is good," Derek murmured as he slowly backed her out of Mark and Addison's room and into their own.

Before they could even get the door closed, however, the front door slammed open and they heard Addison's heels storm across the floor. "Seriously?" she shouted.

"Addison, I don't know why you're mad," Mark groaned. "All I know is that as soon as I ordered the wine you completely flipped out and stormed out of the restaurant."

"Because you ordered the cheapest wine on the menu!" Addison shouted.

"It's the same wine we always get!" Mark exclaimed. "What the hell is wrong with you? You love that wine."

"Yeah, well, I was hoping that when we got engaged you'd loosen the purse strings at least a little bit and be able to maybe upgrade to…I don't know a thirty dollar bottle!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mark exclaimed. "Who the hell said anything about getting engaged?"

There was silence for a moment before Addison whispered, "You don't want to get engaged?"

"Well, I wasn't planning on proposing anytime soon."

"Uh-oh," Meredith whispered to Derek. "This is about to get ugly."

"Mark's going to hate me for making him hide the ring," Derek whispered back, both of them leaning forward to press their ears against the door.

"You can stop pretending," Addison said. "I found the ring."

"What ring?" Mark asked. "Addison, have you gone completely mental?"

"I'll show you," Addison replied, followed by the sound of her heels clicking against the floor again. Silence followed and then she said, "Okay, maybe I am delusional."

Mark laughed loudly. "That was Shep's ring," he said. "Addie, do you think I was stupid enough to hide an engagement ring for you in my nightstand?"

"Derek proposed?" Addison replied.

"Apparently," Mark said. "Addie, listen…"

"No," Addison replied. "I get it, it's okay. I guess I was stupid to think that you wanted to get married anyways."

Neither one of them could hear Mark's reply as their friends' voices faded to faint murmurs on the other side of the wall. Meredith sighed as she made her way to their bed, collapsing on top of the covers as she looked up at him. "Are you sure you're ready?" she asked. "Because I know you weren't planning to propose right now, so…you can take it back. The proposal. If you're not ready."

Derek laughed slightly as he shook his head and moved closer to her. "I love you, Mer," he said softly. "But you're crazy. Of course I don't want to take it back."

"What about med school?" she whispered.

"I'll go wherever you want," Derek replied.

"But you want to go to Columbia."

"You mean more to me than Columbia."

"It's your dream," Meredith whispered. "Your dream is New York and mine is Seattle. It figures."

"Meredith," Derek said, taking her face in his hands. "Yes, I want to go to Columbia. Yes, I want to be one of the best neurosurgeons in this country. Yes, I want an established career. But none of that matters if you're not there with me. If you wanted me to go with you to Texas and join the rodeo, I'd do it. Cowboy hat, lasso and all."

Meredith giggled at the image of Derek in a rodeo. "Well, they do say everything's bigger in Texas…" she murmured seductively as she climbed on top of him.

Derek smiled as he ran his hands up and down her sides. "My point is, Mer, that you're the most important thing in my life. You always will be."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And…I feel the same way. I didn't mean to keep those schools from you, Der, really, I wasn't even thinking of them until they contacted me. And then you completely went off on me and I got stubborn."

"I got scared because I was trying to propose and you were trying to move all the way across the country," Derek replied. "Not exactly the best confidence builder."

Meredith smiled as she laced her fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you proposed," she whispered. "When do you want to get married?"

"Hmmm…summer?" Derek suggested. "That way we can have a nice long honeymoon…" his voice trailed off as his lips moved to kiss her neck, his hands tugging at her shirt. "Which we can practice for now."

"Make up sex?" Meredith murmured. "Or engagement sex?"

"How about both?" Derek asked against her neck.

"I can do both," Meredith nodded, shimmying down his body and pinning his hands above his head, smiling as her ring sparkled in the soft light of the room. This was perfection.


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you enjoy :)**

Meredith smiled softly as the light in the kitchen caught on her engagement ring. She couldn't believe that she was wearing an engagement ring, that she, Meredith Grey, was wearing Emma Shepherd's engagement ring. She'd never felt more complete in her entire life.

Derek had left early that morning, kissed her good bye while she was still half asleep and said something about an interview with Dartmouth later that morning. So she was home, dressed in Derek's sweatshirt and a pair of his boxers as she made herself some toast.

"Hey Mer," Addison's voice said from behind her, and she turned to look at her best friend.

"Hi," she said, smiling widely before she remembered the fight she and Derek had heard. "I mean, um…are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Addison sighed, sitting down on a bar stool. "I feel a little stupid but Mark… he says we'll get married one day. So that's enough for now."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she reached for a knife to spread the butter with.

"And you," Addison smiled, grabbing Meredith's hand and causing her to drop the knife. "God, this ring is beautiful. I knew I should have gone after Derek instead of Mark that first day."

"No way," Meredith giggled. "It's Emma's ring. Michael wanted Derek to give it to me."

"Oh," Addison sighed, holding a hand to her heart. "Mer, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked down at her engagement ring. "I love it," she whispered, more to herself than Addison.

"So…not to burst the happiness bubble," Addison said. "But what are you going to do about med school?"

Meredith sighed as she reached for a glass of orange juice. "Nothing's been decided yet," she said. "Derek's little vanishing act brought him to Seattle and Stanford. He's at Dartmouth now. So we'll just coordinate our schools and see which ones we get accepted to. Maybe the choice will be decided for us."

Addison nodded. "Mark and I are going through the same thing," she said softly. "It's hard. Thinking we might be separated."

Before Meredith could respond, the buzzer rang and she moved to the front door to press the intercom. "Hello?"

"Meredith, dear, it's Emma," Derek's mother said.

"Hi Emma," Meredith said with a smile, pressing the button to let her into the building. "Come on up."

"Thank you," Emma said before releasing the intercom.

"Okay, you have to distract her," Meredith said to Addison as she moved to her room.

"Distract her?" Addison asked. "From what?"

"While I change out of her son's clothes," Meredith yelled from her room. "Just…tell her about something stupid Mark did."

Addison laughed as she moved to answer the knock at the door. "That could take up a lot of time," she said. "Hi Mrs. Shepherd," she said as she opened the door."

"Hello Addison," Emma said as she enveloped her in a hug. "How are you, dear?"

"I'm good," Addison said as she closed the door. "Um…Mer just went to change out of her pajamas and Derek's not home, but could I get you something to drink?"

"I'm quite aware of the fact that my son has disappeared," Emma sighed as she followed Addison into the kitchen. "And a glass of water would be lovely."

Addison smiled as she set a glass down in front of Emma on the counter. "Apparently he made an appearance last night," she said with a soft smile.

"Addison?" Emma asked curiously. "What do you know that I don't?"

"Hi, Emma," Meredith greeted as she entered the kitchen, now dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, her left hand hanging suspiciously behind her back.

"Hello dear," Emma said, getting off of her stool to hug Meredith tightly. "I understand Derek's back?"

"He's back," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I know you probably did the best you could with him, but the man can be a complete idiot."

Emma laughed. "He's just like his father," she said with a shake of her head. "Too moody and stubborn for his own good."

"I guess," Meredith nodded, moving around the kitchen as she tried to gather her breakfast with her right hand, keeping her left one shoved in her pocket.

"Did you hurt your hand?" Emma asked as she noticed Meredith's awkward movements.

"Oh, um…yeah I just um…sprained a couple fingers," Meredith lied. "But I'm okay, really. Just resting them for a couple days."

"Let me see them," Emma ordered, reaching for Meredith's hand.

"Oh, no," Meredith said, glancing at Addison with panic in her voice. "It's really okay, Emma."

"Nonsense," Emma shook her head. "Addison, get her some ice please. Meredith have you been to the…" her voice trailed off as she took Meredith's hand in her own and saw the ring on her finger. "Oh."

Meredith saw the mix of happiness and resentment in the older woman's eyes, and she smiled slightly. "Listen, I know you told Derek it was okay to give me the ring, but if you want it back…you can have it. Because I know how much it must mean to you, and…you can have it back. If you want it."

Emma smiled at her through tear filled eyes. "Meredith, I'm quite certain that if I took this ring back, Michael would find a way to make my life as miserable as possible. Most likely through my son. It looks beautiful on you. It's your ring now, darling."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "I…Derek is at Dartmouth right now. We were going to call you, I didn't want to tell you without him…"

"Of course, dear," Emma said with a smile. "I'll make sure to act surprised when Derek tells me."

"Thanks," Meredith breathed. "And um…can I ask you something?"

"You know you can ask me anything," Emma said with a warm smile.

"I know this is the right thing," Meredith said softly. "Being with Derek, getting married. I want that more than I've wanted anything. But…how do I know how to be in a marriage? How much do I have to sacrifice? How much should he be expected to sacrifice?"

"You've both got to make decisions together," Emma said softly. "No sacrifices should be made until you've discussed options and decided what's best for the future of both of you, as a couple as well as individuals."

Meredith sighed. "So should I give up going to Seattle for med school because Derek wants to go to Columbia?" she asked.

Emma inhaled sharply, not having expected this twist. "If my son is anything like his father," she started. "Then he'll bury whatever he wants to give you whatever you want."

"But shouldn't I be doing the same for him?" Meredith asked. "Shouldn't I be doing the same thing for him? Because if he's doing that for me….he'd end up resenting me."

Emma leaned forward to squeeze Meredith's hand. "Meredith, with God willing, you and my son have another fifty or sixty years together. There are going to be lots of decisions to be made together, and lots of disagreements. If Derek goes to Seattle with you, in four years you're going to have to decide where to do an internship. And say…you want to stay in Seattle, and he wants to go to California. And when you decide to have children, you're both going to give things up. It's compromise, Meredith. That's what marriage is all about. And you and Derek…you're more suited for each other than any other two people I've ever met."

Before Meredith could respond, the door opened, and Derek burst into the room. "Mer!" he yelled. "It went great. The interviewer loved me, and…Mom!"

Emma grinned as she moved to hug her son. "Congratulations, dear," she whispered in his ear.

"She told you?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Oh, she tried quite hard to hide the ring," Emma laughed. "It's not her fault, dear. But I'm very happy for you."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek before he moved to wrap his arms around Meredith.

"This," Emma said firmly as she moved to smack Derek in the back of the head. "Is for disappearing without telling anyone where you are."

"Ow!" Derek yelled. "Mom, I just got engaged. You can't hit me."

"I most certainly can," Emma nodded. "I'm too old to have you scaring me like that."

"You are hardly old," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mer, my mom's being mean."

Meredith giggled. "Are you tattling now?" she asked.

Derek's frowned deepened. "No," he said.

"Oh, Derek, don't tell me that you don't remember how much you used to tattle on your sisters when you were younger," Emma said with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Really?" Meredith asked. "So this means that our son will be a tattle tale as well?"

"It does seem that the Shepherd men tend to be duplicates of their fathers," Emma nodded. "Of course, it's more likely that you'll have all girls. Michael was so excited to get a boy. None of his sisters ever had a boy."

"Oh, we're having a son," Derek nodded firmly. "I don't care if we're having ten girls first, we're having a son."

"You better find someone else to carry those last seven girls," Meredith warned. "I'm capping it at three."

Derek frowned. "You don't want a son?"

"Not if I'm going to be pregnant forever," Meredith replied. "I'm going to be a doctor, Derek, a doctor. I won't have time to have an army of children."

Derek let out a dejected sigh as he sat down at the table. "Fine," he sighed. "It will be awhile before we have to really think about this."

Meredith smiled softly as she leaned down to kiss him. "The interview went well?" she asked.

"Fantastic," Derek nodded. "I think it's a safe bet."

"Where were you interviewing?" Emma asked quietly.

"Dartmouth," Derek sighed. "Mom, I know you wanted me closer for med school, but…"

"Derek, you're an adult now," Emma said. "I understand that you have to do what you have to do."

Derek nodded. "Thank you," he said softly. "I know it's hard for you to watch us all grow up, but…thank you."

Meredith watched the interaction between Derek and his mother, for the first time understanding that there was probably a very good reason that Derek wanted to go to Columbia, and it had more to do with his family than it did with being one of the best schools in the country.

Emma sighed as she stood and moved to get her coat. "I should be getting home," she sighed. "I have a long drive ahead of me."

"You should stay," Meredith said. "Derek will cook dinner, and we'll sleep in the living room. You can sleep here, and go home tomorrow, after a good night's sleep."

"I'm fine, dear," Emma said softly, but Meredith could see the desire in her eyes.

Meredith thought for a moment before she said, "I'd really like your help planning the wedding. I watched you plan Kathleen's and…I know it's early, but wwew cana spend the day thinking about bigger things. Date, place, you know."

"Stay, Mom," Derek encouraged. "Please."

Emma finally relented, smiling at her son and future daughter in law. "I'd like that," she said. "Very much."

"Good," Derek nodded as he moved to press a kiss to Meredith's lips. "Let's plan a wedding."


	42. Chapter 42

Meredith sighed as she walked into their room a couple nights later, closing the door softly behind her. "You think they're going to stop anytime soon?" she asked, referring to the soft moans coming from Mark and Addison's room.

Derek smiled softly as he looked up from his book. "I'm pretty sure they haven't even left their room all day," he said. "Lucky bastard."

Meredith smiled as she turned the overhead lights off and climbed into bed beside him. "Aw, honey, is someone jealous of all the sex Mark's getting?" she asked as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Maybe a little," Derek murmured, leaning up to kiss her.

"I think we can take them," Meredith murmured as she moved her lips down to his neck.

"Hmmm…me too," Derek replied. "Especially if you do that thing I love so much."

"I could probably be convinced," Meredith giggled as she moved down his body.

Derek sighed as he looked at the ceiling, trying to get himself into the mood. It was rare that he could concentrate on real life while Meredith was littering kisses up and down his abdomen, but at this point, he could only think of the letter he'd gotten in the mail earlier that day.

"Mer," he murmured, tugging gently at her hair as he felt the need to look her in the eyes. "I need to talk to you."

"Hmmm…dirty talk?" Meredith murmured as she ran her tongue along the waist of his pants. "We've never really tried it before, but as you know, I'm very…flexible."

Derek smiled slightly, trying to focus on what he needed to talk to her about. "Not that," he said softly. "But…later we can definitely do that. Please let us do that. But now…I need to talk to you."

Meredith could hear the seriousness in his voice, and she leaned back to look at him with concern in her eyes, still straddling his hips. "Derek, what is it?" she asked softly.

"I got something in the mail today," he sighed.

"What?" Meredith asked, worst case scenarios running through her head. Thoughts of medical tests he hadn't told her about, summons to court, and financial crises all ran through her head. "What is it, Derek?"

"Columbia accepted me," Derek murmured. "And I just…when I got the mail I didn't see a letter for you, and it's just been bothering me all day. I know we're applying to a lot of different schools, but we already know that you got accepted to Sanford and I didn't, and I'm just terrified that we're not going to get into any of the same schools."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, moving to sit to his side. "Derek, I got my letter yesterday. I didn't mean to not tell you, I just…I had that big test this morning and I was concentrating on that, and then I had to come home this afternoon and listen to Mark and Addie, and…I didn't mean to not tell you, I swear."

"Didn't mean not to tell me what?" Derek asked, fear in his voice.

Meredith bit her lower lip as she looked at him, trying to decide how to tell him her news. "I um…I got in," she said softly.

"Really?" Derek asked, the worry fading from his eyes. "Oh, Mer, I'm so proud of you."

Meredith smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him. "I'm proud of you too," she whispered. "I know that's a dream you've had for a long time, but…I still want to wait. To hear from Dartmouth and Seattle. But you should go. To Columbia, because it's your dream."

Derek shook his head softly. "You know, ever since I can remember, I've wanted to go to Columbia. My dad went there, and when I was five or six, he used to take me to walk around campus, show me where he'd lived, where he'd had classes. But now…it just doesn't seem as important. Now you're the only thing I need."

"Derek," Meredith sighed as she pulled away from him. "You can't say that. You can't pin everything on me. We've talked about this. Yes, we're getting married, and of course I love you more than anything else. But you can't…give up dreams for me. Because we can do this. We both want to be doctors, we've got a lot of decisions to make. So if you want to go to Columbia…you should go. We can do this. Even if I decide to go to Seattle, we can do it. I trust you, and we can…do the long distance thing. Get married after med school and decide on internships…"

"No," Derek snapped, moving to get out of bed. "Meredith, you don't get it, do you? We've been together for three years, and you still don't get it. We're engaged. I'm not leaving you to go to med school all the way across the country. I know you didn't grow up with any example of how a marriage is supposed to work, but…usually you can't have a successful marriage if you live across the country from each other."

"But, your dream…"

"My dream has changed, Meredith," Derek said firmly as he paced the room. "My dream is to be with you. And I'll still go to med school, I'll still be a doctor. But I'll get to be with you while I'm doing it."

"But…"

"Meredith," he practically shouted, causing her to look up with wide eyes. He never yelled, at least not at her. "Would you please listen to me? I don't want to be away from you. And we'll make this work. I promise. The schools we applied to are all good. Once we have all our letters, we'll sit down and decide together where we want to go. Together, Mer, that's what marriage is all about."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, trying not to let her tears fall.

"Mer," he breathed, moving to sit beside her and tilt her face up to look at his. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I just…you can't regret me," Meredith whispered. "Ever. You can't…give things up for me and then leave me alone because you're not happy. I can't think everything's going okay and then find myself alone with our five year old daughter in the middle of my residency."

"Oh," Derek breathed, realizing for the first time where Meredith's fears were coming from. Her own father had given up so much for her mother, only to be rewarded with caring for their daughter completely alone while she'd advanced her medical career. And once he'd had enough, he had abandoned both of them in favor of a "real" family. Now Meredith was afraid the same thing would happen to her if she forced Derek to give up his dreams for her. "Mer…we are not your parents."

She rolled her eyes, trying to ward off the inevitable discussion, but he reached forward to hold her hands tightly in his. "Meredith. We are not your parents," he repeated firmly. "If anything, we are my parents. Who understand that they both have to give up things they want in order to be together. Because there is no way we can really be happy if we're three thousand miles away from each other, even if we're both getting our dream education."

"For now," Meredith whispered. "But…what about later? What if…I don't know, we both go to Seattle, but you don't get accepted into an internship because someone else who went to Columbia got it? Then you'd hate me for making you go to Seattle, and I'd be alone with our five chatty kids with perfect hair."

Derek laughed slightly, unable to not be amused at her freak out that was getting worse by the moment. "Meredith," he said softly. "You have to listen to me. First of all, I will never ever hate you. No matter what happens, it will be completely impossible for me to hate you. Second of all, when we get accepted or declined from our internships, we don't know anything about the competition. So I wouldn't know if someone got accepted because they went to Columbia or because their father is a wealthy donor to the hospital board. And lastly…as much as I would love to have five babies with you, we will not be having any babies until after residency. And I will never ever leave you alone with them. I promise."

"I know you're not Thatcher, Derek," Meredith whispered. "You'd never abandon our kids. But I'm my mother, and if I…"

Derek interrupted her by pressing his lips firmly against hers. "Meredith," he whispered. "You are not your mother. Do you think she would have cared at all about what I wanted? Would she have sat up with me night after night for months after my dad died just so I didn't feel alone? Would she have skipped classes when I had the flu to make sure that I had a constant supply of fishing magazines and medical journals to keep me busy?"

"No," Meredith whispered. "No, I don't think she would have."

"But you did all of that," Derek whispered. "For me. And Meredith…I honestly don't know how I would still be standing if it wasn't for you. You've made me into the person I am today, and I'm so grateful for that. I can't imagine my life without you, nor do I ever want to. So please…stop stressing out about this med school stuff. We'll figure it out."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, brushing tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Derek said softly, reaching out to brush some of her tears away as well. "Are you done freaking out yet?"

She smiled softly. "I think so."

"Good," Derek nodded. "Because it sounds like the porn stars are starting up again next door, and I seem to remember my very sexy fiance saying that we could take them."

Meredith giggled as she pulled him on top of her. "We can totally take them," she agreed, reaching into his pajama pants and squeezing him tightly, causing him to moan loudly. "There we go," she giggled.

"Meredith," he moaned before he reached down to kiss her firmly, knowing they were in for a long night.

XXXXX

"Oh my God," Meredith panted as she collapsed on top of Derek hours later. Sweat covered both of their bodies, and her chest heaved against his as they both tried to come down from the high they had just experienced.

"Hmmm," Derek murmured in agreement, somehow finding the energy to press his lips against the top of her head before his fingers returned to gently twisting her damp curls. "Think we finally beat them?"

Meredith giggled as she listened for any sounds of life from Mark and Addison's room. "No, I think we did it," she said. "And I must say, I am impressed. Six rounds in four hours. You, Derek Shepherd, have quite the stamina."

Derek laughed as he reached down to lace his fingers through hers. "Well, my fiancé is incredibly hot," he explained. "It helps."

Meredith giggled, willing her eyes to stay open as they began to drift shut. This was nice, wrapped in a safe cocoon with Derek, and she didn't want it to end. It was times like these when she enjoyed the moment after almost more than the sex.

"I love you," Derek whispered into the quiet darkness of the room.

"Mmm, I love you too," Meredith replied.

They lay together in comfortable silence for a long moment before Meredith giggled. "Your sisters called me today," she reported.

"All of them?" Derek asked with a frown.

"Yeah, they conference called me in," Meredith nodded. "Apparently they all booked the weekend off from work and school so they can come visit."

"Oh God," Derek groaned. "All four of them? At once? It's bad enough at Christmas and Thanksgiving, they definitely don't have to come visit at once, no matter how much they miss me."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she slapped his arm. "Don't be mean. And they're not coming to see you, they're coming to see me," she sighed. "They want to go shopping for a wedding dress."

Derek's eyes brightened, and he tightened his arms around her. "Well, then, I guess they can come," he nodded in approval.

Meredith laughed. "Well, I'm very glad they have your permission, but I already told them they could sleep in the living room."

"Well, it seems you're already getting practice for being married," Derek sighed. "I do, however, like it when you're bossy."

"I did promise your mother I would keep you in line," Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him gently, only to be interrupted by a long yawn.

Derek laughed as he moved her gently to the side and settled into bed behind her. "Sleep, Mer," he whispered. "I love you."

"Love you too," Meredith whispered, searching for his hand blindly under the covers, squeezing it tightly. He smiled as he felt her ring cut into the skin between his own fingers and gently buried his face in her lavender scented hair, knowing that this was the most perfect moment he'd felt in a long time.


	43. Chapter 43

**Okay, so the site wouldn't let me log in for a couple days, but hopefully this will go up without any problems. I hope you enjoy!**

"No."

Meredith was sure that she had never uttered the same words so many times in one day. For some reason, all of Derek's sisters thought it was essential that she wear a fancy, expensive dress, with layers of lace and beads and…she wasn't sure what else. They'd spent all day in the dress store so far, and it was well into the afternoon. Meredith had at first tried to appease Nancy and Kathleen as they suggested dresses that she hated on sight as Caitlin squealed in agreement with her eldest sisters. It was only after a slight breakdown and a threat from Liz to kick both of her sisters' asses that they calmed down and allowed Meredith to try on only the dresses she thought had potential to be the one.

Addison sighed as she moved to undo the lace ties that had the sparkling dress supported on Meredith's body. "Mer, we've been at this all day," she sighed.

"I know," Meredith replied. "And believe me, I'm just as frustrated as you are."

Addison shook her head as Meredith stepped out of the dress. "Maybe we should go to another store," she suggested.

"This is the best store in town," Meredith replied. "And I just want something simple. Doesn't anyone wear simple wedding dresses anymore? I mean, seriously, what's with the lace and the layers of undergarments? I just want something simple, silk and one layer…"

"Hey Mer," Liz said as she slid in from the curtain. "I think I found your dress."

"Well, I think I trust you more than those other girls I call bridesmaids," Meredith sighed. She unzipped the bag to reveal a simple silk dress, thin straps running over the hanger. "Oh," she breathed, turning to look at Liz. "You are so my new maid of honor."

"Hey!" Addison protested. "I've been pulling you in and out of these dresses all day."

"And complaining about it," Meredith teased. "I think I want someone who cares enough to find me my wedding dress."

Addison rolled her eyes. "If it weren't for me, you would never have even given Derek a chance," she muttered. "What thanks do I get?"

Meredith giggled as she stepped into the dress and allowed Liz to zip it. "Of course you're my maid of honor, Addie," she said. "We've been friends for years."

"Good," Addison nodded. "Oh, Mer. That's it."

"Hmm…" Meredith nodded, turning to look at her back in the mirror. The straps formed a cross over her back, and the fabric pooled in a soft train behind her, long enough to be noticeable but not to cause problems with Meredith's somewhat klutzy tendencies. "I love it."

"Let's show them," Liz said, grabbing Meredith's hand and pulling her into the waiting area where the other three Shepherds were waiting.

"Meredith, you look beautiful," Caitlin exclaimed, running up to examine her future sister in law up close.

"Derek's going to go crazy," Kathleen nodded in agreement. "It's perfect, Mer."

"Are you sure?" Nancy tilted her head to the side. "It seems…plain. Maybe if you just add some lace trim to the bodice."

"Seriously?" Addison interrupted. "This is the dress. It's perfect. Nothing is going to be changed, and we're going to buy it today. Meredith loves it, Derek will love it, and that's all that matters."

Meredith smiled as she turned back to look at her best friend. "You are so my maid of honor again," she announced before moving back to the dressing room to change and preserve the sanctity of the dress until she was sure would be the best day of her life.

After she had returned in her street clothes and paid for the dress, choosing to place it on hold until she could find an appropriate hiding spot where Derek couldn't see it, Meredith turned to her bridesmaids and smiled. "What now?" she asked.

"Now," Liz said, linking her arm through Meredith's. "We order a pizza, rent a bunch of chick flicks, and go back to your apartment to annoy Markie and Derbear."

Meredith giggled as they walked out of the store. "Like a sleepover?" she asked.

Kathleen laughed. "I haven't been on a sleepover in ten years," she said. "This might be my last chance before…" she trailed off, shaking her head slightly.

"Before what?" Caitlin asked cautiously.

"Nothing," Kathleen replied. "So where's the best pizza place in town?"

Meredith eyed Kathleen suspiciously, knowing that something was going on. She opened her mouth to reply, but then Kathleen's eyes widened and she made it to an alley before she emptied the contents of her stomach. Meredith rushed to her side, her suspicions all but confirmed.

"Kath," she gasped, running a hand up and down her back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kathleen sighed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Must have been something I ate."

Meredith nodded suspiciously, glancing over her shoulder at the rest of the sisters were standing, concern mixed with confusion all over their faces. "Something you ate?" she whispered. "And the baby inside you?"

Kathleen looked at Meredith with wide eyes. "How did you…"

"You've been touching your stomach all morning," Meredith replied. "And don't think I haven't noticed that smile you've been trying to hide. You Shepherds aren't that great at keeping secrets."

Kathleen sighed as she leaned against the wall of the building. "Please don't tell anyone, Mer," she whispered. "Chris and I…we weren't planning this, and Mom doesn't even know, and it's the first grandchild, so…we just want to wait until I'm further along, make sure everything is okay…"

"Of course," Meredith nodded, her eyes sparkling. "I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks," Kathleen breathed, pushing herself off of the wall.

"Are you okay, Kath?" Nancy asked as they joined the rest of the group.

"Yeah," Kathleen said with a nod as she smiled faintly. "I shouldn't have let Chris make dinner last night," she added, rolling her eyes for good measure.

"Let's go get movies," Meredith quickly changed the subject. "Derek and Mark are home, we could have some fun."

XXXXX

"Honey, I'm home!" Meredith yelled as she entered their apartment an hour later. "And I have company."

Derek groaned from his place on the couch. "You can stay," he replied. "Send the rest of them home."

Kathleen rolled her eyes as she ran into the living room and jumped on the couch where Derek was sprawled, giggling as he swore under his breath. "Didn't you miss me, Derbear?" she asked. "I haven't even seen you since Thanksgiving. Nearly a year."

"Best year of my life," Derek joked even as he reached out to pull his sister into a hug. "It's good to see you," he murmured.

"Hey," Meredith grinned as she walked into the room, pausing to kiss Derek quickly before she turned to his sisters. "Which movie first?"

"Hmmm….Pretty Woman!" Caitlin cried.

"Pretty Woman?" Derek repeated.

"We're having a sleepover," Meredith giggled as he pulled her onto his lap.

"A sleepover," Derek repeated. "I'm sorry, did I miss something? Are you twelve?"

"I'd hope not, because that would make you a pretty bad person, baby brother," Nancy commented from where she had already sprawled a sleeping bag on the floor.

"I need a beer," Derek groaned as he gently pushed Meredith to her feet and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the kitchen with him.

"Derek, you're pulling me away from my sleepover," she giggled as he reached into the fridge.

"Hmm…I needed to say a proper hello," Derek murmured, setting his beer on the counter and placing his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. "How was wedding dress shopping?" he asked against her lips.

"Good," she nodded. "I bought one."

"What's it look like?" his lips moved down to her neck.

"White," she arched her head back, giving him full access to the creamy skin on her neck.

"Come on, Mer!" Addison's voice called from the living room. "Stop making out with Derek, you see him all the time."

Meredith giggled as she leaned in for one last kiss. "Sorry," she said as she walked out of the room. "Duty calls!"

Derek rolled his eyes as he took a long pull from his beer and headed towards Mark's room, hoping his best friend would be up for some bar hopping tonight. He could use a serious testosterone boost with the amount of women in his apartment at that point.

XXXXX

Meredith giggled as she poured the last of a root beer float into Caitlin's glass, turning to the rest of the girls before raising her own glass. "Cheers," she said.

"Cheers," they all giggled together. The night had been fun, Meredith had to admit, with girl talk, movies, and lots of junk food. She couldn't believe how natural it felt, to simply have fun with Derek's sisters, not worrying about anything other than what color her bridesmaids' dresses should be or where she should go on her honeymoon.

Derek and Mark had politely declined their pleas for them to participate in girls' night, instead pulling on their leather jackets and heading out to the bars, earning giggles and sarcastic comments from all of his sisters. After they had left, the Shepherd sisters had no troubles spilling all kinds of secrets about Derek to his future wife. From his first girlfriend, the head of the flute section in the band, to the time he decided he hated his curls so much he tried to shave his head, Meredith found herself giggling and storing important information into her long term memory to bring up in future conversations or arguments with her fiancé. Having sisters wasn't so bad after all.

Meredith frowned into her soda as the buzzer rang a few minutes into their root beer float adventure, glancing at the clock and Addison before she said, "It's two in the morning, who would be here?"

"I'll come with you," Addison nodded.

"Hello?" Meredith pressed her finger against the intercom.

"Mer!" Derek's voice came loudly over the intercom. "You're awake!"

Meredith giggled as she rolled her eyes at Addison. "I am," she replied. "Can I ask why you didn't use your key?"

"Doesn't work," Derek replied. "Can you push the thing that opens the door? What's it called again?"

"The button," Meredith supplied with a giggle. "Derek, you're drunk."

"No!" Derek cried, then paused. "Okay, maybe a little. But just push the button thing and we'll come up and I'll tell you all about it."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, pushing the button to allow them into the building. "This should be good," she announced as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Oh Derbear," Caitlin giggled as she reached for more ice cream. "He never gets drunk."

"That you've seen," Nancy laughed. "You still live at Mom's."

"Hey, I'm seventeen," Caitlin countered. "I'm not a baby."

"You're a baby to us," Kathleen nodded. "And to Mom."

Before Caitlin could respond, the door to the apartment swung open, and two very unsteady men stumbled in, laughing loudly. Meredith giggled as she turned to look at the two drunken idiots in her hallway, but her smile quickly died off when she saw their bruised faces and bleeding hands. "What the hell happened?" she asked, rushing to Derek's side and gently running her fingers over the ugly purple skin on his cheek.

"We got into a fight," Derek announced proudly.


	44. Chapter 44

"Oh my God," Meredith breathed, running her hand over the swelling on Derek's face. "Come here, I'll get you some ice."

Derek shook his head as she pulled him into the kitchen. "I don't need ice," he said. "I'm a man."

"So that means you don't need ice?" Kathleen asked with a bemused smile.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Addison rolled her eyes as she handed an ice pack to Meredith before pressing one to Mark's equally bruised face.

"Who did you get into a fight with?" Caitlin asked.

"Each other," Mark replied. "But it's okay. We got a beer afterwards."

"Clearly," Nancy scoffed.

"Why did you get into a fight?" Liz asked. "That hasn't happened since your junior year of high school and Mark told Rose that Derek wanted to go to a hotel with her after prom."

"I won," Derek announced, ignoring his sister.

"You so did not," Mark rolled his eyes.

Derek opened his mouth to argue, but Meredith cut in. "Okay, let's get back to the reason you two manly men decided to beat each other up."

"Well, Mark said that he wanted to go to med school in L.A.," Derek said. "And I didn't even apply there, which is stupid, because Mark and I have gone to the same school since kider…kinner….since before first grade."

"You got into a fight because you're not going to school together next year," Addison stated.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned to Addison. "I think I've officially become worried about how close they are now," she said.

"No, that just started it," Derek said. "Because after that….well, I don't remember, but when Mark said that Addison gives him more sex than you give me, I punched him." He stared up at Meredith with earnest eyes, as if waiting for her approval.

"Oh my God," Meredith groaned, her cheeks turning bright red.

"But it's true," Mark continued. "Like the time you caught us in the closet at Kathleen's wedding…"

"Hey!" Kathleen yelled. "Is that why you missed the cake?"

"Yeah, I'm still mad about that," Mark said to Addison.

"Shut up," she hissed.

"Don't worry, Mer, I made sure Mark knew about the time you gave me a blow job during bio last year," Derek nodded eagerly. "And the thing I do in the shower that makes you… Ow!" He cried out in pain as Meredith smacked the back of his head.

"You need to stop talking," she said. "Seriously, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"It's not stupid, it's important," Derek argued.

"To who?" Addison asked.

"Me," Derek and Mark said at the same time.

"This is way better than any movie we could be watching right now," Liz muttered to her sisters as she dug into her ice cream.

"Anyway, Mark's just mad because he knows I have a bigger…"

"Hey!" Mark shouted. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that. And for the record, he's barely an inch bigger."

"Oh my God," Kathleen buried her face in her hands. "This is so not a conversation I want to be having."

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Meredith muttered.

"It's true, I can show you," Derek said, standing and forgetting his sisters' presence in the room.

"No!" they all shouted at once, hurrying to cover their eyes.

"Alright, that's enough," Meredith rolled her eyes, pointing Derek towards the bedroom. "You. Bed. Now. You too, Mark."

"Oh my God," Addison groaned as Mark and Derek walked towards their respective bedrooms, grumbling quietly. "I can't believe that just happened."

"Are all guys this stupid?" Meredith asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I fell in love with the world's stupidest man."

"Chris and his brother once had a competition to see who was the better husband," Kathleen supplied. "I've never gotten more presents and flowers in one week. I still have some of the chocolate."

"I'm just glad you stopped it when you did," Liz rolled her eyes. "Otherwise I would have needed many years of therapy."

"I've never seen him like that," Meredith said with a giggle. "It was kind of funny."

"At least we can make sure to never bring up who has more sex again," Addison sighed.

"Definitely not," Meredith agreed. "But I mean…Derek was kind of right."

Addison narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"Just that…I mean, Derek can go for a long time," Meredith said. "And he's very flexible. It's actually pretty impressive."

"And Mark's not impressive?" Addison asked.

"When he manages to get some in the pantry at Emma's house, I'll be impressed," Meredith replied.

"Oh gross," Caitlin cried. "We keep our food in there."

"Do you really want to go there?" Addison demanded as she stood. "I could so take you down, Grey."

"I'd like to see you try," Meredith replied, not at all intimidated by her best friend's height.

"It's so on," Addison said, reaching for the collar on Meredith's shirt.

"Whoa, okay," Nancy intervened, stepping in between the two of them. "Now who's arguing about stupid stuff?"

Meredith stared at Addison for a moment before she turned and stormed into the living room, grabbing a pillow off of the couch before she threw it at Addison's head.

"Hey!" Addison yelled as she moved into the living room as well, followed by the rest of the girls. There was soon a mass of pillows being thrown at each other as they all threw pillows at each other.

When they were finished, Kathleen collapsed onto the couch and closed her eyes briefly. "I can't believe that they got into that stupid fight," she said after a long moment.

Meredith giggled. "I should probably go check on him," she said. "He's going to be crabby as hell in the morning."

"Hmm," Liz nodded, her eyes falling closed as she curled into herself in the armchair.

Meredith smiled as she and Addison stood and made their way around the sleeping Shepherd sisters, stopping at the doors to the bedrooms. "Addison, I didn't…"

"It's fine," Addison shook her head. "And let's not ever tell the boys we ever fought over that."

"Deal," Meredith nodded as she slid into her room. "Good night."

She turned to look at her sleeping boyfriend, smiling at the sight. He was sprawled over the entire bed, still in his jeans but having shed his shirt. He was grasping her pillow tightly in the place where she usually slept. As she made her way to her dresser, he let out a loud snore, and she giggled slightly. Apparently when Derek got very drunk, more than a couple things changed about him.

"Derek," she giggled as she pried the pillow out of her grasp and replaced herself in his arms. She settled into his arms and sighed happily as his arms tightened around her.

"Mer," he breathed into her hair.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"Don't wanna," he mumbled, pulling her hips closer so she could feel his growing arousal.

"No," she said, pulling away from him. "Derek, your sisters are in the next room. No way."

"Come on, Mer," Derek murmured, sliding his hand under her shirt. "I promise I'll be quiet."

"No," Meredith whimpered, but she could already feel herself slipping.

"Please," Derek whispered, pressing his lips against her neck.

Meredith groaned as she turned herself over in his arms, staring into his eyes, filled with desire. "Fine," she sighed as she pressed him onto his back. "But quiet. You have to be quiet."

"Hmm, okay," he mumbled, running his hands over her thighs as he kissed her deeply.

XXXXX

Meredith woke the next morning to the sound of Derek groaning in despair beside her. She giggled as she turned over to find him burying his face under the pillow. "How are you feeling?" she whispered as she ran her hand through the curls sticking out from under the pillow.

"Stop screaming," he moaned in reply.

Meredith smiled as she reached for the pillow. "Let me see your face," she whispered.

"Too bright."

"Derek, just for a second," she said. "I need to make sure you're okay."

Derek muttered a string of incoherent syllables, and she rolled her eyes. Her boyfriend was pathetic. She leaned forward and whispered, "If you let me look at your face, I'll be Dr. Grey for you later."

Derek groaned, but after a moment of hesitation, he pulled his head out from under the pillow, squinting in the sunlight that was streaming in from the window. "Derek," she winced, reaching up to touch his swollen face. "Does it hurt?"

He groaned in response as he dropped his head to the pillow. "Light. Bad."

"I'll go get you some ice," she said, pressing a kiss to his swollen cheek before she moved to get out of bed and pull some clothes on.

"Tylenol," Derek requested.

"I'll get you some Tylenol too," Meredith giggled. She walked out of the room and smiled at the girls sitting around the kitchen table. "Morning," she said with a sigh.

"Morning, Mer," Liz said with a smirk.

"I bet you slept well," Kathleen laughed.

"You…what?" Meredith asked.

"Let's just say I never want to hear my brother make those noises ever again," Caitlin giggled.

"Oh my god," Meredith groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Are you…seriously? You're just nosy. Derek was totally right, you're just a bunch of nosy annoying…sisters."

Nancy laughed as she turned to look at Addison. "As disturbing and twisted as it sounds," she said. "I think Derek and Meredith do win this sickening competition."


	45. Chapter 45

Meredith clutched the bottle of tequila close to her, staring straight ahead at the two envelopes that sat on the table in front of her. Those envelopes held her and Derek's entire future, and she took a swig of tequila as her shaky hands tried to reach for the envelopes on their own accord.

Derek would be back from work soon, and then they could open their letters from University of Washington together. These were the last letters that they had been waiting for from the medical schools they had applied for together. They already knew that Stanford was out of the running since Derek hadn't gotten in, and when Meredith had received her acceptance letter from Dartmouth stating how excited they were to have the daughter of Ellis Grey attending their school, she had ranted for hours about how she felt that she had only gotten accepted because of her mother, and subsequently decided not to go there.

So now she sat at the kitchen table, clutching her tequila and taking a swig of it every time she felt the urge to open the envelopes. She could very easily find out herself what the results were, but she wanted to wait for Derek. He deserved to know at the same time she did.

"Derek!" she shouted as the front door opened and her fiancé entered, smiling widely at her.

"Hey, Mer," he said with a smile. "I missed you too."

"They're here," she replied, grabbing his hand and the letters and pulling him into their bedroom.

"Who's here?" Derek frowned.

"The letters," she replied, shoving his into his hand. "We…Derek, this is it. We're deciding this today."

Derek swallowed hard as he nodded. "Okay," he said. "Mer…no matter what, we know we're going to be together. And I'm so proud of you. Okay?"

"Shut up and open your letter," Meredith rolled her eyes.

Derek laughed as he tore open his letter, his eyes only reading the first line before he looked up at Meredith, trying to read her expression. "Mer?" he asked softly.

"I…what does your say?" she whispered.

"I got in," Derek nodded.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded, folding her letter and tossing it in the trash. She turned to him with a smile. "We're going to Columbia," she said.

"Oh," Derek nodded, unsure of whether he should be happy that he was going to go to his first choice school with Meredith or upset that she hadn't gotten in. "Mer…"

"It's fine," she smiled, moving closer to kiss him quickly. "I want to go there, really. And this way we'll be close to your mom, and everything will be fine. I just…I have to go meet Addison, we're going over floral arrangements for the wedding."

"Okay," Derek said softly, somewhat stunned that she wasn't freaking out more. "Um… I'll make dinner for when you get back."

"Thanks," Meredith said, leaning up to kiss him one more time before she reached for her bag. "Love you."

"Love you too," Derek whispered, watching her walk out of the room. He lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how in the world Meredith could get accepted to Columbia, one of the best medical schools in the country, but not University of Washington, as great a school as it was.

"Hey Shep?" Mark asked, knocking on the doorframe. "I saw Grey earlier, she was freaking out about some letters. What's going on?"

"I got into University of Washington," Derek said as he sat up.

"That's great, congratulations," Mark said with a smile.

"I'm not going there," Derek shook his head. "Mer didn't get in."

"Oh," Mark nodded. "Well, at least you get to go to Columbia."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "I just don't get how she didn't get in."

"At least the two of you got into Columbia," Mark sighed. "And you know you'll be together next year."

Derek frowned as he regarded the pensive expression of his best friend. "What's up?" he asked.

"Addie and I didn't get into any of the same schools," Mark sighed. "So I don't know where that leaves us."

"Oh," Derek frowned. "Mark, you and Addison can't break up."

"I know," Mark nodded. "She's…god, she's amazing. But med school is hard, and we'll never get to see each other. I don't know what else to do."

Derek shook his head. "I'm sorry, man," he sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"Me either," Mark sighed. "Look, I'm going to go do some research for my thesis, but I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Sure," Derek nodded, watching his friend walk out of the room. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen him look this dejected.

He sighed as he looked around the room, rolling his eyes and laughing slightly as he noticed the empty box of cookies on Meredith's bedside. His fiancé was nothing if not a junk food addict. He reached out to grab the box, moving towards the trashcan. As he bent down to wipe the crumbs off of his hands, he noticed a very distinctive word on the letter Meredith had thrown into the trash only minutes before. With a frown, he pulled the letter out of the can and allowed his eyes to skim over the top of the page.

_Dear Miss Grey,_

_Congratulations! I am pleased to welcome you to the University of Washington's School of Medicine…_

XXXX

"Meredith, are you even paying attention?" Addison asked in frustration as they sat in the corner of a floral shop. "Because it is so not my job as your maid of honor to make all the decisions for you."

"Sorry, Addie," she sighed as she looked down at the book of floral designs in her lap. "Okay, this one looks good. There's no roses, which is good."

Addison stared at her friend for a moment before she asked, "What's going on?"

"I got into the University of Washington," Meredith whispered.

"Oh," Addison nodded. "I…I thought that's where you wanted to go."

"It was," Meredith sighed. "But…when I got in I just…I felt disappointed. Because apparently I really want to go to Columbia."

"So go to Columbia," Addison shrugged.

Meredith shook her head. "I had to tell Derek I didn't get into Washington," she sighed. "Because if he knew I'd gotten in and wanted to go to Columbia anyways, he would make me go. And he would go too, but…that's not what he wants. I just hate lying to him."

Addison nodded. "You know you're lucky," she said. "Because the closest Mark and I will be next year will be is LA and Chicago. I don't know what to do."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, suddenly realizing how lucky she was that she and Derek had gotten into any of the same schools at all. "I'm sorry, Addie."

Addison shrugged. "It's okay," she sighed. "We'll figure something out."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded.

"I just…Meredith, you don't even know how lucky you are. You're getting married. And you're planning your wedding to be right for you. When I get married…it's all going to be everything my mother wants. And you and Derek are going to med school together. So please, don't mess this up. Because you've got so much going for you, and you're giving me hope. That Mark and I can get through anything, just like you and Derek have."

Meredith blinked, surprised at her best friend's vulnerability. She had never expected to be the role model for anyone in a relationship, but apparently Derek made that possible. "Addie," she whispered. "You and Mark can get through this. "I know you can. And after med school…who knows what will happen."

Addison smiled softly. "Yeah," she said. "But, you're the one who's getting married now. So we have to get these floral arrangements picked out because otherwise Emma will kill us."

Meredith giggled. "She is enjoying the planning of this," she sighed. "I can't believe it's only three months away."

"I know," Addison smiled. "It's going to be wonderful."

"It really is," Meredith smiled as she returned her attention to the open book in her lap, finally actually concentrating on the task at hand.

XXXX

"Wow, it smells amazing in here," Addison smiled as she and Meredith entered the apartment that night.

"What's the occasion?" Meredith asked as Derek and Mark walked out of the kitchen, smiles on their faces.

"Kathleen just called," Derek grinned. "It seems that I am going to be an uncle."

Meredith smiled, hoping she looked sufficiently surprised. Kathleen had informed her of the pregnancy over a month ago. "Wow, Der, that's amazing!" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hmm," Derek sighed as he buried his face in her hair. "She's refusing to be a bridesmaid though. Or…bridesmatron."

"What?" Meredith asked, pulling back. "Why?"

"Apparently 'fat people aren't supposed to be in wedding parties'" Derek quoted his sister.

"Oh," Meredith frowned. "Well…I guess we can find someone else. Not that I know many people, but."

"Relax, Mer," Derek laughed. "Chris said he would step down from being a groomsmen so we don't have uneven numbers."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Good."

"Hmm," Derek nodded as he led her into the kitchen. "So I made chicken alfredo for dinner."

Meredith eyed him suspiciously. "That's my favorite," she stated.

"I know," Derek smiled.

"You only make it when you do something wrong," Meredith said. "Last time it was because you stole my favorite shirt."

"It was my shirt," Derek argued. "You stole it first."

"Are you five?" Meredith asked. "And what did you do this time?"

"It's not what I did," Derek sighed as he reached over to place a piece of paper in front of her on the table. "It's what you did."

Meredith's eyes widened as she looked down at her acceptance letter from Washington. "Oh," she said quietly.

"Oh," Derek nodded. "Mer, why did you lie?"

"I didn't lie," Meredith argued quickly. "I just said we weren't going to Columbia. You assumed that meant I didn't get into Washington."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to argue over a technicality," he sighed. "Meredith, we both got into Columbia, just like we both got into Washington. We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about," Meredith sighed. "We're going to Columbia."

"But you want to go to Washington," Derek said. "I don't understand."

"I don't want you to hate me," Meredith whispered. "And we're going to Columbia. Because…I finally feel like I have a family. And I don't want to be in Seattle when Kath has her baby. If we're at Columbia, we can see your mom on weekends, be there for your sisters because they're all still around here. I just don't want to miss anything."

Derek regarded her for a moment before he nodded. "Alright," he said. "We're going to Columbia."


	46. Chapter 46

"Oh Meredith," Emma breathed as Meredith stepped out of the bathroom in her wedding dress. "You look beautiful."

"Really?" Meredith asked, turning to look at herself in the mirror.

"Absolutely stunning," Emma nodded. "Derek is going to love it."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Thank you for keeping the dress here. Derek thinks it's in Addison's closet, Mark's caught him searching for it for weeks."

Emma smiled. "It still fits alright?' she asked. "You don't need anything altered?"

"No, I don't think so," Meredith replied, smoothing her hands over the dress. "It feels perfect. I never want to take this off."

"Well, you're going to have to," Emma laughed. "Derek will be home from visiting his father soon, he can't see you."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…it feels so wonderful."

Emma moved forward to hug Meredith gently. "I know, dear," she said. "But we've got to get dinner on the way. And we can't have you spilling anything on the dress."

Meredith giggled. "Knowing me that would probably happen," she said, frowning after a moment before she coughed loudly.

"Are you feeling okay?" Emma asked.

"Just a cold," Meredith sighed. "I can't be getting sick. There's too much to do."

"Alright," Emma nodded, pointing Meredith towards the bathroom adjacent to her bedroom. "Go ahead, dear."

"I'll be down in a few minutes," Meredith said. She stood for a moment, raising a hand to her head before she shook her head slightly and moved towards the bathroom.

"Are you alright?" Emma asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "Just dizzy. I probably just need to eat."

Emma nodded suspiciously, eyeing Meredith closely as she closed the door behind her. She knew Meredith probably wouldn't tell anyone if she wasn't feeling well, and there was something about the way she was acting that made her wonder if the poor girl was running herself into the ground.

She made her way downstairs, smiling as she saw her son sitting at the kitchen table with Caitlin. "Hello, dear," she said, leaning down to kiss his cheek gently.

"Hey Mom," Derek said, standing to hug her properly. "Where's Mer?"

"It's nice to see you too, dear," Emma laughed as she moved around him towards the stove. "She's upstairs, she'll be down in a few moments."

"Good," Derek nodded. "Caitlin was telling me that Kath had a sonogram yesterday?"

"Yes," Emma said, her eyes immediately shining. "It seems that you are about to be the proud uncle of a beautiful niece."

"A girl?" Derek groaned. "Man, I was hoping the next generation would have some hope for at least a little bit of testosterone in this place."

"Watch your mouth, Derek Christopher," Emma warned. "The baby will be beautiful, and you'll adore her."

"I know," Derek sighed. "I guess it's up to me to have boys."

Before Emma could respond, Meredith entered the kitchen, a hand over her mouth as she coughed harshly. Derek's smile immediately turned into a frown as he noticed the miserable expression on her face. "What's wrong?" he asked, jumping out of his chair to make his way over to her. "Mer, are you okay?"

She groaned in response as she cuddled into his arms and buried her face in his shirt. "Mm fine," she murmured.

Derek's worried eyes met his mother's and he gently reached down to stroke her face, searching for any trace of a fever. When he felt the flush of her skin against his fingertips, he immediately wrapped his arms tighter around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Mer, you have a fever," he murmured.

"Hot," she explained, her fingers clutching his shirt.

Derek laughed slightly as he guided her towards the door to the living room. "That usually happens with a fever," he said. "Let's get you onto the couch."

"I'm not sick," Meredith shook her head. "We've got to meet with the minister, and graduation is in two weeks, and the wedding's in a month and a half, and…I'm not sick. I can't be sick."

Derek gently eased her onto the couch and ran a hand through her hair. "It doesn't work like that," he said softly. "Just get some sleep. Mom's an expert at taking care of her sick children."

"Don't leave me," Meredith whispered. "I'm tired, but…I want you."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward to press a kiss to her warm forehead. "Don't worry, Mer," he said. "I'm just going to grab you some tea and maybe some medicine. Are you hungry?"

She moaned, burying her head in the pillow. "No food," she whimpered. "Ever again."

"Wow, you really must be sick," Derek laughed. "I've never seen you turn down food."

"Shut up," Meredith weakly attempted to slap his arm.

"I'll be right back," Derek said, squeezing her hand before rising to his feet and slipping out of the room.

He ran a hand over his face as he made his way back into the kitchen, immediately going to the tea pot.

"How's Mer?" Caitlin asked.

"I honestly don't know," Derek sighed. "I've never seen her agree so much to everything I tell her to do. And she's burning up."

"I'm sure she just picked something up from the bug that's been running around," Emma sighed. "That poor girl has so much on her plate, the last thing she needs is the flu. I'll make her some soup."

"She's not hungry," Derek said, pouring the hot water into the mug. "Which worries me even more."

"Well, she needs to eat," Emma nodded firmly. "I'll make her the soup, and once she feels well enough she can eat reheat it."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek smiled. "You're the best."

"It's my job, dear," Emma smiled.

"She's going to fight me about taking her to the doctor," Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "She hates being sick."

Emma smiled softly. "If there's one thing I know about doctors, it's that they hate to be patients," she said. "Your father was the worst of them all."

"I remember," Derek nodded. "He was always good with me when I was sick though."

Emma nodded. "You're a lot like him, Derek," she said as she squeezed his hand. "Now go take care of your fiancé. That girl has enough coming up in her life, she doesn't need to be sick for it."

Derek nodded as he picked up the cup of tea. "I'm sorry about dinner," he said. "I know you wanted to celebrate Columbia and having us closer, but…"

"Nonsense," Emma said, pushing him towards the door. "She wants you, Derek, now go to her."

"I'm going," Derek laughed. When he made his way back to the living room, he smiled softly as he saw Meredith curled up on the couch, her hair falling softly in her face. He moved to sit on the coffee table in front of her, leaning his face close to hers. He reached out to brush her hair behind her ear before he leaned forward to whisper to her. "Wake up, Mer."

"No," she whispered, curling tighter into herself.

"Meredith, you need to wake up so you can take medicine," Derek whispered, gently moving the tea towards her. "It will help you feel better."

Meredith sighed dramatically as she opened her eyes, remaining horizontal for a moment before she sat up and reached for the tea. "For the record, I hate you," she stated as she swallowed the medicine, quickly followed by the tea to wash the taste away.

Derek frowned. "I'm trying to take care of my sick fiancé and I get hate in return?" he asked. "Wow, I feel loved."

"Derek, don't be stupid," Meredith said. "I just…I'm so tired."

Emma stepped into the room, concern etching her face. "Meredith, dear, how are you feeling?"

"Like crap," Meredith moaned as she laid back down on the couch, coughing loudly.

"I know you do, dear," Emma sighed as she reached to pull a blanket over her shoulders. "But we'll take care of you, and you'll be as good as new in no time."

"Hmm," Meredith acknowledged, not lifting her head from the pillow.

"And since you're sick, I'll even let you boss me around," Derek chimed in.

"I boss you around anyways," Meredith replied. "Liz says you're whipped."

Derek frowned. "I so am not," he said. "But I'll save that argument for another time." He leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly. "I'm going to run to the store and get you some stuff, okay?"

"No," Meredith whimpered. "I just need you."

Derek smiled softly. "You're sure?" he asked. "Because something tells me that you're going to want chocolate ice cream, trashy romance novels, and movies as soon as the store closes."

Emma smiled softly as Meredith sighed. "I'll have Caitlin run to the store," she volunteered. "She's still new to driving and gets excited when she has the chance to go."

"Good," Derek nodded firmly. "I'll make a list."

Meredith somehow worked up the energy to swat at his arm. "You're an idiot," she murmured.

Derek leaned close to press a kiss to her forehead. "Just doing my job," he whispered.

XXXXX

Two hours later, Derek sat on the couch with Meredith's head in his lap, gently stroking her hair as he concentrated on the baseball game on the TV. Emma had disappeared into Michael's study after dinner, announcing that she wanted to catch up on some reading. Derek was more than pleased that she had kept his father's spirit alive in the house by maintaining the study, and it had since become a safe haven in the Shepherd house. Whenever someone needed some peace and quiet from the bustling family, they knew that no one would dare disturb them in their father's study.

"Derek Christopher, you are lucky that you're my favorite brother," Caitlin announced as she stomped into the room.

"Shh," Derek hissed, looking down at Meredith. "Don't wake Mer. And I'm your only brother."

Caitlin rolled her eyes as she threw three plastic bags down on the ground. "I had to go to four pharmacies to get everything on your list," she ranted. "And I will have you know that I'm pretty sure they don't sell those fancy tissues for any less than seven dollars a box."

Derek shrugged. "Her nose is running," he said. "I don't want her to have the scratchy kind. Her nose is perfect, and I need to keep it that way."

"You are so weird," Caitlin rolled her eyes as she dropped into the armchair across from them.

"Hey, I'm pinning all my hopes on my kids having her nose," Derek shrugged. "Mine would look too weird on a baby."

"You should have thought of that before you got into a fight with Mark about who has more sex," Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"I was drunk," Derek replied. "And I didn't realize he would permanently ruin my face."

"Whatever," Caitlin sighed. "You think Mer's going to be okay?"

"She'll be fine," Derek sighed. "I just hate seeing her so miserable. But she'll bounce back, she always does."

"Hmm, stop talking," Meredith moaned, her hands moving to pull a pillow over her head.

Derek laughed slightly as he moved the pillow and resumed running his hands through her hair. "Sorry, Mer," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"

Meredith groaned as she tried to sit up, quickly collapsing back into his lap. "My head's about to explode," she whimpered.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Derek whispered.

"Too tired," she replied, tightening her arms around his waist. "Sleep here."

"I'll carry you," Derek nodded, easing himself out from under her.

"Hmm, love you," Meredith whispered, resting her head on his shoulder as he scooped her into his arms.

"I love you too," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He turned to look at his sister, who had already switched the TV over to a teenage drama. "Night Caitie," he said.

"Night Derbear," Caitlin said without taking her eyes off the screen. "I hope Mer feels better."

Meredith mumbled an incoherent response as Derek stepped out of the room, walking carefully towards the stairs. He carefully made his way towards the stairs and into his bedroom, setting Meredith on the bed and gently pulling the covers up over her still warm body.

"Mer, do you need anything?" he whispered as he knelt on her side of the bed, a hand resting on her hip.

"Just…you," Meredith whispered, weakly threading her fingers through his.

"I can do that," Derek nodded, slipping into bed beside her, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Sleep, Mer. Wake me if you need anything."

He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her, hoping that she would feel better in the morning. The last thing she needed was to stress out about being sick with everything that was everything that was going on in her life. But no matter what, he would take care of her, because that was what he had to do.


	47. Chapter 47

Meredith sighed in frustration as she threw her magazine onto the floor beside the bed. She was finally feeling better, after two days of sleeping, coughing, and a nauseous stomach anytime Derek brought any kind of food into the room, she was finally feeling better, but she still didn't have as much energy as normal, which led Emma and Derek to insist that she stay in bed until she was fully recovered.

"Hey," Derek grinned as he walked into the room, sitting down beside her and reaching to press a kiss to her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Can't I just get out of bed?"

"Just one more day, Mer," Derek said softly. "We're going to the church tomorrow. If you want to go downstairs, we can watch some movies or something."

"I'm bored," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I want to do something exciting."

"Okay," Derek nodded, dropping a newspaper onto her lap. "How about we house hunt?"

"House hunt?" Meredith asked, picking up the paper.

"We'll need a place in the city," Derek replied. "And I was just looking through the classifieds in the Times to get an idea of what's available around campus."

"And?" Meredith asked, a smile playing on her lips as she looked down at the papers.

"And I realized we should talk about it," Derek replied. "I guess it makes the most sense to get another apartment, especially since we don't know where we're going to be after med school. But at the same time, the idea of renting a condo or something sounds… amazing. Having a real home, instead of a temporary one."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Okay, well, did you find anything impressive?"

"Here," Derek nodded. "I thought it would be a good compromise between the two of them. It's an apartment five blocks from campus, but the bedroom is lofted. It's got an open living and dining room, and great views of the harbor."

"Can we see it?" Meredith asked, a smile playing on her lips. She tried to hide the coughs that were coming up from her throat, but she was unable to do so as they came out in harsh, wracking sounds.

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, reaching out to cup her cheek in his hand. "We'll see it soon, I promise. But you've got to get better first. We have to be back in Boston next week for graduation, but I thought you could use a day of pampering in the city before that."

"A day of pampering?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded, reaching for her left hand and pressing a kiss to her engagement ring. "We can see the house. And, there is one other very important piece of planning our wedding that we have yet to take care of."

Meredith frowned. "What have we missed?" she asked. "We have dresses, flowers, a church, reception hall, food, minister, invitations were sent…Derek, what are we missing?"

He smiled softly. "We need rings, Mer," he said softly. "So once you're feeling better, we can go check out the apartment, and have a day for just the two of us in the city. Maybe stop by Tiffany's."

Meredith smiled. "You," she said, leaning forward to wrap her arms around his neck. "Are the most amazing man in the world. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to marry you."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'm pretty lucky too," he whispered, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. "I know it sucks to be sick, Mer. But you'll get better soon, and we'll be back to being us."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "You know….I'm feeling a lot better."

Derek shook his head as he pulled back from her. "Mer, you're not going to convince me that you're feeling well enough to go out," he said. "And even if you somehow managed to do so, my mom would never go for it."

Meredith smiled as she grabbed his collar and pulled him closer to her. "Who's talking about going out?" she asked seductively.

"Oh no," Derek shook his head. "You're sick, Mer. And as much as I love you, I'm not going to have sex with you while you're sick."

"I'm not sick anymore," Meredith insisted, feeling stupid as she immediately felt another round of coughing coming along.

Derek laughed as he leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "You're cute, Mer," he said. "But I'm still not having sex with you."

"Fine," she pouted. "I'm at least going downstairs."

"Alright," Derek said, moving back to help her to her feet. "Let's go."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into Derek, knowing that he was right. As better as she was feeling, her body still felt heavy and tired, and she knew she would never be able to handle a day in the city right now."

"Derek?" Meredith asked as she sat down at the table, watching him move to get some tea for her.

"Hmmm?" he asked.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," Meredith whispered.

"I always think you're crazy," Derek laughed. "What's up?"

"Do you think it's a sign?" Meredith asked. "Because I got sick when I tried on my wedding dress. Do you think that's a sign that maybe things aren't going to work?"

Derek frowned as he turned to face her, staring at her for a moment before he moved to sit in front of her. "Is this you freaking out?" he asked.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"I've been waiting for it since I proposed," Derek nodded. "Waiting for a ramble filled with metaphors that don't make sense and worst case scenarios that end up in you saying that you're scared."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, wrapping her blanket tighter around her. "Um…I guess I feel like…what if it means something? That I got sick when I tried my wedding dress on."

"Meredith, I highly doubt that the dress caused you to get sick," Derek laughed softly. "And it sucks that you got sick this close to all these big things that are happening in your life. But that doesn't mean that things are going to be bad for the rest of our lives. If there's one thing that I'm sure of, Meredith Grey, almost Shepherd, it's that we're going to make it through anything. Together."

"I'm scared, Derek," she whispered. "Not because I don't love you, because I do. More than anything. But…I guess I still have some issues with my parents and their completely messed up life."

"I know," Derek nodded. "You want to know something?"

Meredith nodded earnestly, taking comfort in the vulnerability in his eyes.

"I'm scared too," Derek whispered.

"You are?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Marriage is a big step. And even though we pretty much live like we're married already…it will be different. And starting med school as newlyweds…it's okay to be scared, Mer. But we'll do it together."

She nodded as she leaned forward to kiss him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" Derek asked.

"For…being honest with me," Meredith whispered. "For understanding me, because sometimes I don't even understand me. And just…for loving me."

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, pulling her close. "I can't help but love you. Every single part of you."

Meredith closed her eyes tightly, squeezing her arms around him as they sat locked in an embrace for a long time, finally feeling normal for the first time in three days.

XXXXX

"Are you sure we can afford to live in this neighborhood?" Meredith asked as she clutched Derek's hand, allowing him to navigate her through the bustling streets of New York City.

"I'm sure," Derek nodded. "My uncle is subletting it, and it's under rent control. It's a steal."

"Good," Meredith nodded, her eyes wandering over the luxurious buildings lining the street.

Two days after she had felt to feel better, Emma had given her the all clear to go to New York, and she and Derek had left early that morning, catching the ferry from Long Island to the city to spend the day together before they had to head back up to Massachusetts to prepare for graduation.

"Here it is," Derek said, stopping in front of a large white building. "What do you think?"

"It's beautiful," Meredith breathed. "Let's go inside."

Derek laughed as he pulled her towards the door, pressing the intercom to allow them to be let into the building. "Derek Shepherd," an older gentleman said with a smile as he stepped out of a door to their right. "Your Uncle Andrew told me you would be showing your face around here sometime soon."

"Hi, Jake," Derek said with a smile. "It's good to see you. This is my fiancé, Meredith."

"Pleasure to meet you, Meredith," Jake said with a smile. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she ducked her head down.

"So you want to see your uncle's apartment," Jake said, leading tem towards the stairs. "I must say, it's pretty nice digs for two students."

"Med school students," Derek laughed. "And we'll be right near Columbia."

"Of course," Jake nodded as he unlocked the door to the apartment. "Here it is."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, taking in the surroundings of the apartment. In front of them was a wide, open area, half covered in carpet and half hardwood floors. To their right was a kitchen, separated from the dining area by a small island counter. To their left was a set of stairs that presumably led to their lofted bedroom, and a large picture window looked over the city in front of them.

"It's…amazing," Derek said.

"So we've got the kitchen and living area down here," Jake said, heading towards the stairs. "And the bedroom is up here." They followed him up the stairs, stepping into an open area with two closest to the right and a bathroom to the left. Another picture window mimicked the view of the one downstairs. Meredith turned to look over the balcony, smiling as she looked down at the rest of the apartment.

"So we've got two closets," Jake said. "A bathroom with a stand up shower and Jacuzzi tub. There's a balcony downstairs as well, and the building has both storage and laundry facilities. Your uncle still has the lease on this place, so it's yours if you want it."

Derek turned to look at Meredith, whose eyes were wide. "Yes," she said. "I mean, if you want it. But I definitely do."

"Good," Derek nodded as he wrapped his arms around her. "We'll take it," he said to Jake.

"Wonderful," Jake said with a smile. "I'll go get the paperwork so you can sign a lease, and move in at your earliest convenience."

"Thanks," Derek nodded, eyeing Meredith's pale form. "Hey, you okay?" he asked in concern as Jake made his way down the stairs.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded as she breathed in deeply. "Yeah, I'm just dizzy. But it's probably just because I'm still a little sick and we're going to live here, and it will be our first home, a home for just us. And we're getting married in over a month, and…I think I need to sit down."

"Okay," Derek nodded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice as he helped her to sit down, leaning against the wall. "Just take deep breaths. Do you need some water?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, clutching his hand tightly. "I'm okay, Derek. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm just…there's a lot going on."

"I know," he nodded as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe we should go home."

Meredith smiled slightly as she leaned in to press her forehead against his, still trembling slightly. "Derek," she whispered. "We are home."

Derek laughed as he laced his fingers through hers. "Mer…you just almost passed out. And I can't have that."

She leaned forward to kiss him. "I'm okay," she whispered. "I need…we'll get some food, and I'll feel a lot better. But I've never had a real home that's just mine before. And it's all just hitting me. We're graduating and getting married and becoming real people, with real lives. And I freaked out."

"You're good at that," Derek laughed.

"But I'm okay now."

"Good," Derek smiled. "Because we've got to get another ring for that finger of yours."

Meredith smiled as she reached out to take his left hand, running a finger over his bare ring finger. "You need one too," she smiled. "So all those single girls won't steal you away."

Derek laughed and got to his feet, pulling her up with him. "Never going to happen," he said. "Come on. We'll go sign the lease, and then we'll get you some food so you don't freak out again."

Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his shoulder. They made their way down the stairs, signing the lease quickly before they walked out of the building, Derek's arm securely around her waist.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as they molded into the busy pedestrians of the street.

"I'm fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Let's just go get rings. I want to get your wedding ring."

Derek smiled and squeezed her hand. "Alright," he nodded. "Tiffany's?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I don't want fancy or modern. Your mom's ring…my ring is classic, and I want something to go with it."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I know just the place."

"Good," Meredith smiled, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment as he led her to a less busy side street, pointing to an antique store. "They have older jewelry in here," he said. "We'll see if we can find something."

Meredith smiled as she pressed her lips to her cheek. "Perfect," she smiled. "Come on, let's go."

Derek smiled softly as he watched her pull him towards the shop, glad that she seemed to be feeling okay again. She was happy, he knew she was happy, but he still couldn't shake the nagging worry he had about her.


	48. Chapter 48

**I really hope this story is still interesting. The last few updates have been leading up to bigger events, so just keep reading and it will all come together :)**

"They're perfect," Meredith sighed as she looked at the rings that sat side by side in the box in her hands. "Our wedding rings, Der."

"I know," Derek said with a smile as he glanced at her, sitting in the passenger seat as the rings shined brightly in her hand. "Pretty soon we'll be able to wear them."

"Is it bad that I'm not excited about graduation?" Meredith asked. "Because right now, the last thing I want to do is go up there. I want to stay here, with our family, and plan for the wedding."

"I know," Derek nodded. "I feel the same way. We'll go graduate, Mer. Mom and the rest of the sisters will be there, so we won't be missing anything here. And then…we can get to come back here and get ready for the wedding."

Meredith sighed, closing the ring box and putting it back in her bag. "We have so much to do," she sighed. "But I guess we'll have all summer to furnish the apartment and find jobs and move everything down from Boston…"

"Not all summer," Derek interrupted.

"What?" Meredith asked, turning her head to face him. "What are you talking about?"

Derek laughed slightly as he pulled the car into the line for the ferry boat and put it in park, turning to face her. "Well, it's something most people call a honeymoon," he explained.

"Honey…." Meredith's eyes widened. "Oh my God. How could I have forgotten to plan the honeymoon? Your mom planned everything from the DJ to the flowers, and Addison helped me pick out my lingerie for the wedding night, but…how could I have forgotten? How are we going to plan something this late. Why did no one tell me…."

"Meredith," Derek laughed, an amused expression on his face. "We already have plans."

"What?" she asked.

"I was wondering when you would figure this out," Derek laughed. "I've got it all under control, Mer."

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, no," Derek laughed. "That, my dear, is for me to know and you to find out."

"But…I need to know what to pack," Meredith said.

"Addison's got it under control," Derek smiled. "And you won't be needing many clothes."

Meredith frowned before she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, staring straight ahead of her.

"Don't be dramatic, Mer," he said. "I promise, you're going to love it. You'll get lots of sun and lots of tequila and lots of me."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said. "But no sex until you tell me."

"No…what?" Derek frowned.

"If you're going to keep secrets from me, then I can keep sex from you," Meredith said, knowing she sounded stupid, even to her own ears.

Derek stared at her for a moment before he nodded, a sly smile playing over his lips. "Okay," he said.

"What?" Meredith frowned, not having expected that reaction from him.

"Okay," Derek shrugged. "My bachelor party's coming up, I'm sure seeing a few strippers will help me out with any problems I might have."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You won't touch them, right?" she asked, all teasing draining from her voice. "I know it's like, a requirement, for bachelor parties to go see strippers, but you won't touch them right? Or let them touch you?"

Derek smiled softly, wishing the insecurity she had in herself would disappear. "I won't touch," he nodded. "And Mer? None of the strippers in the world could do what you do to me."

Meredith giggled slightly. "Maybe I should strip for you before your party," she said. "Just so you don't forget what you have at home."

"I'll never forget," Derek promised as he drove onto the ferryboat and got out of the car, Meredith following suit. They met on his side of the car and made their way towards the top floor balcony. "Today was amazing," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"It really was," Meredith said as she leaned back into his embrace. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek replied. "So much."

"Meredith?" a voice from behind their right interrupted their intimate moment, and she turned in Derek's arms to look address the voice.

"Dan," she stated flatly.

"Dan?" Derek asked, not sure he liked Meredith's tone.

"Wow, it's a small world," Dan smiled as he moved forward towards them, eyeing Derek carefully as Meredith stayed wrapped in his embrace. "How have you been?"

"Really great," Meredith smiled. "This is Derek. He's my fiancé."

Dan looked at Derek carefully for a moment before he held out a hand. "Nice to meet you," he said. "Meredith and I go way back."

"Really?" Derek asked. "How do you two know each other?"

"High school," Meredith shrugged. "You know. But um…it's really great to see you again, Dan."

"You too," Dan nodded, clearly feeling the discomfort of the situation. "Um… congratulations on your wedding."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled faintly as he stepped into the inside of the ferry.

"Well that was awkward," Derek said as soon as he was gone, turning Meredith around so he could look her in the eye. "Ex-boyfriend?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "You're the only guy I ever dated, Derek, you know that."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "So…how do you know him?"

"He…dated Addison," Meredith replied. "But then he decided he wanted me."

"He dumped you for her?"

"Not exactly," Meredith sighed. "Look, Derek it was a long time ago."

"I want to know," Derek insisted.

Meredith sighed. "He just…tried things with me before he broke up with Addison."

"Did he…" Derek felt his blood run cold, anger bubbling inside of him at the thought of anyone hurting his Meredith.

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're such a caveman. He didn't hurt me, he just caused a lot of drama between Addison and I and he broke her heart pretty badly, and it was just…bad, every way you cut it. So there you go, nothing exciting."

"Hmm," Derek sighed.

"What?" Meredith asked, looking carefully at him.

"There's something you're not telling me."

Meredith sighed, wondering why she thought she could have hid anything from Derek. "It has nothing to do with me," she shook her head. "It's Addison's past."

"Okay," Derek nodded. He sighed as he leaned closer to her. "It's weird that we had a life before each other."

"Not much of one," Meredith sighed. "And I'm not the same girl I was in high school."

"As horrible as it sounds, I'm glad that you and I didn't meet in high school," Derek sighed.

Meredith giggled. "Why, you didn't think the girl with the pink hair would go for the band geek with the afro?" she asked, looping her arms around his neck.

"It was not an afro," Derek sighed. "And no, I don't think you would have given me the time of day. So I'm glad it happened in college."

"I've seen pictures. It was an afro" Meredith replied. "And…I'm glad we met when we did too. It was perfect."

"What, with you turning me down for weeks?" Derek asked. "Or you falling of the bed and breaking your leg?"

"All of it," Meredith giggled before she turned serious, resting her head on his shoulder. "God, Derek, I don't even know what I would have done without you these past four years."

"Well, that makes two of us," Derek sighed, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Meredith, when I look back on everything these past four years…Dad dying, Kath getting married, and just life in general, I have no idea how I would have done it without you. Especially when Dad died. I honestly don't think that I ever would have made it through that. You made me the person I am today, Meredith, and I'm so grateful for that. Because I know that no matter what happens, we'll always have each other to remind us of who we really are."

"That's…probably the corniest thing you've ever said," Meredith giggled as she leaned closer to him. "But…it's true for me too."

"Good," Derek nodded as he kissed her forehead, looking out over the water as Long Island came into view. "We should head back to the car."

Meredith gripped his hand tightly as they made their way down to the car, each of them buzzing with anticipation of the months to come.

XXXXX

Meredith stood in the middle of the empty apartment the next afternoon, looking at the shell of what had been her home for the past four years, her first real home ever. She and Derek had got home earlier that morning to find that Mark and Addison had packed up a majority of the apartment, ready to move out when their lease expired the week after graduation. Now, as Derek was packing the last of his clothes in the bedroom, Meredith stood in the middle of the living room, remembering any moment she could from the cozy apartment she had loved.

She smiled as Addison walked into the room, moving to stand beside her best friend. "We've got a lot of memories here," she said.

"We do," Meredith smiled. "Remember the time we switched all the ingredients in the kitchen and pissed the guys off?"

Addison laughed. "Mark was confused for weeks as to why his coffee was so bitter tasting." She looked around for a moment before she offered, "how about the time you and Derek had sex on the couch and Mark didn't even realize it til halfway through."

Meredith giggled. "He was actually stupid enough to believe that we were just cuddling under that blanket."

Addison sighed as she linked her arms through Meredith's. "We've gone through a lot here," she said.

"And next week we graduate," Meredith continued. "And you're going to L.A. with Mark."

"I still can't believe he managed to get in at the last minute," Addison smiled. "I guess his father is good for something."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded.

"And you and Derek will be married," Addison continued. "At Columbia."

"I'm going to miss you," Meredith whispered. "You've always been right there. I don't really know what I'm going to do without you."

"Yeah, there will be no one to eat ice cream with in the middle of the night when the guys are idiots," Addison said.

"We're hardly ever idiots," Derek said as he came into the room.

"Oh, I disagree," Meredith laughed as she reached for his hand. "It's so empty, Der."

"I'm going to miss this place," Derek sighed. "But we'll have plenty of time to make new memories at our new home."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "We should order a pizza tonight. Drink some beer and then watch Mark and Derek try to out drink each other."

"Like the first night we were here," Addison nodded.

"I'm okay with that," Derek said. "Especially if we can replay later on that night," he murmured in Meredith's ear.

"Shut up," she hissed.

"I'm just saying," Derek shrugged. "I don't think I've packed the handcuffs yet…"

"Shut up or you will never use those handcuffs again," Meredith said with clenched teeth.

Addison laughed from her place beside her. "Mer, it's not like we don't know everything about each other's sex lives," she said. "Mark and Derek probably talk about it as much as we do. Mark even admitted to taking tips from Derek."

"I did not take tips from him," Mark boomed as he walked into the apartment, two pizza boxes in his hands. "I just asked him what made Grey make that noise when she…"

"Oh look pizza!" Meredith said loudly. "Let's talk about that. Pizza is really delicious and hot and…greasy."

Derek laughed as he ran a hand through Meredith's hair. "We'll stop embarrassing you now," he said. "Even though I could fight back with just as much dirt on Mark and Addison."

"Okay, new conversation," Addison said. "Let's talk about the wedding. Meredith and Derek are getting married soon."

"And I've got one hell of a bachelor party planned," Mark laughed.

"I don't even want to know," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"We'll have just as much fun," Addison reassured her. "We can have fun without these idiots."

"Not too much fun," Mark warned.

Meredith giggled as the four of them sat down on the floor, opening beers and pizza boxes as they enjoyed the atmosphere of their apartment one last time before they graduated.


	49. Chapter 49

"_And now is the time that we are truly released into this world. We go today, with our degrees and the friends we have made for life, into the real world where we can truly make the difference this world needs…"_

Derek half listened to the speeches given at the graduation ceremony, his eyes instead fixed on the girl five rows ahead of him. Even in the sea of black gowns and graduation caps, he could still pick out Meredith's form from everyone else, and he had spent most of the ceremony watching her, smiling as she shifted her legs, crossing one leg over the other and then switching, fidgeting slightly as she adjust the robe.

They were graduating college today, and soon the next big event in his life would be his wedding. He still couldn't believe he was getting married, and he couldn't wait.

"_And now we would like the graduates to stand to receive their diplomas…"_

Derek sighed as he stood with the rest of the class, moving towards the stage. He stood still for several minutes, waiting as the first half of the alphabet was called onto stage to collect their diplomas. He smiled softly as he heard Meredith's name called and she walked timidly across the stage. He could practically see her telling herself not to trip, and he flashed her a grin as she sought out his face in the crowd.

"Man, this blows," Mark sighed from behind him. "I can't believe we have to sit through this while every damn name is called.

"It will be over soon enough," Derek sighed, smiling as Addison walked across the stage.

"And then we can have some fun," Mark nodded.

"Shut up, Mark," Derek said, almost automatically, taking a deep breath as the S's began to be called to the stage. _"Derek Christopher Shepherd."_

Mark laughed as he shoved Derek up the stage to the stairs, following himself as his own name was called moments later.

After they had received their diplomas, and the ceremony had come to a conclusion, Derek immediately set out in search of Meredith. She must have been doing the same thing, because less than a minute later, she had thrown herself into his arms.

"I didn't trip," she giggled as she pulled back to press her lips against his. "Did you see me not trip?"

"I did," Derek laughed. "You were amazing."

"We graduated," Meredith laughed.

"We're officially med school students now," Derek said, squeezing her tightly before he let her go.

"And the next thing we're going to do is get married," Meredith giggled.

"Hmm, I can't wait," Derek nodded, leaning down to kiss her again.

Meredith kissed him back, only pulling away when she heard Mark's laughter and a flash went off in front of them.

"Hey!" Derek cried, frowning at Liz as she lowered the camera, the rest of his family already gathered around them.

"Sorry, Derbear," Liz giggled. "You were too cute to let me pass that up."

"Derek," Emma smiled widely as she pushed her daughter aside. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said, hugging her tightly.

"Your father's proud of you too," Emma whispered in his ear. "He's here, Derek."

"I know," Derek nodded, swallowing hard.

Meredith squeezed his hand, and he smiled down at her. "Alright, let's get some pictures taken," she said. "It's going to rain soon and I so don't want to be out here for that."

Emma laughed. "Yes, let's get pictures," she said. "I'll add all four of you to the stairwell."

Mark laughed. "You mean the brag wall?" he asked.

"It's not a brag wall," Emma insisted. "It's all of my children's graduation photos. Now, I want one of all four of you, one of Derek and Meredith, each of you by yourselves, the boys together…"

"Basically every possible picture," Liz said. "We know, Mom. We just went through this at my high school graduation last year."

"Very funny," Emma rolled her eyes. "Now, let's take some pictures."

XXXX

Meredith sighed happily as she turned slowly in Derek's arms later that night. They had already given up their apartment and had decided to get a hotel room near the school that night instead of going back to New York right away. Now they were in the restaurant, the rest of the Shepherd family mulling over desert as Derek and Meredith danced slowly in the middle of the dance floor.

"I like dancing with you," Meredith whispered into his shoulder.

"I like dancing with you too," Derek smiling, leaning down to breathe in the scent of her hair. He ran his hands up and down her spine, his fingertips brushing against the bare skin that was exposed through the straps that crossed along the back of her black cocktail dress. "You look beautiful tonight."

"Thanks," Meredith whispered. "You don't look half bad yourself."

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "I can't wait to get that dress off of you."

"Derek," she blushed. "Your mother is right over there."

"I'm not going to take it off now, Mer," he laughed. "Soon."

She sighed as she settled back into his arms. "We're getting married a week from Saturday."

"We are," Derek nodded. "I can't wait."

They danced quietly for a moment before Kathleen called to them, "Hey you two, how about you come talk to your family?"

Derek sighed as he pulled back from Meredith, kissing her forehead before taking her hand and leading her back to the table. "Sorry," he said as they sat down again. "We got caught up in each other."

"Obviously," Nancy said with a smirk.

"Hey, we're getting married soon," Derek said. "And then you will no longer be the Shepherd newlywed."

"Please, you two have always acted like newlyweds," Chris said. "I don't think you'll ever change."

"It will when he gets her knocked up," Kathleen rolled her eyes as she rubbed her stomach. "I'm still mad at you for that."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Of course," he placated his wife.

"No kids for us," Meredith said firmly. "Ten years."

"Ten years?" Emma asked, eyebrows raised. "That's a long time for me to wait."

Derek laughed as he rested his arm on the back of Meredith's chair. "Med school, Mom," he said. "And internship and residency. We don't really have a choice but to wait."

Emma sighed. "I understand," she said. "It's just important to me to have grandchildren."

"Um…hello?" Kathleen asked, pointing to her stomach. "Who do you think is in here?"

"Of course I'm excited for my first granddaughter," Emma said with a warm smile. "But Derek's children will carry on the Shepherd name."

"I always knew she liked you best," Caitlin sighed from Derek's side.

"Not my fault I'm the best kid," Derek smiled.

"You're an idiot," Meredith giggled from his other side.

"You," he said, leaning closer to her. "Are supposed to be on my side."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Do I ever listen to you?"

"She has a point there, Shep," Mark laughed from across the table.

"Shut up," Derek sighed, knowing that Meredith was right. He was lucky if she even heard what he said, never mind actually doing something he told her to.

Meredith sighed deeply from her spot beside Derek, and he looked down at her curiously, trying not to laugh at the adorable expression of careful thought that had taken over her face. "What's wrong, Mer?" he asked.

"We're going to have kids," she stated.

Derek frowned. "We've talked about that, Mer," he said. "Of course we're going to have kids."

"And your mother is going to be their only grandparent."

"Oh," Derek said, suddenly realizing what was bothering her. He ran through the past few weeks in his head, wondering when the last time she had gone to see her mother was. "Mer…we should go see your mom in the morning."

"No," Meredith said immediately. "She won't even know me, Derek, and last time I was there all she talked about was the dirty dirty affair she had during her residency, and…I can't handle that again."

"Maybe you'll catch her on a good day," Derek said softly. "You should see her, Mer. You're getting married and starting med school. Maybe she'll know you."

Meredith sighed, knowing he was right. "I really hate it when you're right," she whispered.

Derek smiled softly. "You're going to go?"

"Will you come with me?" she asked softly.

He leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Of course I will," he smiled.

"Thanks," she breathed.

"Alright, I think it's time that I head off to bed," Emma sighed as she stood. She made her way around the table, congratulating Mark and Addison softly before she turned to Derek and Meredith. "Meredith, dear," she whispered, pulling the younger woman into her arms. "I am so very proud of you."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, inhaling sharply. She couldn't ever remember anyone besides Derek telling her that she had made them proud before and Emma, her future mother in law, was telling her that now, and she couldn't help the tears from sliding down her cheeks. She had a mother, one that loved her and was proud of her. "Thank you, Emma."

Emma pulled back and smiled softly at her son's fiancé. "You're going to marry my son in a month, Meredith," she said, reaching out to wipe away Meredith's tears. "I've considered you my daughter for years now, I think it's acceptable for you to call me Mom."

Meredith blinked in surprise. She hadn't been expecting that, especially since Chris and Matt, Nancy's husband of a year and a half, both called her Emma. But they both had moms who cared about them and knew they existed, and she…she wanted a mom. "Okay," she whispered. "Mom."

Emma squeezed Meredith's hands tightly, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek before turning to Derek. "And you, my one and only son…I can't even put into words how proud you have made me. Me and your father."

"Mom," Derek shook his head slightly, not wanting to break down in the middle of the restaurant.

"Derek, you are a wonderful man," Emma smiled, reaching up to brush his cheek with her hand. "And you're going to be an amazing doctor, and an extraordinary husband and father, just like your own father."

Derek swallowed hard as he nodded, not trusting himself to speak in that moment. He leaned forward to hug her tightly. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too," Emma whispered, kissing his cheek gently before she turned to leave the restaurant.

"You okay?" Meredith asked Derek softly, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I'll…I'll tell you later."

"Okay," Meredith smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Alright, baby brother," Nancy said with a smile as she stood as well. "I think we're all ready to call it a night."

Derek smiled as he hugged his sisters good night, turning to Meredith as they were the only two left in the room. "And then there were two," he said, reaching out to lace her fingers through his.

"We should probably leave too," Meredith giggled. "I think the staff here hates the Shepherds. And…I may have a surprise for you waiting under this dress."

"Let's go," Derek said, tugging her towards the door.

"In a hurry?" Meredith asked with a giggle as he shoved her into the empty elevator.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, pushing her against the wall as he kissed her firmly.

"I love you," Meredith whispered against his lips, threading her fingers through his hair.

"Me too," Derek replied, moving his lips to her neck.

"No, Derek," Meredith whispered, pulling back to look him in the eye. "I mean I really love you, Derek. More than I've ever loved anyone. And…I'm so glad that I get to share this with you because even though I've never been able to share anything important in my life with anyone…I'm glad that you're here. Because I can't imagine being here and being happy and being….me if you weren't here too. So, Derek, I love you. More than you will ever know."

"Oh, Meredith," Derek whispered, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you too. So incredibly much. And I promise that you will never be alone again. I'll be here with you for everything, good and bad. I will never ever leave you. Because I love you too."


	50. Chapter 50

"And no matter what everyone else says, don't take more than six shots," Derek said as Meredith ran her hair straightener over her hair.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked at him in the mirror. "I know how to take care of myself, Derek," she said.

"I know," he nodded. "But I still have to tell you. It's my job."

"Your sister is pregnant, Derek," Meredith said. "And two of your other sisters are underage. It's not going to be a crazy bachelorette party."

"You never know," Derek sighed. "And I do know that there will be alcohol involved."

"And strippers," Meredith giggled.

"Which I still don't like."

"It's not like you're going to have strippers," Meredith pointed out. "Mark planned your party."

"Just…don't go crazy," Derek said, getting off the bed to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his chin on her shoulder.

"I won't," Meredith said softly, her hand moving into his hair as she looked at their reflection in the mirror. "Look at us, Der."

"We look good together," Derek smiled, pressing a quick kiss to her neck.

"You're wearing your good looking shirt," Meredith giggled.

"Got to make sure I look hot," Derek nodded. "It is my bachelor party."

Meredith smiled as she turned in his arms. "I have to go," she said, leaning forward to kiss him. "Otherwise Addison will come drag me away."

"Hmm," Derek nodded, kissing her one last time before stepping back to look at her. "You look hot," he frowned.

"So?" Meredith asked. "I'm supposed to look hot, it's my bachelorette party."

"Not so hot that other guys are going to hit on you."

"Don't worry, this will scare them away," Meredith smiled, holding up her left hand so engagement ring sparkled in the light of the room.

"Good," Derek nodded, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "Now go before I take advantage of you."

Meredith giggled as she picked up her purse. "You can take advantage later tonight," she said. "Love you."

"Love you too," Derek's voice drifted into the hall as she made her way down the stairs.

"Finally," Liz rolled her eyes. "I thought we were going to have to pry you and Derek apart with the jaws of life."

"Haha," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Just put this on," Addison said, handing her a plastic crown with a veil attached to it.

"I'm so not wearing this," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Mer," Caitlin giggled. "We're all wearing bridesmaid tiaras."

"Not until you tell me where we can having a bachelorette party with two underage girls and a pregnant girl and still get alcohol," Meredith replied.

Addison sighed dramatically. "You really want to know?" she asked.

"Yes," Meredith nodded firmly.

"We're going bowling."

"Bowling," Meredith repeated.

"Yes," Addison nodded. "They have late night bowling in the city. Every thing glows in the dark, and there's a bar and a dance floor, but it will also be fun for those of us who can't drink."

"Oh," Meredith said, a smile slowly spreading over her face. "Bowling."

"Now let's go," Nancy said, moving towards the door. "We have to catch the last ferry into the city."

Meredith giggled as she hooked her arm through Addison's. She'd never thought she would go bowling for her bachelorette party, but she couldn't deny that it sounded like fun.

XXXXX

"Seriously?" Derek asked as he turned to Mark as they stood on the street in the city, surrounded by Chris and Matt and a handful of friends from high school that they had kept in touch with through college. "The strip club's closed, Mark."

"I can see that," Mark rolled his eyes as he looked at the building that now boasted a sign for a preschool. "It wasn't a preschool last summer."

"Well, now what the hell are we supposed to do?" Derek asked. "I knew I should have asked someone else to be my best man."

"Dude, you don't have any other friends," Mark rolled his eyes. "And we'll find somewhere else."

"You better find somewhere else," Derek snapped. "Because if Meredith finds out how pathetic this party is, she'll never let me forget it."

"You are so whipped," Mark said. "Do you think of anything besides your…"

"Do not insult Meredith," Derek said evenly, stepping closer to Mark, anticipating his best friend's comment. "I swear to God, Mark…"

"Bowling!" Chris suddenly yelled, causing Mark and Derek to turn from each other.

"What?" Derek asked.

Chris pointed to a neon sign down the road, advertising a bowling alley. "We can go bowling."

"That's the lamest thing I've ever heard," Mark said, turning to Derek. "Your niece better get Kath's genes."

"No, he's right," Matt said. "We'll just rent out a private room and call some strippers."

Derek sighed. "Fine," he said. "Let's go."

They made their way into the bowling alley, and Mark smiled as he walked up to the counter, leaning close to the blonde working behind the desk. "Do you have any room for a bachelor party?" he asked, flashing her a brilliant smile.

The girl smiled politely before she looked into her book. "We do have an open room," she nodded. "This must be a popular time to get married. We've got a bachelorette party here tonight too."

XXXXX

"Strike!" Meredith shouted, pumping her fist in the air as she turned back to her friends. "I so won that round."

"You can't win a round," Kathleen rolled her eyes. "You win a game."

"Whatever," Meredith giggled as she reached for her apple martini. "No one else has gotten a strike yet."

"Okay, that puts Meredith' in…fifth," Liz announced as she looked up from her scorecard.

"Fifth?" Meredith frowned. "I just got a strike."

"And that was the first time you've even knocked any pins down," Caitlin pointed out.

"Oh," Meredith said. "It seems," she announced as she drained the last of her drink. "The more I drink, the better I get."

Addison laughed as she reached for Meredith's arm. "Maybe so," she said. "Let's go get another round."

"Okay," Meredith smiled, following her friend to the bar. "Thanks for letting me take off that stupid crown," she said. "It was totally hurting my game."

"I'm sure that was it," Addison said as she leaned over the bar. "Three margaritas and three cokes," she said to the bartender.

"Excuse me," Meredith heard a voice say from her left and she turned as she felt a hand brush her lower back. "Hi," a tall, blonde man said as he smiled down at her. "I'm Dave."

"Hi," Meredith said cautiously, smiling politely.

"So…this is a pretty cool place, huh?" Dave asked as he leaned against the bar.

"Um…sure," Meredith said, turning to Addison. "I'm going to go back to the girls," she said.

"You have to help me carry the drinks," Addison said apologetically as she looked at her.

"What are you drinking?" Dave asked, leaning closer to their conversation. "I'll buy it for you."

"Actually, I'm…" Meredith blinked in surprise as a punch came out of nowhere and suddenly Dave was on the ground. "Derek?"

"Derek, what the hell are you doing here?" Addison demanded.

"Oh," Derek frowned, clenching and unclenching his fist slowly, trying to see if anything was broken.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, reaching for his hand.

"Don't touch him, Mer, he's not supposed to be here," Addison said. "Where the hell is Mark?"

"In the private party room," Derek said. "With the strippers."

Addison rolled her eyes as she stormed towards the party rooms in the back of the alley. Meredith pulled Derek away from the bar, into a more quiet corner as she examined his hand as best she could in the dark alley.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked as she ran her fingers over his knuckles.

"He was hitting on you," Derek shrugged.

"So you punched him?" Meredith asked. "Derek, I was about to show him my ring. I'm sure that he would have backed down as soon as he knew I'm engaged."

"Oh," Derek said, suddenly feeling stupid. "Sorry, I just…saw red."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she finally met his eyes, then leaned in to kiss him. "My big strong caveman," she sighed. "I can take care of myself, Derek."

"I know," he sighed. "That doesn't mean I don't want to take care of you though."

She nodded as she reached for his hand again. "I don't think anything's broken," she sighed.

"Good," Derek nodded. "I can't have a broken hand ruining my wedding day."

"You should have thought about that before you punched an innocent person," Meredith said.

"Well, Ms. Grey, almost Mrs. Shepherd," Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "It seems that my best man and your maid of honor think alike."

"It seems that way," Meredith giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. She leaned in to kiss him, but was distracted when shouts started coming from the other side of the room.

"I don't care!" Addison shouted. "I booked this months ago, Mark. Months. You stumbled on it because you were to lazy to plan a real party. So you and your pathetic party have to leave."

"My party is not pathetic!" Mark yelled back. "And why doesn't anyone have to leave."

"Brides and grooms can't have their bachelor and bachelorette parties in the same place," Addison rolled her eyes. "They'll just end up having sex in the corner of the room."

"I'm okay with that," Derek murmured in Meredith's ear.

"Shut up," she replied automatically, slapping his arm. "We have to stop them before they cause a scene."

"I'm sorry, have you met Derek and Meredith?" Mark was saying. "Those two have some sort of weird radar when it comes to each other. I could have planned a party all the way across the city and they still would have ended up having sex in some sketchy alley or something."

"Oh my God," Meredith whispered, turning into Derek. "Please tell me people aren't looking."

Derek laughed as he moved a hand up to her hair. "No one knows who we are, Mer," he said. "We could leave."

Meredith pulled back and narrowed her eyes at him. "You just want to prove Mark right," she rolled her eyes.

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but then frowned. "No," he said.

Meredith bit her lower lip for a moment as she looked at him. She glanced over her shoulder at Mark and Addison who were still arguing heatedly, at least in more hushed tones, his sisters having made their way over to tell them to stop drawing attention to themselves.

Meredith turned back to Derek and edged closer to him, rubbing her hips against his. "We could prove Addison right," she purred.

"Wha…what?" Derek asked, his head starting to feel fuzzy at the feeling of Meredith's body against his.

"Addison said if we stay here, we'll end up having sex in the corner," Meredith whispered, slowly pushing him back to the corner where they had been standing moments before. "We could prove her right."

"Okay," Derek managed to choke out before he smashed his lips against hers, turning to pin her to the wall as she wrapped a leg around his waist. As she ran her fingers through his hair and gently moved her hips against his, he felt all thoughts leave his head, except for the pure desire for the woman in his arms.

This bachelor party wasn't turning out so badly after all.

**I think you all know what's coming next...:)**


	51. Chapter 51

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! They are definitely keeping me going!**

"What if I trip?" Meredith asked, turning to look at Liz. "I'm going to trip and fall and break my ankle and Derek will think I'm a completely lame ass loser…"

"Meredith, stop," Liz groaned. "And keep your head still, otherwise I will never get your hair right."

"But I'm going to trip," Meredith sighed. "And tear my dress and…"

"You're not going to trip," Addison said, leaning forward with eye shadow. "Close your eyes."

"I can't close my eyes!" Meredith gasped. "If I close my eyes I won't know where I'm going and then I'll…knock Derek's grandmother out of her chair or something."

"Oh my God," Caitlin rolled her eyes as she set her own eyeliner down. "She means now, Mer. So she can put your make up on. Obviously you're not going to close your eyes when you walk down the aisle."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, suddenly feeling stupid. "I'm sorry if I'm driving everyone crazy, I just…I'm terrified."

"It's okay, Mer, we get it," Kathleen said, resting her hand on her stomach. "But don't worry, Derek loves you. And that's what this is all about, right? Marrying Derek?"

"Derek," Meredith breathed. "Right. Right, it's about him."

"How are we doing?" Emma asked as she stepped into the room where the girls were getting ready.

"Emma," Meredith sighed in relief. "I mean Mom. I mean…crap."

"It's okay, dear," Emma said, leaning forward to kiss her check. "You have bigger things to worry about today."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Um…thank you." She paused for a moment before she asked, "Have you seen Derek?"

"I have," Emma nodded. "He's very excited."

"Good, that's good," Meredith said. "Because…I miss him. It's stupid and pathetic but I hate that you Shepherds are so set on tradition that I couldn't even spend the night with him last night."

"It's not the end of the world," Nancy laughed. "And don't pretend that you both didn't try to sneak out and see each other. You can't be mad if Liz falls asleep at the altar today, she was up all night making sure you two weren't sneaking around."

Meredith giggled. "I thought it was funny," she said. "I've never seen Derek try to scale a building before."

"You'd think he would have learned something after he tried to sneak out when he was in high school," Emma sighed. "Anyways, I have to get back to Derek. I promised him that I would make sure you're alright."

"You're going to see him?" Meredith asked, standing suddenly.

"Meredith," Liz sighed. "You have to stop moving, or you're going to get married without styled hair."

Meredith ignored her as she opened her purse. "Can you give these to him?" she asked, handing Emma a small jewelry box. "I wanted to give them to him last night, but your daughters are insane and I didn't get the chance, but I want him to wear them at the wedding, so…can you just give them to him?"

Emma smiled as she reached out to take the box. "Of course, dear," she smiled. "Do you mind if I look?"

"No, of course not," Meredith smiled.

Emma opened the box, smiling as she looked down at the golden cuff links. "Oh, Meredith…" she whispered. "They're beautiful. Derek will love them."

"You think so?" Meredith asked. "Because I saw them, and I thought…they have the claddagh symbol on them. It means love, friendship, and loyalty, and I looked up where Michael's family is from in Ireland and had them special made there and sent over, because I figured…." She took a deep breath as she inhaled sharply, trying not to cry. "I figured Derek would want to have part of his dad here with him today."

Emma stared down at the cufflinks for a moment before she looked at Meredith, tears filling her eyes. "They're perfect," she said softly. "And I know that Derek will love them."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I um…I should finish getting ready. And you should get back to Derek."

"I will," Emma nodded. "And when I get back, we'll get you into your dress. It's almost time."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, turning back to Liz as Emma walked out of the room.

"Mom!" Derek ran to Emma as soon as she stepped out of the room. "Is she okay? She's not freaking out, is she? Because this is big, and she's probably going to freak out, and I'm the only one who can calm her down, so I need to see her."

"For goodness sake, Derek, you're the one the needs to calm down," Emma rolled her eyes. "She's calmer than you are."

Derek frowned. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Because she…she freaks out a lot, and I know how…"

"Derek Christopher, calm down, take a seat, and listen to your mother," Emma said firmly, pointing to a room across the hall.

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he entered the room and sat down. "Mom, I just…"

"She wants you to have these," Emma said, handing him the box from Meredith. "And… your father wanted you to have this."

"What?" Derek asked, taking the box quickly before reaching for a yellowed envelope with shaking hands. "Dad?"

"Whenever we updated our wills," Emma said thickly, holding back tears. "Your father and I wrote letters to each of you, explaining our hopes and dreams for you, in case anything should happen. Naturally, we wrote them in the expectation that you would receive them on a graduation day or something equally important in regards to your success, but…I think your father wrote this letter more about Meredith than anything else. He wrote it after that first Christmas she came home with you, right before the accident. So I think he would have wanted you to have it today. Your wedding day to Meredith."

"Oh," Derek breathed. "I…thank you."

"I'm going to help Meredith into her dress now," Emma said, squeezing Derek's hand. "But I want to see you open her gift, then you can have a moment alone with your father."

Derek smiled as he opened the box, his eyes widening. "Oh," he breathed.

"They're specially made from Tipperary," Emma said softly. "The town where your father's family is from. Meredith had them ordered just for today."

Derek smiled softly as he moved to put the cuff links on. "She's amazing," he breathed. "Can you…I have this for her." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelry box. "I want her to wear it today."

Emma smiled softly. Her son was nothing if he wasn't a hopeless romantic, just as his father had been. "Of course, dear," she said. "I'll see you outside."

Derek nodded as he sat back down, fingering the envelope from Michael.

"Alright, I'm back," Emma smiled as she entered the room, smiled as she noticed Meredith's hair and make up were finally perfected. Addison was just being zipped into her lavender bridesmaid gown, and Meredith was seated in the corner of the room, staring at the white dress hanging from a hook in front of her.

"Meredith," Emma said softly. "Derek wanted me to give this to you." She placed the box in her hands, and watched as Meredith opened it with shaking hands. "Oh," she said softly. "It's beautiful."

Emma smiled as she looked down at the Celtic knot made of emeralds and diamonds in Meredith's hands. "He wants you to wear it today," she said, reaching out to take the chain and hook it around Meredith's neck. "You know Michael gave me a necklace just like this when we were married."

"Really?" Meredith asked.

Emma smiled as she moved back to stand in front of Meredith. "See?" she asked, pulling the necklace out from under her dress. "I still wear it every day. It makes me feel closer to him, like he's here with me. Especially since…" she trailed off as her gaze trailed down to Meredith's hand briefly.

"Since I took your engagement ring," Meredith finished, twisting the ring around her finger.

"You didn't take it," Emma shook her head. "I want you to have it, and so did Michael. He surely would tell me I was ridiculous for missing it."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you, Mom," she whispered. "You've been…more than amazing over the past few weeks, and I just…thank you."

"There's nothing at all to thank me for," Emma smiled. "You're a daughter to me now, Meredith. Now, let's get you into this dress so you can get married."

Meredith giggled as she reached for the dress, trying to ignore her nerves as she stepped into the dress.

XXXX

Derek paced the small room where he was waiting for the wedding to start, trying to calm his racing nerves. He had not been expecting to have such a strong connection with his father, and now he couldn't help thinking about the words that had been in the letter.

_No matter what anyone says, Meredith will always be the most important thing in your life. Work hard in med school and become an excellent surgeon, but don't put that before her. Make sure to spoil her when she needs it._

_When she gets pregnant, she will always be right._

_If your mother hasn't given up her engagement ring for Meredith yet, make sure she does so. Meredith deserves something special._

_When you have children, make sure to have at least two days off a week to spend with them. Teach your son to fish, just like I taught you, and make sure your daughters know that they're your princess.  
_

_I'm so proud of you, Derek. You have turned into such an amazing man, and I'm sorry that I won't be able to watch you become a doctor and have children. But I know you'll do fine, especially since you've got Meredith now. I love you, my only son, and you have made me so proud._

Derek knew he was supposed to be thinking about Meredith and how amazing his life would be in a few moments when she walked down the aisle towards him, but now he couldn't figure out how he was supposed to be a husband, doctor, and father without having his father's guidance.

"Shep, you ready?" Mark asked, stepping into the room.

"I…I don't know," Derek said.

Mark blinked in surprise before he asked, "excuse me?"

"I can't do this without Dad," Derek gasped. "He…I need him to tell me what to do."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Are you serious?" he asked. "All I've heard for the past four years is about Meredith and how you want to marry her. And now you're saying you can't do it?"

"I want to," Derek said. "God, she's everything. But I don't even know how to be a husband. I need...I need someone to tell me what to do."

"You're an idiot," Mark said. "Derek, you grew up watching your father put your mom before anyone or anything else. And you know how to be a husband. You were willing to give up your dream school for Meredith, and every single time she's needed there, you've been there. This…it's just a formality. For all intents and purposes you're already her husband. So just think about Meredith. This is about her and you, and it sucks that Dad isn't here, but you need to just think about Meredith. Because she's getting ready to walk down the aisle, and the last thing you should be doing right now is freaking out. It's Meredith, Derek."

Derek took a deep breath, Meredith's face flooding his head for a moment before he nodded and sighed. "You're right," he said. "It's Meredith. I'm ready. I want this."

"You sure you're okay?" Mark asked with a frown.

"I'm fine," Derek nodded. "Meredith's waiting and…I can't wait to marry her."


	52. Chapter 52

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Derek took a deep breath as he stood at the front of the makeshift alter. White folding chairs were set up in the garden of the church where he had grown up. Mark was standing at his side, and his mother was smiling proudly from the front row, Kathleen at her side. Derek swallowed hard as he looked towards the end of the aisle, where Caitlin was beginning to make her way down the aisle and he could see a flurry of activity through the flaps of the white tent set up.

He watched as each of his sisters made their way down the aisle, smiling softly at each of them as they moved to stand on the opposite side of the altar. Addison stepped out of the tent as Liz stood at the altar, and he heard Mark inhale a sharp breath from beside him as he laid eyes on her. Addison glanced over her shoulder for a moment before she made her way down the aisle, her eyes locked with Mark's. Derek kept his eyes focused on the tent, waiting impatiently for Meredith to step into his sight.

When she finally did, he felt his breath catch in his throat, and suddenly every fear, every tiny doubt he'd had in his mind completely vanished. All that mattered was the amazing woman in the white dress, walking towards him with a small smile as she clutched the bouquet of lilies in her hands.

She was amazing.

When she was close enough, he took a few steps forward and offered his hand, smiling widely as she laced her fingers through his.

"Hi," she whispered, stepping closer to him and resting her forehead against his.

"Hey," Derek whispered, his eyes locked on her. "You look amazing."

"So do you," Meredith whispered back.

"Hmmm, let's get married."

"Okay," Meredith giggled as he led her to the white archway where the Shepherd family priest stood, waiting to bless their marriage. She handed her flowers to Addison then turned to smile at him, gripping both of his hands tightly in hers.

"We are gathered here today…"

Derek didn't bother listening to the words as he stared at Meredith, her fingers laced tightly through his. As he stared at her, he couldn't remember why only moments before he had been freaking out about this. There was no way he could live without the woman in front of him, without her amazing giggle and her ability to make him see the world in ways he couldn't by himself. He needed her, everything about her.

"Derek and Meredith have decided to write their own vows for one another," the minister continued, shaking Derek from his reverie. "And it has been requested that Derek go first."

Derek wondered briefly when and why it had been requested that he speak first, but his quickly shook his head, trying to remember at least some of the vows he had spent weeks preparing. He looked down into her eyes, smiling slightly before he inhaled deeply.

"Meredith," he said, her word coming out in one soft breath. "Meredith, there are no words to describe how I feel about you. You have been such an amazing part of my life for the past four years, and I know that without a doubt you have made me into the man I am today. I'm proud of who I am, Mer, and even though you're probably going to roll your eyes and think I'm saying that to be cocky…it's not true. I'm proud of who I am because you made me this way. You bring color into my world, and while I see things in black and white…you help me to see the rainbow. I love you so much, Meredith, and I honestly don't think that anyone has ever felt this as strongly for another person as I do for you. So today, I want to promise you forever. No matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, I will always love you. Forever and always."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked up at him, squeezing his hands as she willed herself not to cry. She couldn't ruin her make up now, not before she had to say her own vows and take pictures with her…husband.

"Derek," she breathed softly, her voice shaking slightly. "I know…I know I'm sometimes hard to understand, and I'm not the easiest person to have a relationship with. But I'm so grateful for you, because you have always loved me. Even when I made it hard for you, even when I pushed you away, you've never stopped loving me. And that means so much to me, Derek, because no one has ever done that for me before. You're the only person who has ever loved me, and for that I owe you…everything. I have no idea where I would be without you, and I'm so glad your lame pick up lines actually had some kind of charm because you're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And I can say with quite a bit of certainty that…I definitely love you more than you love me."

Derek laughed slightly as he squeezed her hands gently, silently thanking her for her honest words.

"I never thought I would be here," Meredith whispered. "And now that I am…you have to know that I can promise you with everything in me that I will love you for every single day until the end of forever. I promise, Derek."

He swallowed hard as he tried to rid himself of the lump in his throat. It was all he could do to remain in control of himself and not pull her close to push her passionately.

"And now the ceremony of the rings," the minister continued, turning to Mark. "Mark?"

A slow smile appeared on Mark's face, and Derek kicked him in the shin, silently warning him not to be an idiot. Mark sighed before he reached into his pocket, handing the rings to the minister, who quickly blessed the rings, then turned to Derek. "Derek, place this ring on Meredith's finger and repeat after me," he said softly. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Meredith," Derek smiled as he gently eased the ring onto her left hand. "With this ring…I thee wed."

"And Meredith, place this ring on Derek's finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

Meredith blinked back tears as she slid the ring onto Derek's hand squeezing it tightly. "With this ring," she whispered. "I thee wed."

"Alright, by the power invested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister smiled. "You may…" he trailed off as he saw Derek already holding Meredith tightly in his arms, kissing her firmly.

"Derek," Meredith giggled against his lips as she ran her fingers through his hair. "People. People are watching."

"Don't care," he whispered as he kissed her again, only vaguely aware of the clapping in the background. "We're married."

"Married," Meredith whispered as she moved to wrap her arms around his neck. "God, Derek, we're married."

Derek leaned forward to kiss her again before he felt Mark gently pull him back. "Dude, you have to wait until the wedding night," he said. "Or at least until the priest's gone."

Meredith giggled as she stepped back, hooking her arm through Derek's. "Let's go to our reception, Der," she said as they walked down the aisle, both smiling widely as the minister announced the first appearance of Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd.

XXXXX

"Meredith, I swear if you cry one more time, you're going to have to spend the rest of the evening looking like a raccoon because I am not doing putting make up on you again," Addison said as she leaned back from her best friend, capping the mascara.

"I'm sorry," Meredith sighed. "I just…it's been an amazing day."

"I know," Addison smiled. "But that's the third time I've had to do your make up today."

"No more," Meredith shook her head. "The toasts are over and so is seeing Emma, and the only thing left is the dance, and…I won't cry during the dance. I promise."

"Good," Addison nodded. "I'm happy for you, Mer. You and Derek…you're so great together, and you're going to be so happy."

"Thanks," Meredith said, reaching out to hug her friend. "God, I'm going to miss you, Addie. You've been so amazing keeping me sane this week."

"I'll miss you too," Addison smiled softly. " But no crying, remember? This is a happy day."

Meredith giggled as the door swung open and Nancy walked in. "Mer, you've got to get back out there," she said. "Derek's stalking the door like some kind of creeper waiting for you to come out. He told me to make sure you were okay."

Meredith smiled as she turned to look in the mirror one more time, satisfied with her touched up appearance. "I'm going," she smiled.

When she opened the door, she saw Derek leaning against the wall across from her, arms crossed over his chest as he waited. When he saw her, his eyes turned warmer, and a slow smile spread across his face. She swallowed hard as she stepped towards him, trying to control her emotions and desires. He was hot. Her husband was hot.

"There you are," he said with a smile as he reached out to take her hand and kiss her gently.

"Nancy says you're stalking the ladies room," Meredith giggled.

"Well, I wasn't planning on letting you out of my sight at all today, so you should just be glad I let you go in there," Derek said.

"Let me?" Meredith asked, eyebrows raised. "Is this some kind of 'I'm your husband now so you have to do what I say' routine. Because that, Derek Christopher Shepherd, is not going to fly."

Derek laughed as he leaned down to kiss her gently. "You know that's not true, Mer," he said. "I know better than to try and tell you what to do."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Now we have to go the dance thing or whatever."

"I'd rather just…sneak away," Derek murmured, pulling her close.

"Oh no," Meredith shook her head, pulling her hips away from his growing arousal. "No sex at our wedding reception."

"You didn't say that at Nancy's wedding," Derek frowned.

"And after that disaster there's no way I'm ever doing that again," Meredith said. "My dress was stained, Derek. Wrinkled and stained, and that's not going to happen to my wedding dress."

"Fine," Derek sighed dramatically. "Let's go dance."

Meredith smiled as they made their way back to the small reception hall where their family and friends were waiting for them. As soon as the band saw their entrance, the first notes of Can't Help Falling in Love echoed through the room.

Meredith blushed slightly as Derek pulled her onto the dance floor, wrapping her tightly in his arms. "Hmmm," she sighed in contentment.

"This is perfect," Derek whispered softly as he held her close, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Completely," Meredith agreed. They moved in slow circles for a moment before she whispered, "Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where are we going for our honeymoon?"

He laughed as he pulled back to look at her, moving a strand of hair behind her ear. "You think I'm really going to tell you?" he asked.

"Well…yes. I'm your wife now. You have to do what I say."

Derek sighed as he rested his chin against her shoulder. "If I tell you now, can we leave soon?" he whispered.

Meredith giggled, her hands moving up and down his back. "Depends on where we're going."

"Kauai," Derek whispered.

"Kauai?" Meredith repeated, pulling back to look at him. "Kauai, as in…Hawaii?"

"As in the honeymoon island," Derek smiled, pressing his lips against hers. "So there will be…lots of honeymooning."

Meredith giggled as she ran her hands through his hair. "This is…amazing."

"I know," Derek whispered.

They turned together for a few more minutes before the song slowly came to an end, and Derek led Meredith off the dance floor, her hand nestled tightly in his.

"Derek, Meredith, I am so pleased for you two," Emma sighed, tears coming to her eyes as she approached the newlyweds. "You're just…so amazing together. Just like your father and I were."

"Mom," Derek smiled softly, giving her a tight one armed hug. "Thank you. For everything. I couldn't have asked for a better mother, and I'm so glad we're going to be closer to you now."

"Yeah, now Derek has somewhere to go when he's being stupid and I kick him out," Meredith giggled.

Derek frowned, but Emma laughed as she pulled Meredith from Derek's embrace into her own. "I am so glad that Derek has you," she whispered. "I couldn't think of anyone better for him. And I'm so incredibly overjoyed to have another daughter welcomed into this family."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Thank you…Mom."

"Hey Shep," Mark boomed, coming over to them. "The limo's here, and I'm assuming you want to get in it so you can…"

"Mark Sloan, do not even finish that thought," Emma warned.

Mark sighed. "Fine," he said. "But the limo is here."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "You ready to go soon, Mer?"

She smiled slyly up at him. "I think you know it," she whispered, causing a tingle to run down his spine.

"Okay," he said, turning to his mom. "We're going to go. But…thank you, Mom. You really are amazing."

"Have a wonderful honeymoon," Emma smiled. "I want to hear all about it when you get back."

Addison and Mark walked with them out to the limo, the rest of their guests trailing behind them.

"Have an amazing time," Addison giggled as she hugged Meredith tightly. "And don't forget the sunscreen, especially for Derek's…well, you know."

Meredith giggled as she hugged her friend back. "Thanks, Addie," she said. "I'll see you in a couple weeks." She pulled back to Derek and took his outstretched hand as he helped her into the limo. She smiled as he climbed in behind her and they moved towards their new life, together.


	53. Chapter 53

"One tequila sunrise for one beautiful Mrs. Shepherd," Derek announced as he walked out of their cabana onto the small private beach where Meredith was lying on a lounge chair, her skin glowing in the sunlight.

Meredith giggled as she sat up and reached for the drink in Derek's hand. "Thank you," she said eagerly as she took a sip. "Hmm, you're the best husband ever."

Derek laughed as he scooted her forward and slid onto the chair behind her. "I'm glad," he said as he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her neck. "And it works well because you…are the best wife ever."

She giggled as she turned in his arms to look at him. "So are you saying that you agree with me that we should go parasailing later?" she asked.

Derek frowned. "I did not say that," he replied. "That involves wearing clothes and leaving here and…sharing you."

"We've been here for five days, Derek," Meredith said. "We have to make sure we do something so we can tell our family that we did something besides have sex."

"But it's our honeymoon," Derek protested. "That's what we're supposed to be doing."

"Your mom wants pictures," Meredith said firmly. "And she's certainly not going to see the pictures we've taken so far."

Derek sighed. "I suppose you're right," he said.

"Good," Meredith said with a grin as she jumped out of his arms. "Let's go."

Derek laughed as he followed her inside, unable to resist her enthusiasm as she pulled on a bathing suit and donned a light blue sundress on top of it. They dressed quickly and walked out of their cabana, making their way down to the public beach hand in hand. They approached the reservation booth on the side of the pathway, able to sign up and pay for a parasailing tour without any troubles.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Derek asked as he stepped onto the small boat, then turning to help Meredith up.

"Of course," Meredith giggled. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Just making sure," Derek said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before smiling at the driver of the boat. "We're the Shepherds," he said with a grin.

"You're an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek and Meredith," she said to the captain.

"Nice to meet you," the Captain smiled. "I'm Wes. We just have to wait for a few more people to come. We usually take about six people out a time, and you'll each get about fifteen minutes in the air. You can just take a seat in the back of the boat if you'd like."

"Thanks," Meredith said with a smile. She tugged on Derek's hand and they sat down in the row of seats that lined the back of the boat. "See, we're in Hawaii, we have to do some islandy things. It's not so bad."

"I still like sex more."

"You're such a guy," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But seriously, Derek, we're in Hawaii. I want to do Hawaii things too."

"I know," Derek smiled, wrapping an arm around her. "As long as I'm with you, it's a perfect honeymoon."

"You're corny," Meredith giggled, leaning forward to kiss him as a family of four climbed aboard the boat.

"Alright, folks," Wes said as he started the engine of the boat. "We're just going to get away from the shore, and then we'll start sending you all up."

Meredith giggled happily as she leaned her head against Derek's shoulder, looking out over the water as the boat started moving away from the shore. "This is amazing," she sighed. "I love the ocean."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I know you do," he replied. "One of the reasons I chose Hawaii?"

"Oh really?" Meredith asked. "And the private cabana and the private beach? It had everything to do with me loving the ocean and not your desire to have sex twenty three hours out of the day?"

Derek frowned, but before he could respond Wes stopped the boat and turned to them. "Alright, would the happy couple like to go up first?" he asked.

"Yes," Meredith giggled, tugging on Derek's hand as they made their way to the back of the boat. Wes strapped them into the seats, gave them a few instructions, then moved back to the wheel of the boat.

"Ready?" Derek asked, reaching to squeeze Meredith's hand as they were pulled into the air by the parachute attached to their seats.

"Oh," Meredith gasped, looking down at the water below them. "Derek…"

"Wow," he breathed in agreement, looking out over the blue water and the mountains of the island before them.

"Look, there are some dolphins!" Meredith cried, pointing down to the water.

Derek laughed as the dolphins jumped and played in the water, Meredith giggling as she watched them. "This is amazing."

"It is," Meredith sighed, turning to look at him. "Thank you, Derek," she breathed. "This is…the best honeymoon I've ever been on."

Derek laughed as he squeezed her hand. "Well that's good," he said. "Because it's the only honeymoon you'll ever be on. But I'm glad you're having fun because this…it's been the best week of my life."

Meredith smiled widely at him before turning back to look at the island before them. "Der, look," she breathed. "There's a rainbow."

Derek looked at the arch of colors that faded into the mountains before he turned to look at Meredith, her eyes wide and sparkling. "God, Mer," he whispered. "You're beautiful."

She blushed as she looked down at her hands. "Thanks," she said softly.

They sat together quietly for the rest of the ride, looking at the landscape around them as they drifted easily in the wind. When they were brought back onto the boat, Meredith snuggled close to him as they rode on the boat, admiring the wildlife and the sunshine.

"Alright, folks, that's it for this trip," Wes said as he pulled back up onto the beach. "We've got some other activities to offer if you're interesting to make sure to stop by the information desk on the other side of the beach."

"Let's go see what they have," Meredith giggled as she pulled Derek up the beach. "I want to go snorkeling. And see if I can swim with dolphins. Or go whale watching."

Derek laughed as he followed her to the information desk. She was so excited about everything the island had to offer, and he would do anything to make sure she got the honeymoon she wanted.

"Let's go on the sunset dinner cruise," Meredith exclaimed. "We can do that Friday night, it would be the perfect way to end the honeymoon. We can get dressed up, and drink champagne and watch the sunset. Derek, that would be so amazing."

"We can do that," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"And can we swim with the dolphins tomorrow?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him with wide eyes. "I've always wanted to do that, but my mom…well, you know."

"Of course we can, Mer," Derek laughed. "Anything you want."

Meredith laughed as she turned into him and threw her arms around him. "Thank you, Derek," she giggled. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mer," he laughed, kissing her quickly.

XXXXX

Meredith sighed contentedly as she sipped at her champagne, leaning back into Derek as he wrapped his arms around his waist. "This is amazing," she breathed as she looked out over the sunset, the boat rocking gently under their feet.

"Hmmm," Derek agreed as he buried his nose in her hair. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. "I don't want to go back."

Derek squeezed her tightly. "I know," he whispered. "But it's exciting. We'll move into our beautiful new apartment, and Kath will have her baby. And then we start med school in September."

"That will keep us busy," Meredith murmured. "Derek, you have to promise me something," she whispered, turning in his arms to look straight at him.

"Anything," Derek said honestly, reaching out to cup her cheek.

"Over the next four years in med school and even after that, when we're doctors…we can't let us slip away," she whispered. "My mom…she was so busy trying to be a doctor that she forgot how to be a mom and a wife. I don't want that to ever happen to us. I'll always be your wife first, doctor second. And when we have kids a really really long time from now…I'll be a doctor third."

"I promise," Derek whispered, leaning his head down to rest his forehead against hers. "I feel exactly the same way."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "And you're…corny and stuff, so I'm sure…we can still go on dates? Even though we're married, we can still have date nights and us nights without books or paperwork or…anything besides us?"

"Just us," Derek nodded. "I will want to go on dates with you for the rest of my life, Meredith Shepherd."

Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love my new name," she sighed.

"Me too," Derek nodded. "We'll graduate med school right next to each other. I'll be first, of course."

"Oh, of course," Meredith giggled. "When we start internships there will be two Dr. Shepherds."

"That's a long time away," Derek laughed. "And we'll worry about it then. But I'm sure they've had doctors with the same last names before."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, cuddling into his chest. "I always want to remember this moment," she sighed.

"Me too," Derek agreed, planting a kiss to the top of her head. "We'll come back, Mer. When med school is done, we'll come back here and have another honeymoon."

"I like the sound of that," she whispered. "Maybe by then Mark and Addie will be married by then and they'll come out to."

"Hmm," Derek agreed.

"You'll miss Mark," Meredith continued.

As much as Derek wanted to make a sarcastic remark about his best friend, he refrained and gave into his wife's observation. "I don't remember not having him around," he sighed. "He…he always protected me. From the bullies."

Meredith giggled. "I can protect you now," she offered, tightening her arms around his neck."

"That would be very appreciated, Mrs. Shepherd," Derek smiled. "We'll see them, Mer. Mark and Addison aren't leaving for good. And in the meantime…we'll just make some new friends."

"We'll be in school," Meredith nodded.

"You suffer through med school together," Derek nodded. "That's what my dad always told me. He met some of his best friends in med school, people he still talked to until the day he died."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "But it doesn't really matter. Friends are nice, but I really only need one thing to keep me happy."

"Really?" Derek asked, eyebrows raised. "And what would that be?"

"Something I already have," Meredith whispered, leaning up so her lips were inches from his. "You."

"Good," Derek replied firmly before his lips came crashing down on hers, silently telling her that he felt the same way.


	54. Chapter 54

Derek groaned as he was pulled out of his sleep to the ringing of a telephone beside him. He squeezed his eyes tightly and buried his face in Meredith's hair, hoping that if he ignored it, the phone would stop ringing.

And it did.

For about a minute.

Apparently whoever was calling was waiting until the machine picked up and then dialing again.

"Make it stop," Meredith mumbled into the pillow.

"You make it stop," Derek groaned as the phone started ringing again.

"Seriously, Derek, make it stop," Meredith snapped, pulling out of his arms and burying her head in the pillow.

Derek groaned as he turned onto his back and reached for the stupid ringing phone. "What?" he mumbled into the receiver.

"Derek Christopher, that is no way to answer the phone," his mother's voice came over the other end of the line.

"Mom?" Derek asked. "It's three in the morning. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Emma smiled. "It just seems that I am now a grandmother."

"Seriously?" Derek asked, sitting up. "I'm an uncle?"

"You're an uncle," Emma laughed. "To a beautiful baby girl named Hailey Elizabeth."

"Wow," Derek sighed. "Everything went okay? Kath's good and the baby is okay and… everything's good?"

"Kathleen did wonderfully," Emma nodded. "I wanted to make sure that you all knew as soon as it happened."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said, a smile plastered across his face. "Mer and I will be in tomorrow afternoon. Tell Kath I love her and I'm proud of her."

"I will," Emma said with a smile. "Give Meredith my love. Tell her I'm sorry for waking her."

Derek laughed. His mother knew his wife all too well. "I will," he said. "Bye Mom."

He hung up the phone and turned on his side to look at Meredith before he leaned over, his lips millimeters away from her ear. "Meredith…"

"Go away," Meredith mumbled.

"Mer, wake up," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her naked shoulder. "It's exciting, I promise."

"It can wait til morning," Meredith groaned.

"Meredith," Derek said firmly.

"Derek, seriously," she groaned. "We went to sleep like an hour ago. So what do you have to tell me? Just tell me so I can go back to sleep."

"Fine," Derek shrugged. "You're an aunt." He turned on his side, his back to her as he settled back under the covers.

"What?" Meredith asked, sitting up quickly as she turned on the light. "Kath…the baby… Derek, I need details!"

Derek laughed as he turned over to look at her. "You said you wanted to go back to sleep."

"That's when I thought it was something stupid like Mark calling you to tell you to divorce me because he missed hanging out with you," Meredith replied.

"That was one time," Derek rolled his eyes. "And he was drunk. He didn't really mean it."

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "The baby's here?"

"She's here," Derek nodded. "Hailey Elizabeth. Mom said everyone's doing well, Kathleen's resting now and Chris is with her, but the baby's healthy. I told her we'd come in tomorrow afternoon."

"Wow," Meredith giggled. "I'm an aunt."

"You're an aunt," Derek laughed, pulling her closer to kiss her gently. "And I'm an uncle."

"I never thought I would be an aunt," Meredith giggled. "And now…I have a family. And it's just so amazing that I have people who love me, no matter what."

"You do," Derek nodded. "Although you just lost your title as the newest Shepherd."

"Well, technically the baby's a Sawyer," Meredith giggled. "So I'm the newest Shepherd."

Derek laughed as he pulled her into his arms. "My point is," he laughed. "Is that Hailey isn't ever going to know this family without Aunt Meredith around. None of our nieces and nephews will. And they'll all love you."

Meredith sighed happily as she settled into his arms. "I'm glad," she sighed. "I'll…I'll love them all too."

"I know you will," Derek nodded.

"Can we…sleep now?" Meredith whispered.

"Of course," Derek nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered, settling into his arms and getting comfortable enough to sleep, a smile gracing both of their lips.

XXXXX

"Knock knock," Derek said, poking his head into his sister's room the next afternoon. "I hear someone's now a mommy."

"Derek," Kathleen exclaimed, looking up from the tiny baby in her arms. "Come in. Is Mer with you?"

"Of course," Derek laughed, stepping into the room. "And we have presents."

"I like presents," Kathleen laughed.

"They're not for you," Derek rolled his eyes. "They're for my niece."

"Derek, don't be stupid," Meredith said, pulling the gift bag out of his hands. "Hi Kath," she said, leaning forward to hug her gently. "You look amazing."

"Thanks, but you don't need to lie," Kathleen laughed. "Meet your niece."

"Hi Haley," Meredith whispered, turning her attention to the baby in her sister in law's arms. "You're a beautiful baby. I'm your Aunt Meredith. And Uncle Derek's here to meet you too."

"You want to hold her?" Kathleen asked.

"Oh, I know you probably want to keep her to yourself…" Meredith started, biting her lower lip.

"It's okay," Kathleen smiled. "Mom's already held her, and so have Chris's parents."

"Okay," Meredith breathed, reaching for the baby. "Hi Hailey," she breathed, looking down at her.

"Let me hold her," Derek said, reaching to take the baby from her arms.

"Wait your turn," Meredith rolled her eyes, settling into the chair on the side of Kathleen's bed. "Give Kath the presents."

"Bossy," Derek muttered under his breath as he handed the bag to Kathleen. "Here Kath."

"Thanks," Kathleen laughed, wincing slightly as she moved to sit up more.

"You okay?" Derek frowned.

"Just sore," Kathleen shrugged. "It's normal." She giggled as she reached into the bag and pulled out a teddy bear dressed in scrubs. "Wow, thanks, Der."

"We named it Dr. Shepherd," Meredith giggled. "I wanted to name it Dr. Sawyer, because that's her last name, but…Derek insisted on Shepherd."

"I'm sure she'll love it," Kathleen replied. "She can remember Grandpa with it."

Derek smiled softly. "Keep looking," he encouraged.

"Now who's bossy?" Kathleen asked as she pulled a picture frame out of the bag. "Der…" she whispered, looking down at the old picture in the frame. "It's Daddy…"

"I found it in some photo albums," Derek whispered. "It's the first time he held you, and I just thought you could put in Hailey's room so she could know that her Grandpa loved her Mommy a lot and he would have loved her a lot too."

"Thank you," Kathleen whispered, tears streaming down her face. "God, Derek…this means so much."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "He's proud of you, Kath."

"I know," Kathleen whispered, running her fingertips over the picture.

"Derek," Meredith whispered from his side. "You should hold her."

"Oh," Derek breathed, gently taking Hailey out of Meredith's arms. "Hi sweetie. I'm your Uncle Derek."

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek talk softly to the baby, walking around the room as he bounced her gently. She turned to Kathleen and sat down on the end of the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Pretty good," Kathleen nodded. "Sore, and my hormones are still all over the place, but I've never been happier. She's so amazing and Chris is so good with her."

"Where is he?" Meredith asked.

"He had to go call his brother," Kathleen said. "Apparently his parents calling weren't good enough, he had to hear it straight from Daddy."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded, watching as Derek stood by the window, still talking softly to Hailey as he let her tug on his finger.

"He's good with her, isn't he?" Kathleen asked.

"He is," Meredith smiled. "I've never seen him with a baby before. He's…amazing."

Kathleen nodded knowingly. "I know that look," she laughed. "You've got a long few years ahead of you, you've got to get that baby desire on hold."

"I know," Meredith smiled. "We aren't going to have babies for a long time, but it's just refreshing to know that he's so wonderful with babies."

"It seems like you'll get lots of practice in this family," Kathleen giggled. "Has Nancy told you?"

"Told me what?" Meredith asked.

"Twins," Kathleen replied.

"Oh boy," Meredith said. "She's going to be twice as crabby now."

Just as Hailey let out a loud wail, Derek walked back over to the bed. "She needs Mommy," he said, handing his niece back to his sister.

"She's probably hungry," Kathleen sighed. "Um…guys, I really appreciate your visit and you can come back in a few minutes but I have to…"

"We'll leave," Meredith nodded, taking Derek's hand and pulling him towards the door. "We'll come back in a little while."

Derek closed the door gently behind him as Meredith turned to look at him. "She's beautiful," she said as she leaned into his open arms.

"She is," Derek nodded against her head.

Meredith pulled back as she looked at him. "Should we go find Mom?"

"We could," Derek replied. "But…we could explore."

"Explore?" Meredith asked, a sparkle in her eyes.

"I grew up in this hospital, Mer," Derek laughed. "I know my way around."

"Let's explore," Meredith giggled, pulling out of his arms and dragging him down the hall.

Derek laughed as they made their way through the hospital. Meredith had grown up in a hospital as well, but she somehow found it all new and exciting as she and Derek explored the new hospital. As they got off the elevator two floors above Kathleen's room, Meredith rolled her eyes and turned back to the elevator.

"It's just offices," she sighed. "Let's go to the surgery floor."

"Mer," Derek said softly, pulling her back down the hall.

"Derek, what do you want to see offices for?" Meredith asked as she followed him towards the end of the hall.

Derek stopped in front of a corner office at the end of the hall. Meredith stopped beside him and looked at the nameplate on the door. _Dr. Clark Scott, Head of Neurosurgery._

"This was my dad's office," Derek whispered.

"Oh, Der," Meredith whispered, rubbing his back gently as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Derek sighed. "It…I'll always miss him, but it happened a long time ago. It's just weird to see this office without him in it."

"You spent a lot of time here," Meredith whispered.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded. "My mom was a navy nurse, and they weren't so good with having kids around, so my sisters and I had to go to the daycare here. I hated it, and I would sneak out to see my dad. He had this little kid desk set up in the corner behind his, and when he was doing paperwork, I would sit at my own desk and…I don't know, draw or something, but I pretended I was a doctor just like my dad."

Meredith smiled softly. "He loves you, Derek," she whispered. "And he's still here. He's proud of you."

"He's proud of you too," Derek whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. "And so am I."


	55. Chapter 55

"I'm just saying, maybe it's a good thing we don't have any classes together," Meredith sighed from her perch on the kitchen counter.

"How is that a good thing?" Derek asked from the stove, stirring the pasta as it boiled softly.

"Med school's competitive," Meredith replied as she held up both of their class schedules, which had come in the mail earlier that day. "We're taking the same classes, just with different professors. And this way we can both be the top of all our classes without having to compete for it."

"Good point," Derek laughed. "I can't believe we start med school in two weeks."

"I know," Meredith sighed, reaching out to wrap her arms around his neck. "But remember we have to make time for each other once it starts."

"We will," Derek nodded. "Every Friday."

Meredith giggled. "I still can't believe that you set up a date night every week," she said.

"Only because you asked me to," Derek replied.

"I know," Meredith smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "And I love you for it."

"You better," Derek laughed.

"Do you think we'll be able to do it?" Meredith asked. "Be med school students and have time for each other? Because as much as I love the date night idea, I want to see you more than once a week."

"I know we can," Derek said, kissing her firmly. "We'll just have to coordinate schedules, and make the time. But we can do it, because we want to."

"Good," Meredith nodded, leaning forward to kiss him again before pushing him towards the stove. "Now make me some food."

Derek muttered something under his breath, and as he continued to stir the alfredo sauce on the stove the doorbell rang. "Did anyone buzz up?" he asked Meredith.

"Nope," she said, hopping off the counter. "Maybe it's a neighbor."

Derek smiled, hoping for Meredith's sake that it was. He knew that she loved him and that she loved being married, but he also knew she was missing Addison and her female companionship quite a lot. He checked the sauce and the pasta one more time before he walked out of the kitchen curiously.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith smiled reaching out to him. "This is Beth. She and her husband Nathan live down the hall."

"Hi Beth," Derek smiled, reaching out to shake her hand.

"Hi," she replied. "I'm sorry to interrupt your evening, but I was just wondering if you had the phone number for any local pizza places. We just moved in today and we're starving, but the last thing we feel like doing is cooking after unpacking all those boxes."

"Believe me, we know how you feel," Meredith said with a smile. "We just moved in a couple weeks ago."

"Why don't you and your husband come over here for dinner?" Derek suggested. "We have plenty of pasta."

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt…" Beth started.

"It's okay," Meredith shook her head. "We were just saying how we should get to know more people around here anyways."

"Well…thanks," Beth said with a smile. "I'll get Nathan and we'll be back in a few minutes."

"Wonderful," Derek nodded. When Beth closed the door behind her, Meredith turned to him and smiled.

"We're making friends," she giggled.

Derek laughed as he walked back into the kitchen to check on dinner. "We are," he nodded.

"It's good to know that there's actually people our age in this building," Meredith sighed. "I love the apartment and everything, but constantly being around adults is a little weird."

"I've got news for you," Derek said, a sparkle in his eye. "We are adults."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she slapped his arm. "You know what I mean," she sighed. "And I still don't feel like an adult."

"Are we just playing house?" Derek teased. "Because I'm pretty sure you did some very adult things last night…"

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes, moving back out of the kitchen to set two more places at the table.

"Hello?" Beth called as she opened the door slightly.

"Come in," Meredith smiled as she turned to greet them.

"Meredith, this is Nathan," Beth said, gesturing to the man beside her. "Nate, this is Meredith. She and Derek are amazing and are making us dinner."

"Derek's the amazing one," Meredith giggled. "I can't cook. Except for grilled cheese and spaghetti. And that's only if the sauce comes from a jar."

"You must be Nathan," Derek smiled as he came out of the kitchen. "Derek Shepherd."

"Nice to meet you," Nathan nodded. "I can't tell you how much we appreciate this."

"It's our pleasure," Derek nodded. "It's just about ready, so have a seat. Mer, do you want to help me in the kitchen?"

"Sure," Meredith smiled as she followed him into the kitchen to bring the food to the table.

"So, what do you two do?" Nathan asked after the wine had been poured and the food had been served.

"We're both starting at Columbia med school," Meredith said proudly. "We just moved down here from college in the Boston area."

"Wow," Beth smiled. "I guess it's good to know that we live near two doctors."

"Well, we're not doctors yet," Derek laughed. "What do you two do?"

"I'm going to NYU for my graduate degree in English," Beth replied. "And Nathan here is training with the Knicks."

Derek nearly choked on his wine. "The Knicks?" he repeated. "As in…the New York Knicks?"

"That would be them," Nathan smiled. "I got drafted right after college. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to keep up, but we'll see."

"That's amazing," Derek breathed.

"I can get you tickets if you want," Nathan offered, obviously amused by Derek's reaction."

"Yeah, that would be great," Derek said. "The Knicks, Mer."

"No offense, Nathan, but I still say the Celtics are better," Meredith giggled.

Derek rolled his eyes as he turned back to Nathan. "She's convinced that Boston is better than New York," he explained. "She even dragged me to a Sox game."

"You had fun," Meredith protested.

"Yeah, because they lost," Derek laughed.

"Shut up."

"Wait until Mark hears that I'm living next to a player for the Knicks," Derek said. "He's going to be so mad."

"Who's Mark?" Beth asked.

"Derek's best friend," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's dating my best friend, but they went out to LA for med school. Addison and I sometimes wonder if we're just a cover up."

Derek frowned. "That is so not true," he said. "And that's not something you say in front of company."

"I'm just saying," Meredith giggled. "You and Mark are much closer than Addison and I."

"You can ignore my wife," Derek informed their guests. "She likes to make up stories to embarrass me."

Nathan laughed. "It must be a universal thing," he said as he wrapped an arm around Beth's shoulders.

"How long have you been married?" Meredith asked.

"Since May," Beth said. "We've dated for a year and a half before that, but getting married in college…not really something I wanted to do."

"I get that," Meredith nodded. "We were engaged for almost a year for that reason."

"Where'd you meet?" Beth asked.

"College," Meredith giggled. "He lived across the hall from me, and on the first day he offered to hang up my curtains, then realized he had no idea how to hang curtains."

"Nice," Nathan laughed.

"Hey, I was just enchanted by my beautiful floormate," Derek defended himself. "And it obviously worked."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, leaning into his arms. "So how did you two meet?"

XXXXX

"So when are you going to break up with Mark and replace him with Nathan?" Meredith asked as she walked into their bedroom that night, applying lotion to her arms and shoulders.

"Shut up," Derek rolled his eyes.

"What, are you caught in a love triangle?" Meredith giggled. "You know, I'm sure Mark would be up for a threesome if you told him Nathan plays for the Knicks."

"Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you."

"Because you love me," Meredith said as she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips.

"Oh yeah," Derek laughed. "There is that."

"Seriously though," Meredith said as she leaned back to sit on his lap. "They were really nice."

"They were," Derek nodded. "It's nice to have some new faces around."

"I feel like such a grown up," Meredith sighed. "Living in a fancy apartment, having another couple over for dinner."

Derek laughed as he leaned up to kiss her. "What is with you today?" he asked. "We are grown ups, Mer, whether we want to be or not."

"I know," Meredith nodded as she slid off of his lap onto her own side of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Derek frowned.

"Do you ever have doubts, Derek?" she whispered, her eyes not meeting his.

"Doubts?" Derek repeated, feeling his blood run cold. "Mer, I told you I'm not ever leaving this. I love you, and you can't just…."

"No," Meredith smiled softly, shaking her head. "Not like that. I love you, and there's not a single moment that I regret marrying you or moving to New York. I don't have doubts about that at all."

"Oh," Derek sighed in relief, letting out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. "Then what?"

"Med school," Meredith replied. "Being a doctor. Sometimes it just seems so…boring. Not me."

"Oh," Derek said, looking at her carefully. "Do you want to withdraw from Columbia?"

"I don't know," Meredith sighed. "I just…when I was younger, I always had these dreams. I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, and then I wanted to be a writer, and when I started disappointing my mom, I woke up one day and decided to be a doctor because then she might be proud of me. And I forgot all those other dreams, because all I wanted was for my mom to be proud of me. I convinced myself that I wanted to be a doctor, but now…now I'm scared, Derek. What if I hate it? What if I can't do it?"

Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms. "First of all," he said. "I know that you can do it. That's not the issue, the issue is whether you want to do it."

"I don't know," Meredith whispered.

"I can't make that decision for you, Mer," Derek whispered. "You know I'll support you either way, but the decision…it's yours."

"I know," she whispered, curling into his chest as she ran her fingertips over his arm. "Are you…do you want to be a neurosurgeon because of your dad?"

"No," Derek laughed. "When I was in high school, being a doctor was the last thing I wanted to do."

"Really?" she asked. "What did you want to do?"

"I wanted to restore old cars," Derek said. "Buy them from junkyards, fix them up and sell them. But thankfully Dad knew enough to talk me out of that. It's a good hobby, one that I'll probably pick up when we get a house, but there's no way that I could make a living off of that. He told me I had to think more practically, so I told him I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. He tried to talk me out of that too, because he thought I was just saying that because that's what he did."

"But it wasn't?" Meredith whispered.

"No," Derek replied. "I did it because…when I watched my dad perform surgery, I could feel it, even from the gallery. The excitement, the adrenaline, the anticipation of what was going to happen next. I could feel it, and I wanted to have that feeling all the time, to be able to experience the thrill of saving a life firsthand."

Meredith nodded. "I don't feel that," she admitted softly. "I just feel…like I have to. Like I don't have a choice to be anything besides a surgeon."

"Listen to me," Derek whispered, cupping her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him. "I'll love you no matter what, okay? Take some time to think about this, I won't love you any less if you decided you don't want this."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, settling her head on his chest. "Thank you."

**So I'm not going to completely write Mark and Addison out of this story, they'll still be around, so don't worry! I've got a couple different routes that I could take with this story (Mer opting out of med school, staying in, etc) and I'd love your opinions on where you'd like the story to go, so please let me know! I hope you're enjoying it still :)**


	56. Chapter 56

**Okay, so the vote was pretty much unanimous as to whether Mer stayed in med school or not, and thank you so much for all of you who let me know! I really love hearing what you all would like to read about and making it come true.**

**On another note...I have never been to med school, so I'm not really positive what it's like. I'm assuming that it's similar to college just more intensely focused, which is how I'm going to portray it in this fic. If that's wrong...I'm sorry for those of you who actually know what it's like!**

**Enjoy :)  
**

Derek groaned as he rolled over in bed, unsure of what had woken him. He'd been sleeping soundly for once, and then all of a sudden he was wide awake for no apparent reason.

He reached over to cuddle with his wife, hoping that her soft breaths would lure him back to sleep, but instead found an empty bed and the reason he was awake. With a sigh, he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, frowning when he heard the soft murmur of the TV drifting upstairs from the living room. He sighed as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and made his way towards the stairs, determined to find out exactly what his wife was up to.

She'd been distracted over the past week or so, and he knew she was trying to decide what to do about her future. She was freaking out, just like she always did when any big change was about to occur in her life, and he couldn't help but hope that she would decide to go to med school with him, if for no other reason than he would actually have someone he knew he could count on there with him.

"Hey Mer," he said softly as he walked into the dark living room, with only the TV providing light.

"Derek," she jumped as she turned to look at him as he sat down beside her on the couch. "What are you doing up?"

"I was lonely," Derek said softly as he leaned forward to take her hand. "What are you doing up?"

"I'm watching these old surgery tapes," Meredith replied, her eyes sparkling. "My mom's about to do a stand still surgery. And in this one," she continued, holding up another tape. "Your dad cuts a man's brain in half. In half, Der."

Derek laughed as she rambled about the surgeries she had just watched. Obviously she was getting the same feeling he got every time he watched a surgery. "I remember, Mer," he said. "So does this mean what I think it does?"

"It means," Meredith sighed, taking a deep breath. "That I want to be a doctor. I'm going to med school, Der."

Derek smiled warmly as he leaned forward to kiss her. "Congratulations Mer," he said. "You're going to kick ass as a doctor."

"I hope so," she whispered. "I'm still scared, but…I want to do it. I don't want to back down just because I'm scared, because I think this really is where I'm supposed to be. Maybe it is because of my mom, but it's who I am. So I'm going to do it."

Derek smiled as he reached to tuck some hair behind her ear. "I'm glad," he whispered. "Can we go back to bed now?"

"No," Meredith giggled as she leaned for the remote. "I have to watch the end of this surgery."

"Mer, you can watch it in the morning," Derek sighed dramatically, leaning into her. "I'm tired."

"Then you go back to bed," Meredith giggled, pushing him off of her. "I'm going to watch surgery."

"I can't sleep without you," Derek replied.

"You're pathetic," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"That's mean," Derek frowned.

"So is talking through my surgery video," Meredith replied. "Now I have to start it over."

"No," Derek insisted, reaching over to scoop her off the couch. "No more surgery. We're going to bed."

"Derek," Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm not sure I like this."

"What, me being romantic and sweeping you off your feet?" Derek asked as he tossed her gently onto the bed.

"No, you kidnapping me and putting me in bed," Meredith giggled. "I could press rape charges."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Of course," he said. "Because everyone would believe that."

"It's true," Meredith nodded. "I've seen Law and Order. They take rape very seriously."

Derek laughed as he pulled her into his arms. "You're something else, Meredith Shepherd," he sighed. "You know I would never hurt you."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she settled into his arms. "I'm scared, Derek."

Derek sighed against the top of her head. "I know," he whispered. "I am too."

Meredith pulled out of his arms to look him in the eye. "You're scared?" she asked. "Because I thought you knew what you wanted to do, ever since high school."

"I have," Derek said. "But that doesn't mean I'm not scared. Being a doctor is hard, and I sometimes wonder if I can do it."

"You can," Meredith nodded encouragingly, running her fingers through his hair. "Derek, you're amazing. And you don't even have to study half as much as I do. You're not going to have any problems."

"I hope you're right," he whispered into her hair.

"I am," Meredith whispered. "You've worked hard for this, Derek."

"So have you," Derek whispered. "I'm glad you're not giving this up, Mer. You know I would have loved you either way, but you've worked so hard for this and it would have been a shame to see you give that all away."

Meredith smiled as she reached up to kiss him gently. "Thank you, Der," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled as he tightened his arms around her, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to come.

XXXXX

Meredith stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the clock above the stove as she tapped her fingernails nervously against the counter.

10:07.

She had her first class at 11, and she knew if she left now she would be twenty minutes early, and she refused to be that girl. But Derek had left two hours earlier for his first class, and she had found herself completely and totally bored in the apartment without him as she waited for it to be time to leave.

She'd already picked up the dirty clothes from the floor of her closet, done all the dishes by hand, and vacuumed the living room, and somehow only an hour had gone by. Now she stood in the middle of the kitchen, biting on her thumbnail as she looked around the room, trying to find something to occupy the next twenty minutes of her life.

"Mer?" Derek's voice called from the doorway, causing her to rush out of the kitchen.

"Derek!" she cried. "How was it? Was it scary and horrible? Do you have a million things to do now? God, you probably don't even have time to talk to me, because you have so much to do. I have to go anyways, even though I'm going to be early, but I guess it's better to be early than late, so I'll just go and you can start your homework…"

"Meredith," Derek laughed as he stepped forward and took her into his arms. "I always have time to talk to you. And I have some reading to do, but nothing too time consuming."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "So it wasn't super scary?"

"No," Derek laughed. "You'll do fine, Mer, it's not that different from college. Just doctors instead of professors."

"Okay," Meredith said, biting her lower lip. "I guess I should go."

"You'll be fine," Derek laughed. "Just try not to raise your hand and then ramble for ten minutes like you did on the first day of Brain Mind and Behavior."

Meredith scowled as she slapped his bicep. "I'm still mad at you for not stopping me," she said. "I'm leaving now."

Derek laughed as he pulled her close, kissing her firmly. "It was cute," he said. "And I love you."

She sighed as she gave into his embrace, leaning into him for a moment before she took a deep breath and pulled out of his arms. "I love you too," she whispered, pressing her lips against his. "I'll see you tonight."

"Bye Mer," Derek laughed, pushing her gently out the door before he turned to the couch, pulling some new textbooks out of his bag.

XXXXX

Meredith leaned against the wall outside the classroom, looking around the room at the other students gathered in the hallway, wondering why she felt so nervous. Derek had been completely calm that morning, and no one else seemed to be panicking. But she was completely and totally freaking out, and she didn't know what to do about it.

Suddenly, the doors to the large lecture hall opened and students poured through the double doors. Meredith swallowed hard as she moved to step through the doors, bumping into someone as she walked through the doors.

"Sorry," she said automatically, looking up at the person she'd bumped into.

"No problem," the blonde man said with a smile. "My fault."

Meredith smiled faintly before she stepped away from him, moving towards the front of the classroom. She sat down and pulled a notebook out of her bag, frowning when she saw the man she'd just spoken to approaching the lecture podium. She rolled her eyes to herself, silently chastising herself for virtually ignoring him. She sighed as she opened her notebook, hoping that she could just act like a normal person for once.

As the class progressed, Meredith began to relax as she realized Derek was right; classes in med school really weren't that different from college. She felt even better when she realized at the end of the lecture that she hadn't even been confused once. She smiled slightly as she slid her notebook back into her bag, standing to leave when Derek's advice from earlier that morning popped into her head.

"_Kath and Nancy swear by the fact that getting to know your professors will get you through med school. They'll remember your name and know that you really care, and when the time comes they may even be able to get you an internship."_

With a deep breath, she turned and walked back down to the podium, cautiously approaching it. "Dr. Brown?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" he asked, smiling as he looked up at her.

"Um…I'm Meredith Shepherd," she said. "I just…I wanted to introduce myself and say I'm really looking forward to this class. I love neurology, and I just wanted to tell you how much I'm looking forward to learning with you."

Dr. Brown smiled as he reached for shake her hand. "I'm happy to hear that, Miss Shepherd," he said. "I'm sure you'll do wonderfully, and if you have any troubles, you can contact me anytime."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "And, um…it's Mrs. Shepherd."

"Oh," Dr. Brown nodded, his eyes flickering down to her left hand before returning to her face. "My apologies."

"It's fine," Meredith smiled. "A common mistake."

"Well, I must say that your husband is a very lucky man," Dr. Brown smiled. "To have a wife as charming as you."

Meredith frowned, not having expected him to say that. "Thanks," she said hesitantly. "I have to go, but I'll see you on Wednesday."

"Looking forward to it," Dr. Brown said with a smile as Meredith turned to walk away, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the interaction that had just taken place.

She spent the rest of the afternoon finding her way around campus, grabbing a quick lunch, buying textbooks and attending another afternoon class before she finally decided to go home. She was curious to see how Derek's day had been, and she wanted to tell him about her classes as well.

"Der?" she called as she entered the apartment. "Are you home?"

"Hey," Derek called from the living room. "How was your day?"

"Great," she called as she moved towards the couch. "Hey Nathan."

"Hey," Nathan said from his spot in the armchair.

"What are we watching?" Meredith asked as she collapsed onto the couch beside Derek, reaching for his beer.

"Yankees Mariners game," Derek replied with a smirk. "How was your day?"

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I had a couple classes, spent way too much money on books…you know."

Derek laughed as he squeezed her hand. "Sounds familiar," he laughed. "How were your classes? Ridiculously hard? Did you ramble?"

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I did not ramble. And they were good. Although…" her voice trailed off as she debated whether she wanted to tell Derek about the weird feeling she'd gotten when she'd introduced herself to Dr. Brown.

"Although what?" Derek asked, knowing that she was hiding something.

"Nothing," Meredith shook her head. "What's for dinner?"

"Beth's making dinner," Nathan supplied, sensing Meredith's need to change the subject.

"Meredith," Derek insisted. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really," Meredith sighed. "Just…I introduced myself to one of my professors, and he made a comment that was just weird, but it's fine."

"What kind of comment?" Derek narrowed his eyes.

"Derek, please don't go all caveman on me," she rolled her eyes. "He just called me Miss Shepherd and I corrected him and said it was Mrs. Shepherd, and he said that my husband was lucky. It was really nothing."

Derek frowned. "He shouldn't be saying that," he said.

"It's fine," Meredith shook her head, leaning in to kiss him gently. "I'm going to go wash my face before dinner, okay?"

"Okay," Derek said slowly. "Mer…"

"Derek, don't," she shook her head as she stood and made her way towards the stairs.

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, watching as she made her way up the stairs. He was going to believe her if she said it was nothing, but he still wasn't sure he was comfortable with this whole situation.


	57. Chapter 57

"So you haven't completely cut yourself out of the world yet," Beth stated as she and Meredith climbed the stairs to their floor of the apartment building.

"Not yet," Meredith sighed. "But it's only been a week. Once there are tests and clinicals life will get crazy."

"Well, I'm personally very glad that you're still able to have a life," Beth smiled as they stopped outside of her apartment. "Because that means that we can still go shopping and have girl talk without hearing about sports and beer."

Meredith giggled. "It was fun," she said. "I'll see you later."

"Bye Mer," Beth smiled as she let herself into her apartment.

Meredith made her way down the hall, shopping bags in hand as she dug through her purse for her keys. Since Derek had been at class this afternoon, she and Beth had gone shopping to relieve themselves from some of the stress of starting school again. It had been good to get back into the real world, to have some girl bonding after spending almost all of her time with Derek.

She unlocked her apartment and stepped into the foyer, stopping when she saw the dimmed lights, the table glowing with candlelight. "Derek?" she called, setting her shopping bags on the floor next to the door.

"Hey," he called, stepping out of the kitchen.

"What's going on?" she asked, stepping forward to kiss him.

"Date night," Derek whispered against her lips. "Have a seat, Mrs. Shepherd."

Meredith giggled as he walked her over to the table, pulling her chair out for her. "Thank you, Mr. Shepherd," she said, leaning up to kiss him. "What's for dinner?"

"Hmm…wait and see," Derek whispered. "I'll be right back."

Meredith smiled as she looked down at the table. A bottle of wine sat in the middle, and she reached for it to pour a glass for both her and Derek. She glanced into the kitchen and when she saw Derek's back turned, she snuck a piece of garlic bread, shoving it into her mouth quickly as he turned to walk back to her.

"Don't pretend you didn't just steal a piece of bread," he laughed as he placed a bowl of chicken fettuccini on the table. "I know you too well, Meredith Shepherd."

Meredith swallowed the garlic bread and grinned sheepishly at him. "I'm sorry," she said sweetly. "Do you still love me?"

Derek laughed as he set her plate in front of her. "Of course," he said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Go ahead and eat, I know you're probably starving."

Meredith grinned as she dug into the food, moaning in appreciation as she took her first bite. "God, Derek," she said. "I'd marry you again just because of your cooking."

Derek laughed. "I'll remember that," he said, reaching forward to squeeze her hand.

"I love that you started our date night today," Meredith smiled. "I wasn't expecting it."

"I promised you I'd do it," Derek laughed. "Didn't you believe me?"

"Of course I did," Meredith sighed. "Just not this soon."

"Well, every Friday, we'll be here," Derek smiled. "Or…at a fancy restaurant in the city."

"Or dancing?" Meredith asked, leaning forward eagerly.

Derek winced. "Mer…"

She giggled. "It's okay, I know you don't dance," she said. "I was kidding."

"We could dance," Derek said, placing his napkin on the table as he stood and walked over to the stereo. Meredith watched as he switched the radio on and turned to her, opening his arms. "Care to dance?"

She giggled as she stood and stepped into his arms, sighing in contentment as she leaned into him. "You are a corny man, Derek Shepherd," she whispered against his chest, her voice slightly muffled.

"You love it," Derek laughed softly against her hair.

"I suppose," Meredith sighed.

They danced quietly for a few minutes, savoring each other's embrace and the time they could spend together.

"So," Meredith breathed after a few minutes. "What's for dessert?"

Derek swallowed hard as he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Whipped cream."

"Whipped cream?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Usually that is on top of the actual dessert."

"It will be," Derek groaned, kissing her hard. "It'll be on my body."

Meredith giggled as she stepped away from him, moving her hips in time with the music as she slowly unbuttoned her shirt. "I like the way you think," she purred, slipping her shirt over her shoulders and tossing it to him. "I'll be waiting."

Derek swallowed hard as he watched her make her way up the stairs before he hurried into the kitchen for whipped cream.

He loved date night.

XXXXX

"I swear, Addie, he really has gotten more cheesy…I don't know, maybe it's the whole marriage thing," Meredith giggled into the phone. "He ran out to get a book that was out of stock earlier this week." She looked up to the door as the intercom buzzed. "Hang on, the idiot forgot his key. Can I call you back in a few minutes? Okay…bye."

Meredith shook her head as she walked over to the intercom, pressing down on the button. "Hello?"

"Flower delivery for Meredith Shepherd."

"Oh," Meredith frowned. "Um, sure, come on up."

She waited by the door for the delivery, wondering who would have sent her flowers. Derek knew she hated when he brought home flowers, and the only time he had ever sent her flowers was as a joke when he found out that she and Addison had dubbed him McDreamy.

She flung the door open as soon as there was a knock, and grabbed the vase from the delivery man. "Thanks," she said as she closed the door and searched for a card, frowning when she couldn't find one.

She set the vase on the kitchen table and scowled.

Pink roses.

Obviously whoever had sent these didn't know her at all. She hated pink, and she hated roses.

"Hey, Mer?" Beth's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Come in," Meredith called, turning from the ugly flowers.

"Hey, I think some of our bags got mixed up yesterday," Beth said as she walked into the apartment. She paused as she looked at the flowers sitting on the table, then asked, "Derek didn't get you those, did he?"

"I don't know," Meredith sighed. "There's no card, but I don't think he's that stupid. At least I hope he's not that stupid."

"You hate pink," Beth laughed. "Which is actually why I'm here. I have your jeans, which would never in a million years fit me because you're so skinny. Did my pink sweater somehow end up here?"

"I haven't even looked at my bags since yesterday," Meredith said as she moved towards the door where her shopping bags from the previous day still sat. "Here."

"Thanks," Beth said, taking the sweater and sitting down at the table. "So you have no idea who sent them?"

"No," Meredith replied, sitting down next to her. "No one's ever sent me flowers before. Except for once, Derek sent them as a joke."

"Weird," Beth said with a shrug, leaning forward to examine the flowers for a card just as Meredith had done a few minutes earlier.

"I think I'll just throw them out," Meredith said. "They're ugly anyways."

"Good point," Beth giggled.

"I'll be right back," Meredith sighed, picking up the vase and walking towards the door, hoping she could get the flowers out of the apartment before Derek saw them and went into a blind rage.

"Hey Mer," Derek smiled, opening the door to find her standing right in front of him. His eyes widened as he saw the roses in her hands. "Wow, I'm flattered, but you know how I feel about pink."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes. "Did you send these to me?"

"No," Derek said. "As comfortable as our couch is, I'd prefer not to be sleeping on it until the end of time."

"Good," Meredith said.

"Someone sent you flowers?" Derek asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Apparently," Meredith sighed. "I was just going to throw them out."

"Okay," Derek said, frowning as he looked down at them carefully.

"There's no card," Beth offered as Meredith walked into the hall. "Mer and I both looked."

Derek frowned as he dropped his backpack on the floor and walked to the kitchen for a water bottle. "I don't like that there's someone sending my wife flowers."

Beth laughed. "You and Nathan were cut out of the same cloth," she said. "It's probably just someone playing a joke. Or someone has a crush on her and doesn't know she's married."

"I don't like it," Derek repeated.

Beth laughed as she stood and made her way towards the door. "Stop over reacting," she said. "Meredith trusts you." She turned and walked out the door, saying a quick good bye to Meredith as they crossed paths.

"So you got your book?" Meredith asked as she walked over to Derek and planted herself in his lap.

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "Which means I should be studying."

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled, pressing her lips to his neck.

"But I can think of other things I could be doing."

Meredith smiled as she pulled away from him, holding out a business card. "Before we start other things," she said softly. "This is the flower company that delivered. It was taped to the bottom of the vase."

"Do you want to call them?" Derek asked.

Meredith bit her lower lip. "I'm not sure," she said. "I want to know how sent them, but at the same time…does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters," Derek said.

"But it doesn't," Meredith argued. "Whoever sent these to me doesn't know the first thing about me. I mean, pink roses? Come on, Derek, even Mark knows better than to send me pink roses."

"Mark better not ever send you flowers," Derek frowned. "And it's up to you, Mer. It bothers me, but if you don't want to know…that's fine too."

Meredith smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him. "We'll just forget it," she whispered, threading her fingers through his hair. "There are more important things to think about anyways."

Derek smiled as he pulled her close, trying to ignore the nagging worry in the back of his head as his wife moved to straddle him, eventually forcing all thoughts besides her out of his head.

XXXXX

Meredith sighed as she walked into her neurology class on Monday morning, somehow finding this the last place she wanted to be. She and Derek had spent the weekend together, and now she realized that med school was starting in full force, with her first test in a week and chapters of reading to be memorized before then.

"Mrs. Shepherd," she heard a voice say, and she turned to see Dr. Brown standing behind her.

"Dr. Brown," she said. "Hi."

"I was looking through your records over the weekend, and I noticed your maiden name," Dr. Brown said. "The daughter of the legendary Ellis Grey."

"That's me," Meredith smiled politely as she internally rolled her eyes. She had hoped that taking Derek's last name would come with the added bonus of masking who her mother was. Obviously she was wrong.

"I was her intern in Boston," Dr. Brown continued. "I hear she's traveling now, writing a book?"

"Yes, she's finally retired," Meredith lied.

"I have some old surgery tapes of hers in my office," Dr. Brown said. "If you'd like them, or you think she would like them, I'd be glad to pass them over to you."

"Thanks," Meredith said, genuinely surprised at his offer. "I'll…ask her whether she wants them."

Dr. Brown laughed. "I'm sure she'll remember me," he said. "She always told me I was a complete waste of time."

Meredith smiled. "She said that to a lot of people," she said.

"Well, stop by my office sometime," Dr. Brown smiled as he moved towards the front of the classroom. "I'd be glad to tell you about the doctor your mother was."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "I'll be sure to do that."

She settled into her seat, wondering why she'd been so disturbed by him the week before. He seemed like a pretty nice man after all.


	58. Chapter 58

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**Okay, so just in case you haven't already guessed...this story is about to take a kind of dark and twisty turn, so be forewarned!**

"Hey," Meredith grinned as she entered the apartment a couple weeks later, kicking her shoes off and walking over to the couch where Derek lay, a textbook propped open on his chest.

"Hey," he replied, leaning up to kiss her. "How was the test?"

"I rocked it," Meredith giggled, moving towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. "I was the first one done, and I wasn't stuck on a single question."

"That's my girl," Derek laughed.

"So where are we going tonight?" Meredith asked.

"It's up to you, really," Derek sighed. "But honestly, Mer, I'm not feeling that well."

Meredith was at his side in a flash, her hand pressing against his forehead. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Did you throw up? Do you have a fever? Are your glands swollen? Mono's going around, I swear to God, if you gave me mono…"

"Meredith, calm down," Derek laughed. "I don't have mono, I had it in high school. And I'm fine, just a sore throat. We can still have date night, and just…eat ice cream or something."

"Are you sure you feel okay?" Meredith asked, chewing on her lower lip. "Cause now that you mention it, you look a little pale…"

"Meredith, I'm fine," Derek sighed, standing up and walking over to her. "You don't have to be so overprotective."

"I learned from my crazy husband," Meredith sighed as she leaned up to kiss him.

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "I'll go pick out a movie, how about you get dressed in your pjs and grab some ice cream? We'll have sundaes for dinner."

"Okay," Meredith giggled. She turned to walk up the stairs, quickly changing into a pair of Derek's boxer shorts and one of his sweatshirts. She thought for a moment before she ran a brush through her hair and rubbed some lotion over herself, knowing that even though she didn't have to wear fancy lingerie to make Derek want her, it was still nice to have a little bit going for her. She bounded back down the stairs, smiling as she saw Derek pulling the ice cream out of the fridge.

"You want the usual?" he asked.

"Yup," Meredith giggled as she walked to the table and picked up the mail. "But tell me when it's time for the chocolate sauce because you never put enough on."

Derek rolled his eyes as he began scooping the ice cream, listening as Meredith tore open a couple envelopes. "Anything good?" he asked.

"Bills," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And a letter from Addie."

"Good," Derek smiled, bringing the ice cream out of the kitchen. "Okay, here's…Mer? What's wrong?"

Meredith was staring down at a piece of paper, clutching it tightly in her hands as her face turned paler by the moment.

"Meredith," Derek breathed, setting the ice cream down on the table and gently prying the paper out of her hands. "Oh my god."

He was holding two pictures in his hand, both of which made his stomach churn. The first was of Meredith, clad only in a towel as she stood at the end of their bed, clothes thrown over the bed.

The second made him see red and want to throw up at the same time as he stared down at a picture of the two of them, wrapped in each other's embrace as they made love. He swallowed hard as he stared down at it, taking notice of the pure ecstasy on Meredith's face, which he was sure hadn't gone unnoticed by whatever creep had sent these pictures to them.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, reaching out to clutch his arm. "There's…someone's…"

Derek threw the pictures onto the table as he stormed over to the window, staring out at the surrounding buildings. "There's hundreds of apartments across the street," he said. "The roof…anyone with a halfway decent camera could zoom right in."

"What if…" Meredith's voice shook as she appeared behind him, not wanting to be separated from him right now. "What if someone knows how to get up to the balcony?"

Derek shook his head as he moved to the couch, pulling a blanket off of the back of it and hooking it over their empty curtain rod. "There's no fire escape on this building, Mer," he said softly, pulling her into his arms. "The only way onto the balcony is through the apartment, unless you scale the building."

Meredith felt tears come to her eyes as she clung to him tightly. "Someone's watching me," she whispered. "Us…someone's watching us, Derek."

"They're not going to anymore," Derek said firmly. "I'll put a blanket over the upstairs window too, and then first thing tomorrow morning we're going to buy the thickest curtains we can find to hang up there. And we're going to call the cops."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, pulling back to look into his eyes. "Don't you think that's a little much? What can they do? There's no return address on the envelope."

"They need to know," Derek insisted. "I'll tell the super too. Because if…they just need to know."

"In case something happens," Meredith said softly.

"Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his lap as he moved to sit on the couch. "This is your home. You need to feel safe here. I don't want you to feel like you can't walk around in a towel when you get out of the shower or be uncomfortable when we make love. There's a crazy person out there, and if the police know it, maybe they can catch him before anything bad happens."

Meredith breathed in deeply as she clung to his shirt. "Okay," she said softly. "Just… don't leave me alone here?"

"You don't have to be alone," Derek shook his head. "You can come to campus when I have classes or have Beth and Nathan over. I don't want you to be alone either."

"Okay," she whispered.

"Meredith," Derek breathed, squeezing her tightly. "I swear, I will never let anyone hurt you."

"Derek," she whimpered. "Can you just hold me? Not talk, just…hold me?"

"Of course," Derek whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he rocked her slowly, praying that all of this would just go away.

XXXXX

"Derek," Meredith shoved him gently the next morning, staring down at him. "Derek, you have to wake up."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, sitting up quickly as he looked around the room, his eyes landing on Meredith. "Mer, what's wrong?"

"We have to go to the store," she said. "We need curtains. And I want to call a locksmith. We need a better lock for the door."

"Meredith," Derek groaned, his voice scratchy. "I know you're scared. But we're safe here. We have the blanket over the window and honestly…I feel like shit right now."

"Oh," Meredith said, biting her lower lip. "Do you want me to make you some tea or something?"

Derek smiled as he squeezed her hand. "I'd love that, Mer," he said softly.

"Okay," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him softly before she slid out of bed, making her way down the stairs. She felt a little stupid as she walked down the stairs with her back pinned against the wall, half expecting someone to jump out and aim a gun at her head.

"Get a grip, Mer," she muttered to herself as she made her way into the kitchen, brewing two cups of tea, adding extra honey to Derek's to sooth his throat. She walked carefully back up the stairs, frowning when she saw that Derek had passed out again. For as long as she'd known him, he'd only been sick once and he did tend to sleep whatever illnesses he had away.

"Derek," she whispered after making a quick trip to the bathroom for the thermometer. "Wake up."

"Mer, you're fine," Derek groaned. "There's no way anyone can see in here."

"I know that," she whispered, running her hand over his hair. "I need to take your temperature."

"I'm not sick," Derek said, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

"Do I have to call your mother?" Meredith threatened. "Because I'll do it."

"No you won't," Derek mumbled from under the pillow.

"Oh really?" Meredith asked, reaching over him to grab the phone. She'd dialed three numbers before the phone was pulled from her hands and her husband sat up, looking miserably at her. "Oh, Der," she whispered, running a hand through his hair. "Just let me take your temp, and then you can go back to sleep."

"Hmmm," Derek mumbled in response around the thermometer, frowning as it beeped. "One hundred and one," Meredith sighed. "Not bad, but you've definitely got something. Do you need to go to a doctor?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "Just you."

Meredith smiled as she helped him lay back down. "Only if you call me Dr. Shepherd," she whispered.

Derek laughed hoarsely, but before he could reply, the curtain rod fell from above the window, causing the blanket to fall with a loud thud. Meredith shrieked and moved closer to Derek, and he moaned as the sudden onset of daylight hit his eyes.

"Okay," Meredith said, taking a deep breath. "Derek, I have to get a curtain rod and curtains. We can't have some creepy stalker looking in at us all the time."

Derek groaned as he lifted himself up. "I'll go with you," he sighed.

"No," Meredith shook her head, pushing him back down. "You're sick. I can go. Do you want Beth and Nathan to come over to make sure…to keep you company?"

"I don't need a baby sitter," Derek sighed. "But maybe Nathan should go with you."

"Derek, I'll be fine," she sighed.

"Just…make sure no one's following you," he sighed. "And be careful."

"I'll be fine," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered. "Hurry back."

"I will," Meredith swallowed hard as she moved to her closet, dressing quickly and glancing at Derek one more time before she made her way down the stairs and out the door, making sure it locked securely behind her. She moved quickly down the hall, wanting to get the curtains and get back as fast as humanly possible before anything bad could happen.

XXXXX

Nathan walked slowly up the stairs after his early morning practice, his muscles groaning in protest with every move they made. Today was one of those days when he wondered why the hell he had decided to be a basketball player instead of going into journalism like his parents had told him to. He shook his head, hating the fact that he knew his parents were right, yet again. He hated when that happened.

As he stepped into the hallway where his apartment was, he frowned when he saw an unfamiliar man stepping out of Derek and Meredith's apartment. He glanced back at the stairs for a moment before stepping towards the man.

"Hi," he said cautiously. "Do you mind if I ask what you're doing in the Shepherds' apartment?"

The man smiled warmly. "They're out of town this weekend," he said. "I'm just a friend, they asked me to stop by and make sure everything was okay."

"Oh," Nathan said with a nod. "Okay, I didn't realize that they weren't here this weekend. Thanks for making sure everything is under control."

The man nodded at him before he walked quickly towards the stairs. Nathan frowned slightly as he turned back to his apartment, shaking his head as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Hey," Beth called from the couch. "How was practice?"

"Long," Nathan groaned. "Hey, did you know Meredith and Derek were gone this weekend?"

Beth frowned. "No," she said. "I would have thought they would have said something."

"I just saw some guy coming out of their apartment, and he said he was watching their apartment while they're gone."

Beth shrugged. "Maybe they had to go home at the last minute or something," she sighed. "And they didn't have time to tell us."

"I guess," Nathan sighed. "Do you know if we got the refund check from the credit card company yet?"

"I'll go check," Beth replied, leaning forward to kiss him quickly before she stood and made her way towards the door. She stepped into the hall and frowned when she saw Meredith struggling up the stairs, two curtain rods and several shopping bags dragging behind her.

"Meredith," she gasped, running to help her.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed as Beth took a couple bags and one of the curtain rods from her.

"What are you doing here?" Beth asked as they stopped outside Meredith's apartment.

Meredith frowned as she dug through her bag through her keys. "I live here," she said.

"I know that," Beth rolled her eyes. "But you were supposed to be away this weekend."

"What?" Meredith asked, looking up at her.

"Nathan said he just saw someone coming out of your apartment because you asked him to watch it," Beth replied.

"Beth, we were never going away this weekend," Meredith said. "The only person in the apartment…..Derek!"

She dropped all her bags on the floor and unlocked the door with shaky hands, pushing it open and rushing for the stairs. "Derek!" she shouted as she entered their bedroom, her eyes widening at the sight before her. "Derek!" she screamed.


	59. Chapter 59

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"Derek," Meredith repeated his name over and over as she ran to the bed, shaking him violently. "Derek, you have to wake up right now."

Derek groaned as he looked up at her, squinting slightly. "Mer…what's wrong?" he asked hoarsely.

"Derek," she breathed in relief, holding him close to her. "Oh, thank God. You're okay? You're not hurt?"

"Hurt?" Derek asked. "Meredith, what…" His eyes widened as he looked around the room, swallowing hard as he looked at the window that was now covered in pictures of Meredith. Meredith getting dressed, Meredith making coffee, Meredith walking to class, studying…almost every minute of every day was documented on their window, and Derek turned to look at Meredith with wide eyes. "What happened?"

"He was here," Meredith whispered, her entire body shaking as he clutched him tightly. "Derek, he was here while you were sleeping. He could have hurt you, and…we have to do something."

Derek pushed himself out of bed, ignoring his pounding head as he started tearing the pictures down. "We have to get rid of them," he said, anger flashing in his eyes.

"Derek," Meredith said softly, moving quickly to grab his hands and preventing him from tearing down any more pictures. "We have to call the cops. They need to see them just how they were put up."

"Meredith you want people to see this?" Derek asked, holding up a picture of her as she stepped out of the shower, completely naked as she started to wrap a towel around herself.

Meredith felt her blood run cold as she looked at the picture, tears building in her eyes. "Derek," she whispered. "Derek, I'm scared."

Derek sighed as he let the picture fall to the floor as he pulled her close to him, wanting to protect her with everything he had in him. "Mer, I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he whispered. "I promise."

"Derek," she whispered, clutching her tightly. "Derek…"

"Oh Mer," he whispered, crushing her against his chest. "Let's go downstairs."

Meredith sniffled as she nodded against his chest, remaining close to him as they walked down the stairs. Derek sighed as he saw Beth and Nathan standing in the front hall their faces creased with worry.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked Derek, rushing over to the two of them.

"I'm fine," Derek sighed, rubbing Meredith's back slowly. "A little shaken, but fine." He looked down at Meredith for a moment and whispered, "I'm going to call the cops now, okay, Mer?"

"I'll go with you," Meredith whimpered."

Derek sighed as he made his way to the phone, an arm still wrapped securely around Meredith's waist. He spoke gently into the phone for a few moments before he hung up and gently walked Meredith into the living room, pulling her onto his lap as he settled into the armchair.

"What the hell is going on?" Nathan asked as he and Beth sat down as well.

Derek sighed. "Someone's watching Mer," he said.

"Watching?" Beth asked.

"We found pictures in our mail yesterday," Meredith whispered. "Of me and us, just being…us. And now….while Derek was sleeping, he came in and completely covered our picture window with pictures of me. They were here while he was sleeping and he didn't wake up. Derek always wakes up."

"Oh my God," Beth breathed. "It's a good thing you've called the cops. They should know how to handle this."

"I hope so," Meredith whispered. "I can't deal with this right now."

Derek hugged her tighter and pressed his lips against her temple. "We'll figure it out, Mer," he whispered.

Before she could say anything, the buzzer rang and Derek stood to answer it, running a hand through his hair. "NYPD, we received an emergency call."

"Yeah, come on up," Derek said as he buzzed them through. He waited by the door and opened it as soon as there was a knock, gesturing for them to step inside.

"Derek Shepherd?" the first cop asked.

"That's me," Derek said.

"I'm Detective Geer, this is my partner Detective White," he explained. "You mentioned someone following your wife?"

"Yes," Derek nodded, reaching an arm out to Meredith as she came to stand next to him.

"We're going to need all the details," Detective White informed them.

"Have a seat," Meredith sighed, gesturing to the table. "We found out yesterday. There were pictures mailed to us, and we were freaked out, but we figured we could just buy thick curtains and keep them closed, and that would be it. This morning, I didn't want to wait, so I went to the store, even though Derek was sick and he didn't feel like going. When I got back, our neighbor Beth said that her husband had seen someone coming out of our apartment, saying that he was watching it while we were away. So I ran in and Derek was still sleeping and I thought…" her voice trailed off into a sob as she leaned into Derek, reliving those horrible few moment where she had thought her husband was injured."

"I didn't hear a thing," Derek said, squeezing Meredith tightly. "But apparently…someone came in and completely covered the picture window in our bedroom with pictures of Meredith."

"Alright," Detective White sighed. "I'm assuming you're the neighbors?" he asked, looking at Nathan and Beth.

"Yes," Nathan nodded.

"Alright, I'm going to need you to speak with Detective Geer, while I go see what we've got upstairs."

"Of course," Beth whispered.

"It's this way," Derek murmured, leading Meredith and Detective White to the stairs.

The detective sighed as he looked at the wall of photos before him. "This isn't good," he sighed. "Someone definitely has been watching you, Mrs. Shepherd. I'll dust for some finger prints and run it through the system, see what I can come up with."

"They don't…we don't have to leave them there do we?" Meredith asked.

"No, we'll bring them with us when we're through," Detective White sighed. "They look like they're all taken from the same angle, so we should be able to figure out where they've been taken from. We'll monitor your building and the ones across the street, make sure there's no strange behavior. In the meantime, get those curtains up, make sure your door has a secure lock, and keep an eye out while walking through the city. We'll keep you posted on anything we find."

"That's it?" Derek asked. "You're not going to find him?"

"Mr. Shepherd, we can't bring everyone with access to the buildings across the street in for questioning," Detective White said firmly. "We're going to run the fingerprints through the system, and monitor both buildings. There's not much else we can do."

"The hell there isn't," Derek snapped. "My wife is in danger, and all you're going to do is sit around and watch for some psycho that's out there? I want her to have twenty four hour police protection."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry Detective, my husband can be a little unreasonable at times. Thank you for your help."

Detective White nodded. "It's my job," he said.

"Let's go back downstairs," Meredith murmured, tugging on Derek's hand.

"There has to be more that they can do," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You know there are procedures they have to follow," she replied softly. "They're going to watch our building and we'll make sure everything is safe."

"How the hell did he even get in?" Derek asked, moving towards the front door.

"Probably picked the lock," Detective Geer cut in. "It's not very strong. I'd replace it, and get a couple more as well."

"We'll do that," Derek nodded.

"We'll alert the super of what's going on," Detective Geer continued. "Security in the building will likely intensify, but I'm sure you're okay with that."

"Of course," Meredith said as she watched Detective White come down the stairs, a plastic bag in his hands.

"Alright, I've got some prints, and the photos are gone," he said. "We'll make sure to keep you updated with any new developments. We've got a description of the man leaving your apartment, and we'll cross reference that will any fingerprint results."

"Thank you detectives," Meredith murmured as she showed them out the door, closing it and locking it immediately.

"Do you want us to do anything?" Beth asked softly from where she and Nathan still sat at the kitchen table.

Meredith smiled softly. "Thanks, but there's not a lot you can do," she said.

"Well, we'll make sure neither of you are ever alone here," Nathan said firmly. "And if you're ever to spooked to be here, our place is always open to you."

"Thanks," Derek said. He took a deep breath before he said, "Let's put those curtains up."

Meredith frowned as she looked up at him. "You're still sick, Der," she whispered. "Rest, I'll take care of them."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Meredith giggled. "Positive," she said. "I think we've established since the first time we met that I'm better at hanging curtains than you are."

"Shut up," Derek said, but was relieve to hear her giggle. He prayed that this whole thing would blow over soon and they could return to a normal life.

"We'll help," Beth nodded. "Derek, you go rest."

Derek laughed as he moved towards the couch. "Alright, I know better than to ignore a woman when she uses that tone of voice."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for the curtain rods she'd just bought. As long as she was able to distract herself from this, she would be able to tide herself over until there was more news on her crazy stalker person.

XXXXX

"Mer? The chain's on!" Derek called into the apartment a week later.

"Sorry," Meredith sighed as she hurried towards the door, closing it quickly as she unlatched the chain and opened it again.

"Hey," he said as he stepped through the door and kissed her quickly. "Hi Beth."

"Hi Derek," Beth said from her place on the couch.

"We made cookies," Meredith said proudly, holding a plate up for Derek to take one.

"Should I be scared?" he asked cautiously as he examined the cookie.

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes. "Beth supervised."

"I'm impressed," Derek laughed as he took a bite. "They're actually good."

"Thanks," Beth laughed as she stood up. "Alright, Mer, now that you've got your body guard back, I'm going to go see my husband."

"Thanks, Beth," Meredith sighed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Beth smiled as she squeezed her hand and walked past them to the door, closing it gently behind her.

"So," Meredith sighed, turning to look at Derek. "How was your test?"

"Good," Derek nodded. "I think I did pretty well."

"Good," Meredith giggled, leaning forward to kiss him. "We should…celebrate."

"I like that idea," Derek murmured against her lips, backing her up until she was pressed between the counter and his body. She hopped onto the counter and wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him deeply before they were interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

"Damn it," Derek moaned, his lips moving to her neck. "Let it ring."

"Derek," she sighed, reach across the counter into the kitchen to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Yes?"

"This is Detective White from the NYPD."

"Detective White," Meredith repeated, causing Derek to pull back and look at her expectantly. "We weren't expecting to hear from you so soon."

"We've got a guy in custody," Detective White responded. "We're still questioning him, but we're about ninety five percent sure this is our guy. I thought you and your husband might like to know so you can relax a bit."

"Thanks so much," Meredith breathed. "And um…please keep us updated?"

"Of course," Detective White assured. "We'll be in touch. Have a nice night, Mrs. Shepherd."

"You too," Meredith said before she hung up the phone, turning to Derek. "They've got him," she said.

"Wow," Derek breathed, wrapping his arms tight around her and burying his face in her hair.

"Hmm," she nodded. "We're safe again."

"We are," Derek nodded. He sighed as he rested his chin against her shoulder for a moment before he stepped back and pulled her off the counter. "Get dressed, we're going out to dinner," he said. "I want to celebrate."

Meredith giggled as she moved towards the stairs, finally feeling relaxed. She could breathe again. No one was watching her anymore, she and Derek were finally safe.

She chose to ignore the words that Detective White had spoken that were rolling around in her head.

_Ninety five percent sure…_

**Okay, did you guys honestly think that I was going to kill Derek? Come on now...**


	60. Chapter 60

Meredith giggled as she let Derek pull her chair out for her before sitting down beside her.

"You're in a gentlemanly mood tonight," she commented as she opened her menu.

"I'm just glad that we can get back to living normally," Derek said. "And when am I ever not gentlemanly?"

Meredith smiled coyly. "There are times," she said, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Of course…those times I'm not very ladylike either."

Derek swallowed hard as he felt Meredith run her bare foot under his pants leg. "Mer," he groaned softly.

She giggled as she pulled back and opened her menu. "What looks good?" she asked. "I think I'm going to get salmon."

"Wha…" Derek frowned as he realized she'd been playing with him. "Mean, you're mean."

"It's called flirting," Meredith laughed.

"It's called being mean," Derek muttered as he reached for his water and took a long pull.

"Thirsty, Der?" Meredith asked.

"Shut up."

Meredith smiled as she reached across the table to take his hand. "You know I'll let you punish me for that tonight."

Before Derek could reply, a voice from behind them said, "Meredith?"

Meredith looked up and smiled when she saw who had addressed her. "Dr. Brown," she said as he stopped at their table. "Um…hi."

"Fancy meeting you here," Dr. Brown said. He glanced at Derek and smiled slightly. "You must be Derek."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Meredith said. "Derek, this is Dr. Brown, my neurology professor. Dr. Brown, this is my husband Derek."

"Nice to meet you," Dr. Brown said, offering Derek his hand.

"You too," Derek said cautiously, shaking his hand. "Just out of curiosity, how did you know my name?"

"Derek," Meredith hissed.

Dr. Brown smiled politely. "I've heard we had Michael Shepherd's son here," he said. "There's a reason offspring of successful doctors get in. All the faculty knows about it."

Derek frowned and opened his mouth to talk, but Meredith kicked his shin and smiled up at her professor. "It's nice to see you, Dr. Brown," she said. "We're kind of having a special night, but I'll see you in class on Monday?"

"Of course," Dr. Brown nodded. "And let me know if you want me to go over that paper, I'll be sure to accommodate your schedule."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "I really appreciate it."

"Anything for my favorite student," Dr. Brown smiled, nodding to Derek before he turned and walked to a table on the other side of the restaurant.

"What the hell was that?" Derek asked as soon as he was out of hearing distance.

"What?" Meredith asked distractedly, not looking up from her menu.

"Meredith, he was just flirting with you," Derek said.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she closed her menu and looked at him. "Seriously?" she asked.

"I can't believe you're not bothered by this," Derek said. "Does he always treat you like this?"

"Like what?" Meredith asked. "Tell me one thing he did that was unprofessional."

"First of all, he called you Meredith."

"I told him he could," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I do have a name besides Mrs. Shepherd you know. Just because you want everyone to call me that so you can mark your territory and make sure everyone knows I'm yours."

"You know I don't do that," Derek hissed. "That guy…there's something about him."

"There's something about him?" Meredith repeated. "That's your argument?"

"I can't believe you don't see it," he groaned. "The way he was looking at you…it was like he was undressing you with his eyes."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, leaning forward to whisper harshly. "Derek, I cannot believe you are doing this. We're in public."

"Maybe we should go somewhere private then," Derek suggested. "Of course, our apartment isn't really that private anymore, especially with that professor of yours lurking around."

"Are you serious?" Meredith asked. She stared at him for a moment before she backed her chair up and stood. "I'm going home."

"Fine," Derek said, standing as well.

Meredith ignored him as she stormed out of the restaurant, Derek muttering under his breath as he trailed after her. This was not how the night was supposed to go.

They were silent the entire walk back to their apartment, and Meredith waited until the door was closed behind Derek before she started yelling.

"I can't believe that you would suggest that my professor is the one who has been watching me," she yelled. "Derek, he was being nice. He's a good teacher!"

"He's making it seem that way, because he's obsessed with you!" Derek exclaimed. "Meredith, he called you his favorite student!"

"You are so dense!" Meredith snapped. "Every teacher says that when they see a student outside of the classroom, it's like a universal teacher thing!"

"No it's not!" Derek replied. "Meredith, I know you're compassionate and you usually give everyone the benefit of the doubt but…this is ridiculous!"

"Now I'm ridiculous?" Meredith shouted. "What do you think that I'm having some passionate affair with my professor? How much of a slut do you think I am?"

"I never called you a slut," Derek snapped. "Do not put words in my mouth."

"But that's what you think!" Meredith yelled, picking up a pillow from the couch and hurling it at his head. "You think I'm some dirty slut who will sleep with a professor for a good grade! Let me tell you something, Derek Christopher, when I married you, that meant I promised I would never sleep with anyone else. And you know what else?" she continued, throwing another pillow at him. "You're the only guy I've ever slept with. So how dare you accuse me of sleeping with my professor. I guess I know how you really feel about me now."

"Meredith," Derek breathed, all anger gone from his eyes as he saw her standing before him, completely broken and tears streaming down her face. "I never said that. You know I would never think that about you."

"Just go," Meredith whispered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"What?" Derek whispered, feeling his breath get knocked out of him.

"Leave," Meredith snapped.

"Meredith…" he started, but she turned away from him as she tried to hide her sobs from him.

"Derek, I swear to God if you don't leave, I will kick you out myself."

Derek swallowed hard, feeling tears build in his own eyes. He had never seen her like this before. He walked quietly over to the door, opening it before he turned to take one last look at her. "I love you, Meredith," he said just loudly enough for her to hear before he closed the door gently behind him.

As soon as the door closed, Meredith collapsed on the couch and allowed sobs to fully overtake her body, feeling more alone than she ever had before. Her hands trembled as she stood and walked into the kitchen, reaching for the phone.

"Hey, Mark, it's me. I need to talk to Addie. It's important."

XXXXX

Derek sat across the hall from his apartment, his head in his hands as he replayed the entire night in his head. He wasn't sure how it had ended up in the mess it had, but somehow Meredith had kicked him out of the apartment, and all of a sudden his entire world had slipped out from under him. He had nowhere to go now, and he wasn't about to leave the apartment when Meredith had been in so much danger the week before.

"Derek?" he looked up to see Beth and Nathan standing above him, concerned looks on both of their faces. "What's wrong?" Beth asked as she knelt down next to him.

"We had a fight," he sighed. "She kicked me out."

"Meredith kicked you out?" Nathan asked. "What the hell did you do?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "We were out to dinner and her professor came over and I said he was flirting with her and…things just completely exploded."

"Oh, Derek," Beth said. "You should go in and talk to her."

"I can't," Derek whispered. "I've never seen her like that. She was completely torn apart and she really didn't want me there."

Beth blinked in surprise. Although she'd only known the couple for a few months, she knew that Derek and Meredith Shepherd had a steady relationship, one that others tried their hardest to live up to. "Okay, well you can't just sit out here," she said softly. "Come into our apartment."

"I can't leave her alone," Derek whispered. "Not with everything that's been going on."

Beth glanced at Nathan, who nodded. "Come on, man," he said, reaching to help Derek to his feet. "We'll have some scotch and talk this over while Beth goes over and helps Mer calm down. If there's one thing she's good at, it's taking care of the people she loves."

Derek swallowed hard as he nodded. "Okay," he said. "She's…right now she's probably on the phone with Addison. And after that she'll want to eat as much ice cream as she can get her hands on, but if you let her eat more than a pint she'll get sick. And after that she'll probably want to call one of my sisters, but make sure she doesn't call Caitlin because then my mom will get involved. And…"

"Derek," Beth smiled softly, pushing him towards her apartment. I've got it under control."

"Okay," he sighed. "Just…tell her I love her. And tell her that I don't want a divorce."

"I'll tell her," Beth promised, pushing him gently towards her apartment.

"Man, you look like shit," Nathan shook his head as he walked into his apartment and went straight for the kitchen, reaching for the scotch in the cabinet above the sink. "That must have been some fight."

"We never fight," Derek shook his head. "At least not like that. And it was horrible."

Nathan smiled sympathetically as he pushed a glass of scotch across the counter to him. "You'll work it out," he said. "If you and Meredith can't work it out, then there isn't any hope for the rest of us."

Derek shook his head before he downed the entire glass in one throw of the head. "I sure as hell hope so," he whispered. "She was just so broken. And she didn't even want me around her."

"She was upset," Nathan offered. "God knows when Beth gets mad at me she says things that would make the devil cower in fright."

Derek smiled slightly, reaching to pour himself more scotch. "I sure hope you're right," he said as he downed another glass. "I can't even imagine what kind of hell my life would be like without her."

"You don't have to," a soft voice came from the doorway.

"Mer," Derek breathed her name before he had even fully turned to face her.

"We need to talk."


	61. Chapter 61

Their apartment was entirely too quiet. They had walked down the hall and up to their bedroom in complete and total silence, and Meredith had immediately locked herself in the bathroom, leaving Derek to change into his pajamas and anticipate what was to come as he nervously tapped his fingers against his stomach as he waited for her to come out of the bathroom.

When she finally opened the door and stepped into the bedroom, it was all Derek could do not to let the tears gall. He couldn't even remember the last time he had seen her in her own sweatshirt of pajama pants, having long ago taking to wearing his clothes to be, when they even bothered. But now, here she was before him wearing her own Columbia sweatshirt and a pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants. As stupid as it sounded, he felt like he was being punched in the gut, knowing that she was hurt and that was why she didn't want to wear his clothes to be.

"Meredith," he whispered.

"Don't," she shook her head. "Derek, I…you hurt me so badly tonight."

Tears filled Derek's eyes as he shook his head. "I never meant…"

"Let me talk," she insisted. "I know you didn't mean to, but you did, nonetheless. You didn't trust me, Derek, and you promised that you would always trust me. And it hurts me, it really truly hurts me to know that you think I would sleep with someone else. Especially my professor."

"I never said that," Derek insisted. "Meredith, you have to know that I would never believe that about you. It's him I don't trust."

"But it's the same thing," Meredith whispered. "You wouldn't have gotten so upset if you didn't think that I would do that."

"Mer," Derek breathed. "God, I love you more than anything in the world. How could you doubt that?"

"Love doesn't equal trust, Derek," she whispered. "And I thought you trusted me."

"It's not that I don't trust, you, because I do," Derek insisted. "With every bone in my body, every ounce of my soul….I trust you."

"Then why did you blow up like that?" Meredith asked. "Derek, you've seen other guys hit on me before. And I know you don't like it, because Lord knows I hate when girls hit on you. But he wasn't hitting on me. He wasn't even flirting with me."

"That right there," Derek replied. "That's what bothers me. Meredith, you don't even see it."

"Now I'm stupid?" Meredith asked. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're just paranoid?"

"I have a right to be paranoid, someone's been stalking you," Derek snapped. "And don't put words in my mouth. You've been doing it all night, and I hate it when you do that."

Meredith sighed as she slid under the covers. "I don't want to fight again," she said. "Let's just…go to sleep."

Derek inhaled sharply. "Meredith," he whispered. "I love you."

He heard her inhale a shaky breath, and the four words that came out of her mouth next might as well have been a knife in his chest. "Go to sleep, Derek."

Tears filled his eyes as he turned on his side, trying to remember the last time they had gone to bed without saying that. In the back of his head, he knew that they'd always said those three words before bed, no matter how angry they were at each other, and he couldn't ignore the pain he felt as he wondered what her silence meant for their future.

XXXXX

Meredith felt numb as she made her way down the stairs the next morning. Derek had already been out of bed when she'd woken, and she'd spent a good amount of time staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell had happened the night before.

They'd been having a nice evening and then Derek had gone off the deep end the minute her professor gave her a friendly smile, and one thing had led to another and she hadn't even told him she loved him. She still loved him, of course she did, but he had obviously needed to hear her say it, and she couldn't even work up the courage to do that for him.

The apartment was silent, and she sighed deeply as she walked into the kitchen, hoping that he hadn't packed up and left her. She had no idea what she would do if that happened, but she wouldn't blame him. If he stopped telling her he loved her…she didn't even want to think about the emotions that she would feel if that happened.

As she pulled open a cabinet to get a glass out, her eyes landed on a note on the counter.

_Went to see Dad._

She inhaled deeply as she looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears. No name. No cheesy heart. No instructions for where she could find a breakfast that he had left for her.

No I love you.

She slammed the cupboard door shut as she stormed over to the couch, curling into a ball as she allowed the tears to come.

Derek never went to see his dad like this unless something was really wrong. He went every time they made it to his mom's house for dinner, and of course on both of their birthdays and Christmas and Thanksgiving. But the last time Derek had left out of the blue like this had been four years earlier, when he'd crashed that stupid motorcycle and nearly died. And the fight they'd had at that point in time paled in comparison to where they were now.

She took a shaky breath as she stood and made her way back to the kitchen, hoping that a glass of water would help her tears. She made it halfway to the kitchen before she froze, seeing an envelope sitting on the floor in front of the door, one that definitely hadn't been there only minutes before. Someone had slid something under the door, and although the police had assured her that they had her stalker in jail, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched.

She ran over to the curtains and pulled them shut quickly before she walked cautiously over to the door, standing over the envelope for a moment before she reached down and picked it up, slowly opening it and pulling out more pictures.

Except these were of Derek. And they had been tampered with.

The picture of Derek shaving over the sink in their bathroom showed a pool of red in the sink, blood instead of water.

Derek making French toast showed his entire front on fire.

She and Derek in bed, his expression one that she had seen millions of times, his head thrown back in pleasure as her mouth worked to please him. At the bottom of the picture were two words written in blood red.

_I'm next._

The last picture made her want to run to the trash can and empty her stomach. A close up of Derek as he slept soundly, which had obviously been taken by whoever had been in their apartment the week before. A noose had been drawn around his neck, and at the bottom of the picture was written _So long, Shepherd._

Meredith threw the pictures onto the counter, unable to look at them any longer. Tears filled her eyes as she reached for the phone, needing to have a word with these so called detectives.

"Meredith Shepherd for Detective White," she said, trying to control her voice.

As she was put on hold, she stared at the closed curtains, wondering how anyone had even been able to take these pictures. They'd made sure to keep them securely closed all the time so nothing like this would happen. But then it dawned on her.

Whoever had been watching her had been watching Derek too. He just hadn't wanted them to know it yet.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Detective White's tired voice said as he came over the line. "I'm sorry we haven't been in touch, but we haven't had many leads on this stalker of yours."

"I just…what?" Meredith asked.

"This guy's one of the sneakiest I've ever seen," Detective White sighed. "Didn't match a fingerprint in the system, and no one who matches your neighbor's description lives in that building. But I assure you, we'll keep monitoring your apartment and keep our eyes out…"

"But you called me yesterday," Meredith replied. "You called and said that you had a guy in custody and you were ninety five percent sure that it was him."

"I assure you, Mrs. Shepherd, that we did not speak yesterday," he said. "And we never call the victims until we're one hundred percent sure."

"So you mean…he's still out there?" Meredith breathed.

"Mrs. Shepherd, is there something I should know?" the detective asked.

"Yes," Meredith said. "I mean…I just got more pictures. Of Derek. Someone just slid them under the door while I was right here. And we had a fight and he's not here, and I'm alone. And scared, because he's still out there, even though you said he wasn't but that wasn't really you…"

"Alright, calm down," Detective White said. "I'm on my way now. Just sit tight and don't go anywhere. If something happens call 911 and they'll alert me."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, hanging up the phone.

She moved slowly to sit down at the kitchen table, never taking her eyes off the door. She stared blankly at it for several minutes before there was a loud pounding on the other side, causing her to shriek in fright and jump out of her chair.

"Meredith Shepherd, I swear to God, if I dragged my ass all the way across the country to help you fix things with Derek and you're already having make up sex with him, I'm going to kick your ass."

Meredith sighed in relief as she recognized her best friend's voice, walking quickly to the door, unlocking it and pulling Addison into the apartment before she closed the door again, chaining it and locking it quickly.

"Addie," she said. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure you're okay," Addison sighed, reaching out to hug her. "I've never heard you more upset than you were last night."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Yeah, it's…bad."

Addison sighed as she pulled back to examine Meredith. "You look horrible," she said. "Meredith, is this all because of Derek?"

"No," Meredith sighed. She swallowed hard as she pulled Addison into the kitchen flipping over the pictures carefully, trying not to put her own finger prints on them.

"Oh gross, I don't want to see your sex pictures," Addison started, then frowned as her eyes landed on the other pictures. "Meredith…what are these?"

"Someone's…watching us," Meredith sighed. She led Addison to the couch, telling her everything that had happened from the first pictures to the fake phone call and their fight to the pictures she had just found. "And now Derek's out there at his dad's grave, except for all I know someone could have taken the chance to follow him out there and…" her words choked off as she sobbed quietly, and Addison leaned forward to hug her.

"Meredith, don't think like that," she whispered. "I…that won't happen."

"How do you know?" Meredith asked, pulling back to look at her. "That psycho drew a noose around his neck, Addison. A noose. And for all I know, my husband could be lying in the cemetery, bleeding to death and all he can think is that I didn't tell him I loved him."

Before Addison could respond, there was another knock at the door and both girls jumped in fright, clinging to each other as they stared at the closed door.

"NYPD," a voice said after a moment.

Meredith sighed in relief as she made her way to the door, still clutching onto Addison's hand.

"Look through the peephole," Addison whispered. "If it's really them they hold up their badge."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked out the door, seeing Detective White's badge and gently unlocked the door. "Detective," she said, allowing him to step through the door.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Detective White sighed. "Your husband's still not home?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "Do you…I mean…do you think something happened to him?"

"We haven't gotten any calls," Detective White sighed. "How long ago did he leave?"

"He was gone when I woke up," Meredith whispered, suddenly feeling light headed.

"Alright, calm down," Detective White said, helping her to a chair. "Now, let me see these pictures."

"They're…counter."

Detective White moved to look at the pictures as Addison stood beside Meredith, gently running her fingers through her hair as she made every effort she could to comfort her. The apartment was painfully silent for a moment before the door started to move gently, as if someone was trying to open it. Meredith and Addison grasped for each other as Detective White's hand automatically reached for his gun, but when the door swung open everyone relaxed to see Derek standing in the doorway.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, jumping out of the chair and rushing into his arms. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you, Derek, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you that last night."

Derek wrapped his arms around his wife, closing his eyes as he breathed her in. He was relieved to have her back, but that didn't chase away the worry that came with seeing Addison and Detective White there with her.

"It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "I love you too."

"I get it if you don't," she whispered. "Because I completely and totally over reacted, and…"

"Meredith," he said, placing a hand over his lips. "Don't even suggest it. I love you. More than anything in the world."

"Okay," she whispered, cuddling into his side as he walked further into the apartment.

"What's going on?" he repeated his earlier question.

Detective White sighed as he looked up from the pictures. "It looks like things are about to get ugly," he said.

Derek felt fear squeeze his heart as he held Meredith closer. Things were already pretty ugly, but he knew they could get worse. Much worse.


	62. Chapter 62

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**Thanks for the patience everyone! I was away for a couple days, but I enjoyed reading all your reviews when I got back. I hope you enjoy the update :)**

"Derek, you've got to calm down," Addison said from her perch on the couch as she watched Derek pace the living room. They'd been in that position for half an hour, when Derek had realized that Meredith was already a half hour later than she said she would be from getting home from class.

"I can't calm down," Derek snapped, moving towards the phone.

"Derek," Addison rolled her eyes. "Seriously. There are a million things that could to make her an hour late."

"Like what?" Derek demanded. "The sick psycho who's been watching her for a month grabbing her off the street."

"No," Addison said. "Like needing to talk to a professor about a paper. Stopping to look at a cute dress in a window, which, okay, is more me than Mer. But she could have stopped to read a headline in a newspaper or grab a sandwich. And the New York subway is especially crowded at this time of day."

Derek sighed. "You're right," he nodded. "I just…this is freaking me out."

"I know," Addison sighed. "Me too. But you can't always assume the worst case scenario, Derek."

Derek nodded as he collapsed onto the couch beside her. "You're missing school," he stated.

"You and Mer need me," she shrugged. "Besides, I was so ahead in those classes, it would be nice to let some other people catch up."

Derek laughed. "How's Mark?" he asked. "Things have been…crazy and I haven't had time to talk to him."

"He's good," Addison nodded. "I found a Tiffany's catalog in his pajama drawer the other day."

Derek grinned as he looked at her. "I may know something about that you don't," he said.

Addison's eyes widened as she sat up straighter and leaned towards him. "What?" she asked.

"I can't tell you," Derek laughed.

"Just give me a hint," Addison insisted, tugging on his arm. "How many carats? Gold or silver? Or white gold? Derek, you have to give a girl something to go on here."

Before Derek could respond the door burst open and Meredith stumbled in, smiling at them. "Hey," she said as she shrugged out of her coat.

"Meredith, where the hell have you been?" Derek asked as he jumped off the couch.

"What?" she frowned. "I was in class."

"Your class ended two hours ago," Derek replied. "Meredith, I was worried sick."

"I had to stay to talk to Dr….to a professor," Meredith shrugged. "No big deal."

"Mer, there's someone stalking you out there!" Derek exclaimed. "You can't just come home an hour late and tell me it wasn't a big deal!"

"I was at school," Meredith argued. "With a professor. It's not like I was unsafe."

"You were with him, weren't you?" Derek asked. "Dr. Brown?"

"Oh my God," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Are you really going to start this again?"

"Okay, you know what neither of you need right now?" Addison asked. "A huge argument. You're both scared. Mer, you should have called. And Derek…you've got to calm down about this professor."

Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed past Meredith to walk into the kitchen. He knew Addison was right, the last thing they needed was a fight right now, but he still couldn't stand the thought of how that professor acted around Meredith. "I'll make dinner," he said flatly from the kitchen.

Meredith sighed as she turned to Addison, dropping onto the couch beside her. "Addie, you should go back to school," she sighed. "There's no reason for you to be here, especially since there's so much craziness going on here."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Mer, I'm not going anywhere," she said. "You are Derek are both about to crack, you need someone to keep you sane."

"Well, thank you," Meredith sighed. She leaned her head against the back of the couch before there was a loud knock on the door, and Derek stared at it for a moment before he moved slowly towards it.

"Be careful," Meredith warned softly.

Derek ignored her as he looked out the peephole, his body relaxing. "It's Mark," he said, opening the door and pulling Mark into the apartment. "What are you doing here?" he asked as he hugged his best friend.

"I heard you were in trouble, I had to come," Mark replied. "And I had to make sure my girlfriend stays out of any trouble here in the big city."

Addison jumped off the couch and ran towards Mark, hugging him tightly. "Hi," she said. "I thought you had a test."

"Postponed," Mark shrugged as he kissed her lightly. "Had to be here for our friends who manage to get into trouble wherever they are."

"Hi Mark," Meredith giggled as she stepped forward to hug him as well.

"Hey Grey," Mark said, squeezing her gently.

"I'm glad you're here," she said. "Derek's going crazy."

"If I'm going crazy, it's only because you're driving me there," Derek replied.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she turned and walked towards the stairs without saying a word. Derek sighed and started to move after her, but Addison stopped him. "I'll go," she said. "Mark…take him out for a beer or something."

"I can't leave her," Derek shook his head.

"Derek, you and Meredith have barely been apart the entire time I've been here," Addison said. "And the entire time you were apart, you were worrying about her. You've got to just get out and relax, spend a little time away from each other."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Okay," he sighed. "I guess…we'll just got to the bar a couple blocks away."

"Yeah, I've got to meet this neighbor of yours," Mark added. "Make sure he's worthy enough to be your best friend."

Addison smiled as she made her way towards the stairs. "We'll be fine, just watch some movies and eat ice cream just like in the old days," she said.

"Don't answer the door," Derek said. "And if anything happens…"

"Derek, just go," Addison said. "We'll be fine."

"Let's go, man," Mark said, gently pushing Derek out the door. "Man, you've got to calm down. This thing is making you completely crazy."

Derek sighed. "Let's get Nathan," he said. "I'll tell you about it at the bar."

XXXXX

"Shit, man," Mark shook his head as he looked down into his beer an hour later. "How the hell did you get yourself into this position?"

"I have no idea," Derek shook his head. "I was happy. We were happy, and then this psycho completely tears us apart. I know that she needs me, and I know she's scared. But she just doesn't get it. Like today she came home an hour after she told me she would, and didn't see why that was such a big deal. Normally it wouldn't be, but if there's someone trying to hurt her…I had no idea she was safe. And then it turned into a fight and…I don't know what happened."

"Did you ever think that's his plan?" Nathan asked. "To make you guys fight all the time and then go for the gold?"

Derek sighed, draining the last of his beer. "It's crossed my mind," he admitted. "But then I thought that last week when we had that huge fight would have been the perfect opportunity for that. If he really wanted to…hurt me, I was sitting in the cemetery alone for hours."

Mark shook his head. "No one knows how creeps like that think," he shook his head. "You should just be glad he doesn't seem too violent."

"The police are watching the building," Derek said. "We're both scared, but we can't completely shut down over this."

"You're right," Nathan nodded. "You can't let him win. And that's why you can't keep fighting with Meredith. Because that's what he wants."

Before Derek could respond, a voice from behind them asked, "Trouble in paradise, Mr. Shepherd?"

Derek turned, his blood running cold when he saw Dr. Brown standing beside him, smirking slightly. "Not that it's any of your business, but no," he said coolly.

"Oh," Dr. Brown nodded, a frown on his face. "That's interesting, because Meredith was saying earlier…"

Derek jumped out of his chair, coming face to face with the doctor as he stared him down. "You stay the hell away from my wife," he said. "I swear to God, if you don't…"

"What are you going to do?" Dr. Brown asked. "Report me to the school? You know, I don't think that would go over so well. Especially once they learned that Ellis Grey's daughter has been trying to seduce her professor so she can get better grades."

"You son of a bitch," Derek pulled his fist back, but immediately felt himself being pulled back by Mark and Nathan.

"It's not worth it," Nathan said softly. "Calm down."

Derek sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "I need to go home," he said softly. "I need to see Mer, make sure she's okay."

Mark sighed as he looked at his best friend. He was clearly falling apart, and he had no idea what would possibly help with this situation. This was the kind of stuff that took place in movie thrillers, not in real life. "Let's just get one more beer," he suggested. "You remember what it's like when Mer and Addie get going. They'll probably tell us to leave if we go home now. You've got the police watching the building, nothing is going to happen to them."

Derek nodded slightly. "You're right," he sighed. "One more beer. And then I have to go home."

As the three of them approached the bar again, none of them saw the man who quickly slipped his hand into the pocket of Derek's jacket as it hung on the back of his chair and walk out of the bar with a smug expression on his face as he clutched the small set of keys in his hand.

XXXXX

"He's just always here," Meredith said, poking her spoon into the carton of ice cream, trying to soften it enough to eat. "And I know he's trying to protect me. I do feel safer when he's around. But when he starts making those stupid comments about Dr. Brown and making me feel like a bad person for trying to live my life normally I just want to kill him."

"Mer," Addison said softly. "No offense, but I think Derek's right. You do need to be a little more careful."

"I'm careful," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Believe me, I'm constantly watching for lurkers and making weird turns to get wherever I'm going to see if there's anyone following me. There never is."

Beth sighed as she leaned forward to take some ice cream out of the carton in Meredith's hands. "You have to see how Derek's worried though," she said. "You'd kill him if he was an hour late right now."

Meredith sighed. "You're right," she said. "I know we're ridiculous, I just…there's so much going on right now. It's not fair that I'm taking it out on him, but when he says stupid things I can usually shrug off, I just snap and let all my anger out on him."

Addison pulled back to look at Meredith for a moment before she asked, "You know what you two need?"

"What?" Meredith asked.

"A good night of sex," Addison replied, grabbing Meredith's hand and pulling her towards the stairs.

"Addie, I really don't think that will help with anything," Meredith started, but Addison cut her off.

"Seriously, Mer, you just need a night to focus on each other," Addison said as she pulled the curtains shut and turned to Meredith's closet. "I'm going to find you some hot lingerie, and then we're going to leave you alone so you can seduce your husband. Are you with me on this, Beth?"

"Definitely," Beth said from where she had sprawled over the bed. "You and Derek can just spend time together, think only about each other. No police questionings or professors or school. Just the two of you."

"That does sound…amazing," Meredith breathed. She turned to Addison and giggled. "I never actually wear lingerie."

"I can tell," Addison grumbled, her voice muffled from the back of the closet. "Geez, Mer, it's all the way back here with your wedding dress."

"Derek says even though it's hot, it takes too much time to get off," Meredith giggled. "I only wear it when I want something."

"Okay, put this on," Addison said, handing her a black negligee and pushing her towards the bathroom. "And we're going to go over to Beth's so you two can be…alone. Mark said they weren't going to stay out too late."

Meredith giggled. "Okay," she said. "Thanks you guys. I have no idea what I would do without you here."

"You'd be fine," Beth said. "It's just nice to have support."

As they heard a key turn in the lock, Addison shoved Meredith into the bathroom. "Get changed quick, we'll distract him and send him up here," she said.

Beth giggled as she and Addison made their way down the stairs. "Derek is going to be completely shocked," she said. "I doubt he's expecting this."

"They'll be fine," Addison said. "This is how they solve…" her voice trailed off as she reached to clutch onto Beth's arm, squeezing tightly. Beth followed her gaze, fear streaming through her body at the sight of the stranger standing in the foyer before them, a playful smirk on his face.

"Hello ladies," he said, holding up Derek's keys. "Were you expecting someone else?"


	63. Chapter 63

**Alright, so this chapter was a little hard to write, but I hope you all enjoy it!**

"Who are you?" Addison asked loudly, hoping Meredith would hear what was happening and use the upstairs phone to call for help.

"I don't have time for questions," he said as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a roll of tape. "Now don't take this the wrong way, I don't have anything against either one of you. But I don't think I trust you enough to not run off and call your big tough boyfriends to come to the rescue. So even though I hate to do it…I'm going to have to keep you quiet."

Beth pulled on Addison's hand as they slowly started to edge towards the door. "Don't try and get away," he sighed. "I'm not here to deal with you, and if I have to waste my time, I'd get very…angry. So let's just cooperate here, and neither of you will get hurt. Okay?"

He reached out to grab their joined ands, clutching them tightly as he ripped some tape off the roll, covering each of their mouths before anything else. "Can't have you screaming for help."

He quickly taped them both into one awkward position, hands tied together behind their backs and both of their feet together. When he stepped back to look at his work, the girls cowering together in the corner of the living room, he smiled and moved towards the stairs. "If you'll be so kind as to excuse me, I've got some business to take care of," he said as he approached the stairs.

XXXXX

Meredith turned off the sink and smiled at herself in the mirror. She felt good about herself. For the first time since this whole thing had started, she felt good about herself and she was really looking forward to a night with Derek, to sex and wine and…him. They'd been constantly together for the past couple weeks, scared of what might happen, but they hadn't been themselves. Instead, they'd turned into some weird pod people who were afraid to live. But Addison was right, tonight she and Derek needed a night to just be them.

She smiled as she heard footsteps on the stairs. Apparently Addison had finally let Derek up to her. She'd heard some loud voices over the running of the water as she'd washed her face, and she laughed slightly, knowing that Addison would have gone to great extremes to make sure Derek didn't get to her until she was ready. Her best friend was nothing if not bossy.

She looked in the mirror one last time, fluffing her hair and adjusting the lingerie before she turned to the door. She briefly wondered why Derek hadn't already knocked and told her to come out because she already looked beautiful, but she shook that thought out of her head. He was probably just hanging his coat in his closet or something.

"Hey, Der…." She said as she opened the door, leaning against the frame for a moment before terror ran through her body. She straightened quickly, crossing her arms over her chest and glanced down the stairs. "Dr. Brown," she said with a shaky voice. "What…what are you doing here?"

"Oh Meredith," he breathed as he approached her. "You look…stunning. I knew you felt this way about me. I knew it, you were just pretending to love that husband of yours."

"I….what?" she asked, stepping back into the bathroom as he advanced towards her. "What did you do to Derek?"

"He won't get in our way now," Dr. Brown said, smiling as he stepped into the bathroom as well. Meredith gasped as she backed into the wall, her eyes full of panic as she realized that there wasn't anywhere else for her to go. She was trapped. "We can leave, Meredith. Right now, we'll leave, and be together. I know you want to."

"I don't want to," Meredith argued, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. "Where's Derek?"

"Don't lie to me," Dr. Brown snapped. "I hate it when people lie to me. And I know you don't love him Meredith. I watch you. When you're with him, you're picturing me. I know you are. That's why I sent you all those pictures. So you can know that it will work for us. I promise, darling." He reached out to touch her cheek, but Meredith pulled back, trying to squirm from his grasp.

"Let go of me!" she shouted.

"I can't do that," he shook his head. "We're together now, Meredith. Forever."

"No!" she shouted. "You can't make me do anything."

"Hmmm," Dr. Brown nodded as he reached into his pocket, gently pulling out a gun. "I think I can."

Meredith froze as she stared at the gun in his hand. "Where's Derek?" she repeated evenly, not sure she wanted the answer as terror ran through her veins.

"He's out drinking," Dr. Brown rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Meredith, you'd think that a woman as smart as you wouldn't stand to have an alcoholic as a husband."

"You're crazy," Meredith snapped. "The police are watching. And I'm not going anywhere with you."

"I think you will," Dr. Brown nodded. "Because those friends of yours are downstairs. And if you refuse to come with me, I might get angry. And who knows what I might do when I get angry." He looked down at his gun, examining it closely before he aimed it steadily at the wedding picture on Derek's side of the bed. "So, Meredith," he said. "As beautiful as you look right now, I'm going to need you to put on some clothes. And then we're going to make a little stop at the bar so you can break up with that loser of a man that you call a husband. And then…then our life can really start."

Meredith stood firmly in place, making no move to get dressed as he stared at her. "Now Meredith," Dr. Brown sighed. "I told you…you're going to have to cooperate. I hate to do this, my love, but I'm going to have to ensure that you do everything I tell you." He raised the gun to aim at her head and she swallowed hard as fear flashed in her eyes. "Get dressed."

Meredith trembled as she reached into her dresser for a pair of jeans and a sweater. She moved slowly, trying to gain more time to figure out what the hell she was going to do. She had no idea how she was going to get out of this one, but she knew she had to cooperate with him until she figured something out. Now that there was a gun involved… she couldn't let herself be responsible for anyone she loved getting injured.

"Alright," Dr. Brown said, tucking the gun back into his jacket pocket and reaching for her hand. "Now we're going to go for some drinks. Or…you are. And I'll be listening from outside, so you better not do anything stupid," he said as he shoved a microphone into her pocket. "I'm going to tell you exactly what to say to that loser, and you're going to say it. Understood?"

XXXXXX

Derek looked up from his beer when he heard the bell above the door ring. His eyes widened as he saw Meredith enter, and he immediately knew something was wrong. "Mer," he said, standing to meet her. "What are you doing here?"

"Um…" Meredith swallowed hard, and he could see tears filling her eyes. "Derek…I'm leaving."

"You…what?" Derek asked, reaching out to grab the table as his world spun out from under him.

"I can't do it," Meredith whispered, feeling herself get sick to her stomach as she said the words. "Med school's too much and I gave up too much for you. It's just not worth it, and I'm leaving."

"No," Derek said, shaking his head as he reached out to her. "Meredith, no. I know you. You love med school. And you would have hated Seattle, you said so the other day. And…you love me."

Tears streamed down Meredith's cheeks. "I can't do it, Derek," she recited. "I need to leave." She swallowed hard as she ran her fingers along the microphone in her pocket, knowing that Dr. Brown was listening to every word she was saying. Her brain raced for some sort of way that she could tell Derek that she was in danger. Finally, she placed a hand on her shoulder and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, quickly whispering, "Dr. Brown," before she turned and walked out of the bar, wiping at the tears on her face.

"What the hell was that?" Mark asked as Derek turned back to the table, tears swimming in his eyes.

"She's….gone," he whispered. "Meredith's gone."

"I don't believe that," Nathan said. "That girl loves you."

"She used to," Derek whispered. "She said I'm not worth it."

Mark frowned. "Something's going on," he said. "Grey would never leave you."

"Well she has," Derek snapped, reaching for his beer and downing it. "So now my life is a fucking mess."

"What did she say to you?" Nathan asked. "When she kissed your cheek."

"She said…Dr. Brown," Derek sighed. "I don't know what that means. She would never sleep with a professor. I know she didn't leave me to be with…." His voice trailed off as realization dawned on him, and he slammed his beer on the table, grabbing his jacket as he sprinted out of the bar. "Meredith!" he shouted as he ran into the cool night air. "Meredith, where are you?" He looked up and down the street, receiving strange looks from the few passerby that were lingering on the streets, but none of them were his beloved Meredith. With fear in his heart, he took off in a sprint towards his apartment, determined to find his wife before something awful happened. As he ran down the road, he failed to notice the dark alley, where his wife was being held tightly against her will, a hand clapped over her mouth as she tried to scream for him.

XXXXX

"Fuck," Derek muttered as he dug into his pockets, realizing that his keys were gone.

"What's going on?" Mark asked as he and Nathan ran up beside him.

"My keys are gone," Derek said. "Someone took my keys."

"Calm down," Nathan said, pulling his own keys out of his pocket. He quickly unlocked the door and Derek sprinted for the stairs, the other two close on his heels. When they reached their apartment floor, all three of them stopped short when they saw the door to Derek and Meredith's apartment wide open. They glanced at each other for a moment before cautiously moved towards the open door. When Derek finally stepped through, he felt himself want to throw up as he saw Beth and Addison taped together on the floor of the living room, tears streaming down both of their faces. He quickly moved towards them, gently taking the tape off of Addison's mouth before he turned to Beth.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded as Mark and Nathan ran to help him undo the tape, the three of them making quick work of freeing the girls.

"Derek, he's got her," Addison said from her place in Mark's arms. "I'm sorry. He just came in and he had a gun and he told her that she had to tell you she was leaving you because otherwise he would start shooting. Derek, I'm sorry."

"Where were they going?" Derek asked. "Did he say anything at all?"

"No," Addison whimpered, burying her face in Mark's jacket.

"We should go to the police," Nathan said, his arms wrapped tightly around Beth.

Derek was out the door before anyone could say anything else, and he sprinted down the stairs to the cop car that was sitting outside his apartment building.

"Detective White," he said, banging on the window. "He took her. What the hell were you doing? You're supposed to protect her!"

Detective White sighed as he stepped out of the car. "Mr. Shepherd," he said. "You wife left the building, but she wasn't struggling. She was smiling, even holding this man's hand. In my experience, people in danger generally don't do that."

"She was faking it," Derek snapped. "And now, thanks to you and your lazy ass, my wife is out there with the psycho who's been watching her for weeks."

"Shit," Detective White sighed. "Alright, you've got a name on this bastard?"

"I…I don't know his first name," Derek said softly. "Dr. Brown. He's a professor of neurology at Columbia University, and he works at New York General. He's been obsessed with Mer and…oh my God."

"Alright, Mr. Shepherd, calm down," Detective White said. "I'll call in for his information, and in the mean time we'll head over to his office, see if there's anything of significance there."

Derek collapsed onto the curb, burying his head in his hands as he listened to Detective White call for back up and information on Dr. Brown. He had no idea ho he'd possibly let things get this bad, but now all he wanted to do was hold Meredith in his arms and never let her go.

"Alright, let's go," Detective White sighed as he moved to turn the car on.

"Wha…you're letting me come with you?" Derek asked.

"You obviously aren't going to calm down if you're alone," Detective White said. "I know how much you love your wife. And….I'm concerned for your safety. So you're safer coming with me."

"Oh," Derek nodded, realizing that although he wasn't supposed to come along with the investigation, Detective White was going to allow him to anyways. "Thanks."

"Looks like they're here before us," White sighed as he pulled up to the neurology building. "Now, you've got to listen to me. I'm doing you a favor by letting you be here. You stay quiet, you stay in one place and you do whatever any police officer tells you. Got it?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded. He followed White out of the car and over to the steps of the building.

"What have we got?" White asked.

"Seems the doc's in there," another officer sighed. "We've got a camera that shows he's got a girl in there with him. We're just trying to get a hold of the situation."

"What the hell do you mean?" White asked. "Get her out of there!"

"It's not that easy," the officer sighed. He glanced at Derek before he leaned forward and pressed a button on the tape recorder in the back of the van.

"And if anyone comes near here….I'll shoot her!" Dr. Brown's voice said from the speakers. "You hear that? Anyone comes close to the building, she dies!"

White sighed as he turned to stare at the building. "Shit," he sighed. "What are we going to do?"

"What the hell is he doing here?" a voice suddenly boomed from the window. Derek looked up to see Dr. Brown standing at the window of the only lit room in the building. "I want to see him." His voice boomed from a megaphone, and Derek swallowed hard, knowing he was talking about him.

"I'm going in," he said as he moved towards the door.

"Stop right there, Shepherd," White demanded. "You're not going in there."

"Derek….." Meredith's voice suddenly whimpered through the megaphone, causing Derek to shake his head and move towards the door.

"She needs me," he said. "I'm not going to stand around and wait for her to get hurt."

"Derek!" White shouted as Derek ran into the building. He turned to look at the officers who had set up camp outside the white van parked at the entrance. "Get some bullet proof vests on and get in there. Now."


	64. Chapter 64

Derek moved carefully through the darkened halls of the neurology building, fear rushing through his body as he thought about what could possibly be wrong with Meredith. She was in complete danger, and he would never forgive himself for letting this happen. If only he had stayed home….

"Well hello, Mr. Shepherd," Dr. Brown said with a smirk as he stepped out of his office. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Where is she?" Derek demanded.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but did she or did she not tell you she was leaving you earlier tonight?" Dr. Brown asked, tapping his finger on his chin. "Because I could have sworn…"

"Listen you sick son of a bitch," Derek snapped, grabbing him by his collar. "You tell me where my wife is right now, or so help me God…"

"That's interesting," Dr. Brown said, raising his hand that was clasped tightly around a gun. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm in charge here."

Derek stepped back slightly, his eyes wide as they focused on the gun. "Did you…"

Dr. Brown laughed harshly. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I could never hurt her. She's amazing. And you…you take her for granted. You don't appreciate how special she is, how her body…"

"Shut up!" Derek shouted, clenching his fists as his anger intensified. He couldn't handle anyone talking about Meredith like that.

"You better watch yourself," Dr. Brown said. "I'm starting to get angry. And we all know what happens when a man with a gun gets angry." He lifted the gun to be even with Derek's head and pushed him towards the door. "Get in there."

Derek stumbled into the room, his stomach churning violently when he saw Meredith sitting in the corner of the room, her right leg darkened with blood. "Mer," he breathed, moving over to her. "Are you okay?"

"I tried to run," she whispered. "So he cut my leg. I can't walk."

Derek swallowed hard as he started to roll her pants leg up to see the wound. "Stay away from her," Dr. Brown said evenly as he turned from the door he had just locked.

"She's bleeding," Derek argued.

"Yes, because if she wasn't, she would have tried to run," Dr. Brown continued. "You move to that corner. And don't talk."

Derek ignored him as he turned back to Meredith. "Are you okay?"

"I said get away from her!" Dr. Brown shouted, pulling the safety latch on the gun as he aimed it at Derek's head.

"Derek go!" Meredith insisted, pushing him away from her. "I'm fine."

Derek moved back to the opposite corner, sighing in relief when Dr. Brown lowered the gun. "That's better," he said. "Now, here's what we're going to do. You, Derek, are going to give yourself over to the cops. Because when you found your wife with her professor in his office, you just became so enraged that you couldn't help pulling a knife on her. And when they take you in, you're going to tell them how you set up this whole situation because you wanted the man your wife fell in _love _with to be locked away. But when you found them together in the office…you just couldn't stand in the way of true love any longer. So you turned yourself in."

"That's the worst plan I've ever heard," Derek stated.

"I don't care," Dr. Brown snapped. "You're going to do it."

Derek glanced at Meredith, taking in her pale face as she fought consciousness. Blood was trickling down her leg and pooling on the carpet under her foot, and he knew she needed help. "We've got to get her to help," he insisted. "She's bleeding hard."

"She's fine," Dr. Brown snapped without looking at her. "I'm the doctor, remember?"

Derek shook his head as he stared at his wife. "She's not even conscious," he said, pain filling his voice. "She needs help."

"Mmm wake," Meredith murmured. "want….home."

"Shut up," Dr. Brown snapped. "You both need to shut up and do what I tell you."

Before either one of them could respond, the sound of footsteps came from the hallway, and a pounding came on the door. "NYPD, open up!"

Dr. Brown rolled his eyes as he turned towards the door. "Excuse me," he said calmly. "I have to take care of something. And if I find out that either one of you moved as much as an inch, I won't hesitate to make sure you'll never move again."

Derek watched as Dr. Brown opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

"Lucas Brown, you're under the arrest…"

Two gunshots rang through the hallway followed by a loud thud, causing Meredith to cry out in fear. Derek didn't waste two seconds as he moved towards her side, taking her into his arms. "It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "We'll get out of here."

"He just killed someone," Meredith whispered. "You need to go back…he's going to come back, and I can't…you have to go back."

"I'm not leaving you," Derek insisted.

"Derek," she whispered. "I didn't…you know I didn't mean anything I said. I don't want to leave. I love you. I'm sorry."

"I know," Derek nodded softly, reaching out to brush her hair back from her face. "I love you too. Whatever happens, I love you."

"Derek," she whispered.

"Hey!" Dr. Brown shouted as he walked back into the room. "I told you not to move!"

"Alright, I'm going back," Derek said, pulling his hands up in surrender. "I'm going back."

"Stop pointing the gun at him," Meredith whispered.

Dr. Brown turned to look at her. "Meredith," he said softly. "What will you do for that?" he whispered softly. "If I don't shoot him…will you do something for me?"

"What?" Meredith whispered.

"Hmm," Dr. Brown sighed, pulling her up to balance on her foot, holding her tightly against him and ignoring her cries of pain. "I seem to remember that you were looking beautiful in some lingerie under this sweater," he murmured, tugging at the bottom of it. "I think I need to see it."

"No," Meredith whispered, trying to fight away from him and remain balanced at the same time.

"No," Dr. Brown nodded. "Alright." He turned to Derek and cocked the gun, causing Meredith to grab his hand and turn him back towards her. "Okay," she whispered. She glanced at Derek, fear and apology mixed in her eyes before she said to Dr. Brown, "I think I need your help."

Dr. Brown hummed in appreciation as he set the gun on the desk, his hand moving to the bottom of her sweater. "That's what I like to see," he said softly. He stepped back as Meredith's sweater dropped to the floor. "Oh Meredith," he whispered, taking in the sight of her. "You are so beautiful."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked at him, hating what she had to do in order to make things right. "You're right," she said softly. "I can't deny it any longer. I've been wanting you since the first time I stepped into that classroom." She hopped slightly to the side, causing Dr. Brown to turn his back further from Derek. "And you know….I don't think I can hold off on my desires much longer."

Dr. Brown smiled slyly as he moved towards her. "I knew it," he whispered. "I knew you felt the same way."

Meredith tried to look convincing as she smiled at him. "I do," she whispered.

"Good," Dr. Brown said, wrapping his arms around her, his mouth moving to her neck. Meredith squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment before she opened them to meet Derek's hard eyes. She pleaded with him silently to do something, and he nodded, standing slowly to reach for the abandoned gun on the desk. Tears filled Meredith's eyes as he advanced towards them. When he offered her a small nod, Meredith put her arms on Dr. Brown's chest and pushed him away from her with every ounce of strength she had in her. He stared at her, confused for a moment before his eyes landed on Derek and realization dawned on him.

"I see," he said, nodding knowingly. "You were playing with me. I don't think I like that, Meredith."

Meredith swallowed hard as she sank to the floor, the room starting to spin around her as blood continued to trickle don her leg. Derek glanced at her for a moment before he turned back to Dr. Brown.

"I really don't think you have any more power over this situation," Derek snapped. "Now it's out of your control."

Dr. Brown shook his head. "Are you going to shoot me?" he laughed. "I don't think you are. And you know what? This situation is not out of my control."

Before Derek could even process what had been said, Dr. Brown lunged towards him, tackling him and causing Meredith to scream in terror. She tried to limp towards them, but her leg collapsed underneath her and she cried out in fear and pain. She felt the room start to spin around her, and just as she slipped out of consciousness, she heard the unmistakable sound of a gun go off.

XXXXX

Everything hurt. That was all that Derek could think about as he slowly woke, light blinding him even from the protection of his closed eyes. He tried to move his body, only to have pain sear through the entire left side of his body. He moaned before he was finally able to open his eyes, his vision blurry and unfocused as he looked around the room. He squinted for a moment before his eyes finally landed on his mother, who was sitting beside his bed, a necklace of rosary beads clutched tightly in her hands.

"Derek," she said eagerly as she stood, leaning over his bed. "Can you hear me?"

"Mom?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "Where's Meredith?"

Emma smiled slightly as she squeezed his hand. "She went to take a shower," she said softly. "She's refused to leave your side."

"Where am I?" Derek asked.

"You're in the hospital," Emma said softly. "Derek, do you even know what's going on?"

"I don't…" his voice trailed off as he looked at her closely. "There were pictures," he frowned. "And then…oh, God. Where's Meredith?"

"Derek, she's fine," Emma said, easing him back down. "She's in the shower. Addison's helping her."

"Her leg," Derek whispered. "He cut her leg."

"I know," Emma whispered. "Derek, how are you feeling?"

"I…" Derek frowned, his own pain coming to the surface for the first time. "My arm hurts."

"You were shot," Emma said softly. "In the shoulder."

Derek frowned. "What the hell happened to him?" he asked. "That son of a bitch…"

"Derek, you have to calm down," Emma said firmly, her eyes moving towards the heart monitor as it sped up. "Calm down."

Derek winced as he moved his arm slightly. "Where is he?"

"In prison," Emma assured him. "You and Meredith are safe."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "Will they give me morphine?"

"Is the pain bad?" Emma asked, reaching to stroke his hair gently.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Five days," Emma sighed.

"Oh," Derek said. "Mer…she's okay?"

Emma sighed. "Her leg is in quite a bit of pain," she said. "And she's quite the emotional mess."

"I want to see her," Derek whispered. "I know she's not here, but I need to see her. So much happened and…she just needs to know that I love her."

"She knows," Emma said softly. "And I know you want to see her. But she's not well, Derek. She refuses to leave your bedside, and they've had to sedate her once. She's blaming herself for this whole thing."

"That's…" Derek frowned, then groaned in pain as pain shot through his arm again. "That's insane."

"I know," Emma sighed. "That doesn't mean she'll stop. Derek, I'm going to see what I can do about getting you some morphine."

"No," Derek shook his head. "Later…later I'll definitely need it. But I want to be sober when I see Mer. She needs me right now. Me, not high me."

Emma frowned as she watched him carefully. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," Derek sighed.

Before Emma could argue again, there was a knock on the door, and Addison poked her head in. "Emma, I…Derek!"

"Derek," he heard Meredith gasp from the hall. "Is he awake?"

"Hang on, Mer," Addison said. "Is he…can she come in?"

"Yes," Derek said eagerly, groaning as he struggled to sit up.

"Derek," Emma sighed. "Please take some medicine."

"Later, Mom," Derek sighed. "I need to see Mer."

Emma turned and nodded to Addison. "Alright, let her in," she said.

Addison turned out to face the hallway for a moment before she opened the door wider, allowing a pale Meredith to hobble through on a pair of crutches. She was dressed in sweats, and her damp hair was tied back in a ponytail. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her look this exhausted, but he'd never been more grateful at the sight of her than he was at that very moment.

"Meredith," he whispered, and she was at his side faster than he could have imagined, crutches or no crutches as she leaned into him. He wrapped his eyes tightly around each other as they clung tightly to each other, never having been so grateful embrace than they were in this moment.


	65. Chapter 65

He was here. He was here, and he was alive and breathing as she wrapped herself around him. She cuddled closely to his right side, avoiding any contact with his left shoulder, but all Meredith could think about was the fact that her husband was alive and able to hold her, even if it wasn't as tightly or fully as he usually was able to.

She'd woken five days earlier in the hospital, her leg bandaged tightly and causing her lots of pain, but that had paled in comparison to the panic she'd felt as she tried to find out what had happened to Derek. As she clutched his hospital gown tightly in her fists, she squeezed her eyes closed, remembering the terrible days that had preceded him waking up.

XXXXX

_"Meredith," Addison said softly as Meredith's eyes opened. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"_

_"Where am I?" Meredith asked hoarsely._

_"You're at the hospital," Addison said as she handed Meredith a cup of water to sip through the straw. "Everything's okay, you're safe now."_

_"Derek," Meredith frowned. "Where's Derek?" If she was in the hospital he would never have left her side, and she frowned, trying to remember what had happened after she'd collapsed onto the ground._

_Addison sighed as she sat down on the edge of Meredith's bed, squeezing her hands tightly. "Meredith," she said softly, her eyes sad._

_"No," Meredith breathed. "Addison, he can't...is he...there was a gunshot."_

_"Derek was shot," Addison whispered, her eyes filling with tears._

_"Derek," Meredith breathed. "He's...where is he? He's okay, right? I need to see him."_

_"He's alive," Addison sighed. "They had to take him into surgery to get the bullet out, but he's alive."_

_"Why isn't he here?" Meredith whispered. "Even if he had surgery...Derek would demand that they put us in the same room or something."_

_"Mer," Addison sighed. "He never woke up."_

_"What?" Meredith asked, tears filling her eyes as her breath fell from her chest. "But you just said..."_

_"He's in a coma," Addison said softly. "He had a reaction to one of the medications, and he's in a coma."_

_Meredith struggled to sit up, frowning at her leg. "I need to see him," she said. "He needs me."_

_"Meredith, you need to take care of yourself," Addison said softly, easing her back onto the bed. "I'm going to call for the doctor."_

_As she leaned forward to press the call button, Meredith shook her head. "He's alone," she whispered._

_"He's not alone," Addison replied. "Emma's with him. And Mark's been hopping back and forth between the two of you."_

_"He needs to know that I'm there," Meredith whispered. "I had to tell him that I wanted to leave. I don't want to leave him, I never did, but he had a gun and...he thinks I don't love him anymore."_

_"That's not true," Addison shook her head. "And you've got to calm down. If you're hysterical there's no way they'll let you see him."_

_Meredith swallowed hard as she tried to calm herself down. A few moments later, a doctor entered her room, and the next hour or so was a blur. Through the questions, tests, and attempts to get out of bed and use crutches, all she could think about was Derek. When she was finally granted permission to visit him, she had hobbled down the hall so fast that Addison practically had to run to keep up with her._

_Meredith swallowed hard as she pushed the door open to Derek's room. She stared at the sight before her, suddenly feeling as if it were four years ago and Derek had crashed his motorcycle. Emma sat beside the bed, a look of worry and exhaustion on her face as she stroked her son's hand gently. Machines beeped gently in the corner of the room and Derek...her amazing, perfect husband lay in the hospital bed, pale and still._

_"Derek," she whispered as she moved closer, stopping right beside the bed. She stared down at him, taking in the heavily bandaged shoulder and the somber expression on his face. Derek never looked like this when he slept. He always had a small smirk on his face, one that always made her smile because she knew that his ability to smile even in his sleep meant that he was truly happy in his life._

_But he wasn't smiling now. Because he'd been attacked and shot, and it was all her fault._

_"Derek, I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching out to run her hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry. I love you, Derek. And I don't want to leave you. I never wanted to, and I'm sorry I had to say it. And you were right. I should have listened to you from the beginning and I'm sorry. Because if I hadn't been so stupid...you'd be awake and you wouldn't have been shot and we'd still be happy."_

_"Meredith," Emma said gently from behind her. "This isn't your fault."_

_Meredith ignored her as she continued staring down at Derek. "You just have to wake up," she whispered. "Please, Derek. I know I let you down, and I'm sorry. But I can't...I can't do this without you. So you have to wake up. I know it sounds selfish, but I promise I'll do anything you need me to. Just...come back to me. Please, Derek."_

XXXXX

"Mer," Derek whispered into her hair. "Oh, Meredith."

"Derek," she whimpered into his chest, and he could feel tears seeping through the thin material of his hospital gown. "You're awake."

"I'm awake," he murmured . "I'm going to be fine, Mer."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Derek, I'm so sorry."

"Hey," Derek frowned, pulling back to look at her. "What in the world do you have to be sorry for?"

"I...it's my fault," Meredith whispered. "If I had listened to you, if I hadn't called you paranoid we wouldn't be here and you wouldn't have been shot and put in a coma for nearly a week. So I'm sorry."

"Meredith, none of this is your fault," Derek whispered. "I should never have left you alone in that apartment. I should have been there, to protect you."

Meredith smiled slightly. "We were driving each other crazy, Derek," she said softly.

"I know," Derek sighed. "And rationally, I know that it's not either of our fault. But...I just hate that I couldn't protect you."

Meredith shook her head. "Derek...let's just not talk about it, okay? Because we're both okay, and he's in jail because he killed those cops and...let's just not talk about it."

"We're going to have to talk about it," Derek whispered. "We can't let this consume us and ruin our lives."

"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "They're already made me talk to a therapist. It's procedure or something. You're going to have to do it too."

"I will," Derek nodded. "Because I'll do anything to make sure that this doesn't ruin us. It will take some time but I think we can get back to the way we were before any of this happened."

"I want to," Meredith whispered. "I just want to be Derek and Meredith again. No creepy stalkers or people trying to kill us. Just...us."

"We'll get there," Derek nodded firmly. "Mer...I know you don't want to talk about this, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I need...did he...were you assaulted?"

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "No," she whispered. "I think...I think he wanted to. Because when I heard him coming up the stairs I thought he was you and I made myself all sexy but he didn't."

"Good," Derek sighed, his body relaxing. "That's...that's really good."

Meredith sighed as she sat up, her leg throbbing in pain again. "Do you feel okay?" she asked. "Your shoulder...does it hurt?"

"Yes," Derek sighed. "I...I can have morphine now."

"You refused pain medicine?" Meredith frowned. "Derek, I know you're an idiot, but that...that's stupid even for you."

"Hey, I'm sick, you don't get to call me an idiot," Derek frowned. "And the only reason I refused is because I didn't want to be high when I saw you."

"Oh," Meredith said softly. "Well...you've seen me, and now you can get some pain meds."

Derek frowned. "Why do I think that the only reason you want me to get pain meds is so you can see me high?" he asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You really are an idiot," she said. "I want you to take pain meds because you're my husband and I hate seeing you in pain. And I was scared enough a week ago, I don't want you to hurt anymore."

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her close to him. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. "You know that, right? Because I really love you, a lot, and I know that I said horrible things but I didn't want to, I had to because there was a microphone in my pocket and..."

"Meredith," Derek laughed slightly. "Yes, I know that you love me. And I know you didn't mean any of the things you said."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Because when you were...sleeping, all I could think about was the fact that you thought I didn't love you anymore."

"I knew that wasn't true," Derek whispered, a smirk coming over his face. "How could you not love this..." he gestured to his own body, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.

"Maybe if you get some morphine in you, you'll act like a normal person," she said as she reached for the nurse call button, smiling as she realized that maybe getting back to the way things were wouldn't be so hard after all.

XXXXX

"Mom!" Derek exclaimed as Emma walked into the room the next day. "Hi! How are you? Did you bring me presents? Because I'm in the hospital. You can't come visit people in the hospital without bringing them any presents."

Emma raised an eyebrow at her son before she turned to her giggling daughter in law.

"It's the morphine," Meredith explained. "It's making him...a little more talkative than usual. Which I didn't even know was possible because Derek talks all the time, but...it is."

"When are we going home?" Derek asked. "Because I feel really good."

"Probably in a couple days," Meredith said, leaning forward in her chair to grab his hand. "Der, your mom's here."

"I know," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mom, do you think you could sign me out? Because you're my mom, they'll listen to you if you tell them I need to go home."

"You're twenty three dear," Emma said softly. "I stopped being able to do that five years ago."

"Oh," Derek sighed dramatically, staring down at his lap for a moment, his brow furrowed. Meredith giggled as she watched him knowing that he was trying to think of another way to get out of the hospital. He'd been doing it all morning.

"I know," he suddenly shouted. "Mer, you should tell them that you need to take me home so we can have sex. And we can't have sex in the hospital."

"Derek," Meredith hissed, her cheeks turning bright red as she stared at his mother.

"What?" he asked. "Oh, you're worried about my shoulder. Don't worry, I'll let you be on top. I like that anyways."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, burying her face in her hands.

Emma smiled slightly, happy to see her children getting back to normal after the terror they had gone through. Or at least as normal as possible when her son was grinning widely in the same way he had when he was seven years old and had caught his first fish.

"Derek, dear," she said calmly. "Your sisters wanted me to give you this."

Derek's eyes lit up as he reached for the bag in Emma's hands. "Presents!" he exclaimed.

Emma laughed as she handed the bag over to him. "I'm pretty sure that's what he sounded like every Christmas until he was ten," she said to Meredith.

"Oh," Derek said, his voice coming out softer than it had since the previous day when the morphine had started.

"What is it, Der?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Derek snapped. "Mom...come here."

Emma smiled softly as she stepped closer to the bed. "Yes, Derek?"

"You can't get me a...teddy bear when my wife is in the room," Derek whispered loudly, causing Meredith to giggle. "She won't think I'm manly anymore."

"I'm sure your wife thinks you're manly," Emma said. "But if you want me to take him back..."

"No," Derek gasped, clutching the bear to his chest. "Beary's been with me since I was born."

"Beary?" Meredith asked from her spot in the chair, her eyes sparkling.

"Crap," Derek frowned. "Okay, Mer, I know it's weird, but my dad got him for me when he finally got a son because there are way too many freaking girls in this family. And I know it's weird but he reminds me of Dad. And you should know that I'm very manly. Like the time when we were moving in and I was carrying all those boxes and you stopped me because you wanted to..."

"Okay, that's enough," Meredith said quickly. "You, Derek Christopher, are never getting morphine ever again."

Derek scoffed. "The morphine hasn't even effected me at all," he said. "And my shoulder doesn't hurt either. Which is why we should just go home."

"You'll be home soon enough, dear," Emma sighed. "But right now Meredith has to go to physical therapy, so I'm going to stay with you for a couple hours, okay?"

Derek sighed as he watched Meredith struggle to her feet, aided by her crutches. "Do you have to go, Mer?" he asked.

"Yes," Meredith smiled, leaning over his bed. "Because I want to be able to walk normally again. But I'll be back as soon as it's over. And maybe I'll bring you a surprise."

Derek's eyes lit up again. "I like surprises," he said as he smiled widely. "Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Meredith giggled as she leaned down to kiss him. "You don't need permission, Der," she said.

Emma smiled as she watched her son and his wife take far too long to say good bye to each other, but she knew it was a good thing. They were going to make it through this just fine.


	66. Chapter 66

"Thanks for picking us up from the hospital," Derek sighed as Beth helped Meredith up the stairs. The downfall of their beautiful apartment that neither of them had noticed until was the lack of an elevator. And Derek's one good arm wasn't enough to assist Meredith up the stairs on one good leg.

"It's what we're here for," Nathan said as he set Meredith's bag down on the ground in front of their apartment. He unlocked the door and opened it for Derek to walk in. He stepped into the apartment, frowning when he saw a bed in the corner of the living room.

"There's a bed in a living room," Derek stated as he turned to look at Nathan.

Nathan laughed as he stepped forward to stand beside him. "We figured Mer's leg wouldn't like the stairs all the time," he said. "I know she's off the crutches but she's still in physical therapy so it's still going to hurt a lot, so…we figured for now this would be best for you."

"Thanks," Derek said with a smile. "Mer, look…" he turned to his wife, frowning when he saw her standing in the doorway, her eyes wide as she stared into the apartment. "Oh, Mer."

"Derek," she whispered, shaking her head. "He was here. He was here, and he was able to get in and…what if someone else can get in?"

"That won't happen," Derek shook his head. "We'll get a better lock for the door. A code lock, if that's what it takes, so that way even if someone manages to get the keys we guard with our lives, then only we'll know the code and be able to get in."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Yeah, that works."

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her close into a one armed hug. "I know you're scared."

"I just…Derek, what if something happens?" she whispered, leaning her weight into him.

"Nothing will happen," Derek whispered. "He's gone, Mer."

"I know," she whispered. "I know that, but still…"

"Come on," Derek said softly. "I won't leave your side, if that's what it takes to feel safe."

Meredith giggled as she limped into the apartment with him. She took a deep shaky breath, her fingers tightening around his shirt.

"Just breath," Derek whispered. "And we don't even have to go up to the bedroom yet."

Meredith giggled as she looked at Beth and Nathan. "You guys are amazing," she sighed. "Really, I have no idea what we would have done without you these past couple days."

"It's what friends are for," Beth smiled. "I know you'd be doing the same thing for us."

Nathan smiled as well as he stepped back to Beth. "And let us know if you need anything at all."

"Thanks," Meredith whispered. She leaned into Derek's strong arm as Beth and Nathan stepped out of the apartment. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes tightly, smiling when she felt Derek lean down to breathe in the scent of her hair. No matter what was happening in her life, she was always comforted by the thought that Derek could calm herself down by simply being close to her.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed. "Can we sit?"

"Sure," Derek nodded, allowing her to lean on him as they made their way to the new bed in the corner. She sank onto the mattress and ran a hand along her leg, her eyes wide and slightly frightened.

"I'm sorry I'm so skittish," Meredith whispered. "I'm going to try to be normal again."

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, sinking down onto the bed beside her. "Take as long as you need to get over this. It's not going to be easy."

"You're okay," she whispered.

"No, I'm not," Derek sighed. "I was shot. And my shoulder…it's going to take a long time for it to get better. And even worse than that, I never want to come that close to losing you again."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes as she reached for Derek's sling. She gently eased it off his shoulder, followed by his shirt, trying not to move his arm too much. "Does it hurt a lot?" she whispered.

"Not as much as at first," Derek whispered. "But it will hurt for a little while." He paused for a moment, smiling down at Meredith as she moved her fingers gently over the bandages, then moved her lips to gently trail around the outside of the wound. "That feels good," he murmured.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, shifting to push him onto his back. "You know, Derek," she whispered. "When you were high…you told your mother some very interesting things about our sex life. Things even I didn't know."

"I did not," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Hmmm…." Meredith nodded, sucking gently on his neck. "You did. You told me that I could be on top, because you like when I'm bossy. Which I already knew. But then…" she smiled seductively as she ground her hips against him. "You decided to go on for a good fifteen minutes about how much you'd like to be tied up."

"Oh," Derek gasped.

"But…" Meredith continued as she reached for his belt buckle. "I think that's going to have to wait until we're both a little more healed."

"Mer…" Derek groaned as she pulled his pants off. "Are you sure? Because pretty soon there won't be any turning back…"

"I'm sure," she purred, sliding her body along his clothed one. "My leg doesn't hurt right now."

"Oh…" Derek breathed, watching as she pulled her shirt over her head. "God, Mer…"

Meredith watched him as she carefully pulled off her clothes, trying to focus on Derek and having sex with her husband, and not think about how the last time they'd done this, someone had been watching them.

"Meredith…" Derek's voice pulled her out of her trance, and she turned to look at him. "It's okay if you're not ready," he whispered.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I am, I want to, I just….I don't know."

"Hey," Derek frowned as he struggled to sit up, reaching for her. "Talk to me."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes as she pushed him back onto the bed, curling into his right side. "Last time we had sex he was watching us," she whispered. "And now…" she inhaled deeply as she traced the sensitive skin around the bandage covering Derek's shoulder. "Now you have a bullet wound. And I know it's not my fault. But those pictures…I can't get them out of my head, Derek. We have amazing sex, really amazing sex. And I love it. But it used to be something that only the two of us had ever shared. Well, except when we lived with Mark and Addie, but that's a completely different story. But it feels different now, like someone else knows about something that only we should be aware of. I know it sounds stupid, but those pictures won't go away. As much as I want them to, they're always there, just…plaguing me.

"Me too," Derek breathed into her ear.

"It doesn't seem like it," Meredith whispered.

"Maybe not," Derek agreed. "But you know me, Mer. I just let everything pent up until I can't take it anymore."

"And that's never been a good thing," Meredith said softly. "Maybe you should deal with it now and avoid the giant fights and motorcycle crashes."

Derek laughed slightly. "You're right," he said. "And I want you to take all the time in the world you need to do this. Don't think you'll disappoint me, or that I won't wait. I'll wait forever for you, Mer, and you know that. It's hard for me too."

"I do," she whispered. "Thank you."

"It's my job," Derek smiled. "Can you do one thing for me though?"

"Of course."

"When you're all better and ready to have sex again," Derek smirked. "Will you promise that we can act out some of those fantasies you now know about?"

Meredith giggled as she leaned forward to kiss him. "I had no idea I married such a dirty man," she purred. "You could have told me, you know. You should know by now that I'm up for _anything."_

Derek groaned as he stared down at his lap. "You're mean," he said. "You're just a mean person who turns people on and then refuses to have sex with them. Mean."

Meredith giggled as she slid into the button down Derek had been wearing. "Good thing your right hand still works," she said as she slid off the bed, slowly limping towards the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Derek frowned.

"Making dinner," Meredith shrugged.

Derek rolled his eyes. "I know you're a little scared of this place, but that does not give you permission to burn the entire building down," he said.

"Haha," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You like my cooking. And you can't exactly cook with one good hand."

"You can cook pancakes," Derek agreed. "And I could. It would just take a lot longer."

"Whatever," Meredith said as she leaned over the island to meet his eyes across the room. "I'm making pancakes."

"It's three in the afternoon."

"So? It's breakfast for dinner or whatever," Meredith shrugged as she turned on the stove. "And we've been eating that crappy hospital food forever."

Derek laughed as he sat up, frowning as he looked down at his limp arm and his pants. "Mer?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"How am I supposed to get dressed?"

"What are you talking…." She trailed off as she turned to look at him, suddenly understanding what he meant. "Oh. I guess…I have to help you."

Derek sighed as he raised his good hand up to his hair. "I'm sorry, Mer," he whispered. "I hate feeling so useless."

Meredith smirked as she made her way over to him. "Don't be sorry," she whispered as she reached for his pants. "I like taking care of you. And besides…bullet wounds can be very sexy."

Derek laughed as she pulled his pants up and buttoned them quickly, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. "How's your leg?" he asked.

"It hurts," Meredith admitted softly. "But I can put pressure on it now, which is good. Hopefully it will be better soon."

Derek nodded in agreement as he followed her into the kitchen. "Only you," he smiled as he saw the pancake batter sitting next to the frying pan.

"What?" Meredith asked, pouring the batter into the pan.

"Breakfast at three in the afternoon," Derek laughed, wrapping his arm around her from behind and pressing a kiss to the back of her head. "It's why I love you so much."

"Because I make breakfast at weird times during the day?" Meredith giggled, leaning back into his embrace.

"No," Derek rolled his eyes. "Because no matter how well I know you, you never stop surprising me. And I like that."

"Like it?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"Love it," Derek quickly corrected himself. "I love it and I love you."

Meredith smiled as she kissed him quickly. "I love you too," she whispered.

"Alright, make me some pancakes," Derek laughed as he pulled away from her, moving to the fridge.

"You're an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Why am I an idiot?" Derek asked as he poured a glass of orange juice and a glass of apple juice.

"Because you think I have to make you food just because I'm a woman," Meredith said.

"Meredith, I love you," Derek said as he handed her the apple juice. "But I would never in a million years ask you to cook for me. In fact, I would beg you not to before I did that."

"I'm not that bad," Meredith frowned as she pointed to the stove. "Look, pancakes."

"And what about the summer after sophomore year when you tried to make chocolate chip cookies and put half the bottle of salt in?" Derek asked.

"That…was a fluke."

"Or the time you tried to make lasagna and the fire department had to come to clear out the smoke?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, and my favorite," Derek laughed as he leaned against the counter. "The time the meat that was supposed to be meatballs just happened to end up on the ceiling."

"I hate you," Meredith frowned as she flipped some pancakes onto the stove. "You and your stupid arm can go make your own food."

"I'm kidding Mer," Derek laughed as he reached for the pancakes.

"No you're not."

Derek paused for a moment. "Okay, well, I'm not," he said. "But…I love you anyways."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Go get the syrup."

"You're making me work?" Derek asked. "I was just shot."

"Don't play that card," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I was stabbed."

"We make quite the pair," Derek sighed.

"Yeah," Meredith whispered, turning back to the pancakes. "We really do." She focused on making the rest of the pancakes as she thought that maybe being back in the apartment wouldn't be as bad as she'd originally thought.


	67. Chapter 67

**Okay, so this is kind of a filler chapter, tying up some loose ends and what not. I hope you guys enjoy it anyways. Thanks for the reviews, you are all amazing :)**

Meredith sighed as she turned over in bed that night, reaching lazily for Derek as she tried to fall back asleep. As she reached for him and found him thrashing beside her, she now realized what had pulled her out of her deep sleep in the first place.

"No," Derek whimpered. "Don't....No! Meredith!"

Meredith woke completely as she leaned over her husband, who was obviously panicking in his sleep.

Nightmares. He'd had them for months after his father had died, and now he was having them again. But he couldn't continue to toss and turn like this, because he would hurt his shoulder even more.

"Derek," she whispered, leaning over him and gently running her hands through his hair. "Derek, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

"Don't hurt her," he whimpered, tears streaming down his face even in sleep. "Me instead."

"Derek," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes as well. "Derek, please wake up." She knew he was dreaming about Dr. Brown and everything that they had been through the week before, and she wished she could make it stop. She just needed him to wake up, because he was obviously being tortured over this dream, and she hated seeing him like this. "Derek," she said his name more forcefully, shaking him gently. "I'm here. I'm here and I'm fine."

"Meredith...Mer," his voice suddenly became stronger, and his eyes fluttered open to look at her, confusion and fear mixed in his dark blue eyes.

"There you are," she smiled softly, running a hand through his hair as she leaned down to kiss him lightly. "It's okay, Der, you had a nightmare."

Derek inhaled deeply, pulling her close and burying his face in her hair. "You're okay," he whispered.

"I'm okay," she repeated. "Der, what happened?"

"We were back in the office," Derek whispered. "And he...he was trying to...he'd taped me to the chair and he was taking your clothes off. You were screaming, and I couldn't help you and I had to watch as he..."

"Oh, Derek," she whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. It seemed that she wasn't the only one afraid to have sex again. "I'm fine. He didn't hurt me. At least not like that."

"You were screaming for me," Derek whispered. "And I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything to help you."

"It was a dream," Meredith whispered softly. "A scary one, but...it didn't happen. And I'm sure if it had happened, you would have flown into one of your protective caveman stunts and busted through that duct tape."

Derek laughed softly. "You think you're secretly married to the Hulk?" he asked.

"Well, you do turn into a green monster every now and then," she giggled. "But don't worry. The jealousy's cute. Until it gets annoying."

Derek sighed as he tightened his arm around her. "Did I wake you?" he asked.

"Kind of," Meredith said. "I was half awake and then I felt you moving and got worried about your shoulder..."

"Oh," Derek nodded, looking down at his shoulder.

"Does it hurt?" Meredith asked, reaching out to lightly run her hand over it.

"A little," Derek said. "No more than it did when we went to sleep."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too."

"Sleep now?" she whispered.

"Sleep's good," Derek nodded.

"Wake me up if you have another nightmare," she murmured as she closed her eyes again.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, pressing his lips to the top of her head, doubting that he would go back to sleep again that night. Meredith's desperate pleas for him in his sleep were too much for him to bear, and he couldn't listen to them if he didn't have to. So he would just lie there, cradling his wife in his arms as she slept and make sure that he would do everything in his power to protect her.

XXXXX

"Alright, Derek, it looks good," the doctor said a week later as he looked closely at Derek's healing wound. "You're going to be in for a lot of physical therapy, but you should definitely be able to begin use of the arm again. You still shouldn't lift your arm above your head, and don't lift anything over a pound. You've got to work up to being able to fully use it again. It will hurt for a little while, but you've got to get the muscles strengthened again."

"Thanks," Derek said, flashing Meredith a relieved smile. "See, Mer? I'm fine."

Meredith rolled her eyes and ignored him, turning instead to the doctor. "He's not sleeping," she stated. "He pretends he is, but I don't think he's slept at all in the past week. So you should give him something for that. Because he's stubborn and pig headed, and he won't listen to anything I say, but he needs sleep. So you should give him something for that."

The doctor smiled slightly at Meredith's ramble, but turned to Derek quickly. "You're not sleeping?" he asked.

Derek shot Meredith a glance before he sighed, turning back to the doctor. "A little," he said. "I just...I'm not tired."

"Bullshit," Meredith muttered under her breath.

"Derek, you know that you're going to be expending a lot of energy in your recovery," his doctor said. "Simple things like raising your hand above your head to wash your hair and lifting a gallon of milk are going to require quite some effort on your part. You've got to make sure you're taking care of your body well enough to get a quicker recovery."

"Fine," Derek nodded. "I'll sleep."

The doctor glanced between the two of them for a moment before he asked, "Have either of you thought about talking to someone about what you went through?"

"We've talked about it," Meredith said softly. "We're just...trying to move on from that."

"I understand you want to forget it," the doctor nodded. "But you experienced quite the trauma. I'm going to give you the number of a specialist in the building, just in case you're suffering from any post traumatic stress. It might be useful for you to talk to him."

Derek frowned. "A shrink?" he asked.

"Thank you," Meredith quickly interrupted him. "We'll think about it. And um... Derek will be back in a few weeks for another check up."

"You can make the appointment at the front desk," the doctor nodded, handing Derek his chart. "Good luck to you both."

Meredith grabbed Derek's hand and pulled him out of the office. "Don't make a scene," she ordered quietly.

"I'm not going to a shrink."

"We'll talk about it later."

"Fine."

They quickly checked out of their appointment and walked onto the street, Derek dead set on getting home so he could rant about not needing help. He strode quickly down the street, stopping after a few moments when he realized that Meredith wasn't next to him anymore. Panic filled his brain as he turned quickly to look for her. "Mer?" he frowned as he walked back towards her as she sat on the sidewalk, holding her leg close. "What's wrong?"

"It hurts," she whispered. "Derek, I don't...it's been feeling fine, back to normal, even, but it hurts."

"Okay," Derek swallowed hard. "Um, let me see it."

He lifted her pants leg, wincing at the purple skin surrounding the scar that was beginning to form where she'd been cut. The scar was pink and fresh, and the area was more swollen than it had been the night before. "I think you've just been walking on it too much," he said gently. "Come on, let's get a cab home."

He pulled her to her feet and allowed her to lean heavily on him as he made his way towards the edge of the sidewalk. He knew her leg was going to be fine, but he hated seeing her in pain. And now he had to take care of her, just like she'd been taking care of him all week.

XXXXX

"Do you want some ice cream?" Derek asked as he walked towards the bed, an ice pack in his hands.

"You can't scoop it," Meredith replied. "Derek, I'm fine. Really. And you need your rest."

"No," Derek shook his head. "Your leg's swelled up because you've been running around taking care of me all week. I shouldn't have let you, but you didn't say anything so I figured it was fine, but I shouldn't have figured that because you wouldn't have told me even if it did hurt..."

"Derek," Meredith giggled. "You're rambling."

"I..." Derek frowned as he realized she was right. "Fine, I rambled," he rolled his eyes. "It seems we've been married too long."

"We've been married for six months," Meredith pointed out.

"So imagine how alike we'll be by the time we've been married sixty years," Derek smiled as he pulled her close.

"I don't think I want to become like you," Meredith sighed. "I mean with the idiocy and the obsession with the hair...I'd much rather ramble and have daddy issues."

"I'd be insulted if I didn't know that you love my hair and you don't really think I'm an idiot."

Meredith smiled as she turned to look up at him. "I do love the hair," she admitted softly. "But...you really are an idiot."

Derek sighed as he pulled her closer. "Well, that's your fault for falling in love with an idiot," he laughed.

They were silent for a moment before Meredith whispered, "Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"Things will go back to normal, right?" she whispered. "My leg will get better and your arm will too. And then you'll start sleeping at night and we can have sex all night and go out to dinner and just...be us?"

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I promise," he whispered. "We're both well on the way to recovery. And I'm going to try to sleep at night. The nightmares about Dad went away, so these should too. And we can do whatever we can to make life normal now. We'll go out to dinner, go visit Mom. And as soon as you say the word...we can spend as much time as you want having sex."

Meredith giggled. "You know Beth told me that she and Nathan are finally able to sleep through the night," she said. "She requested that we buy a padded headboard."

"Hmmm...not a bad idea," Derek nodded. "That way we won't traumatize the kids."

Meredith smiled as she laced her fingers through his, her head on his chest. "What do you think they'll be like?" she whispered softly.

"Our kids?" Derek asked. "I want a boy first. So I can teach him to fish, like my dad taught me."

"That's cute," Meredith smiled. "I can imagine having a mini Derek running around. Except he better not have your nose."

"Haha," Derek rolled his eyes. "Yes, we all know, Meredith hates her husband's nose."

"I don't hate it," Meredith protested, leaning up to press a kiss to the tip of it. "It would just look funny on a baby."

"Well, my nose didn't always look like this," Derek protested. "It only does now because I'm friends with Mark. And I still don't know why."

Meredith smiled as she settled back against his chest. "So you want a boy," she stated. "How many?"

"I don't really know," Derek sighed. "I don't want as many as my parents. But I have a sneaking suspicion that Caitlin's only around because my mom's a strict Catholic."

"And we use birth control," Meredith nodded.

"But I want one of each," Derek smiled. "A little girl with eyes like yours. And that smile...with two of you running around, I'd never even have a chance at getting things my way."

"It's not like that happens now anyways," Meredith giggled. "All I have to do is pout...and then kiss you just the right way," she paused to press her lips gently against his, opening her mouth only slightly before she pulled back. "And then, if it's something I _really _want, all I have to do is take off my shirt."

"You know me too well," Derek smiled, pulling her closer. "I'm going to have to start building up some defenses."

Meredith giggled against his chest for a moment, savoring the closeness she felt to him at that point in time. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he sighed into her hair. "Does your leg feel better?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Thanks."

"I didn't do anything," Derek shrugged.

"You did," Meredith nodded. "You distracted me. From my leg hurting. And I like talking about our kids."

"They'll be amazing," Derek sighed. "I wish we didn't have to wait so long to have them."

"Speak for yourself," Meredith sighed. "I am not going to be the intern with the baby. Besides...I like having you all to myself for a while. Because after med school we'll have internships and residencies, and after that I'll be ready for kids but...we won't really have time to be just the two of us. Which makes me sad. So we have to enjoy it now."

"We'll make time for us," Derek nodded. "I promised you when we started med school we wouldn't lose each other. And we won't lose each other during residency. Or when we have kids. I promise."

"Good," Meredith nodded, settling back against his chest. "But still...ten years before kids."

"Ten years," Derek nodded, squeezing her tightly. "Sleep, Mer. It's okay."

"You sleep too," she mumbled into his chest. "No more...nightmares."

"I'll try not to have any nightmares," Derek whispered.

"Nightmares...stupid."

Derek smiled as he watched her drift off to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to will himself to sleep as well. She was right, as always. Nightmares were stupid.


	68. Chapter 68

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"Okay, seriously, Derek Christopher Shepherd, we should have left like ten minutes ago," Meredith said as she pounded on the bathroom door. "And I still have to brush my teeth. Stop putting all that gel in your hair and…" her voice trailed off as Derek flung the door open, standing in front of her in her favourite black dress pants and a red button down, the first few buttons undone to reveal just a hint of the chest hair she loved to run her fingers over. "Oh."

"Oh?" Derek smirked, raising an eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe.

"You look…I mean, the shirt is…" she stared at him for a moment, her teeth sinking into her lower lip before she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck as she kissed him hard, a leg going to wrap around his waist. Derek responded eagerly, running his hands up and down her back before travelling to her thighs, his hand inching under the deep green dress she was wearing as he pulled her closer to him. They kissed passionately for a few moments before they both had to pull away, completely out of breath.

"Mer…" he breathed, his eyes filled with desire as he stared at her, taking in her flushed cheeks and the way her chest rose and fell quickly as she tried to catch her breath. The dress showed just the right amount of cleavage, and he could feel his pants getting tighter by the moment as he took in her appearance.

"I…we can't," Meredith shook her head. "We're going to be late for dinner at your mom's and we just…can't."

"What?" Derek asked, his brain still cloudy. "Mer…you can't kiss me like that and not do anything about it."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked down at the obvious bulge in his pants, feeling the heat of arousal spread through her own body as well. "I want to," she whispered. "God, Derek, I want you. But we're already late."

"And I what am I supposed to do with this?" Derek asked, gesturing to his pants.

Meredith giggled as she picked her coat up off the bed. "Well, maybe I can do something about that on the ferryboat," she said as she tossed him his own jacket. "Just make sure you're calm enough to drive."

"Mean," Derek muttered, shrugging his coat on. "I'm married to an evil mean… person."

"Yes, I know," Meredith rolled her eyes, taking his hand and leading him down the stairs. "Your mother is going to kill us."

Derek sighed as he hurried towards the parking garage behind her. It had been two months since they had been attacked, and he was sure that they had never been stronger as a couple. When they'd finally been able to put the initial fears and stress following the attack, they had turned to each other in ways that made him love her even more. They had been amazing together before, but now…now he felt as though he had a sixth sense when it came to his wife. He was able to know how she was feeling, whether she needed a hug from him or to be left alone, and he always knew when he should step in to help her with her problems, and when she could handle them on her own. She was completely amazing, and he couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to be married to her.

Their first semester of med school had been difficult, with more stress than anyone should have had to face, but they had gotten through it brilliantly. They'd both made quick and smooth recoveries from their physical injuries, and although it had taken time for them to feel comfortable making love again, when they'd finally done it, it was more amazing than it ever had been before. After coming so close to losing each other, they reached a new level of lovemaking, learning to worship each other's bodies in ways they hadn't known before. And of course, Meredith had been more than willing to indulge in some of the fantasies he'd let slip during his brief encounter with morphine.

Now, they were on their way to Emma's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and were planning on spending the night in his old room as they did every year. And every year, Meredith refused to have sex with him in his mother's house, even though he was well aware that she had some very revealing Christmas lingerie buried somewhere within that house. So he was stuck driving through New York City as Meredith ran her fingers up and down his thigh, trying to ignore the throbbing in his pants and the fact that nothing would be done about it for at least twenty four hours.

"Der, you're going to miss the turn," Meredith giggled as he slammed on the brakes, causing several horns to blare from behind him. "You should be more careful," she giggled. "We would have missed the last ferry, and then where would we be?"

Derek rolled his eyes as he pulled onto the ferryboat, putting the car in park as he turned to look at her. "I seem to remember you promising me something," he murmured, pulling on her hand to bring her closer to him.

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled, reaching over him to push his seat back in one jerky motion. She smiled as she slid onto his lap, straddling his hips as she leaned down to kiss him. "I suppose I can do something about this…problem you're having."

"Can you be Dr. Shepherd?" Derek asked in a husky voice.

"Oh," Meredith purred. "You want to play dirty. I can give you an exam. A very… inappropriate one."

"Yes…Dr. Shepherd," Derek moaned.

"Now, I seem to have found the source of your complaints," Meredith whispered, quickly undoing his belt and pulling him out. "And there is one very easy treatment. But it can be…very intense."

"Intense…good," Derek nodded.

"Good," Meredith nodded, leaning down to kiss him passionately. "Get ready for an intense ride." She quickly pushed her panties aside and lowered herself onto him, watching his face as he moaned.

"Yes," he groaned as he threaded his fingers through his hair. "Oh….Dr. Shepherd." His mind went blissfully blank as she moved her hips over his, knowing that this was well worth not being able to have sex with her tonight.

XXXXX

"Late, we're so late," Meredith said as she applied more lip gloss. "And now I have sex hair."

"That's your fault," Derek argued. "You know I love your hair."

"Yeah, well, from now on no more hair pulling for you," Meredith said trying to smooth her hair. "Hair is off limits. I always have sex hair."

"Well…we always have sex," Derek laughed. "And you can't ban be from your hair."

"I can too," Meredith nodded. "And it's done."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "Then no more scratching my back."

"What?" Meredith asked. "I can't help that."

"Well, you have sharp nails," Derek shrugged. "Mark was impressed though. And I can't help running my fingers through your hair. So if I get banned from something, then you should too."

"I…" Meredith frowned as they pulled onto Emma's street. "Why are we even having this conversation?"

"I don't know," Derek laughed. "But for the record…I like when you scratch my back."

Meredith giggled as he shut the car off and turned to her. "I like when you pull my hair," she admitted. "But we can't do that now, we have to go in."

"Fine," Derek sighed, pulling their small suitcase out of the backseat, then turning to take her hand as they walked up to the house. Emma flung the door open as soon as they stepped onto the porch, pulling them into hugs before they could even process what was happening.

"You're late," she said as she pulled away from Meredith. "But I'm glad you're here."

"Sorry, Mom," Derek sighed. "Traffic, you know."

Emma smiled as she looked them over, a sparkle in her eyes. "Right," she said. "I know how it is. Come on, everyone is in the living room."

She turned and walked towards the living room, but Meredith held Derek back. "She knows," she hissed.

"Knows what?" Derek asked.

"That we had sex," Meredith replied. "And that's why we're late."

Derek frowned. "She does not," he said. "And even if she does…does it matter? We're married, Mer, she knows we have sex."

"It matters because it makes me look like a whore."

"Having sex with your husband does not make you a whore," Derek rolled his eyes, pressing his lips to hers gently. "And she won't say anything. So just…forget it. Or don't forget it because it was hot and amazing, but…don't think about it now."

Meredith nodded as she followed him towards the living room. "Don't think about it," she repeated. "Right."

"Hey everyone," Derek smiled as he walked into the room. "We're here, the party can start."

Nancy rolled her eyes as Kathleen giggled up at Derek from her spot on the couch. "Nice shade of lipstick, little brother," she said. "It suits you."

Derek's hand immediately went to his mouth, rubbing furiously to try to get rid any remnants of Meredith's kisses.

"I think she was referring to the one on your neck, Shep," Mark laughed from where he sat on the armchair across the room, Addison curled into his lap.

"Shit," Meredith whispered, moving quickly to wipe the lipstick away. "Um, I…"

"Relax, Mer, it's funny," Liz laughed from the floor. "A little disturbing, but funny."

Meredith blushed furiously, and Derek squeezed her hand before he reached down to scoop Hailey off of Kathleen's lap. "There's my favourite girl in the whole world," he laughed as he tickled her tummy gently, causing her to giggle loudly.

"Apparently I've been replaced," Meredith laughed as she sat down next to Kathleen on the couch.

"Wait until you have your own," Kathleen rolled her eyes. "I think the only reason Chris talks to me anymore is so I'll give him more babies."

Meredith giggled as she ran her hand over Hailey's dark curls, true evidence that she was a Shepherd. "She's gotten big."

"Oh, don't get her started," Chris rolled his eyes as he walked into the room with a bottle of wine. "She bursts into tears every time she thinks about it."

"I can't help it," Kathleen smiled as she reached for her daughter. "It feels like she was just apart of me. And now she's growing so fast."

"Babies do that," Derek laughed as he sat down next to Meredith.

"Don't make fun of me," Kathleen said. "I still have stories that Meredith hasn't heard."

"What?" Meredith asked, perking up. "I thought I had all the dirt."

"Oh no," Caitlin giggled. "We had to save some stuff to embarrass Derbear with."

"Like what?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Derek said quickly.

"How about your senior prom?" Liz asked.

"Mom," Derek turned to his mother. "They're being mean."

"Did you just tattle on us?" Nancy asked.

"I…no," Derek pouted.

"I think you did," Kathleen giggled. "Hailey thinks so too."

"What happened at senior prom?" Meredith asked.

"Derbear wanted to break up with Rose," Caitlin said. "But Mark had already told her that Derek wanted to go with her. Which led them to have the biggest fight I've ever seen. Until that time Mark broke Derek's nose. But anyways, Derek decided it would be a brilliant idea to just get drunk, and then it wouldn't matter if he hated Rose. So he stole a flask of tequila from the liquor cabinet, proceeded to get wasted at prom, and threw up in the middle of the dance floor."

"And I was the one who had to drive him home," Mark rolled his eyes. "Not fun."

Meredith giggled. "Is that why you hate tequila, Derbear?" she asked.

"Don't call me that," Derek replied.

"Why not…Derbear?"

"You know, I could take back all the presents I got you," Derek threatened.

"You would not," Meredith giggled. "You love me too much."

Mark started making gagging noises from his seat, causing Addison to smack him on the shoulder, the sisters to giggle, and Emma to stand and gesture bring an end to the playful banter. "Alright, let's go into the dining room for supper," she said. "The roast should be done by now."

Everyone stood, gathering wine glasses and making their way into the kitchen. Derek started to follow his family, but Meredith tugged on his hand, pulling him back to face her. She wrapped her arms gently around his neck, pressing her lips to his before resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, tightening his arms around her. "Not that I don't love this…but any particular reason?"

"No," she mumbled, her voice muffled against his shirt. "Just wanted a minute alone with you. It's our first Christmas."

"No it's not," Derek laughed. "You've been having Christmas here for years."

"It's our first married Christmas," Meredith whispered.

"Oh," Derek nodded. "That it is."

"I can't believe we've been married for six months," she sighed. "I just…I love you."

"I love you too."

Meredith sighed happily as she stood, nestled in his arms, the glow of the fireplace and the Christmas tree illuminating the room behind them. They'd had a difficult semester, and they were sure to have some hard times ahead of them. But right now, in that moment, everything felt completely perfect as they held each other tightly they knew that anything they encountered could be overcome if they just faced it together.

Derek tightened his arms around her, knowing that in this moment, his life was completely perfect. Nothing could ever top the feeling of standing in his wife's arms, the Christmas tree gently illuminating her face as she cuddled close to his side. He loved Christmas.


	69. Chapter 69

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**Okay, I've had some questions as to how long this story is going to go on. I was planning on making it go a little longer, at least through the end of med school, but I know it's getting long already. I really had no intention of bringing it this far, so if people think it's getting too drawn out and the end should be near, please let me know. I have some rough ideas for other fics, but I could also carry this one out a little longer, probably until summer. So...let me know what you think. Thanks so much for all the support. You guys are really amazing :)**

"Derbear!" Meredith giggled loudly as she saw her husband approaching her from across the room. "I've been looking _everywhere _for you."

Derek laughed as he reached out to steady her. "I ran back to our apartment," he said softly. "Nathan needed some more scotch."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Is there more tequila?"

"I think that's the last thing you need," Derek laughed as she stumbled into his arms.

"I'm not drunk," Meredith shook her head. "It's just these stupid heels. Why did you make me wear them?"

"Mer, you know better than anyone that I can't make you do anything," Derek said, guiding her to sit down on a barstool. "You wanted to wear them because it's New Year's eve."

"Oh," Meredith said, scrunching her nose as she tried to remember getting dressed. "I have a question."

"Shoot," Derek said, reaching to take the heels she had taken off and was holding out to him.

"Don't say that," Meredith shook her head. "Cause you were shot and it was scary. So don't say that."

"Sorry," Derek said, trying to hold back his laughter. "Ask away."

"That's better," Meredith nodded. "Why aren't we outside?"

"Because it's January?" Derek suggested. "And it's below zero outside."

"But it's New Year's," Meredith sighed. "And we're in New York City. We should be at the Rocking Clarking…whatever thing."

"I think it's a little late for that," Derek said. "We'll go next year if you want."

Meredith sighed as she looked at the people filling Beth and Nathan's apartment. "I don't know any of these people," she whispered loudly.

"I know," Derek sighed. "I think the point was so you would get to know them. That's why they invited us."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Derek?"

"Yes?"

"You're really hot."

"Oh," Derek laughed. "I know."

"You're like…really hot," Meredith continued. "And dreamy. Like before we were even dating and Addison and I called you McDreamy. Did I ever tell you about that? You're McDreamy and Mark's McSteamy?"

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you think Mark is steamy," Derek said.

"Meredith!" Beth's giggled carried over their conversation as she made her way over to them. "It's almost time."

"Time for what?"

"The ball to drop," Beth rolled her eyes. "And we get more champagne."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not me," she said. "Derek thinks I'm drunk." She motioned for Beth to come closer and whispered, "I think he's the drunk one."

Derek bit back a laugh as Beth examined him closely. She was obviously enjoying the alcohol just as much as his wife was. "Our husbands used to be fun," Beth stated.

"What, we're not fun anymore?" Nathan laughed as he handed Derek a beer. "I think I'm offended."

"Derek's still fun," Meredith supplied. "We went sledding at Christmas. And then I pelted him with a snowball. That was fun."

"Thanks Mer," Derek laughed. "I'm glad you think beating me up is fun."

"You're fun at other things too," she nodded. "Like the time I tried to make cookies and we had a fight with the dough you said was too salty. Or when you called me Dr. Shepherd the time we had sex on the ferryboat. That was fun."

"Okay," Derek laughed. "Mer, when you're sober and find out how much people know about our sex life, you're going to find a way to blame me, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop."

Meredith sighed dejectedly. "Fine," she said. She looked around the room for a moment, then turned to Nathan. "When's the ball thing drop?"

"Ten minutes," Nathan replied, glancing at the TV.

"Good," she nodded, turning back to Derek. "Want to have a quickie?"

"Meredith," Derek groaned, not sure how he was supposed to respond.

"Not in my kitchen," Beth said loudly. "Even though Nate and I…"

"Okay, that's enough girl talk for the night," Nathan said, clapping a hand over his wife's mouth. "Let's get the champagne. Sex can wait for later."

"You don't want me?" Meredith asked, pouting as she looked at Derek.

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her close so she could feel his arousal through his pants. "Of course I want you. But we're in a room full of people. And as much as I love you… I'm not an exhibitionist."

"Fine," she sighed. "But I want some cam…champy….some sparkly stuff."

"Okay," Derek laughed. "One glass won't hurt at this point."

"Good," Meredith nodded, reaching for the glass Beth was handing her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Beth giggled. She held up her glass and said, "Here's to being married."

"Even if we're married to idiots," Meredith nodded.

"I'll drink to that," Beth said.

"I won't," Derek frowned.

"You won't drink to our marriage?" Meredith frowned.

"I…" Derek trailed off, knowing that he was in trouble. "Crap."

"Crap?" Meredith asked. "Our marriage is crap?"

"No," Derek said quickly. "I love our marriage. I…would just much rather drink to my amazing, intelligent, sexy as hell wife. Because there's nothing worth toasting more than her."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, ducking her head down as she blushed, a slight giggle escaping her lips.

"Nice save," Nathan laughed.

"Happy New Year!" Meredith suddenly shouted.

Derek turned to look at the TV screen, seeing the clock read midnight as celebrations peaked in the streets. "Happy New Year, Mer," he whispered, pulling her close.

Meredith giggled as she leaned up to kiss him passionately. She leaned her entire body weight into him, causing him to smile against her lips as she wrapped a leg around his waist. "It's the new year now," she whispered against his lips.

"It is."

"So we can have sex?" Meredith asked hopefully.

"I…" Derek sighed as he looked down at her, not even trying to hide his desire for her anymore. "Yes."

"Yay!" Meredith giggled as she turned to Beth. "Derek and I have to go have sex now," she announced. "But thanks for the alcohol."

"Anytime," Beth giggled. She turned to Nathan as Meredith pulled Derek towards the door, and as they left, he could hear Beth say, "Nathan, we have to turn the music up now. Because otherwise everyone will hear them."

He shook his head, relieved that Meredith probably wouldn't remember this in the morning. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this drunk, and although he wasn't a huge fan of seeing his wife drunk, he had to admit she was pretty adorable. And she tended to be even more adventurous in bed when she had some alcohol in her, which was already becoming apparent as she slammed the door to their apartment closed behind them, pushing him up against the door as he kissed her passionately. Yes, it would be a fun night indeed.

XXXXX

"Oh my God," he gasped a couple hours later as Meredith collapsed on top of him, giggling softly. "Meredith…you're incredible."

She smiled coyly as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair. "You liked that?" she asked.

"Hmmm," he nodded eagerly.

"Good," she purred, reaching up to untie his hands from the headboard. As soon as they were free, his hands automatically went to her face, pulling her towards him as he kissed her passionately.

"I like when you're in charge," he whispered huskily.

"I know you do," Meredith giggled. "I like it too."

Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms, the heat of their earlier activities starting to disappear and the cool air of the room settling down on them. "Last year was a good year," he sighed.

"What, with all the fights about med school and crazy stalkers?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek sighed. "With the marrying you and finally starting a real life together."

"Oh," Meredith smiled as she reached for his left hand, stroking her thumb across his wedding ring before holding it up against her own, the matching rings sparkling in the dim candlelight of the room. "Yeah, that was pretty amazing."

"This year will be good too," Derek nodded confidently.

"You planning on getting married again?" Meredith giggled.

"No," Derek laughed. "Unless you want to. I'd marry you every day if you'd let me."

"Derek," she sighed. "That's corny. Corny and cheesy and stupid."

"I'm trying to be romantic," he frowned.

"You don't need to be romantic," she shook her head. "I love you, Derek. And I don't need romance. Just you."

"Well, you have me," Derek nodded. "Forever."

"I know," she smiled. "Forever and ever."

Derek sighed, his arms tightening around her. "Meredith Shepherd…you are amazing."

"I'm glad you think so," she giggled.

Derek frowned. "That's the part where you're supposed to say, 'Why thank you, Derek, you're incredible as well.'"

Meredith giggled as she leaned over him straddling his hips as her hair fell around both of their faces. "You're pretty amazing," she whispered. "But you know…I do have some fantasies of my own…"

"Oh?" Derek asked, his brain beginning to cloud again. "Like what?"

"Well, Beth left her Cosmo here the other day," Meredith whispered, rolling off of him to grab the magazine from her nightstand. "There were some very interesting positions in there."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, reaching out to trace the creamy skin of her back. "Like what?"

"Well, we've already tried the look but don't touch," Meredith said. "And this one…this one is very interesting. It's completely and totally…new."

"Hmmm?" Derek questioned as she gently reached up to run her finger up and down his nose. "Mer…what?"

"I'm just checking to see if it's right," Meredith giggled, grinding her hips over his as she pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Because apparently…if I touch your nose in just the right way…it imitates the feelings in your penis."

Derek groaned as she leaned forward to lick his nose gently, arching his hips closer to her as he tried to get inside her. "Meredith…" he moaned loudly as she pulled her hips away. "Please…"

"Not yet," she shook her head, pulling back to run her finger up and down his nose again. "I guess it's true," she whispered. "And you know…I'll never complain about you having a big nose again."

"Oh my God," Derek groaned as she forcefully sank onto him, holding him in place as she kissed his nose. He let his hands move to her hips, begging her to move before he finally allowed himself to take control, flipping her onto her back and pushing deeper into her.

"Derek!" she screamed. As he pinned her hands above her head.

"You want to play dirty?" he asked, a smirk on his face as he reached down to hook one of her legs over his shoulder. "I can play dirty."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked up at him, wondering if she'd even see his eyes this dark with desire. Her still slightly drunk brain became completely cloudy as her husband pounded himself into her, forcing her to repeat his name over and over as he drove her quickly over the edge. He came with her only moments later, collapsing on top of her as he rested his head in between her breasts, his breath soft against her hot skin.

"Wow," she whispered, reaching a shaky hand to run through his sweaty hair.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded against her skin.

"Who knew that your weird nose means you have an amazing penis," Meredith giggled. "All these years I've been making fun of it…"

"Yes, I'm sure there's a direct correlation," Derek rolled his eyes. He shifted so he was no longer laying on top of her, but kept his head on her chest, gently tracing invisible patterns on her stomach. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. "Happy New Year."


	70. Chapter 70

**Hey girls! I've decided to keep the story going for a little bit longer, which I hope will make most of you happy. I'm not sure if I'll carry it all the way into the intern years, but we'll see. Anyways, I just thought you'd all be happy to hear that, and I hope you enjoy the update :)**

Meredith sighed as she walked into the coffee shop on campus. The first week of classes for the second semester of med school were finally over, and now all she wanted to do was curl up and bed in cry. It was going to be harder than last semester, even if all her professors were completely normal and didn't have psychotic inappropriate crushes on her. She knew she was going to have to work hard, and although she was willing to do that for the ultimate goal of becoming a doctor...she was completely exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep.

She stood in line impatiently for her coffee, opening a textbook and glancing through it as she anticipated how boring her ortho class was going to be. As she finally reached the counter, she ordered quickly, then looked around the shop as she heard the familiar warm laughter of her husband. She sighed in relief as she took her coffee, looking around the shop for the source of one of her favorite sounds of the world. Today had just been a long, crappy day, and all she wanted was her husband.

She smiled as she finally set eyes on him, sitting in a corner with a cup clutched in his hands. She started to walk over to him, frowning when she saw who was sitting across from him.

Meredith normally didn't get jealous. Girls swooned over her husband all the time, and she usually rolled her eyes and told him if they knew how much of an idiot he was, they would definitely stop swooning.

But now, she was staring at her husband as he laughed loudly with a smiling, petite brunette who sat across from them. She swallowed hard as she looked closely at the girl She could barely be out of high school, but her eyes were sparkling as she looked at Derek, and...Meredith turned her attention back to her husband, her heart dropping when she saw the sparkle in his eyes that he had only ever seen when he looked at her. She felt hot tears quickly rush to her eyes and she blinked rapidly as she tried to stop them. She made a run for the door, hoping that Derek wouldn't see her as she slipped outside and quickly started making her way towards her apartment, wondering what she could possibly do with her life now.

Her husband was cheating on her.

XXXXX

Derek sighed as he looked down at his watch. "I've got to get going," he said. "Mer just got out of class and if I don't get home soon, she'll burn the building down trying to cook."

"Well, she and I have that in common at least," the girl smiled as she moved to stand with Derek.

"It was nice to meet you, Lexie," Derek said, holding out his hand. "I know it's a difficult situation, but I'm sure Mer will eventually come around and want to meet you."

"I hope so," Lexie sighed. "I'm really sorry if it was awkward or...not normal. Me showing up at your apartment and rambling about my long lost sister, I mean."

Derek laughed. "I'm used to the rambling," he smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'll try to talk to her tonight."

"Thanks," Lexie breathed. "I guess I'm just...I don't know how to do this."

"We'll figure it out," Derek nodded. "Listen, good luck starting your classes next week. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Sure," Lexie smiled. "Bye, Derek."

Derek nodded to her as he made his way out of the coffee shop, wincing slightly as he looked down at his watch. He definitely hadn't been expecting to stay out this long.

Earlier that afternoon, when a young girl looking strangely like his wife had shown up asking to see her, he'd been confused. Until she'd explained that they had the same father, and Lexie had decided to come to New York for medical school. She'd only found out about Meredith over Christmas, and now she wanted to meet her.

Derek knew it was a lot more complicated than that, so he'd offered to take pity on his nervous sister in law and grab a cup of coffee with her downstairs. He had to explain how skittish Meredith was, and the last thing he needed was his wife coming home from class to find him with a strange girl in their apartment.

Lexie was a nice girl, a little naïve, but nice all the same. But now he had to figure out how to tell his wife that the father who had abandoned her had two other daughters and one of them wanted to meet her.

"Mer?" he called as he opened the door to the apartment, frowning when he saw that there were no lights on. He shrugged as he looked down at his watch, figuring she must have gotten caught up on campus. As he made his way through the living room towards the stairs to their bedroom, he heard a soft voice say, "you forgot."

Derek jumped, obviously not having expected anyone else to be in the apartment. He turned to see the dim outline of his wife curled gently on the couch, and he reached to switch the light on and moved towards her as he thought about what he could possibly forgotten. Not her birthday, not her anniversary, they hadn't had plans to meet up on campus.

"Mer?" he asked gently, sitting down beside her and running a hand over her hair. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the tear stains running down her cheeks.

"It's Friday," Meredith whispered. "You promised every Friday we would spend it together, just the two of us, no books, no family, nothing except us."

"Oh," Derek inhaled sharply, wondering how he could possibly have forgotten. "I'm sorry, Mer. Come on, let's get dressed and we'll go out to dinner."

"That's not the point," she snapped. "The point is that you forgot."

"I'm sorry, Mer," Derek shook his head. "I really am, but I'll make it up to you."

"Where were you?" she asked evenly, not meeting his eyes.

"Oh," Derek said hesitantly, not wanting to bring up her father's other family right now. "Um, I got caught up with a professor. And then I couldn't get onto the subway until rush hour, so you know how that is."

Fresh tears spilled down Meredith's cheeks as she took in his words. Derek stared at her curiously for a moment, reaching out to take her hand and frowning when she jerked it away. "Meredith what's going on with you?" he asked.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I just...I don't want to be one of those crazy wives who always wants to know what her husband is doing and who he's seeing."

"Okay," Derek said slowly, not understand where she was going with this. "You're not, Mer. And I'm glad you're not. Because that means you trust me."

She muttered something under her breath, and Derek frowned, wondering what in the world was going on in her head.

"Do you still love me?" she whispered.

"What?" Derek asked. "Meredith, what kind of question is that?"

"It's a question that I need answered," she snapped as she stood. "And you didn't answer."

"Of course I still love you," Derek breathed. "I'll always love you."

"I used to believe that," Meredith said, walking up the stairs.

"Meredith would you just talk to me. I can't..." his voice trailed off as he walked into their bedroom and saw a pile of suitcases sitting in front of his very empty closet. "Mer, what is this?"

"You're moving out," she said as she sat down on the bed.

"Meredith," Derek breathed, tears filling his eyes as he knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands tightly in his. "You can't do this."

"I can," she nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks as she jerked her hands out of his grasp. "And I am. You need to go, Derek."

"But...why?" Derek breathed, his heart gently tearing in two.

"Because I can't do it," she whispered. "I can't be the stupid wife who just plays along and pretends everything is normal while her husband is out screwing some horny college girl."

"I....what?" Derek asked. "Meredith, you're not making sense."

"I saw you!" she finally shouted. "I saw you today at the coffee shop with your girlfriend. And I refuse to be cheated on, Derek. I used to think that you would never hurt me, that you really loved me. But now we've been married for less than a year, and you're already sleeping with someone else. Am I that horrible Derek? Are you that miserable being married to me? Because I thought we were happy. I was so happy with you, Derek, but the entire time you've been lying."

"Meredith, no," Derek said, standing and beginning to pace. "You've got it all wrong."

"How long?" Meredith asked. "How long have you been sleeping with her?"

"I've never....Meredith, five years ago, I gave you my heart," Derek breathed. "I gave you my heart and everything that went along with it. And since then, I've never been with another girl, I've never even wanted to look at another girl."

"I saw you, Derek," she whispered. "She was practically having eye sex with you. And you....you were giving her our look."

"What?" Derek asked, falling onto the bed beside her.

"Your eyes were sparkling, and you were giving her the same smile anytime you use when you look at me. Or that you used to use when you look at me."

"Meredith, I was talking about you," Derek whispered. "That's why I had that smile on. Because I can't possibly think about you and not smile."

"Great, so you're telling your girlfriend all about me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Is she okay with knowing that she's a home wrecking whore?"

"Meredith, she's not my girlfriend," Derek said. "Will you just listen to me?"

"Fine," Meredith snapped. "Who is she?"

"She's your sister."

Meredith stared at him for a moment frowning as she crossed her arms over her chest. "In case you've forgotten anything about me, Derek Christopher Shepherd, I'm an only child."

"No you're not," Derek whispered. "Meredith, your father has two more daughters. Lexie came here today looking for you, and I took her out for coffee to tell her about you."

Meredith blinked in surprise as she sank onto the bed, staring at the wall in front of her for a long moment before she whispered, "So you're not cheating on me?"

"No," Derek said firmly. "I would never ever cheat on you, Meredith. I thought you knew that."

"I did," she whispered. "Until...I just saw you with her and you were all flirty."

"I was not flirting," Derek shook his head. "She's nice, Meredith. And she's all by herself in New York City. She just found out about a big sister, and she wants to meet her."

Meredith inhaled sharply. "I can't," she whispered, burying her face in her hands. "It's too much, Derek, I can't do this."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, pulling her close and sighing in relief when she didn't pull away. "It's okay. Just let it out."

"I thought," Meredith gasped as she clutched onto his shirt tightly. "I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "I could never leave you. Ever. It's impossible."

"My dad did," she whispered. "He just decided I wasn't good enough so he just left, and he had new daughters. Better ones. So you could too. Leave me for the better Grey sister."

"Meredith," Derek said firmly, taking her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him. "She is not the better Grey sister. Your dad...that man's an idiot, and I hate what he did to you. But Lexie is not better than you. There is no one in the world that is better than you."

"Really?" Meredith asked softly, her voice trembling.

"Absolutely," Derek nodded. "God, I hate your father for what he did to you."

"It's okay, Derek," Meredith smiled softly. "I turned out okay."

"I just wish you wouldn't doubt me," Derek sighed. "I would do anything in the world to let you know that I am never, ever in a million years leaving you."

"I...I think I just need to keep hearing it," Meredith whispered. "I'm sorry, Derek."

"What in the world do you have to be sorry for?" Derek asked.

"For accusing you of sleeping with someone else."

Derek smiled softly as he reached forward to brush a strand of hair out of her face. "I know you are," he said softly. "And as much as I hate the fact that you still have doubts about me...I love jealous Mer."

Meredith smiled softly. "Well...Jealous Mer loves you too. As does every other Mer."

"Good," Derek nodded. "And for the record...I didn't even take notice as to whether I thought Lexie was attractive or not."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah right."

"I didn't," Derek said earnestly. "Meredith, I really don't even notice other women."

Meredith smiled softly as she stood, making her way to the suitcases she had piled next to the closet. "Now you're just trying to sweet talk me."

"I am not," Derek watched as she opened the suitcase. "What are you doing?"

"Unpacking your stuff," Meredith shrugged. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Never," Derek nodded firmly.

"So...we're unpacking."

"Good," Derek nodded.

"Oh, and um...you might want to get a new scotch decanter," Meredith said softly.

"What did you do?" Derek asked suspiciously.

"I may have thrown it across the room in anger," Meredith said.

Derek sighed as he dropped a pile of clothes and made his way over to her. "Meredith," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "If you ever have doubts again...I hope you don't, but if you do, please just come talk to me. I'll always be able to reassure you that there is no reason for you to have doubts. And you can't break things every time you get angry at me."

"Okay," she whispered, nestling herself into his arms. "I love you, Derek."

Derek squeezed his eyes closed tightly, never having been happier to hear those words coming from her lips. "I love you too," he whispered. "So much."


	71. Chapter 71

Meredith sighed as she pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. She's spent the entire morning wrapped up in her studying, with Derek at work it had been the perfect time to get ahead in her reading. But after hours of reading, she now needed a break, and she wasn't sure what to do. TV was boring, she'd already tried to see if Beth was home, and she knew Derek wouldn't be home for another couple of hours. With a glance at the clock, she realized that it was a good time to call Addison in California, and hopped onto the counter to reach for the phone. Before she could dial, however, there was a knock at the door, and she paused in her movements.

They hadn't had any trouble since Dr. Brown had been placed in jail months earlier, but she still got scared when someone knocked on the door when she was home alone. Nothing else had ever happened, but replaying flashes of that horrible period in her life were enough to make her want to run upstairs and hide under the covers.

She took a deep breath as she slowly moved towards the door, looking out the peephole and rolling her eyes when she saw Thatcher's other daughter standing in the hallway. She briefly contemplated pretending that no one was home, but she remembered Derek telling her what a good sister would do, and she took a deep breath before she opened the door.

"Hi," the girl breathed, and Meredith wondered what kind of sister she was if she couldn't even remember her name. "You're Meredith. This is awkward, I know, but...I'm Lexie."

Okay, now she at least knew her name.

"I know that you don't know me, but I came here yesterday looking for you, and your husband told me a lot about you," Lexie continued, and Meredith wondered if this girl knew that she hadn't stopped talking since she'd opened the door.

"I know our father abandoned you and you don't talk to him," Lexie continued. "But I thought...we're living in the same city now, so I thought you might like to know me. And Derek...he said that you like strawberry ice cream. Which is my favorite too. So I brought some ice cream over, and I thought that maybe we could eat ice cream and talk."

"Oh," Meredith said, making a mental note to kill her husband. He couldn't just go around strange girls with the same father as her that she like strawberry ice cream. "Um...yeah, I was just doing some studying, but come on in."

"Thanks," Lexie said with a smile as she stepped into the foyer. "Sorry to take you away from your studies. I know med school isn't easy."

Meredith smiled slightly as she walked into the kitchen, grabbing spoons and bowls. "No, it's not," she said. "But it will be worth it. I hope."

Lexie nodded as she handed Meredith the carton of ice cream. "Derek didn't tell me that much about you," she said. "I just...showed up here and I think he took pity on me but he said that he didn't want to tell me too much about you because he didn't know what you would be comfortable with."

"Yeah, he's amazing like that," Meredith smiled. Maybe she'd let him live after all."

Lexie took the bowl of ice cream Meredith was offering her and followed her to the couch. "I want you to know that I'm really sorry for what my dad did to you," she said softly. "I don't know very much, but my sister and I were looking through some old pictures over Christmas break, and we found one of you and him, so he kind of had to explain the whole thing."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, looking into her ice cream. "Um...how old are you?"

"I'm seventeen," Lexie replied. "I just started my first year at NYU."

"You're young." Six years younger than her. Thatcher obviously hadn't wasted any time in getting a new daughter.

"I skipped third grade," Lexie said. She looked closely at Meredith for a moment, smiling slightly. "This must be really weird for you."

"To be honest, I didn't even know you existed," Meredith admitted. "I've only seen your...our dad once since I was five. And that was for five minutes before I passed out and Derek's dad told him to go away."

Lexie nodded. "I don't blame you," she nodded softly. "But he...Derek's dad? He's good to you? Like a real dad?"

Meredith smiled softly. "He was," she whispered. "Or...would have been. He died only a couple months after Derek and I started dating. But before that he told me he wanted to be my dad."

"Oh," Lexie said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Meredith smiled. "I still miss him, but not as much as Derek, obviously."

Lexie nodded. "And your mom's sick," she said. "I'm really sorry, Meredith. I wish you could have grown up with Molly and I."

Meredith shrugged. "It's okay," she said. "I have Derek's mom. And my friends are amazing. And Derek's sisters...they're so much fun."

Lexie nodded. "Do you have room in your life for another sister?" she asked quietly.

"Look," Meredith sighed. "I know you're really excited to meet me and everything. And I'm not going to completely shut you out of my life. But I'm going to need some time to deal with this."

"Oh," Lexie nodded. "That's understandable. I just...I want you to know that we can be friends if you want. I know you have a family and that Dad hurt you pretty badly. But I'd also get it if you didn't want to know me. I just thought...maybe we could know each other."

Meredith felt her heart go out to the girl on the couch beside her. Her sister. "I'd like to get you know better," she said. "It's just going to take some time. So we can be friends."

Lexie nodded. "I could do that," she said.

Meredith smiled as she reached for her ice cream. "So...tell me about you."

"I want to be a doctor too," Lexie said. "I want to go to Harvard."

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "That's impressive," she said.

"Yeah, I don't know if it will happen, but I hope it will," Lexie sighed. "I love the east coast. It's so much better than Seattle."

"I love New York," Meredith agreed. "Derek and I went to college in Boston, but it's nicer to be close to Derek's family. We can go home a lot more."

"How long have you two been together?" Lexie asked.

"Almost five years," Meredith smile. "We got married last summer."

"He seems really nice," Lexie offered. "You're lucky."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "He's really great."

"Is that your wedding?" Lexie asked, standing to look at the picture on the bookshelf across the room.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled, moving to look at the picture as well. "Derek thought it would be romantic to carry me into the reception."

"You look beautiful," Lexie breathed.

"Thanks," Meredith blushed slightly. "It took me forever to find a dress. I almost killed two of Derek's sisters. They wanted me to try on the most horrible dresses ever made."

Lexie smiled as she set the picture back down. "You're really close to them aren't you?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "They're really the only family I ever had."

Lexie nodded sadly, and Meredith bit her lower lip. "You want to see the wedding album?" she asked. "We had all the pictures printed and bound into our very own book."

"Sure," Lexie smiled, watching as Meredith grabbed a book off the shelf and walked back to the couch.

XXXXX

"Hey Mer," Derek called as he walked into the apartment a couple hours later. "I didn't feel like cooking, so I got...oh."

"Hey, Der," Meredith giggled from the couch. "I was just showing Lexie our wedding book."

"Hi, Derek," Lexie said from her seat beside Meredith.

"I'm glad to see you two hitting it off," Derek smiled as he walked over to the couch and pressed a kiss to the top of Meredith head before he collapsed beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he looked at the book over her shoulder. "Where are we?"

"We're at the toasts," Meredith smiled. "See that's Mark, Derek's best friend. He's really obnoxious and self involved, and when he drank to his toast, he did so too fast, and choked on his champagne. I don't think I've ever seen Addison more angry than when he spit it back into his glass."

Lexie giggled. "Meredith told me about the cake," she said to Derek. "I can't believe you wanted to leave your wedding reception to wash the frosting out of your hair."

Derek rolled his eyes. "She promised to avoid the hair," he said.

"You promised not to smash cake in my face," Meredith shrugged as she turned the page. "That's the floral arrangement we had made for Derek's dad. He always bought his mom lilies instead of roses, so we had an arrangement made just for him. The candles have his name on it."

"That's really sweet," Lexie said.

Derek smiled sadly as he looked down at the picture. "It was nice to have a connection to him that day," he agreed.

Meredith squeezed his hand tightly, then turned to Lexie. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked. "It smells like Derek brought home Italian food."

Lexie smiled as she looked down at her watch. "I'd really love to," she said. "But I promised my roommate I'd be back to go to the movies with her tonight. Thanks so much for everything though. I really enjoyed meeting you."

"Yeah, it was great," Meredith nodded as she and Derek stood to walk Lexie to the door. "I'll um...well, we can figure out another time to hang out."

"Definitely," Lexie nodded. "Thanks again, Meredith. It was good seeing you again, Derek."

"You too," Derek nodded, wrapping his arms around Meredith's waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "I'll see you around."

"Bye," Lexie smiled as she shrugged on her coat and stepped out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

"So," Derek asked, turning Meredith to face him and placing his hands on her hips. "What did you think?"

"She's nice," Meredith admitted. "I told her...I don't think I'm ready for her to be my sister yet. But I told her we could be friends. And I think one day we could be sisters."

"Good," Derek smiled. "You don't feel pressured though, do you? Because you know you have plenty of love. You don't need..."

"Derek," she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him gently. "I love you. And I love our sisters and our mother and our friends. I don't think I'll ever be ready to let Thatcher into my life, but Lexie...I think I can handle her."

"Good," Derek nodded. "And you know I'm here. For anything you need."

"I know," she nodded, grabbing his hand and leading him back to the couch. She pushed him to sit down and grabbed their wedding book, settling herself onto his lap as she flipped back to the beginning. "You remember that day?"

"I'll never forget it," Derek said softly, resting his chin on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly onto his lap. "Best day of my life."

"Mine too," Meredith whispered, smiling at the picture of Derek and Mark before the ceremony. "You looked nervous."

"I freaked out that day," Derek admitted quietly.

"What?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him. "You freaked out? You never freak out. How come you didn't tell me?"

Derek smiled as he kissed her cheek, flipping the page. "Mom gave me a letter from Dad," he said softly. "They wrote letters to us every time they updated their wills. Dad's was written just before he died, and it went on and on about you. And I just...it was weird still getting advice from him even though he was dead. So I freaked out. It had nothing to do with you."

"You could have told me," she whispered, leaning back into him. "I would have gotten it."

"I was going to," Derek nodded. "But then..." he flipped the page, smiling softly at the picture of Meredith walking down the aisle. "The most amazing thing happened to me. This beautiful angel walked down the aisle towards me and I forgot anyone else ever existed."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes, even as they filled with tears. "You're corny."

"And you love it," Derek laughed, moving the book out of her hands and gently easing her onto the couch and climbing on top of her.

"I let you think that," Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

"Somehow...I think that's not true," Derek laughed. "You adore me, Meredith Shepherd."

"Sometimes I adore you," Meredith corrected. "But when you're corny...not so much."

"Hmm..." Derek nodded, leaning forward to kiss her neck. "Even when I do this?"

"Oh," Meredith gasped, arching her back as his hand slid under her shirt.

"Or this?" Derek's tongue moved to her earlobe, gently outlining it as his hands inched lower.

"Derek," she moaned.

"But if you don't adore me," Derek shrugged as he pulled back and smirked down at her. "I guess I'll just have to take care of this..." he grabbed her hand and placed it over the rapidly developing erection confined by his jeans. "By myself."

He stood and started walking towards the stairs glancing over his shoulder at Meredith as she lay panting and frowning on the couch. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Where I'm appreciated," Derek shrugged.

"Oh, I'll show you appreciation," Meredith said, getting off the couch and following him up the stairs. "Expect a long night ahead of you, Derek Shepherd."

"I think I'm in charge tonight, Mrs. Shepherd," Derek laughed, reaching to pull her over his shoulder as he ran the rest of the way up the stairs, causing Meredith to giggle loudly as he threw her onto the bed.


	72. Chapter 72

"Wake up, Mrs. Shepherd."

Meredith felt a warm breath in her ear and she reached up to swat at the annoying voice beside her head. Early. It was way to early.

"Meredith. Wake up."

"No," she mumbled, clutching her pillow tightly in her hands. "Awake stupid."

Derek laughed slightly, and she felt him climb into bed beside her. "Happy birthday, Mer," he whispered in her ear.

Meredith sighed dramatically as she rolled onto her back and looked up at him. "There better be presents," she said.

"How was I lucky enough to end up with such a polite wife?" Derek laughed, pulling her close to kiss her.

"You'd think you would be nice to me on my birthday."

"I'm always nice to you." He smiled as he leaned closer. "I was very nice to you last night."

Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, since you insisted that sleeping with a twenty four year old is so much different than sleeping with a twenty three year old...why don't we test out that theory?"

Derek smiled as he pressed his lips against hers. "We will," he nodded. "But breakfast first."

"Breakfast?" Meredith's eyes lit up as she turned to the tray Derek was reaching for on the bedside table. "You're the best husband ever."

"So I've heard," Derek laughed.

"Hmmm," Meredith groaned in appreciation as she cut into her French toast. She chewed for a moment before she said, "Mom's coming at noon. What time is it?"

"Nine thirty," Derek nodded. "Plenty of time for lots of birthday sex."

"You're assuming a lot, Shepherd," Meredith giggled. "I think I want presents before I want sex."

Derek frowned. "What if my present is sex?"

"Expect the divorce papers in a week to ten days."

"You'd divorce me because I didn't buy you presents?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded, her eyes sparkling. "That, and the fact that you kept me up until five in the morning with dirty dirty sex, then woke me up four hours later. Without presents."

Derek laughed as he reached out to steal a piece of bacon from her plate. "You know there are presents," he laughed.

"Good," Meredith nodded, looking up at him with a sweet smile on her face.

"Oh, you want them now," Derek said, laughing as he stood and walked over to the wrapped presents sitting on the dresser.

Meredith's eyes began to sparkle as he deposited the presents on the bed in front of her. "I love you."

"Two seconds ago you were divorcing me."

"I was joking," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You know I could never divorce you."

"Because then who would feed you?"

"Exactly," Meredith giggled before she leaned forward and kissed him deeply, running a hand through his hair. "Seriously, Derek, you know I'm kidding, right?"

"I do," he nodded, squeezing her hand gently. "Now presents."

"Presents," Meredith giggled as she reached for the smallest one, opening it quickly to reveal a silver charm bracelet. "Oh," she said, looking a the small chain, with only one charm on it.

"Don't get disappointed yet," Derek laughed. "It's just starting this year. I'll get you a new charm every year. I wish I'd thought of it for your first birthday that we were together, but this is your first birthday that we're married, so that works too."

Meredith smiled as she looked down at it. "It's perfect," she nodded. "A D?"

"For Derek," he rolled his eyes.

"Of course," she giggled, holding her left arm out to him. "Put it on?"

Derek smiled as he latched the bracelet around her wrist, pressing a quick kiss to the inside of her wrist as he did so. "Beautiful."

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled widely at him before she turned back to her presents. The next one she picked up was an envelope, and she smiled widely as she opened it and pulled out several pieces of paper. "Plane tickets?" she asked. "We're going to California?"

"To visit Mark and Addie," Derek smiled. "We've got spring break in a couple of weeks, and they were out here a couple months ago, so I just thought it would be fun."

"It's perfect," she smiled, leaning forward to kiss him gently. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled as she reached for her last present. "Now this one...is as much for me as it is for you. Maybe more."

Meredith giggled as she threw the wrapping paper to the floor. "Dirty birthday presents," she smiled. "I like it."

Derek watched as she opened the box, already feeling more aroused just at the thought of what was under the tissue paper.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, holding up the tiny black negligee, a blush creeping over her features. "I...what?"

"There's more," Derek practically moaned, reaching down to stroke himself.

"Derek," Meredith hissed, the blush becoming darker as she pulled out a pair of fishnets and black high heels. "Are you...seriously."

"It's hot, Mer," he said with a shrug. "I know you don't usually like that, so if you're not comfortable with it you don't have to, but..."

Meredith smiled as she glanced down at his lap. "If I'm getting this much of a reaction when it's just in the box, I'm curious to know what will happen when it's on me. And you're in me."

"Oh god," Derek moaned, throwing his head back onto the pillows.

"Too bad I have to go out to lunch with Mom and Caitlin," Meredith giggled as she placed the lid back on the box. "This will have to wait for another time."

"Wha..." Derek frowned as he watched her put the box in her closet, then make her way towards the bathroom. "Mean, you're mean and evil."

Meredith giggled as she leaned over the bed to whisper in his ear. "You know...if you're a bad boy and don't do what I tell you to on my birthday...I might be forced to use those handcuffs I got you for your birthday to make sure you're properly punished."

Derek moaned as he stared up at her, his skin flushed as he panted heavily. "Meredith..."

"But that's tonight," she said, pushing herself off of him and moving towards the bathroom. She giggled as she started brushing her teeth, listening as Derek cursed under his breath from their bedroom. He was so much fun to tease.

XXXXX

"Thanks for lunch," Meredith said as she climbed the stairs with Emma and Caitlin. "And the shopping."

Emma smiled as she reached out to squeeze Meredith's hand. "I'm glad you had fun," she said. "I know you don't usually enjoy shopping, but I'm glad you were willing to do it."

"Baby shopping is completely different," Meredith nodded. "I can't wait to see the new ones."

"Nancy's hesitant to bring them into the city," Emma sighed. "But you'll see them soon."

"Do you want to come in?" Meredith asked as they reached the door. "Derek's taking me to dinner tonight, but we have a little time if you want some coffee or something."

"We'd love that, dear," Emma smiled.

"Good," Meredith nodded, turning the unlock the apartment, stopping short as she took in the colorful decorations and the crowd standing before her yelling surprise. "What..." she frowned as she turned to look at Emma. "Did you know about this?"

"Of course we did," Emma laughed, leaning forward to hug her. "Derek asked us to be your distraction."

"Derek..." Meredith spun back around and was met face to face with her husband. "You did this?" she asked.

"Had to make sure we celebrated somehow," he smiled, leaning forward to kiss her gently. "Happy birthday, Mer."

"I love you," she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"I love you too."

"Hey Grey are you going to say hi to us, or did we fly all the way out here to watch you make out with Shep?"

Meredith broke away from Derek, smiling widely as she saw Mark and Addison standing next to them. "Oh my God," she cried. "You guys, I had no idea you were coming out here!"

"That's part of the surprise," Addison giggled. "Happy birthday Mer."

"Thanks," Meredith laughed as she hugged her tightly.

"Derek went all out for this," Addison said as Meredith looked into the room. "Even all his sisters are here."

Meredith sighed as she turned back to her husband. "You really are amazing, you know that?"

Derek shrugged as he wrapped his arms around her. "I try," he said. "I want you to enjoy your birthday, Mer."

"I will," she nodded as she kissed him quickly, then turned to Liz as she approached them. Derek smiled softly as he walked over to the bar, reaching for the tequila as he watched Meredith greet their friends and family. He loved that she was able to have fun on her birthday, especially when she had complained about it for so long for the first birthday they were together. He'd realized then that she'd never had a real birthday, and vowed to make sure every birthday she had from here on out would be wonderful.

"Is that for Meredith?" Emma asked from beside him as she pointed to the drink he was fixing.

"Her favorite," Derek nodded.

"Hmmm," Emma said. "Are you sure she should have that?"

Derek frowned as he put a straw in the drink and turned to his mother. "Why not?" he asked.

"There's alcohol in it."

"And? Mer's legal and it's her birthday," Derek said. "She can have a drink."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Have you noticed anything different about her lately?" she asked.

"Mom, what's going on?" Derek asked.

"She threw up at lunch today."

"What?" Derek frowned. "Why didn't you call me? I would have cancelled the party if I'd known she was sick..."

"She threw up because of the pickles in her tuna salad," Emma said.

"Oh," Derek said, relaxing. "Mer hates pickles."

"But does she usually throw up at the mere smell of them?"

"Mom you're talking crazy," Derek said. "Would you just tell me what's going on?"

Emma sighed as she glanced into the living room where Meredith was talking to Beth and Addison, a hand rubbing her back. "I think you're going to be a father, dear."

The glass slid out of Derek's hand and crashed onto the counter, causing everyone to look into the kitchen. Meredith frowned as she looked at Derek's shocked expression and moved towards him. "Derek?" she asked, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"You..." Derek stared at her with wide eyes as a hand reached out to touch her stomach. "Meredith..."

"Derek?" Meredith frowned, looking down at his hand on her stomach. "What's going on?"

"Are you...did we...baby?" Derek heard his words come out in one long strand of incomplete sentences, and he knew he sounded like a complete moron. But somehow, his brain was incapable of making complete sentences.

"Baby?" Meredith frowned before her eyes widened and she pushed his hand off of his stomach. "There's no baby."

"But Mom said..."

"There's no baby," Meredith insisted, but he could see the doubt in her eyes. "I...party. We're having a party. And there's no baby."

"Oh," Derek said, wondering why he felt slightly disappointed at that thought.

"I'm...party," Meredith said quickly before she turned and walked into the living room, reaching for a chocolate covered strawberry as she turned to Lexie.

Derek sank his weight against the counter, watching her carefully. He didn't know how he'd missed it so far, but she looked...different. Maybe it was his imagination playing with him or it was just wishful thinking, but her hips were a little bit wider and her hair was shining more. He sighed as he shook his head, knowing it was just his imagination. Meredith would know if she was having a baby, there was no way she could have his baby in her stomach and not be aware of it.

It was for the best. It would have been hell for both of them, to finish med school with a baby and have a toddler during their internship. They weren't having a baby now, but they would one day. And that was all that mattered. It was a long time from now, but eventually Meredith would give birth to his babies. He just had to be patient.


	73. Chapter 73

"You feel okay, Mer?" Addison asked later that night after the party had cleared out.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she sat on the couch, looking down at her hands. "I'm fine."

Mark glanced between Derek and Meredith before he leaned over to Addison and whispered, "They're fighting."

"We're not fighting," Derek snapped. "Just...we're fine."

"Okay," Addison nodded. "Do you guys still want to go out to dinner? We're here for another couple days, so if you want to put it off we can."

Meredith looked up at her friend. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "I don't know what's going on with you, Mer, but you're obviously not up for going out."

"Thanks," Meredith said softly, standing as she made her way over to them as they stood. "I'll call you in the morning."

Addison smiled as she hugged her tightly. "Happy birthday Mer," she whispered. "Don't be too hard on him, whatever he did."

"I won't," Meredith smiled.

"Bye Grey," Mark said, patting her back before turning to Derek and whispering, "I hope you at least get some good make up sex."

"Shut up Mark," Derek rolled his eyes, sighing as they stepped out the door and he closed it gently behind them. He braced himself against the door for a moment before turning to look at Meredith. "Mer..." he breathed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

She smiled softly as she moved back to the living room and collapsed onto the couch. "It's okay, Derek," she sighed.

"No it's not," Derek shook his head, coming to sit down next to her, moving her head up so she could rest it in his lap. "I didn't mean to upset you on your birthday. Because I promised myself that I would always give you the best birthday ever. And now you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad," Meredith whispered. "I just...I wasn't expecting you to say that, and I was taken by surprise. But I'm not pregnant."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Meredith shook her head as she sat up and knelt on the couch, facing him with a small smile on her lips. "I loved my party."

"Good," Derek said with a smile. "I worked on it for weeks. I'm glad you were surprised."

"I was," Meredith nodded, smiling as she placed her hands on his shoulders and straddled his hips as she kissed him deeply. "And I seem to remember another present that we'll both enjoy...quite a bit."

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, running his hands up and down her thighs. "There is that."

"So what do you say we go upstairs and have some birthday celebration?" Meredith whispered, grinding her hips against his.

"I like that idea."

Meredith giggled as she moved off of his lap and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the stairs. She smiled coyly as she made her way up the stairs, pushing him roughly onto the bed as she smirked down at him. "You wait there," she purred into his ear. "And when I come back...you better be naked."

Derek swallowed hard as he watched her make her way into the bathroom, her box clutched tightly in her hands. He took a deep breath as she smiled coyly at him over her shoulder before he quickly stripped out of his clothes and pushed the blankets back on the bed.

"Derek!" Meredith shouted from the bathroom, causing him to pause. That was not a good tone of voice.

"What?" he asked coming to stand on the other side of the bathroom door.

"You bought the wrong size," she snapped, opening the door and standing before him in the unzipped lingerie.

Derek swallowed hard as he looked at her, noticing for the first time the gentle swelling of her breasts that was apparently making it impossible for it to zip. "Mer..."

"Seriously?" she snapped, looking down at his erection. "You're turned on by the fact that you're an idiot and bought your wife the wrong size lingerie?"

"I didn't buy the wrong size," Derek insisted. "Mer, I know your size. Why would I have bought the wrong size?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"Do you want me to show you the tag?" Derek asked, picking up the discarded tag from the floor. "See?"

Meredith snatched the tag out of his hands and frowned as she looked up at him. "Well, then it has to fit," she snapped. "Just...help me zip it up."

"Mer..." Derek bit his lower lip as she turned and held up her, silently ordering him to zip her. He sighed as he reached up to bring the zipper as far as it would go. "It's not going to go."

"It has to," she snapped. "Because my boobs didn't grow a cup size overnight."

Derek sighed as he turned her gently to look at her. "Mer, are you even in the mood for sex anymore?" he asked.

"What?" she snapped. "Of course I'm not in the mood for sex. Why would you think that?"

"I..." Derek stared at her, wondering how he was supposed to get out of this one. "Because you're wearing lingerie?"

"I am not," she snapped. "I'm too fat to get into the lingerie."

"You're not fat," Derek rolled his eyes. "Maybe you're just getting your period. Your boobs sometimes get swollen right before your period."

Meredith nodded. "I guess," she said. "I was due..." she trailed off, a frown overcoming her face. "Derek."

"What?" he asked, panic suddenly filling his heart.

"I...my period," she gasped. "It's been weeks."

"Mer?" Derek asked, watching as she ripped off the lingerie and reached for a pair of sweatpants and one of his T-shirts. "Where are you going?"

"Beth's," Meredith replied as she hurried down the stairs. "She has pregnancy tests."

"I...Mer," Derek cried, running down after her.

"I'll bring them back here," she said. "Just...stay here. There's no reason for all our neighbors to see you naked."

Derek looked down at himself, realizing for the first time that he was naked. He turned and walked back up the stairs, quickly dressing in a pair of pajama pants and T-shirt before he began pacing the floor of their bedroom. A few moments later the door slammed and Meredith pounded back up the stairs. She didn't say a word to him as she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her. He paced for a few more minutes before he moved closer to the bathroom and asked, "Mer, are you okay?"

The door opened and she stood before him with red rimmed eyes. "Yeah," she said softly. "Just have to wait a few minutes before we know."

Derek nodded as he reached for her hand, gently pulling her towards their bed. "Mer," he said softly, pulling her onto his lap. "It'll be okay. Whatever happens...I promise it will be okay."

"For you," she whispered. "I'm the one having a baby."

"We are," Derek whispered, pressing a kiss to her head.

"No, Derek," she said pulling back from him. "You're not the one who will get fat and swollen and have to take months away from your life to take care of a baby..."

"Meredith," Derek said firmly. "There is no way that I will let you take all the responsibility for this and let myself get ahead in med school. Any time you take off to spend with the baby, I'll take off too. And we'll split time off to take care of him or her."

"It's not that easy," Meredith whispered.

"It is," Derek nodded. "Mer, we can do this. I promise. And you know that I never break my promises to you."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stood and walked into the bathroom. She picked up a test and stared down at it, lowering herself to the side of the bathtub. "Oh."

"Oh?" Derek asked, following her in and looking down at the other test that was sitting on the counter. "Oh."

"It's..."

"Well, this is good, right?" Derek asked.

"Good?" Meredith snapped. "Sure, it's good. If you think that me getting my life completely swept out of control is good."

"But...you said you didn't want a baby."

"I don't," Meredith replied. "Which is why this..." she shoved the test he was holding into his hand. "Is a big problem."

Derek frowned as he looked down at it. "This says you're pregnant."

"I know that Derek," she said as she walked out of the bathroom and collapsed onto the bed. "I'm going to have to take the fall off from Columbia."

"Meredith."

"Which means I won't graduate on time."

"Meredith."

"Maybe I should just...be a PA. I'll have better hours and won't have to go to school as long."

"Meredith."

"My mom had me when she was a resident and she barely had time for me. I can't be an intern with a baby."

"Meredith Elizabeth Shepherd, will you listen to me?"

"What?" she asked, sitting up and staring at him.

"This test says you're pregnant," Derek said evenly, holding up one hand. "And this test says you're not."

"What?" Meredith asked, jumping off the bed to grab the two tests from his hands. She stared at them for a moment before she asked, "Well, what do we do now?"

"We call the doctor," Derek nodded.

"Right, doctor," Meredith said, turning away from him to reach for the phone on his side of the bed. She stopped and turned back to him. "It's seven on a Saturday night."

"Oh," Derek said.

"We...there are clinics," Meredith said. "I know they're supposed to be fore emergencies, but Derek...I don't want to wait until Monday to know."

"Neither do I," he sighed. "Alright...let's go."

Meredith's hands shook as she quickly changed her clothes, Derek doing the same. Neither one of them said anything as they quickly walked into the street, making their way towards the clinic on campus. Meredith checked herself in and filled out some paperwork before she moved to sit next to Derek in the waiting room, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. "Derek," she whispered. "Don't leave."

"I won't," he whispered. "Never, Mer, never."

"Meredith Shepherd?"

Meredith swallowed hard as she stood and made her way over to the exam rooms, Derek's hand clutched tightly in hers. "Alright, I see that we're looking at a possible pregnancy," the nurse said with a smile. "Congratulations."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Um...thanks. I think."

"We'll just draw some blood and that will give us a definitive answer," she said with a smile.

Meredith nodded, squeezing Derek's hand as the blood was drawn. "Alright, Mrs. Shepherd, I'm just going to take this to the lab, and the results will be back shortly."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, turning to Derek and resting her head on his shoulder. "Derek?" she whispered after a few moments of painful silence.

"Hmm?" he asked, squeezing her tightly.

"Is it a bad thing if I hope it's negative?"

"No," he whispered. "I hope it's negative too."

"Really?" Meredith asked, pulling her head up to look at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I want kids with you, Mer, more than anything in the world. But I want them when the time's right. And I'm not sure I can be a doctor if we have a baby right now. Because being a dad needs to be the first thing in my life. And as an intern...that would be hard."

"Good," Meredith whispered. "I mean, not good, but...it's good that we're on the same page."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Mer," he whispered. "No matter what happens, nothing will change that."

"That's good," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd," the nurse said with a smile as she came back into the room. "The tests are back."

"And?" Derek asked, holding Meredith tightly.

"I'm sorry, but you're not pregnant," she said gently.

"Oh," Meredith breathed clinging to Derek as she sighed in relief. She clung tightly to him as he laughed happily, wondering why she actually felt disappointed.


	74. Chapter 74

Meredith was silent as Derek unlocked the door to their apartment later that night, quickly walking over to the couch and curling up in the corner and pulling a blanket over herself. Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, moving closer to sit beside her on the couch and pull her into his arms.

"Mer," he whispered. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"Yeah," he nodded. "And when you say that it means the exact opposite of fine. So talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she replied. "I'm not pregnant."

"And there's nothing wrong with you," Derek nodded. "You heard the doctor, there's nothing wrong with you. It's probably just the stress."

"I know what the doctor said," she whispered.

"Okay..." Derek frowned. "I want to fix this, but you're going to have to spell it out for me."

Meredith sighed as she sat up and looked at him, seeing nothing but concern and love in his eyes as he linked their fingers together. "Beth and Nathan are trying," she whispered. "For a baby."

"That's great," Derek said with a smile. "We'll get some practice in before our turn."

"When we have babies, they'll have teenagers," Meredith continued, ignoring his comment. "We're waiting."

Derek frowned. "Meredith, I thought you wanted to wait," he said. "Three hours ago, you were freaking out because you thought you were pregnant."

"I know," she whispered. "And I thought I did want to wait, I really did. But I was disappointed when the test came back negative. So now I'm just confused. But it doesn't matter anyways."

"What?" Derek asked with a frown. "Why the hell doesn't it matter?"

"Because you don't want kids yet," she whispered. "So we have to wait."

"You can't do that," Derek said, shaking his head. "Mer, if you want kids now...that's something we have to talk about."

"I don't know what I want," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh, Mer," he breathed, pulling her into his arms. "It's okay if you don't know. You can take as long as you need."

"We agreed on ten years," she whispered.

"You're allowed to change your mind," Derek said softly.

"I...I need to think about it," she said. "But if I decide that I don't want to be a surgeon... if I was a pediatrician or something...you wouldn't hate me?"

"Meredith," Derek breathed, pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly. "Of course."

"Good," she nodded. "That's good."

Derek smiled as he pulled back to look at her, brushing her hair back from her face. "You want some more birthday cake?" he asked.

Meredith sniffled slightly. "I think that's the last thing I need," she sighed. "Since I'm apparently too fat for the only size lingerie I've ever worn."

"You're not fat," Derek smiled, reaching out to run his hands along the curves of her body. "You know that stress can cause weight gain. You've been going through a lot lately, with school and work and thinking about Lexie and your dad. This is just your body's way of dealing with that."

"I guess," she sighed, leaning into him. "I know...I'm fat and everything, but if you still want to give me birthday sex, I'd be okay with that."

Derek smiled as he picked her up and slung her over her shoulder, his heart skipping a beat at the sound of her loud giggles.

"Derek," she shrieked as he threw her onto the bed and stood before her, pulling his sweater over his head.

"Just because you're not in lingerie," Derek said huskily, reaching into his dresser drawer. "Doesn't mean we can't be dirty.

Meredith raised her eyebrows as she looked at the handcuffs dangling from his hand. "I like the way you think, Mr. Shepherd," she purred. "I think someone was a very...dirty boy today."

Derek swallowed hard as he stepped out of his pants, stepping towards the bed as he did so. "I was," he whispered, reaching down to run a hand over his developing erection.

"So my dirty boy needs to be punished," Meredith whispered, taking the handcuffs from him and pushing him onto the bed. "Get ready for a long night, Dr. Shepherd."

XXXXX

"Ow, shit."

Derek opened his eyes hours later, frowning as he felt the cold sheets beside him. Meredith was no longer beside him in bed. "Mer?" he asked with a frown as he sat up, reaching for the light. "Where are you?"

"I'm fine," she said from her closet.

"What are you doing?" Derek frowned.

"I just...I couldn't sleep," she sighed. "I thought my flashlight was here because I didn't want to turn on the light and wake you up, but apparently instead of my flashlight I grabbed a shoebox."

Derek laughed, reaching out for her. "Come back to bed."

"I'm not tired," she said automatically.

"Did I say anything about being tired?" Derek asked. "Why can't you sleep?"

"Because I need to make lists."

"Lists?" Derek asked.

"Yes, lists," Meredith sighed. "About pros and cons of having a baby and staying in surgery. And switching to pediatrics. And dropping medicine altogether. It's the only way I can figure this out."

"Okay, first I'm going to tell you that you don't have to bother making a list for dropping medicine," Derek said. "I'm not telling you what to do, Mer, I just know you. It's in your blood."

She sighed as she moved to get back into bed. "You're right," she whispered. "But I think...I think I could really like being a pediatrician."

"Really?" Derek asked, pulling her into his arms.

"I love kids," Meredith whispered. "When I was in high school...I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher."

Derek laughed. "You would have been a cute kindergarten teacher," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "But the more I think about it...the hours are better, less to live up to with my mother's name, and..."

"And what?" Derek frowned.

"And this way we wouldn't be in competition over our careers."

"Don't let that be a factor," Derek shook his head. "Meredith, if you decide to do this, I'll support you completely But I want to make sure that you do it for the right reasons. If you're that worried about the competition between us when we're interns, we can take our internships at different hospitals close to each other."

Meredith sighed as she sank into his arms. "I guess it's just all something that I have to think about," she whispered. "I never expected to have such a strong desire for children, but now that I do things are a complete and total mess in my head right now."

Derek offered her a sympathetic smile. "I can't tell you what to do, Mer," he said softly. "We've been here before."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I have problems making decisions, I know."

"Don't be sorry," Derek shook his head. "You want to make sure that you're really where you want to be. Maybe you needed a pregnancy scare to realize that you want to be a mom sooner than you thought."

She sighed as she traced a finger over his chest. "I know you can't tell me what to do," she said softly. "But...can you tell me what you think I should do? And I won't do it just because you want me to, I promise. I just want to take what you want into consideration."

Derek sighed, his breath blowing out in a gentle puff against her hair. "Honestly?" he said. "I love the thought of us working together. Being in the OR and training to save lives with you sounds completely amazing. But I also know that this is the second time that you've freaked out about this in less than a year. So maybe you should really take a step back and think about what you really want. I know you've always wanted to be a doctor. But do you think that you really want to be a surgeon? Or that you didn't consider any other specialties because your mom was a surgeon and you thought that would make her proud?"

Meredith was silent for a long moment, staring at the wall straight in front of her as she tightened his arms around her. "I don't know," she whispered. "I think...I think I'm just going to take some time and think about it. Is that okay?"

"It's more than okay," Derek nodded. "We have all the time in the world, Meredith. And whenever you want to talk, or you decide anything, or need anything at all...you know where to find me."

Meredith smiled as she turned in his arms. "I do," she whispered. "In my bed."

"It's where I belong," Derek said with a smile.

"You're corny," Meredith giggled.

"But true," Derek whispered, leaning down to kiss her, hoping to clear all her worries from her mind.

XXXXX

"Hey," Meredith said as she opened the door the following morning, Addison standing in front of her. "Come on in, I just have to grab my coat and tell Derek I'm leaving."

"Great," Addison rolled her eyes. "Listen, do me a favor and don't have a quickie with him? Because when we went out to lunch with Emma that time and Derek told her that you took so long to say good bye because he needed your help picking out what to wear... awkward."

"Don't worry," Derek laughed as he came out of the kitchen. "I'm meeting Mark."

"Oh, so you're just going to talk about sex," Meredith laughed, leaning up to kiss him. "Love you."

"Love you too," he breathed. "Have fun at your birthday lunch."

"We will," Addison said with a smile. "Lots of girl talk."

"Girl talk," Derek nodded. "Good thing Mark and I can get a beer at anytime in the city."

"Go be manly men," Meredith giggled. "Just make sure that Mark doesn't break your nose again."

Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed her towards the door. "You can leave now."

"Bye Derek," Addison called over her shoulder as she pulled Meredith out the door. She giggled as they walked out the door just as Beth was stepping out of her own apartment. "He's never going to live that down," she said.

"Of course not," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He got into a fight about sex and now his nose is bent."

"How'd Derek end up with a bent nose?" Beth asked, automatically joining into the conversation.

"He and Mark got into a fight over who had more sex," Meredith giggled. "They came home drunk and beat up, and his nose never went back to normal."

Beth giggled. "That's probably the funniest thing I've ever heard," she said.

"Alright, Mer, where do you want to go?" Addison asked.

"There's a cute restaurant down the street," Meredith replied. "We could go there."

"The place we went last week?" Beth asked. "With the gorgeous wallpaper?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, moving down the street.

When they were settled at their table, Beth turned to Meredith and asked, "So, Meredith... should we be celebrating something besides your birthday today?"

Addison frowned as she turned to look at Meredith. "What else would we celebrate?" she asked.

"Nothing," Meredith said quickly. "I just...Derek and I had a long night last night, and it's fine. There's nothing to celebrate."

"Meredith?" Addison asked, tilting her head to the side as she examined her friend closely.

Meredith sighed as she glanced down at her hands for a moment before shrugging. "We just had a pregnancy scare," she said. "But I'm not, so it's no big deal."

Addison winced. "That's not something you want to experience on your birthday," she said. "Not fun, is it?"

Meredith shrugged as she looked down at the menu. "So I'm thinking the chicken caeser salad," she said. "What do you think?"

"Meredith," Beth said softly. "What's wrong?"

She sighed as she looked down at her menu before she whispered, "I think...I think I want a baby. Now."

"What?" Addison and Beth asked in unison.

"I just...I was completely freaking out about being pregnant and then we went to the clinic on campus because we didn't want to wait, and when the nurse told me that I wasn't...I only felt disappointed. And now all I want is a baby."

"Well...what does that mean?" Addison asked. "For you as a surgeon, for you and Derek as a couple...for Derek's career?"

"I don't know."


	75. Chapter 75

"So how are you and Derek doing with...everything?" Beth asked a couple weeks later as she and Meredith walked down the street, shopping bags in hand.

"Okay," Meredith shrugged. "We're still us. Just an us that doesn't talk about the giant elephant in the room."

"You haven't decided anything?" Beth asked as she stopped walking, staring into the window of the nearest store.

"No," Meredith shrugged. "I can't...sometimes I think that it would be amazing to be a surgeon. To be able to save lives like that and work side by side with Derek...it would be absolutely amazing. But at the same time...I want babies."

Beth nodded. "Well, do you have to wait until after residency to have kids?" she asked. "After your internship, sure, but plenty of people have babies as residents."

"And those kids spend half their lives in day care and the other half with nannies," Meredith sighed. "Trust me. I was one of those kids."

"But you and Derek have so much family," Beth replied. "His mom could take care of them while you're at work. And of course Nate and I would help out if you stayed around here."

Meredith nodded, biting her lower lip. "That's just something else to add to the pile of thoughts in my head," she sighed.

"You want to be a surgeon, Mer," Beth laughed, turning to the entrance of the nearest store. "And plenty of people can do it."

"I guess," Meredith sighed.

"Do you mind if we run in here real quick?" Beth asked as she opened the door.

"Sure," Meredith replied, stopping as she followed Beth into the store. "Beth..."

Beth giggled as she looked around at the baby clothes and toys that surrounded them. "I'm telling Nate tonight," she said. "I want to get something for him." She walked over to the nearest bin of bibs and picked one up, looking at the green print that read, "I love my daddy."

"Beth, you're...are you?"

Beth smiled as she lowered the bib. "Seven weeks," she nodded. "By Christmas...you and Derek might not have the loudest apartment in the building anymore."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, reaching for the nearest rocking chair and collapsing into it.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked. "I know you're going through a lot and your friends having babies probably isn't helping very much, but it's not something I can exactly hide from you..."

"No," Meredith smiled, looking up at her. "I think it's fantastic. Congratulations."

"Thanks," Beth giggled as she returned Meredith's hug. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Me either," Meredith said, looking around the room. "We...you're having a baby."

"I am," Beth smiled, a hand resting gently on her stomach.

"This is...amazing," Meredith breathed. "Come on, we have to buy stuff."

Beth laughed. "He's the size of a peanut right now," she said.

"So?" Meredith asked. "I'm pretty sure that Derek's mom already has baby presents for us. Which is...well, it's never too early."

Beth smiled as she moved to stand beside Meredith as she looked over the piles of clothes in front of them. As Meredith held up shirt after shirt, Beth watched her with a gentle hand over her stomach. There was no doubt about it, Meredith Shepherd wanted a baby.

XXXXX

"Derek!" Meredith giggled as she ran into their apartment later that day, dropping her bags onto the floor and running into the kitchen where she could hear him talking quietly. "I have the best news ever...what's wrong?"

Derek held up a hand to her, turning to look at the counter as he practically shouted into the phone. "I don't care, Elizabeth, you're not even out of college! I know that's better than high school, but what about med school? You were accepted to Harvard! That's not possible. I'm not going to not tell Mom. You have to get your head on straight, this is ridiculous. Fine, do whatever you want. But don't expect me to be there."

He slammed the phone down and turned to Meredith as he ran shaking hands through his hair. Meredith frowned as she watched him exhale deeply as he turned in a circle, trying to find room to pace in their small kitchen. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him this worked up, and she wasn't sure what she should do about it.

"Derek?" she asked softly, reaching out to him. "What's going on?"

"I...Liz," Derek breathed. "She's pregnant."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, looking down at her feet, wondering why everyone around her was having babies. Apparently karma hated her. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Of course it's a bad thing," Derek snapped. "She's marrying some idiot she's been seeing for a month. And she's giving up Harvard."

"Oh," Meredith repeated, turning to walk into the living room. If Derek was mad that his sister for giving up med school, she couldn't imagine how upset he would be if she did the same.

"What the hell is she thinking?" Derek asked, running a hand through his hair. "She's completely throwing her life away."

"She is not," Meredith shook her head. "She's going to be a mother. And she's doing what's best for the baby."

"There shouldn't be a baby," Derek argued. "She should have been responsible."

"She is being responsible," Meredith said, her voice rising. "She made a mistake, yes, and now she's going to be an adult and take responsibility for it."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Derek asked. "You're taking her side."

"There are no sides," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm just saying what I feel."

"Mer...there's something else going on in that head of yours, and I want to know what it is," Derek said. "You know this is a big deal."

"I want a baby."

The apartment was completely silent, and Meredith swallowed hard as she stared at Derek as he stared back at her, slowly reaching for a chair to sit down. "You...what?"

"I want to have a baby," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I want to be pregnant. I want to feel your baby move in my stomach. I want to fight with you over names and squeeze your hand while I'm in labor. And then I want to have a baby with your smile and your eyes and my nose. I want to play with our baby on the living room floor and watch you rock him or her to sleep. Derek, I want to have your baby."

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "I want that too. But...now?"

"Everyone's having babies!" Meredith cried, throwing her hands in her hair. "Nancy just had twins. Kath's pregnant again, Beth's having a baby, and now Liz...Derek, we're going be surrounded by babies. But I want my own. I want your baby."

"We can't have a baby," Derek shook his head. "Meredith, you're not thinking clearly."

"I'm not thinking clearly?" Meredith shouted. "I thought I was. Because you said you would support me no matter what I decided!"

"That was when I thought you were deciding whether you wanted to be a surgeon!" Derek yelled back. "Meredith, we're in med school!"

"You don't want my babies!" Meredith yelled. "Just say it! You don't want my babies because they'll have Alzheimer's and split ends and you want perfect babies! You want perfect chatty babies with stupid perfect hair! You don't want my crappy babies."

"I didn't say that!" Derek cried. "Meredith, of course I want your babies. All of them. But we're in school. We don't have good jobs and we barely have time for each other, let alone a baby."

"Fine," Meredith snapped, walking over to her shopping bags and pulling something out of it, throwing it across the room at him. "Then you can just return that! Because apparently it's not something you want at all!"

The door slammed behind her as she stormed out of the apartment, and Derek leaned down to pick up the small piece of fabric that had fallen to the floor. As he held up the tiny T-shirt, he blinked back tears as he read the light blue print over the pink fabric.

_Daddy's Little Princess._

He sighed as he collapsed back into his chair, holding the T-shirt tightly in his hands. He wasn't sure how them having kids had turned into such a huge fight, but he knew he had to do something about it. He had promised Meredith he would give her whatever she wanted, and he had to fulfill that, because he couldn't lose her.

XXXXX

"Hey Dad," he sighed an hour later as he collapsed on the ground in front of Michael's grave. "Sorry I haven't been here in awhile. But it looks like Mom's been here." He smiled at the lilies that were sitting beside the grave. He took a deep breath before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small flask of scotch, pouring a little of it over the stone before taking a sip himself.

"I don't know what to do, Dad," he sighed. "Because Mer...she wants babies. She wants them now. I guess Mom's probably told you that Kath's pregnant again. I'm hoping for a boy this time, even out the balance. I've already got three nieces. And...Liz is pregnant too. Don't worry, I'm taking care of it. Maybe not in the way you would have, but...I'm trying to be a good brother and protect all the girls from being hurt. Chris and Matt are great, but Mike...I don't know him that well, but apparently he's going to be my brother in law. I'll let you know if I need your help dealing with him.

"Anyway, our neighbor Beth is having a baby too. She and Mer have gotten pretty close, and I guess Mer just feels like everyone is having babies. And now she wants them. Which is...we're careful. We had a scare a couple weeks ago, and I don't think I've ever been more relieved as when the nurse came and told us that the test was negative. But Mer...she's become obsessed with having a baby. She told me she wants to switch to pediatrics so she doesn't have to wait as long to have babies. And today she told me that she wants to start trying. Now. And she gave me this shirt. Well, it's not mine, but, she bought this adorable shirt..." he reached into his pocket and pulled the tiny piece of pink fabric out, holding it out for his dad to see. "She wants to give me babies."

"And Dad, babies with Mer...nothing else sounds more amazing. To have a little princess that looks exactly like her Mommy, I don't think my life could be more perfect. But I'm a neurosurgeon, Dad. I haven't ever set foot in an OR, and I haven't even done my clinicals yet, but...I'm a neurosurgeon. I saw how you were able to do it, and that's who I am. I can't do anything else. And even if Mer wants to change to pediatrics, I can't have a baby now. There's no way I could stay up all night with a crying baby and have my medical boards the next day. And when I'm an intern I won't be able to take time off to see preschool plays and coach T-ball teams. You were able to do that, and that's the kind of father that I want to be. But as an intern...I wouldn't be able to do that."

"But I promised Mer I would give her everything she ever wanted. And right now she wants a baby. I don't know what to do right now, Dad. Because if I tell her no...she'll hate me. But I don't want to have a baby right now, and if I do...I'm afraid that I'll end up resenting her when I'm an intern and I'm missing my little girl's dance recitals or my son's soccer game. So Dad...I need you to tell me what to do. I need help. I don't want us to resent each other, but we both want such different things, and I don't know what to do anymore."

Derek sighed as he dropped the T-shirt to the ground to run his hands through his hair. A tear streaked down his cheek as he looked up at the sky, feeling the cool breeze of the wind against his cheek. As he turned back to look at his father's grave, he smiled softly when he saw some of the petals from the lilies beside the stone spin into the wind, dropping softly onto the pink T-shirt as it lay abandoned on the ground.

Derek swallowed hard as he looked down at the shirt, the petals gently framing the words and staying unusually still in the crisp winter wind. He laughed slightly as he reached out to trace the words, not wanting to disturb the gentle sign he was sure his father had left for him as he did so. He took a deep breath as he made a decision, knowing exactly what he needed to do now.

Gently, he reached down to pick up the T-shirt, clutching it tightly as he leaned forward to pour the rest of the scotch over the soft ground in front of the grave. "I have to go find Mer now," he said. "I'm glad I came here. I'll try to come back more often. Mer will come too, I know you probably want to see her too." He stood, brushing the dirt off of his pants as he looked down at the T-shirt clutched in his hands, his heart suddenly pounding.

"Thanks Dad."


	76. Chapter 76

"Meredith," Emma breathed as she opened the front door to her house, surprised to see her daughter in law standing on her porch with red rimmed eyes. "What's wrong? Is Derek okay?" she asked as she pulled her into the house and wrapped her in a warm hug.

"Derek's fine," Meredith whispered, sinking into the older woman's embrace. "Well… he's an idiot but he's fine."

"You had a fight," Emma said with a nod as she pulled back to examine Meredith's face. "Was it bad?"

"I…I'm not sure," Meredith sighed. "I know you're Derek's mom and everything, but I wasn't sure who else I could talk to about this, but if you want me to go…"

"Nonsense," Emma shook her head, pulling Meredith into the living room. "Sit down and tell me what happened."

Meredith looked down at her hands, twisting her wedding rings for a moment before she met Emma's eyes again. "Derek and I…we had a pregnancy scare a couple weeks ago," she whispered. "And we were both freaking out because med school and babies and internships just don't mix. And when we got the test results back, Derek was happy. I know he was."

"But you weren't," Emma said softly.

"I…I should have been," she whispered. "I always wanted babies with Derek, and at that point I was so not ready for it. But over the past couple weeks, all I've wanted was to be a mom. Which is crazy. You can't miss something you never had."

"It's not crazy," Emma shook her head. "You've been with Derek for a long time. You've only been married for less than a year, but for all intents and purposes you were married for years before that. And it's natural to feel the desire to become a mother, especially if people around you are having babies."

"Really?" Meredith whispered.

"Of course," Emma said, leaning forward to squeeze Meredith's hand. "Now, keep telling me about what happened with Derek."

"He knew that I was disappointed," Meredith sighed. "And I told him that I was thinking about switching to pediatrics because that would mean that I would have a less demanding job and we could have babies soon. He was okay with that, but then today Beth told me she was pregnant, and I just…I want a baby so badly."

"And Derek doesn't?"

"Not now," Meredith whispered. "But I told him that I wanted babies. Now. And he completely freaked out because he said he's not ready, and then I accused him of not wanting my babies and he called me crazy and…I just didn't know where else to go."

"Meredith," Emma smiled, pulling the young girl into her arms. "First of all…I'm completely sure that Derek wants nothing more in the world than for you to give him babies. But right now…he wasn't expecting you to say that, and he's in a very challenging place in his life. You two had a plan together, and it's not to say that you can't change that plan, but you've got to talk about it. Talk, not yell, which I know my son can sometimes have a problem with. And you have to think about what's best for both of you as individuals as well as a couple."

Meredith smiled softly. "He's going to be a neurosurgeon," she said softly. "Even if I'm not sure…he is."

"He's his father's son."

"And it wouldn't be fair to ask him to have a baby in med school and a toddler during his internship."

"That's something you need to discuss with him."

As if on cue, the front door slammed open and Derek ran past the living room, shouting for his mother.

"In the living room, dear," Emma called into the hallway.

"Mom, have you seen…Mer," Derek breathed as his eyes landed on his wife. "You're here."

"I'm here," Meredith nodded, looking at him carefully. "I'm sorry, Derek."

"What?" Derek breathed, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "Don't be sorry."

"I'm going to leave you two alone," Emma smiled softly as she stood and slipped out of the room.

"I shouldn't have ambushed you like that," Meredith whispered, twisting her wedding ring around her hand as well. "I get it. You're going to be busy for the next few years, and I… we can wait. Except not ten years, because that's way too long, but…four or five. I can wait. But I think…no, I know, I don't want to be a surgeon. You were right when you said that I only wanted to do it because of my mom, but…I like kids. I love kids and I want to be a pediatrician, which actually has nothing to do with me wanting a baby. Which I still do. But you don't. So I'll wait. I want to wait until you're ready because I don't want you to leave me or resent me so I'll wait until…" her ramble was cut short by the feeling of Derek's lips pressing firmly against hers. She fought him slightly at first before she gave in and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him on top of her on the couch. When they both pulled back for air, she smiled up at him, cupping his face in her hands. "Wow," she breathed.

"As much as I love your rambling, I need to talk to you," Derek whispered. "And that's the only proven way to end a Meredith Shepherd ramble."

"Shut up," she hit his shoulder as she pushed him to sit on the couch, pulling her legs up under her as she sat at his side. "You want to talk?"

"I want you to have my babies," Derek breathed. "Meredith…nothing sounds more perfect to me."

"But?" she prompted, reaching out to play gently with his hair.

"But…I'm scared," Derek whispered. "My dad was a superhero. He had Kath his third year of med school and Nance when he was an intern. Granted my mom was a full time mom at that point, but…he still managed to make time to be home for them and become a great doctor. And I figure…if he can handle a newborn and a toddler…then I can handle it too."

Meredith frowned. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Because Derek you can't say you want this to make me happy. That would just lead to bad things."

"I'm not," he shook his head. "I freaked out earlier, I know. But that was because we had a plan and having kids now…it's so not the plan. And I'm still scared, because this is a hard enough time in my life to begin with, but I want to. I want to watch your belly get big and round, I want to wait on you hand and foot when you're too pregnant to move, and I want…I want a little princess that looks exactly like her mommy."

Meredith smiled softly as he held out the tiny t-shirt to her. "Are you sure?" she whispered. "Because I'm about to get really excited. So if you're not sure, you can say so now and I won't hold it against you."

"I'm sure," he nodded, reaching out to push her shirt up, revealing her bare stomach. "I want to put a baby in there."

Meredith giggled as she launched herself into his arms, kissing him hard. "Thank you," she whispered. "I love you."

"No need to thank me," he whispered against her neck. "Babies with you were always the plan."

Meredith pulled back, still straddling his hips as she sat on his knees, her arms resting on his shoulders. "I don't want to become obsessed with this," she said softly. "Beth and Nathan…there were doctor's appointments and tracking her cycles and good conceiving positions…I don't want that. Not yet. Because we're still in med school and I'm scared too."

"Okay," Derek nodded, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "So how do you want to do it."

Meredith shrugged. "I figure we have sex pretty much daily as it is," she said. "I think a combination of maintaining our very healthy sex life and throwing away the condoms and birth control pills will be a good place to start."

Derek frowned. "You want me to throw away the condoms?" he asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she climbed off of him. "You can keep the glow in the dark ones until after baby comes if you really have to," she said. "But it's still weird."

"It's not weird," Derek insisted. "I like them."

"I know you do," she smiled, pressing her body against his. "For very good reason."

Derek smiled against her lips. "And you know…some of those conceiving positions might be interesting," he whispered.

"Oh really?" Meredith giggled. "You think so?"

"Hmm?"

"Beth has a book."

"Books are good. Lots of…fun positions."

Meredith giggled as she pushed him away. "You know the rules about doing it in your mom's house," she said. "And you might want to take care of that," she gestured to the bulge in his pants.

Derek grumbled under his breath as he made his way towards the stairs, not looking forward to the cold shower he was about to take.

XXXXX

"It sounds like Nathan's happy about the baby," Derek commented with a smirk later that night as Meredith came out from the bathroom.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she listened to the moans coming from the other side of the wall. "And they say we're loud."

"We are loud."

"Well…shut up."

"Remember when we lived with Mark and Addie?" Derek asked. "And we used to see who could last longer?"

"Yes," Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned on her side to look at him.

"We totally won."

"I can't believe you kept count."

"That's the whole point," Derek rolled his eyes. "Anyways…maybe we can do that now."

"They have a head start, Der," Meredith rolled her eyes as she pulled a pillow over her head.

"So?" Derek asked, pulling the pillow over her head. "It's not like we'll be able to sleep with that going on. And besides…we can figure out which is better…pregnancy positions or trying positions."

"You're a pervert."

"Hey, it's not like I asked them to be loud enough for us to hear," Derek defended himself. "Believe me, I would much rather hear you screaming my name than Beth screaming Nathan's."

Before Meredith could respond, there was a particularly loud scream from the other side of the wall and she nodded. "Fine," she said, flipping onto her side and pulling him closer to nestle against her back. "Go ahead."

"So romantic," Derek laughed, pulling her towards him to flop back onto her back. "You know…you're not nearly turned on enough for hot sex."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, watching as he moved his lips down her body. "What…how… are you going to get me turned on?"

"I believe so," Derek nodded, licking the underside of her breasts briefly before moving down towards her stomach and pausing softly.

"Derek?" Meredith asked, looking down at him as he stared softly at her belly, gently tracing the skin around her belly button.

"Sorry," he shook his head. "Just…admiring the growing place of my baby."

Meredith smiled softly as she buried her hands in his hair, pulling him back to her lips. "God, Derek," she whispered as she kissed him, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. "How did I get so lucky?"

Derek looked down at her for a moment, love shining in his eyes as he took her in. "Meredith…" he breathed, suddenly realizing that he had nothing to say, so he sank into her, moaning at the way she easily spread to accommodate him. "Oh…"

Meredith inhaled deeply as she tightened her legs around his waist. "Derek," she whispered. "Can you…stay?"

"Mer," he groaned, already feeling the painful burn to move inside of her.

"Just…deeper," she whispered, gasping as he pushed farther into her, until he couldn't go any farther. "Oh…"

"Mer," he whispered, moving to gently suck on her earlobe. "Can I…"

"Please," she whispered, loosening her legs around him. He gently began thrusting into her, savoring the softness of her as he did so. "Derek…." She moaned loudly, his name leaving her lips in one long moan and causing him to tighten his hold on her hips.

He had never made love to her like this, ever. They were usually faster and dirtier, and when they did make love, it was still filled with the desperate need to fulfill their desires for one another. Now, though, Derek was practically worshipping her body. His gentle thrusts caused wave after wave of pleasure to wash over her, and his hands trailed lightly all over her body as he just barely touched her. She panted heavily as she threw her head back against the pillows, moaning as he continued to make love to her.

"Meredith," he breathed against the skin of her neck. "God, you're so incredible."

"Oh…" she moaned in response as his body tensed over her, tightening her muscles around him. "Derek…"

"Oh God…" Derek moaned, collapsing on top of her and resting his head in her shoulder.

"Derek," she whispered, finally coming down from her high. "That…you're…amazing."

"Hmmm…" he sighed, rubbing his face against her chest. "You too."

"We...trying sex is amazing," Meredith whispered.

"I think we shut them up," Derek laughed, the sound making Meredith's body tingle.

"You're crazy," she giggled as she pulled his head off her chest to kiss him gently. "But I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled, turning onto his back and pulling her into his arms. "More than anything."


	77. Chapter 77

"You're seriously not going to come?" Meredith asked, standing at the foot of their bed with her hands on her hips. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"My sister's pregnant and getting married to a guy she barely knows at city hall," Derek snapped. "I don't think you should be asking what's wrong with me."

"You're unbelievable," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I can't believe that you're still mad about this."

"How can I not be mad?" Derek asked.

"What if it had been us?" Meredith asked, turning from her place in front of her dresser to stare at him. "What if I'd gotten pregnant during college and we'd had to have a shot gun wedding?"

"That's...different," Derek argued lamely.

"Really?" Meredith demanded, stepping closer to the bed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You're going to have to point out the differences to me, because I see absolutely none."

"It's you and me."

"Okay, there's one," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And you know why you can't think of any differences, Derek? Because there are none! And I'm pretty sure if that had been us, Liz would have been there in a second."

"She barely knows him."

"No, you barely know him," Meredith rolled her eyes. "What makes you think he's so bad?"

"He got my sister pregnant."

"Are you even listening to yourself? So he got her pregnant. You go out for beers with Matt and Chris all the time, and they both got your sisters pregnant."

"After they were married," Derek protested.

"Oh my God," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I can't even believe what I'm hearing. Derek, she asked you to give her away."

"There's no aisle at the courthouse."

"That doesn't matter," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's absolutely terrified? You're scared about the idea of me being pregnant, at the thought that you might be a father soon. Liz knows that she's going to have a baby. Everything she's ever known has completely been turned upside down, and she isn't sure of anything anymore. And all she wanted was her big brother there to support her."

"I can't," Derek insisted, reaching for a textbook. "I have a test on Monday."

"Seriously? Seriously," Meredith grabbed the textbook out of his hands and threw it on the floor at the bottom of the bed. "Your entire family is going to be there, Derek. And it's not like none of your sisters never had sex before they were married. Caitlin's even..."

"Don't finish that sentence," Derek snapped. "She's my baby sister."

"She's eighteen," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's how old I was when we were together for the first time. And don't even think about saying it's different, because it's not."

"It is," Derek insisted. "It wasn't some fling, we weren't just sleeping around. We knew we were...us."

"I didn't know that," Meredith shook her head. "It took everything I had to give that to you, Derek, and I had no idea that you were going to be the only guy I'd ever be with, or that I'd marry you. It was all I could do to trust you."

"That's not what this is about," Derek groaned. "I just...I can't go."

"Why not?" Meredith asked, her voice softening as she sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his messy hair.

"Because Dad would have wanted me to protect her," Derek whispered. "He would have wanted me to stop this. And I can't...I can't support something that I know he would have been angry about."

Meredith smiled softly as she moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest. "You're right," she said softly, reaching out to play with his fingers, smiling as his wedding ring shone in the light. "He would have been angry. But he still would have gone to her wedding."

Derek sighed against her hair. "I let him down," he whispered.

Meredith was silent for a moment, allowing him to think by himself for a moment before she giggled softly. "You know, the last time I talked to him," she said. "He was ranting about Kathleen and Chris, and how he wasn't ready to be a grandpa. Kath wasn't even pregnant yet, but they were engaged, so I guess it was on his mind. But he said that if any of his girls were pregnant before they were married, he'd make sure to give the guy a big long talk about safe sex and the importance of abstinence. I asked him if he would do that to you if I ever got pregnant and he said he would make yours twice as long."

Derek winced. "I think one of those talks was enough to last me a lifetime," he said.

"But you know what else he said?" Meredith asked.

"Hmm?"

"He said that after the whole never have sex with my daughter again speech...he would have supported them. Derek, that's your sister. And your niece or nephew."

"Nephew," Derek sighed. "I still have hope for the coming generation."

"Well, Shawn does have two brothers."

"I'm liking him better already?"

Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him before she glanced at the clock. "If you hurry we'll make it," she said. "And just think about how much fun it will be to give your little sister a safe sex talk."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. You can drive," Derek said. "I'll do my hair in the car."

"I don't think the car ride is long enough," Meredith giggled as she watched him pull a pair of dress pants on then slide a button down over his shoulders.

"Shut up," Derek rolled his eyes.

Meredith giggled as she reached for the heels lying on her side of the bed. "I'm glad you came around," she said softly.

"Thanks for helping me see what I should have before," Derek sighed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Good thing you'll never have to know," Meredith giggled, pressing her lips to his before grabbing his hand. "Come on!"

XXXXX

"Mom!" Meredith shouted as she dragged Derek into the courthouse. "We're here! We didn't miss anything did we?"

"Derek!" Emma said with wide eyes. "I'm so glad that you decided to come."

"Yeah, I had some sense talked into me," Derek smiled, letting go of Meredith's hand to wrap around her waist. "Where's Liz?"

"She's in the restroom," Emma said. "I was sent to track down some ginger ale for her stomach."

"Is she okay?" Meredith frowned.

"Just nervous," Emma smiled.

"I'll go make sure she's okay," Meredith smiled, turning to kiss Derek quickly. "I'll be back soon."

"Thanks Mer," Derek whispered as she followed Emma towards the restrooms. He glanced around the lobby for a moment, his eyes landing on his future brother in law as he paced the few chairs that lined the wall next to the door. With a deep breath, he moved closer to him and asked, "You need someone to rant to?"

Shawn's head snapped up to look at Derek, his eyes wide. "Derek," he said. "I um... look, Liz said you weren't happy about this, and I understand why that is. Especially when you're taking on the role of her dad. But you should know that I love Liz. More than anything in the world. And we made a mistake, with this whole baby thing, but that was always the plan with her. Since I met her, I've wanted to marry her and have kids with her."

Derek sighed as he sat down, gesturing for Shawn to do so as well. "I owe you an apology," he said softly. "I know that you love my sister. And I'm happy for you, I really am. I just hate that she's giving up so much for this. And besides the fact that thinking my little sister is old enough to be having kids, I really wasn't thinking about her happiness. Or yours. So I'm sorry."

"I didn't ask her to give up Harvard," Shawn said softly. "I told her we could figure out a way to do both. But she insisted. Said she'd go to med school when the baby's a year or two old. Apparently I'm never allowed to touch her ever again."

Derek laughed as he patted his back. "Saves me from the safe sex talk I'm obligated to give you," he said.

"Thanks for being understanding about this, Derek," Shawn sighed. "It means a lot to Liz that you're here."

"I know," Derek smiled. He looked up as an entourage of Shepherd women approached, and smiled as he stood. "Hey Liz," he said softly, reaching out to press a kiss to his sister's cheek. "You look beautiful, baby sister."

Liz looked up at him with a mixture of surprise and happiness. "Thanks Derbear," she whispered.

"Alright, I believe you're next," Emma sighed.

"The judge is going to be totally shocked when we all try to squeeze into his chambers," Kathleen laughed.

"Well...it's not like it will take that long," Liz sighed. "Let's go."

Derek flashed Meredith a smile as he reached out to lace his fingers through hers. He was glad she'd talked him into coming, even though it was less than what his sister deserved. He knew Meredith was right, his little sister was happy and that was all that mattered.

XXXXX

"I swear to God, pregnancy is proof that men hate women," Kathleen groaned as she slowly lowered herself into her chair at the restaurant later that night where the family was quietly celebrating the newest union.

"Don't be dramatic, Kathleen," Emma rolled her eyes.

"I'm not being dramatic," Kathleen replied, turning to Chris. "You're evil."

"How am I evil?" Chris asked. "You know that little girl you love so much? You wouldn't have her if it wasn't for me."

"Yeah, well only someone completely evil would knock me up with an eight month old baby in the house," Kathleen snapped. "Evil."

"What's wrong?" Meredith giggled slightly.

"Everything," Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Kicking. Cramping. Fatigue. Swelling."

"It's really not that bad," Emma rolled her eyes. "My daughter is just a drama queen."

"Okay, I know you were pregnant like thirty years ago," Liz said.

"I am not thirty!" Kathleen interrupted.

"Whatever," Liz brushed her sister off. "But pregnancy sucks."

"And look at all the joy that came from my own pregnancies," Emma sighed.

"None of you even know what you're talking about," Nancy laughed. "I had twins. That's twice of everything."

"Okay, you can stop terrifying my wife now," Derek announced, causing a silence to fall over the table. Emma smiled discreetly at her son as they rest of the table stared at the couple for a moment.

"Are you pregnant?" Caitlin finally asked Meredith.

"No!" Meredith said quickly. "I mean...I don't think I am."

"Why do you look like you're hiding something?" Kathleen asked. "Are you trying to get pregnant?"

"Not...trying," Derek said carefully. "Just not trying not to."

"Oh my gosh," Caitlin squealed. "That's so exciting!"

"Mer, that's awesome," Liz said, leaning forward. "And don't worry, everything we just said...total lies."

"Well, not really," Kathleen interjected. "But totally worth it."

"Thanks," Meredith said softly. "But I'm not pregnant."

"You will be soon," Nancy nodded. "Shepherds are very fertile."

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked.

"Well there's five of us," Liz laughed. "Dad was one of seven. And his dad...I think ten."

Meredith's eyes widened as she turned to Derek. "We are so not having ten kids."

Derek laughed. "We're having as many as it takes to get one of each," he laughed.

"Oh no," Meredith shook her head. "Not if Shepherds are that fertile. Two. That's it."

"Two?" Derek frowned. "That's...boring."

"That's not boring, that's fair," Meredith shook her head. "We can have more than two if you figure out how to give birth."

"But...maybe you'll like being pregnant."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Meredith asked. "That's probably the stupidest thing you've ever said."

"Two kids or two pregnancies?" Derek asked. "Cause twins run in the family..."

"Shep, you better stop now if you ever want to get laid again," Chris whispered in Derek's ear.

"You stop talking," Kathleen ordered. "And you," she turned to Meredith with a smile of approval. "Set up rules now. Otherwise he'll just keep telling you what an amazing mother you are and before you know it you'll be pregnant for two years straight."

Meredith nodded firmly, turning to Derek. "Two," she said.

Derek nodded, trying to control his laughter. "Whatever you say, Mer."


	78. Chapter 78

**Okay, so this is just a filler chapter, but the good news (for you) is that I have to wait until tomorrow morning to watch what may be the most amazing episode of Grey's ever. Which means I'm going to distract myself by working on the story until the episode's up online. So...enjoy!**

"Meredith, you have to stop bouncing," Derek laughed as Meredith leaned over him to look out the window.

"California, Der," Meredith replied, looking at him with sparkling eyes. "We're in California."

"I know," he said, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face. "But you're scaring people."

"I've never been to California," Meredith giggled as the seatbelt sign was turned off and the cabin burst into activity. "Come on, we've got to go."

"They're not going anywhere," Derek laughed. "The plane just landed."

"We're in L.A.," Meredith giggled as she handed him his carry on suitcase. "We're in L.A. and we're spending a week with Mark and Addison. We can't waste time on the plane."

"Okay," Derek laughed, following her down the gangway. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this excited, and he was happy to see it. This had been the major part of her birthday present, and he was glad she was excited.

"Addie!" Meredith giggled happily as they stepped through security and saw Mark and Addison standing on the other side of the airport. Meredith ran over to them and hugged Addison tightly, the two of them giggling loudly.

"We're in for a long week," Mark sighed as he reached out to hug Derek.

"Mer's been excited for days," Derek laughed as he pulled back from his best friend and moved to hug Addison. When they had all greeted each other, Addison looped her arm through Meredith's and smiled widely. "I'm so glad you're here," she giggled as they climbed into the car.

"Addison," Meredith breathed, stopping to pull her left hand closer to her face. "Is that..."

"We're engaged," Addison giggled widely, holding out her hand for Meredith's inspection.

"Oh my God," Meredith cried, hugging her tightly.

"It's about time," Derek said to Mark.

"Hey, just because your wife was okay with a shitty proposal doesn't mean Addison would be," Mark argued. "Have you met the woman?"

"And you're the matron of honor, of course," Addison giggled.

Meredith smiled nervously as she glanced at Derek. "Um...yeah," she said. "Of course."

Addison frowned as she glanced between Derek and Meredith. "What's going on?" she asked.

"We just...well, you won't want a pregnant matron of honor."

Mark slammed on the brakes, causing everyone to jerk forwad as Mark and Addison turned to stare at the couple in the backseat.

"Excuse me?" Addison asked after a moment.

"I'm not pregnant," Meredith said quickly. "But depending on when you get married...we might be by then."

"Seriously?" Mark asked. "You're going to be interns with babies?"

"We've got it all woeked out, Mark," Derek smiled, lacing his fingers through Meredith's.

"Oh my God," Addison giggled. "This is amazing."

"It is," Meredith smiled. "But we're not going to take away for your news. This is amazing, Addison's been expecting a proposal ever since Derek proposed to me."

"Don't remind me," Mark rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," Addison said, slapping his arm. "Okay, so we have classes this week, but we're giving you a copy of our key so you can come and go as you please. But we don't have a guest room so you're sleeping on the pull out couch."

"Which means you have to wear clothes," Mark insisted. "I don't want to start off my day seeing little Shep."

Derek frowned. "That's not..."

"Okay, you're so not having this argument again," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We'll be fine sleeping on the couch."

"And if you break it you're buying us a new one," Mark added.

"Yeah, yeah," Derek rolled his eyes.

"There's lots of stuff to see so you won't be bored," Addison said. "And we can totally hit up some of the good nightclubs."

"Nightclubs?" Derek frowned.

"Addison's determined to meet George Clooney," Mark rolled his eyes.

"I'd be okay with that," Meredith giggled, ignoring Derek's frown.

"And I know you hate shopping," Addison sighed. "But I really want to look for a wedding dress on Rodeo Drive."

"Believe it or not, Beth likes to shop more than you," Meredith smiled. "I'm getting used to it. And I'd love to help you pick out a wedding dress."

"Good," Addison said firmly as Mark pulled into a parking garage. "This is our place."

Derek sighed as he got out of the car, watching Meredith and Addison walk towards the stiars, giggling and whispering. Mark appeared at his side, looking at him closely. "Dude, what's going on with this whole baby thing?" he asked.

"We're ready, Mark," Derek sighed. "I know it's going to be hard, but...God, it's so worth it. To have a little girl running around with Meredith's smile, I can't think of anything better."

"Man, you better make sure you know what you're doing," Mark shook his head. "You'll never have sex like you do now ever again."

"You're a pig," Derek rolled his eyes. "It's not about sex. It's about having a real life with Meredith."

Mark nodded as they stepped into Mark and Addison's apartment. "If you're ready," he sighed.

Derek smiled as he looked around the apartment. "Nice place," he said.

"It'll do," Mark shrugged. "Not all of us have rich uncles who let us sublet their apartments."

"Very funny," Derek rolled his eyes, turning to Meredith and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Hi."

"Hi," she giggled, turning to look at him. "Guess what."

"What?"

"Addie wants to be an obstetrician," Meredith said. "She's been telling me all kinds of things about conceiving."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Good to know," he said. "At least we'll eventually have a doctor we can trust with pregnant Mer."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You can ignore him."

"Oh, I learned how to do that a long time ago."

Derek frowned as Meredith dissolved into another fit of giggles, turning back to Addison to resume their girl talk.

XXXXX

"So, I'd like to make a toast," Mark grinned a week later, holding up his water glass as they sat in a downtown restaurant later in the week.

"Aww," Addison said, reaching for his hand as the rest of them raised their water glasses as well.

Mark thought pensively for a moment before he said, "To tying the knot and getting knocked up."

Addison rolled her eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up," she sighed.

Derek laughed as he held up his glass. "I'll drink to that."

"Thanks for a great week," Meredith smiled as she looked at Mark and Addison. "Really, it's been amazing. I love the west coast."

Addison smiled widely. "I'm glad you've had fun," she said. "And you'll be back out for the wedding."

"Next summer," Mark nodded firmly. "Apparently weddings take a year and a half to plan."

"Ours didn't," Meredith frowned.

"Well you didn't have a mother who was constantly telling you that every decision you make is wrong," Addiso rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, starting with the groom," Mark frowned.

"It'll be fine," Addison said. "I just want to factor in time to argue with her about everything. And besides that, we want to get married in the summer, and there's no way we can plan a wedding in two months."

"Good point," Meredith sighed as she bit into her steak.

"So..." Mark said, flashing Derek a smile. "When are we going to become godparents?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "There's no time frame," he said. "Whenever it happens."

"You have to call me the second it happens," Addison giggled. "So I can start buying baby clothes. Your kids are going to be so adorable."

"We know," Derek laughed.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked at Addison and Mark. "We're going to miss you guys when we have kids," she sighed. "I wish they could have Uncle Mark and Aunt Addison around to spoil them."

Mark laughed. "Well, if you ever have a boy Addison and I are going to have to have a boy too," he said. "We've got to carry on another generation of Shepherd and Sloan."

"Yes," Derek laughed. "Can't let that tradition fail."

"Oh my God," Addison rolled her eyes. "We may want to rethink this."

"Sadly, I've already committed," Meredith sighed. "Divorces are so expensive. You, however, have a choice."

"Yeah, but then I have to give my ring back," Addison sighed.

"I guess we're stuck," Meredith sighed.

"We'll just never have to make sure we never have sons at the same time."

"I was promised sons," Derek announced.

"No, you were promised two children," Meredith said firmly. "Don't think that you can change my mind about that."

Mark laughed. "Mer's finally aware of the Shepherd fertility?" he asked. "I wondered when she would catch on."

"I'm not falling into that," Meredith shook her head. "Two. That's it. I refuse to have a litter of children."

Derek laughed as he wrapped an arm around her. "Of course not," he placated.

"You guys are so adorable," Addison giggled as she leaned into Mark.

"I'm adorable," Meredith corrected. "Derek's just an idiot."

Derek frowned. "You're being particularly abusive tonight," he commented.

"Well, you're being particularly stupid tonight," she giggled.

"Watch it, Shep," Mark warned. "You're sending yourself into the doghouse."

Derek shook his head, leaning in to kiss Meredith's forehead. "I don't have a doghouse," he bragged. "This one can't stay mad at me for too long."

Meredith smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm building up an immunity," she said. "I won't be able to resist the McDreamy look forever."

"McDreamy?" Mark asked.

"Oh my God," Addison giggled. "I totally forgot about that."

"Don't," Derek said, his eyes pleading with Meredith.

"Derek's nickname," she giggled. "Before we even knew you guys, Derek was McDreamy."

"What was I?" Mark asked, a grin slowly spreading across his features.

"McSteamy," Meredith replied.

"Nice," Mark laughed. "Your wife thinks I'm steamy, Shep."

Derek frowned. "Yeah, well...your fiancé think's I'm dreamy."

"Steamy trumps dreamy."

"It does not."

"It does..."

"Okay, you're not three," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Obviously I think Derek's more attractive. And Addison thinks Mark is. Whatever, there's no drama this way."

"I can't believe you guys have to go back tomorrow," Addison sighed. "This week went by so fast."

Meredith sighed as she laced her fingers through Derek's. "Yeah, we have to get back to school," she said. "And I told Liz I'd go with her to her ultrasound. Shawn's away on business, so she really needs someone there."

"Well, we'll be back out this summer," Addison nodded firmly. "And maybe by then I'll be able to help you start getting ready for a baby."

Meredith smiled as she leaned into Derek, hoping against all odds that her best friend was right. The next time she saw them, she could be pregnant.


	79. Chapter 79

Derek sighed as he shifted in his sleep. He reached lazily for Meredith, frowning when he saw the empty bed beside him. A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was nine, much to early for his wife to be up on a Sunday in the middle of the summer. They'd finished finals two weeks before, and they each had more substantial jobs in the medical clinic for the summer to get ahead in the medical field, but Meredith wasn't scheduled to work today. Which meant that something was wrong.

"Mer?" he sighed, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he reached for his boxers. The apartment was silent, and he frowned as he walked down the stairs. Meredith was standing in the kitchen, already working on some pancakes. "Hey," he said, moving towards her. "What are you doing?"

"Hungry," she shrugged, kissing him lightly. "There's a present for you on the kitchen table.

Derek frowned as he walked towards the table on the other side of the counter, reaching for the light blue card that sat in the middle of the table. His heart stopped beating as he pulled the card out of the envelope, reading the three words at the top of the card.

_HAPPY FATHER'S DAY._

Derek swallowed hard as he realized what today actually was. Since neither one of them had fathers to recognize the holiday for, father's day usually came and went as any other Sunday in their lives.

Now, however, Derek felt that fact was about to change.

With shaking hands, Derek opened the card to read the message printed on the inside.

_YOU'RE THE BEST._

Underneath the simple message was his perfect wife's handwriting. He blindly reached for a chair, knowing that he was about to get the best news of his life.

_Congratulations, Daddy! I know your brain's probably in overdrive right now, so I'm just going to make this simple. You're going to be a father, Derek. I'm so ecstatic to be able to give you this, to have your baby safe inside my stomach. I know you're nervous, but we can do this, Derek, I know we can do this. I love you so much, and I can't wait to share this with you. We're going to be parents, Derek, and I can't tell you how much I love you for giving me this. You're going to be an amazing father, and I can't wait until we can meet our son or daughter. I love you, Derek. And so does your baby._

_Love, Mer_

Derek looked up to see Meredith staring at him from her place in the kitchen, nervously biting her lower lip. He stared back at her for a moment, and suddenly he was on his feet and beside her in a flash, pulling her tightly into his arms.

"Derek," she giggled as he swung her in a gentle circle.

"Meredith," he breathed, setting her down on her feet and pressing his lips firmly to hers. "God, Mer. We're pregnant?"

"We're pregnant," Meredith giggled. "You're going to be a daddy."

"And you're going to be a mommy," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her again. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I wasn't talking to you," Derek laughed as he sank onto his knees in front of her, pushing her shirt up and out of the way.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Meredith giggled, reaching down to run her hands through his hair, smiling as he pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin of her stomach.

"Hi baby Shepherd," Derek whispered against her skin. "I'm your daddy. And I love you a whole lot. Maybe even more than I love your Mommy."

"Thanks, Der," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You shush," Derek sighed. "I'm having a moment alone with my son."

"Or daughter," she replied automatically.

"Or daughter," Derek agreed, running a gentle hand over her stomach. "Sorry Baby. Your mommy distracted me. I know you're not very big yet, but I know you're going to grow into a beautiful baby. And while you're doing that...try to get your mom's smile. Because she has the most beautiful smile in the entire world."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, trying to pull him back up to her.

"Okay," he nodded, pressing another kiss to her bare stomach. "I have to talk to Mommy now. I want to find out all about you, so I'm going to talk to her now. But we'll continue this conversation later."

Meredith smiled as she watched her husband press a gentle kiss to her stomach before standing and pulling her shirt back down over her still very flat stomach. "I love you," he whispered as he captured her lips again.

"Are you talking to me this time?" she giggled against his lips.

"Of course," he nodded. "Come here."

She smiled as he led her to the couch, settling down and pulling her into his lap. "When did you find out?" he asked softly.

"Friday," she sighed. "I was just...my period was only a couple days late, but I guess I kind of just knew. So I went to the clinic, and...it was positive. I can't believe that I kept it quiet until now."

"You know you could have told me," Derek laughed.

"I wanted to," she admitted. "And I wasn't trying to keep it from you, Der, I swear. I was just...I thought since Father's Day was two days later, I would be able to tell you that way."

"I loved it," he smiled, kissing her softly as a hand went to her stomach. "How are you feeling?"

"Great," she nodded. "I haven't been sick, my hormones aren't out of whack yet, the doctor said everything looks good."

"You saw a doctor without me?" Derek frowned.

"It's standard procedure," Meredith nodded. "I didn't get an ultrasound, I just got an exam, made sure everything was okay. And it is."

"Good," Derek nodded. "We have to hear the heartbeat together."

"It's too soon for that, Der," Meredith giggled.

"How far along are you?" he whispered.

"Three weeks," she replied. "Derek, the conception date was for our anniversary."

"Hmm..." Derek smiled. "We did have a lot of sex that day."

"Happy anniversary," Meredith giggled against his lips.

"Due date?" Derek whispered.

"March twenty first," Meredith said firmly.

"Perfect," Derek nodded.

"So I think...I'll take the spring semester off," Meredith whispered. "I know I'll be a semester behind, but if I took a couple weeks off after the baby's born it will be time for finals and I don't think going to school in the last trimester would be very fun, so...that's the plan."

"I'll do that too," Derek nodded firmly.

"Derek, no," Meredith shook her head. "Surgery's more competitive than pediatrics. You need to stay on track."

"We'll talk about it later," he sighed. "But...I want time to spend with baby."

"We can talk about it later," she nodded. "For now...let's just enjoy this."

"Hmmm..." Derek nodded. "So in two weeks we can hear the heartbeat."

"We can," Meredith nodded. "And see him."

"You think it's a boy?" Derek whispered.

"I don't...I'm not sure," Meredith said hesitantly. "Whenever I think baby, I think boy, but I don't know if that's because I really think it's a boy or if you've tainted me with your stupid demands for a son."

"You'd love a son," Derek laughed. "Especially if he looked like me."

Meredith giggled as she snuggled closer to him. "A baby, Der."

"I know," Derek smiled. "I can't wait."

"Me either," Meredith breathed, running a hand over her stomach. "My body's going to change."

"You're going to be hot," Derek laughed.

"Don't lie," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not," Derek shook his head, placing her on her back on the couch and leaning over her. "These will get bigger," he breathed, running a hand over her breasts. "And then these..." he moved his hands down to her hips. "Will get wider. And your stomach..." he leaned down to press kisses along her belly button. "Will get nice and round."

"Fat," Meredith corrected.

"Big," Derek corrected. "My baby needs room to grow."

"Our baby," Meredith corrected.

"Our baby." Derek nodded. "You'll be gorgeous, Mer. Just like you are right now."

Meredith smiled as she ran her hands through his hair. "Derek," she whispered.

"Hmmm?" he asked, resting his head on her stomach.

"I don't..." Meredith trailed off, realizing that she didn't have any idea of what she wanted to say to him. "I don't know."

"I love you," Derek whispered, looking up at her.

"I love you too."

"We have to start getting ready," Derek laughed, pulling her up. "We have to call Mom and Mark and Addie and go tell Dad, because we should be the ones to tell him, not Mom. And we need a crib and a changing table and..."

"Derek," Meredith giggled, sitting up as she reached for him. "You're getting a little ahead of yourself. He's still an embryo."

"Don't call my son an embryo," Derek frowned. "And we've got to get ready."

"Can we just...Derek, three weeks," she said. "I'm three weeks pregnant, and I'm happy, really, I am. But I just want to wait. At least until we can hear the hearbeat and see him, make sure that everything's okay."

Derek nodded, fear suddenly rushing through his veins. He'd thought of nothing but happiness since he'd opened the Father's Day card, but now reality was setting in and he realized that there was a chance that things could go wrong, especially tis early in the pregnancy.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, reaching to cup his face in her hands. "Everything looks okay. I just want to keep this to ourselves for a little while, okay? Our secret?"

"Our secret," Derek nodded, pulling her close. "Can we at least get books?"

"Books?" Meredith asked.

"Expecting books," Derek nodded. "We need to know these things."

Meredith smiled at the excitement on her husband's face. "Of course," she nodded, kissing him quickly before moving towards the stairs. "Let's go."

"Oh," Derek laughed. "You want to go now."

"Well, I do need to know what to expect," Meredith laughed.

Derek watched her disappear up the stiars before turning back to the table where his father's day card sat. This card deserved to be completely displayed in somewhere amazing, somewhere where he could always remember how amazing it felt to know that he was going to be a father.

"Der?" Meredith called from upstairs. "You have to get dressed if you want to go!"

"Coming!" Derek called as he set the card back on the table, knowing exactly what he wanted to do with it. He smiled as he walked up the stairs and saw Meredith standing at the mirror in the bathroom, running a brush through her hair.

"Jack," he said.

"What?" Meredith frowned as she stepped back into the bedroom and watched him change into jeans and a button down.

"Names, Mer," he said.

"You want to name our son Jack?"

"Maybe," Derek shrugged.

"Hmmm...no," she giggled as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and brushed a hand along her stomach as he moved into the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush.

"No?" he asked.

"We don't need to start talking about names until we know if it's a boy or a girl," she said. "I mean...I want to find out. You do too, right?"

Derek nodded, his mouth full of toothpaste.

"Good," Meredith nodded. "And even when we know...Jack is not an option."

"That's just not fair," Derek laughed as he reached for his cologne.

"It's totally..." Meredith's face fell as the scent of the cologne reached her senses and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Mer?" Derek frowned. "Are you okay?"

She pushed past him and ran towards the toilet, emptying her stomach as Derek rushed to her side, reaching for her hair. "Oh, Mer."

"Derek," she moaned, turning her head away from him. "Cologne...bad."

"Oh," Derek said, remembering how Shawn had complained that Liz had thrown up for days on end at the scent of her own perfume. Apparently smells were sensitized during pregnancy. "I'll get in the shower."

"Please," Meredith moaned before turning back to the toilet and throwing up again. "Baby, please don't make this a daily thing," she muttered as Derek stepped into the shower and she brushed her hand over her stomach. "Be nice to Mommy."


	80. Chapter 80

Meredith Shepherd was exhausted.

She used to think the meaning of the word. After a long week of studying for an important test or spending nights having sex with her husband instead of sleeping, she would have said she was exhausted. But now she knew that she had been very very wrong. That had been mild tiredness compared to what she was feeling now.

Her entire body felt as if it were filled down with lead, and it was all she could do to sit up and eat the meals Derek brought up to her. She knew she had to eat, she wanted her baby to grow big and strong, but the fatigue she was feeling cancelled out any hunger she might have been feeling.

"Meredith."

She heard her husband's voice whisper her name and she squeezed her eyes closed tightly and curled further into herself, her hand tightening over her belly. Her belly that was still very flat but where Derek's baby was resting safely. Her husband was amazing, he had done everything she had asked without a single complaint, and once he had learned that cologne was not an option for the next eight months he had held her hair as she'd gotten sick once again. And when the fatigue had set in a couple days after she found out she was pregnant, he had laid in bed with her for hours, quickly agreeing to her request not to leave her side. Instead of sleeping, he'd read pregnancy books from cover to cover, and spent time mumbling softly to his baby.

He'd been amazing.

But now he was waking her up, and she was pretty sure that waking her up was so mean that it cancelled out every amazing thing he had done for her so far.

"Go away," she swatted blindly at him, her hand falling to the bed beside her head.

"Beth and Nathan are here," he whispered. "They have big news."

"Too tired," she whispered.

"You've been asleep for hours."

"And it's your fault."

Derek sighed. "Come on, Mer, I know you're tired," he whispered. "But they have pictures. Of the baby."

"Baby?" Meredith sat up quickly, a hand going to her head to fight off the sudden dizziness. "Oh no."

"Careful," Derek said, reaching out to grab her. "Their baby, Mer."

"Do they…did they find out?"

"I don't know," Derek laughed as she slowly got to her feet, testing her balance for a moment before she walked towards the stairs. "Be careful."

"I'm pregnant, Derek, not dying."

"I know, but you've been dizzy and I don't need you falling down the stairs."

"I'm fine," she sighed, trying to fight of a yawn.

"Mer!" Beth giggled from the couch as Derek and Meredith walked into the room.

"Hey," Meredith smiled at Beth as her eyes were drawn to her friend's slightly swollen stomach. "How are you feeling?"

"Great," Beth smiled. "We just got back from the doctor's."

"And we have pictures," Nathan announced, holding a sonogram out proudly.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, staring down at the grainy black and white image as a hand went automatically to her stomach. "Beautiful."

"Could you tell the sex?" Derek asked, staring at the picture over Meredith's shoulder.

"No," Nathan rolled his eyes. "It's mother's child. Stubborn as all hell."

"That is not true," Beth rolled her eyes. "The doctor said it would have been ambitious to expect to know this early."

Nathan opened his mouth, then quickly closed it and nodded. "Of course, Beth," he said with a smile.

Derek bit back a laugh as he watch Nathan's reaction. He was going to have to ask him for tips later.

"Meredith," Beth breathed as she looked suspiciously at her. "Are you pregnant?"

"What?" Meredith asked, her hand automatically falling from her stomach. "No! Of course not!"

"Really?" Beth asked. "Because you're looking at my ultrasound picture and crying. Like you're excited to see your own baby."

"No," Meredith said quickly. "I'm just…excited for you."

"You're touching your stomach," Beth continued. "And you've been sleeping every single time I've come over the past couple days. Oh my god, you guys are going to have a baby!"

"I…"Meredith glanced at Derek for a moment before she finally sighed and nodded. "Yes," she said with a smile. "We're having a baby."

Beth squealed as she launched herself off the couch and hugged Meredith tightly. "Our babies can be best friends," she exclaimed. "Oh, and if we have one of each, maybe they'll fall in love."

Derek rolled his eyes. "That's…"

"Dude," Nathan said quickly. "Don't say it. The last thing you need is two pregnant women on the warpath."

Derek frowned. "Mer hasn't been that bad," he said. "Just tired."

"Yeah, because she just got knocked up," Nathan said. "Wait a couple weeks and she'll yell at you for not making the bed and then an hour later when she wants to take a nap she'll be screaming at you for making her pull the damn covers back before she gets into bed."

"That's…" Derek frowned. "Seriously?"

"You're in for a rough ride, my friend," Nathan laughed, clapping Derek on the back. "But congratulations."

"Thanks," Derek smiled.

"And we're not actually telling anyone yet," Meredith said. "We want to wait until we hear the heartbeat and make sure everything is okay before we tell anyone."

"Comepletely understandable," Beth nodded. "Do you want the number for my OBGYN? He's amazing."

"I was kind of hoping for a female," Meredith sighed. "Just…less awkward that way."

"Definitely female," Derek nodded.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she made her way towards the couch. "Caveman," she muttered under her breath. "Sorry guys, I'm just completely exhausted."

"We get it," Beth nodded, grabbing Nathan's hand. "We'll let you get your rest. But we'll have to go shopping soon. And I'll see if I can get you into our Lamaze class, it's the best in the city."

"Thanks, Beth," Derek smiled. "And congratulations on seeing the baby. It's a cute kid."

"Of course," Nathan nodded. "He's mine."

"I let you think that," Beth teased as she led them to the door. "Tell Mer to come by when she's feeling better."

"I will," Derek smiled. "Thanks for the support."

He closed the door gently behind them, smiling softly as he turned back to Meredith. She was curled up tightly, a hand resting gently on her stomach as her chest rose and fell with every breath. He leaned down to kiss her forehead gently before pulling a blanket over her. He couldn't have his wife and baby getting cold. With a smile, he turned to the bookshelf on the wall parallel to the couch and grabbed the camera, carefully snapping a picture of his slumbering wife. She'd kill him when she saw these, but he needed them. He wanted his son or daughter to be able to track their lives from the very beginning, and that included pictures of pregnant Mom. So she was just going to have to suck it up and let him do this for his baby.

He knew that they were going to have a long few months ahead of them. He'd read every word of their expecting books, both the mom and dad one, and he knew that their lives were about to get crazier than they ever could imagine. But he knew it was worth it. Because in a few weeks Meredith's stomach would start to grow, and in a few months he would be able to feel his baby move in his wife's stomach. And in eight months he would be able to hold his tiny little baby, to actually have the perfect combination of him and Meredith in his arms and officially be a father.

"Derek," Meredith whispered from the couch, opening her eyes to look at him.

"What's up?" he asked, rushing to her side and kneeling in front of her, gently running a hand through her hair.

"I'm still tired," she whispered. "But I can't sleep."

"Okay," Derek laughed. "What do you want me to do?"

"Can we just talk?" Meredith whispered. "About baby or…something? I'm exhausted, but I've slept more than humanly possible, so let's just talk about baby."

"I can do that," Derek smiled, lying down beside her on the couch.

"You think it's a boy?" Meredith whispered.

"I don't really know," Derek laughed. "You're the only one who really has a connection to baby right now."

"I want it to be a boy," she whispered softly. "Or a girl…"

"Well that's good," Derek laughed. "There aren't really any other options."

"Shut up," Meredith sighed. "I always wanted an older brother. To watch out for me."

Derek smiled softly. "I love being a big brother," he said softly. "But being a little brother isn't bad either. Except for when Kath and Nance started dating and when I tried to threaten the guys who came to picked them up they laughed at me."

Meredith giggled. "Poor Derbear," she sighed.

Derek laughed as he laced his fingers through hers, bringing her fingertips to his mouth to kiss them gently. "If we have a girl," he whispered. "I want her to look like you."

Meredith blushed slightly. "She'll be beautiful."

"She will be," Derek nodded.

"What…do you want to stay in this apartment?" Meredith whispered.

"I think so," Derek nodded. "At least for now."

"There's no bedroom for baby."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But we could separate part of the living room for his things. A crib and a changing table, maybe a dresser. We'll put a bassinet in our room."

"Babies have a lot of stuff, Der."

"Not at first," he shook his head. "Maybe we'll move to a two bedroom next summer. But he really won't need his own room for a couple years."

"He should have one," she whispered. "I want him to have the best."

"He will," Derek nodded, moving down to rest his head against her stomach. "Or she."

"Derek?" she whispered, running her hands through his hair.

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to be a good mom, right?" she whispered.

"Oh Mer," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her stomach before reaching up to catch her lips again. "You are going to be an amazing mother."

"I just…my mom was so horrible," she whispered. "I don't know how to be a mom."

"Yes you do," Derek whispered. "It's instinct. And don't go by what your mom did. Because she was a horrible wife too and you…you're the best wife in the history of the world."

Meredith smiled softly. "You're so amazing," she whispered. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Good thing you'll never have to know," he smiled softly. He sighed as he buried his face in her neck, holding her tightly as his hand stroked her stomach softly. "I wish Dad were here," he admitted softly.

Meredith nodded as she reached up to twist his curls around her finger. "He would have wanted to be here," she whispered. "Especially if this is another Shepherd boy."

"I'm scared," Derek whispered softly. "I want this baby, Mer, and I can't wait to be a dad. And I'll be here for everything. Every craving, every moment of false labor, the swollen ankles…I want to be here. But I wish Dad was here to tell me how to be a good father."

"He's here," Meredith whispered. "Derek, he's never left you. And he'll help you figure out how to be a good father, what you should do. But I don't have any doubts."

Derek was silent for a moment before he whispered, "When the baby's two, I'll be an intern."

"I know," she whispered. "We'll work it out."

"I'll miss things, Mer," he whispered. "I hate that, but I'll have to work forty eight hour shifts and other crazy hours, and I'll miss things. I just don't want you to think that I don't care."

"I know that's not true," Meredith shook her head. "Derek, you're going to be an amazing father. And I know that you won't be able to be there for every first. I won't either. But you'll fight to be there for the big things, the things we know are going to happen. The only time I'll ever get mad at you is if you volunteer for overnight shifts when you know we promised our child a movie night. Or scheduling an appy when our daughter has a ballet recital or our son has a basketball game."

"That won't happen," Derek assured her. "I'll be here, for as much of it as possible, I'll be here."

"Me too," she whispered, stroking her stomach gently. "Mommy loves you, baby."

"Daddy loves you too."


	81. Chapter 81

**I loved last night's episode. Complete and total Grey's perfection :)**

"Stupid washing machine," Meredith muttered as she threw another bra over her shoulder. "Stupid Derek." She'd gone through every single one of her bras and not a single one of them fit. Derek was a complete idiot. The man couldn't even do laundry.

"Wow," she heard her stupid husband's voice say from behind her. "Now this is a sight I like coming home to."

Meredith turned to stare at him, her eyes landing on him as he stood behind her, holding the black bra in his hands as he smirked slightly.

"You," she snapped. "Seriously, Derek, can't you even do laundry?"

"I…what?" Derek frowned.

"All my bras shrunk," Meredith shouted, throwing another bra at him. "And it's your fault, because your mother did your laundry until you were twenty, and now you have no idea what you're doing and you're ruining all my clothes!"

"My mom didn't…" Derek started to argue but quickly remembered the warnings he'd received from Nathan. "Mer…I don't think it's the bras that changed size."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" she snapped.

"No," Derek said quickly, reaching for her. "But your boobs are a little…enhanced."

"You mean fat."

"No," Derek said quickly, reaching out to trace her breasts with his hand. "They're bigger. I like it."

Meredith winced as he cupped a breast gently in his hand, feeling the tenderness as he lowered his mouth to her nipple. "Derek," she whispered, pulling him back slightly.

"Mer," he sighed. "I know your body's changing. And I like it. It just means that you're getting ready to grow my baby. And honestly…do you really think I'd complain about these?"

Meredith smiled softly as she grabbed his hand as he reached for her breasts again. "I'm glad you still think I'm beautiful," she said softly. "Really, Der, I am. But they're sore."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she smiled softly. "I just…I need to figure something out. Because I can't go to your mother's house for dinner without a bra."

Derek sighed. "We'll stop at a store on the way," he said. "Pick up some maternity clothes."

Meredith's smile fell as she stared at him. "I do not need maternity clothes, Derek Christopher," she snapped. "Just bigger bras."

"Bigger bras," Derek nodded. "Right."

"And I don't look pregnant, right?" Meredith asked. "Because I know it's horrible to hide this from our family, but I just want to wait until we know everyting's okay. But we couldn't say no when Mom asked us to come over to dinner, so…I don't look pregnant, right?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "Is your stomach…Can I…?"

"Of course," Meredith giggled softly. "Just the boobs are off limits."

"Damn shame," Derek sighed before he sank to his knees in front of her. "Hey baby," he whispered. "Daddy and Mommy are going over to Grandma's for a little while. She's really going to love you when she finds out about you, but she doesn't know yet. So Mommy and Daddy can't talk to you for a couple hours, but don't worry. That doesn't mean we don't love you. And Daddy will make up for it when we get home."

"Derek," Meredith smiled softly. "She can't hear you."

"Of course she can."

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Are you done? I need to get dressed."

"Almost," Derek nodded. "Anyways, baby, I just wanted to tell you that Daddy loves you very much. And while we're at Grandma's, you have to try really hard to make Mommy sick, okay? Because we don't want to ruin dinner with Grandma." He pressed a gentle kiss to her stomach before standing and pushing Meredith towards her closet. "Go ahead."

"Thankfully the only thing that has made me sick is your stupid cologne," Meredith sighed as she pulled a sweater over her head, frowning as she looked down at the enhanced cleavage. "Okay, this is not okay."

"It is in my book," Derek said, swallowing hard as he looked down at his pants.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Don't even think about it," she said. "You know the rule about sex before going to your mom's house."

"It's a stupid rule."

"Well…I'm pregnant now, and you have to agree with me when I'm pregnant," Meredith said. "And I say no sex."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "Are you ready?"

"I guess," Meredith sighed. "Especially since we have to stop at a store."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips. "You sure you're not too tired?" he asked. "We can call Mom and say you're not feeling well."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I'm not even tired anymore. I think I slept so much last week that I'm not even tired anymore."

"Good," Derek smiled, reaching for her hand. "Let's go."

Meredith followed him down the stairs and onto the street, smiling softly as Derek's hand rested gently on her back. She knew he was trying to make this pregnancy as easy as possible for her, and she appreciated it. She knew there were a lot of men who weren't interested in pregnancy and didn't become as involved to great extent, but she was glad that Derek wasn't one of them. They hadn't even known about the baby for two weeks yet, but he was completely involved. Besides being tired, she hadn't shown very many symptoms of the pregnancy yet, but Derek had been completely incredible.

After making a quick stop at a department store downtown and the short ferry ride to Long Island, Derek pulled up in front of his mom's house and turned to look at her. "You feel okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she smiled. "Seriously, Derek, stop being so overprotective. She's going to know that something's up."

"Okay," Derek nodded, leaning forward to kiss her softly before they got out of the car.

"Derek," Emma smiled as she opened the door only moments after Meredith had rung the doorbell. "Meredith, I'm so glad you're here."

"Hi Mom," Derek smiled, hugging her closely as they stepped into the house.

"It's wonderful to see you," Emma smiled as she pulled Meredith into her arms as well. "Are you wearing your hair differently?"

Meredith frowned as she looked at her mother in law. "No," she said. "Why, does it look bad?"

"No," Emma said. "There's just something different about you. I can't place my finger on it."

"Oh," Meredith swallowed hard, glancing at Derek with wide eyes. "Um…nope there's nothing different. That I know anyways. I'm just me. Just Meredith Shepherd, same person I always am. Just Derek's wife and your daughter in law, just me."

"Mer," Derek laughed, pressing his hand to her back. "It's fine, Mom, she's just a lot more relaxed now that it's summer."

Emma nodded slowly before she turned to walk into the kitchen. "There's someone I want you to meet," she said. Derek and Meredith followed her into the kitchen, Derek stopping short when he saw an older man standing at the counter, chopping vegetables over his mother's cutting board.

"Hey, Em, I just checked the chicken, I think it's got a little bit longer to go," he said. "I figured the vegetables can start grilling so I got a head start."

"Thanks Jeff," Emma smiled. "Derek, Meredith, this is Jeff Lambert. He'll be joining us for dinner tonight. Jeff, this is my son Derek and daughter in law Meredith."

"Nice to meet you," Jeff said, reaching for a dishtowel before he extended his hand to Derek, who stared at him for a moment. Meredith looked up at him for a moment before she stepped in front of him to shake Jeff's hand. "It's nice to meet you," she said.

"You too, Meredith," Jeff smiled, glancing at Derek before turning back to Meredith. "Emma's told me a lot about you."

Meredith smiled politely as she discreetly kicked Derek's shin, telling him to be nice. "Oh, well, I'm sure she's exaggerated it," she said softly.

"Um…so where do you know my mom from?" Derek asked flatly.

"Derek," Emma warned.

"It's fine, Em," Jeff said, brushing his hand along her back before turning back to Derek. "We met at the book drive the library held a couple months ago."

"Huh," Derek sighed, staring at him for a moment before he pushed around Meredith to reach for the fridge. "I need a beer."

"Derek Christopher," Emma said firmly, setting her knife down. "I'd like to speak to you. In private."

"Mom, I…"

"Now," Emma ordered, causing Derek to snap to attention and follow his mother into the living room.

"Who is he?" Derek asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

"He's a friend," Emma said. "And I'd appreciate it if you were at least polite in the way I raised you to be."

"This is ridiculous, Mom," Derek said. "I can't believe that you're dating."

"It's not dating…persay," Emma said. "And my personal life is none of your business."

"Mom," Derek sighed, a hand going through his hair. "I just…what are you doing with him?"

"Derek, your sisters have all moved out, I'm all alone in this big house," Emma sighed. "It's nice to have someone to keep me company."

"What about Dad?" Derek snapped.

Emma stared at him for a moment. "Derek, I'll always love your father, you know that," she said softly. "But he's gone. He's never coming back, and I refuse to just sit around by myself all day."

"Is he…am I going to have to deal with getting a stepfather?" Derek asked. "Because honestly, Mom, I don't think I could handle that."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I would appreciate a little bit of respect," Emma snapped. "Now if you can't give me that, then maybe you should leave."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he nodded firmly. "Fine," he said. "Meredith!" he yelled, walking into the hallway.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, walking into the hallway, concern etching her face.

"We're leaving," Derek said, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door.

"What?" Meredith asked, stopping as he tried to pull her through the door. "Derek, what is wrong with you?"

"I have to get out of here," he said. "I can't…I can't do this."

Meredith glanced into the living room where Emma was watching them curiously and turned back to Derek. "Can't do what?" she asked.

"My mom's dating," Derek whispered.

"So?" Meredith asked.

"Mer, you don't get it," he said. "I just…it's too much."

"Derek," Meredith whispered. "There's something else bothering you. Talk to me."

Derek sighed as he lowered his voice and whispered, "Our baby has to know his grandpa."

"He will," Meredith whispered, running a hand through his hair. "No one will ever replace your dad in your mom's life. She's just lonely."

"They're supposed to be like us," Derek whispered. "If you…if something…if I ever lost you, Mer, I wouldn't ever be able to do this."

Meredith sighed as she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. "I wouldn't either," she whispered. "But Derek…you have to let your mom live her life. Her personal life is none of your business. You should just be happy that she's happy. She's always supported you, whatever you do. Now is your turn to do that for her."

Derek sighed as he looked down at her. "You're right," he sighed. "Mer, I just…I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," she said softly as she leaned up to kiss him gently before turning and walking into the kitchen, leaving Derek to meet his mother's eyes from across the room.

"Mom," he said softly. "I'm sorry. This is just hard for me. I wasn't expecting it, and I overreacted. I'm sorry."

Emma smiled softly. "I should have told you that he would be here," she said softly. "He's not going to replace your father. I just like having some to talk to. You know he lost his wife a few months back. I know what it's like to feel that…I don't have to justify this to you, Derek."

"You're right," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Mom."

Emma smiled softly as she hugged him tightly. "You can make it up to me by going back in there," she said. "And making sure that you're nice to Jeff."

Derek sighed and nodded. "Okay," he said softly. "I can do that."

"Good," Emma smiled, pulling back to look at him. "You're going to be an excellent Father, Derek," she said, reaching up to cup his face in her hand.

"I…what?" Derek asked.

"I may have been wrong last time," Emma laughed. "But I have five children. I know what it's like to be pregnant. And the difference in Meredith…she's got the mommy glow."

Derek smiled softly. "She does," he agreed. "She's beautiful."


	82. Chapter 82

Meredith sighed as she walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where Derek was standing over the stove. Her stomach had finaly started to settle a little from the morning sickness that had ironically set in the night before, and she felt okay for the first time in a week. She had to feel okay, because Mark and Addison were finally coming back to New York to visit and she had to try to act like a normal person until they found out.

"Hey," Derek said as he looked up from the stove to press a kiss to her lips. "How are you feeling?"

Meredith sighed. "Okay," she said. "I just have to try and act like I'm normal while Mark and Addison are here."

"Well, with the way things have been going, I'm pretty sure that we're horrible secret keepers," Derek laughed. "Beth knew and so did Mom."

"Yeah, well…they've both been pregnant," Meredith shrugged. "Hopefully Mark and Addie are clueless enough about pregnancy to not recognize any of the signs."

"God knows that Mark is," Derek laughed as he poured some soy sauce onto the skillet over his vegetables.

"And hopefully Addison…" Meredith trailed off as the scent of the soy sauce hit her. "Oh God."

Derek turned to her and recognized the look of nausea on her face. "Mer…" he sighed. "What is it?"

"The soy sauce," she groaned. "I'm not…can you just get rid of it?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, pushing the contents of the frying pan down the drain. "It's gone, I'll open some windows."

Meredith nodded as she rested a hand o her stomach, watching as Derek opened the window in the kitchen, then moved to the living room to open that window as well. "Mer, come in here," he called. "The smell's not as strong, and you can stretch out on the couch."

Meredith walked slowly into the living room, one hand over her mouth as the other rested on her stomach. Derek smiled at her in sympathy as he helped her towards the couch, gently easing her down and then crouching down beside her. "Do you still think you're going to be sick?" he whispered.

"I don't think so," she whispered. "I just want to lay down for a minute."

"You can do that," Derek nodded, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips. "Is there anything you think your stomach could handle for dinner?"

"Hmmm…Meredith shook her head. "Can you just make spaghetti or something? With no garlic. Cause the smells…not good."

"Of course," Derek nodded, running a hand over her hair.

"Hello!" Addison called, knocking on the door to the apartment and opening it quickly.

"Come in," Derek said, standing from the couch.

"I know we're a little early, but…Mer are you okay?" Addison asked as she looked down at Meredith who was lying on the couch with her head buried in a pillow.

"Just a little stomach problems," Derek said sympathetically.

"I'll be fine," Meredith sighed.

"Where's Mark?" Derek asked.

"He ran into Nathan in the hall," Addison rolled her eyes. "They're going over a play by play of the last game."

"Oh," Derek laughed. "Come help me in the kitchen."

"Sure," Addison nodded. "What are we having?"

"Spaghetti," Derek nodded. "Mer's request."

"Of course," Addison laughed. "We brought wine."

"Oh," Derek said, smiling quickly. "Thanks."

"What's wrong?" Addison frowned.

"Nothing," Derek said quickly. "Just…can't believe I forgot the wine."

"Okay," Addison nodded slowly, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Alright, the party can start, Mark Sloan is here," Mark boomed as he walked into the apartment.

"Mark!" Addison hissed, turning to the living room. "Mer's asleep, you have to be quiet."

"She's asleep?" Mark frowned.

"She doesn't feel good," Derek sighed. "Just…try to keep it down?"

"Sure thing, Shep."

"Don't worry about it," Meredith groaned as she walked into the kitchen a hand over her stomach. "Hi Addie."

"Hey Mer," Addison smiled, pulling Meredith into her arms. "You look fantastic. Something's different."

"Yeah, I look like crap," Meredith sighed.

"Hey, Mer," Mark grinned pulling her into a hug. "Nice new chest."

Derek frowned. "What the hell are you looking at my wife's chest for?" he demanded.

"It's kind of hard to miss."

"Oh God," Meredith groaned, clapping a hand over her mouth as she ran out of the room.

Mark frowned. "I was just kidding I didn't mean to make her sick," he said.

Derek rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot," he said. "Are you wearing cologne?"

"Of course."

Derek sighed. "Alright…you have to shower."

Addison and Mark both frowned. "Derek, what's going on?" Addison asked.

"Mer's pregnant," Derek smiled softly, unable to hide his excitement any time he talked about the baby. "The morning sickness just hit."

"Oh," Addison nodded. "That makes sense." She turned to Mark. "You have to leave. Or get rid of the cologne somehow."

Mark sighed as he reached for his coat. "I'll run back to the hotel and shower," he sighed. "Sorry, Shep, if I had known…"

"We weren't actually planning on telling anyone yet," Derek laughed. "Which is a little ironic because pretty much everyone knows. I'm going to go check on her, Addie, can you watch dinner?"

"Of course," Addison nodded, reaching over to stir the pasta.

"Mer?" Derek asked as he walked into their bathroom, sinking onto the floor beside her. "Are you okay?"

"His cologne," she groaned, leaning into him. "Can you…I don't want him to leave, but I can't…"

"I know, Mer," he smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I told them."

She sighed as she cuddled into his arms. "Apparently we suck at the who secret keeping thing," she said.

"We do," Derek laughed, a hand moving to her stomach. "Does your stomach feel better?"

"There's nothing left in there to throw up," she whispered. "But I still feel nauseas."

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, pulling her close. "Do you want to just have some crackers?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Can you help me up?"

"Of course," he smiled, getting to his feet himself, then pulling her into his arms. "Are you sure you feel okay?"

"I'm not going to stop my life because your child is sucking the life out of me," she sighed. "I'm fine."

"Okay," Derek nodded slowly, knowing better than to argue with her on this particular topic.

"Hey Mer," Addison smiled as they made their way back downstairs. "How's Baby Shepherd?"

"He's fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Enjoying Mommy's misery."

Addison smiled sympathetically. "Well, you look fantastic," she said. "And the sickness shouldn't last too long."

"I hope not," Meredith sighed.

"We sent Mark to shower," Addison said. "And I put the wine away. I'm sorry, we really had no idea."

"Don't worry," Meredith smiled. "You had no way of knowing. And if you guys want to have wine, I'm totally okay with it."

"We'll wait and see," Addison shrugged, taking Meredith's arm and leading her into the living room. "Derek can take over dinner again, I want to hear everything."

"Sure, Derek can take over dinner," he muttered. "It's not like I have a wife or child to take care of."

Meredith giggled as she leaned up to kiss him. "It's my job to take care of baby right now," she whispered.

"And it's my job to take care of you."

"I'm fine, Derek," she whispered. "Go make dinner."

"Going," he smiled, pressing one more kiss to her lips before moving back to the kitchen.

"So…" Addison said, pulling her legs up under her on the couch as she stared at Meredith. "I want to hear everything."

Meredith smiled softly. "There's not really that much to tell," she shrugged. "I'm six weeks along, due in March. And so far…my boobs are swollen, I'm exhausted, and I throw up all the time."

Addison smiled as she reached out to stroke Meredith's stomach. "It sounds like hell," she sighed. "But Derek's excited."

"He is," Meredith said, unable to stop the wide smile that spread across her face. "I told him on Father's Day. We don't really have a reason the celebrate Father's Day, or at least we didn't, so he didn't even realize what day it was. And I just left a card for him on the table."

"That's sweet," Addison said softly. "He's wanted kids forever."

"I know," Meredith smiled. "He talks to my stomach more than he talks to me. And he's read three pregnancy books, cover to cover."

"You're so lucky," Addison sighed. "I'll be lucky if Mark even notices when I get sick."

"That's not true," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Mark loves you. He pretends to be shallow, but he'll be ecstatic when you two have kids."

"I hope," Addison sighed. "So…I don't want to burst the happy bubble or anything but what are you going to do about school?"

"I'm going to stay in first semester and take off second," Meredith sighed. "I'll fall behind, but that way I'll have a couple months to get ready for the baby, and then I won't have to go back to school until he's five months old, which is a good time to start having longer periods of separation."

"Wow, you've really thought this through," Addison said. "I'm impressed."

"Derek wants to take the semester off too," she sighed. "But I told him that's stupid."

"He should be okay if he just takes a week or so off," Addison nodded. "He'll still be around a lot."

"Mmmhmm," Meredith nodded.

"Alright, I'm back," Mark announced from the doorway. "Am I allowed to come back in?"

"Are you wearing cologne?" Meredith asked.

"No."

"Aftershave?"

"No."

"Then come in."

Mark smiled as he approached the couch. "Sorry about that, Grey," he said. "I wouldn't have worn it if I'd known."

"It's okay," Meredith smiled.

"Am I allowed to hug you as congratulations?"

"Of course," Meredith giggled, getting off the couch to hug him tightly. "Thanks Markie."

"Alright, get your hands off my wife, Sloan," Derek warned from behind them.

"Hey, I'm just offering her comfort," Mark shrugged. "It can't be easy having your kid kicking around inside her."

Derek rolled his eyes as he moved to Meredith's side and pressing a hand to her stomach. "She loves that kid," he said. "And dinner's ready."

Meredith smiled slightly as she leaned into him. "Thanks, Der," she whispered.

"You feel okay?" he whispered.

"Hmmm," she whispered, taking his hand and pressing it to her stomach. "I think he's going to let me eat."

Derek smiled as he rubbed her stomach gently. "Good job, Baby Shepherd," he whispered. "Listening to Mommy and Daddy already. We love you."

"Let's eat," Meredith smiled, dragging him to the table where Mark and Addison were already sitting. She smiled as she looked down at her food, glad to be able to actually eat and spend some time with her friends.


	83. Chapter 83

"Mer?" Derek asked, walking down the stairs and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He frowned as he saw her sitting on the couch, curled in a ball as tears streamed down her face. "Mer, what's wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"I'm going to mess him up," she whispered.

"What?" Derek frowned, moving to sit next to her on the couch.

"I'm a horrible mother."

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "That is so not true. What's going on?"

"I…I couldn't sleep," she choked out on the words. "And you…well, you've already read all these books, which makes you a better parent than me already. But I figured I would read them since I couldn't sleep. And the baby…"

"Meredith, you have to calm down," Derek said softly. "Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on?"

"The baby's not growing," Meredith whispered.

"What?" Derek asked, trying not to panic at the thought that there was something wrong with the baby. "How do you know? Are you in pain? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, sniffling slightly. "I just…I'm supposed to have gain weight by now."

Derek frowned for a moment, then reached out to take the book from her hands. "Mer," he sighed. "Every woman is different. You're only seven weeks pregnant, it's completely normal that you haven't gained weight yet."

"But I've lost three pounds," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I can't even grow our baby, how am I supposed to be a good mother if my baby can't even grow when he's inside me?"

"Oh Meredith," Derek laughed slightly, pulling her into his arms. "You're going to be an amazing mother. Pregnancy is different for every woman. And you haven't been eating a lot. That combined with your morning sickness is enough to make you lose a couople of pounds."

"But I'm supposed to be gaining weight," she whispered.

"I'm going to remind you of this when you're eight months pregnant," Derek laughed.

"Derek, I have no idea how to be a mom," she said. "I don't…how am I supposed to know if the baby needs to be changed or fed or held? My parents were horrible, and I have no idea how to do this."

"Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms. "You can't do this to yourself. It's instinct. You're going to be an amazing mother."

"How do you know that?" Meredith asked, sniffling slightly as she looked at him closely.

Derek smiled softly as he reached out to lace their fingers together, bringing her hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. "I remember when you told me that you wanted to start trying to have a baby," he said softly. "You weren't even pregnant, and the look on your face…I'll never forget it, Mer. You were just so excited at the possibility of even having a baby. And ever since we've found out, I've seen the way you just touch your stomach and look down at it with that gorgeous secret smile. And that's what makes me know that you're a fantastic mother. You care about this baby."

"That's really enough?" Meredith whispered. "Because I don't know anything about babies. And I'm really terrified that I'm going to completely screw up our baby."

"You won't," Derek smiled, reaching out to kiss her softly. "All babies need are love. And you have plenty of love to give. I know you're going to love him or her with every ounce of your being, and that's all you need. You'll figure the rest out as you go."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him. "You don't think anything's wrong?" she whispered.

"You'd know more than me," Derek sighed. "But losing a couple pounds is okay. You'll gain them back before you know it. And then you'll wish that you hadn't."

"No I won't," she whispered. "I want to be fat."

Derek laughed slightly as he wrapped an arm around her. "You do?" he asked.

"I do," she giggled. "I want to be completely fat and feel our baby kicking. I want to be pregnant, Der, really pregnant."

"You will be," Derek assured her. "It's still early, Mer, some women wouldn't even know that they're pregnant yet."

Meredith giggled. "Really?" she asked. "People miss the sore boobs and the constant sickness?"

"Liz didn't realize that she was pregnant until twelve weeks," Derek pointed out.

"But she was living in denial," Meredith said softly. "That's different."

"You're going to be an amazing mother," Derek assured her, smiling softly

"What's going to happen when I go back to school?" Meredith asked. "Or when we start working? Derek, we totally didn't think this through."

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered. "We have talked about this. And we don't have to worry about that for over a year."

"Derek, who's going to watch him?" she asked. "We can't just leave him with a nanny."

"Alright, Mer, you've got to calm down," Derek said softly. "You need to make sure that the baby's getting enough air."

"Baby," she breathed. "Air…for baby."

"Air for the baby," Derek said softly. "Good, just calm down."

Meredith inhaled deeply, reaching for the tissues on the table. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly. "I'm just…I guess I'm freaking out."

"It's okay, Mer," he said softly. "We're going to be fine. Mom said she'd watch the baby whenever we need her to. And Beth and Nathan can watch him for a couple hours. We'll trade and watch their baby too."

"Okay," she whispered. "That…we can do this?"

"We can," Derek nodded. "I know it's scary, Mer. I'm scared too. But we can do this. Because we love each other and we both love our baby. That's all we really need, we'll figure the rest out."

She smiled softly as she leaned into him. "I do love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Are you ready to go back to bed?"

Meredith smiled softly as she leaned closer to him. "Bed sounds…amazing," she breathed in his ear.

"Oh really?" Derek asked, pulling her onto his lap.

"Mmmmhmmm," she murmured, nibbling on his earlobe. "I may still be able to fit into some of that lingerie you love so much."

Derek shook his head as he scooped her into his arms. "We don't need that," he whispered. "I just want you."

XXXXX

Meredith stared at Beth's stomach, wondering why she was completely jealous of her friend's slightly swollen stomach. She knew it was stupid, Derek had been right when he'd told her that her stomach would get bigger very soon, and then she would wish she was skinny again.

But she couldn't help staring at Beth's stomach as she sat next to her on the couch, rubbing her hand over her stomach. She couldn't wait until she had a bump like Beth did, so that everyone could know that she had Derek's baby safe inside of her.

"Mer?" Beth frowned, looking at her closely. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Meredith asked, snapping her head up to look at Beth's face.

"You were a million miles away," she said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith smiled, shaking her head slightly. "Sorry."

"I was just saying that we should sign up for a prenatal yoga class," Beth said. "My doctor said it's a good way to relax, and to ensure that we stay fit without any rigourous activity."

"Sure," Meredith nodded. "That sounds perfect."

Beth sighed as she stretched slowly, running a hand over her back. "God, my back is killing me," she sighed. "They should warn you about all this stuff before you get pregnant."

"Well, Derek's sisters did warn me," Meredith giggled. "But they said it's worth it. And Nathan will give you a backrub when he gets back."

Beth rolled her eyes. "Nathan will crash as soon as he gets home," she said.

"Really?" Meredith frowned. "Derek gives me backrubs whenever I ask."

"Yeah, well…not every husband is perfect like Derek."

"Derek is not perfect," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Trust me, Mer, you're spoiled rotten," Beth laughed. "And Derek is whipped."

Meredith giggled. "I guess he is," she sighed. "I just…I thought he was doing what all expecting fathers do."

"Trust me, there are very few expectant fathers who wake up in the middle of the night to sit on the bathroom floor with their wives who think they might be sick," Beth replied. "Ask Derek's sisters if any of their husbands have ever done that."

Meredith shrugged. "It's who he is," she said. "He likes taking care of me."

"That I do," Derek announced as he walked into the apartment.

"Derek," Meredith smiled. "You're home."

"I'm home," Derek nodded, leaning down to kiss her quickly. "Hi Beth."

"Hey Derek," she smiled.

"I brought company," Derek laughed, gesturing to gesturing to Caitlin and Liz.

"Hey," Meredith said jumping off the couch to hug her sisters in law. "I didn't know you guys were coming over."

"We were shopping downtown and ran into Derbear," Caitlin replied.

Liz smiled as she lowered herself into a chair at the table. "We insisted that we come home with him," she said. "And now he's surrounded by women in every stage of pregnancy."

Derek's eyes widened as he whipped around to look at his youngest sister, his eyes darkening with anger. "Caitlin, I swear to God," he started.

"Not me," she shook her head. "I believe she was referring to your wife."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned to Derek. "We're horrible secret keepers," she said.

"It's only because neither one of you can keep your hands off her stomach," Beth replied.

"That and the fact that Derek was asking me way too many questions about my own pregnancy," Liz replied.

"I was just being a good brother," Derek replied. "You're due in a week, I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"You wanted to know what to expect with Mer," Liz rolled her eyes.

Derek rolled his eyes as he turned back to the kitchen. "Crazy pregnant people," he muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, causing him to swallow hard as he turned back around and look into the living room.

"I…" Derek trailed off as he stared at the three pregnant women in front of him, all watching him expectantly as they waited for an answer to Meredith's question. Caitlin stood the the side, an amused expression on her face as she waited to see how Derek would get himself out of this one. "I love you?" he suggested.

Meredith rolled her eyes a she dropped down onto the couch. "Whatever," she said. "Just make dinner."

"What do you want?" Derek asked, hoping that she would forget whatever she was mad at him for.

"Hmmm…tacos."

"No tacos," Liz shook her head. "Salmon."

"Oh no," Beth shook her head, resting a hand on her stomach. "Chinese."

The mere mention of Chinese food was enough to cause Meredith to jump off the couch and sprint towards the bathroom. "Damn it," Derek groaned, running after her.

"Personally, I'm in the mood for pizza, Derbear!" Caitlin giggled as she watched her brother run up the stairs.

Derek ignored her and made his way towards the bathroom where Meredith was clutching the toilet, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Mer," he sighed, moving to sit beside her on the ground. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she nodded. "Just…no Chinese."

"Defintely not," he nodded. "I'm sorry I brought them home, do you want be to send them home?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm fine, I just don't really want to eat anymore."

"We'll try some crackers," Derek nodded, helping her to her feet.

"Sure," Meredith sighed, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked down the stairs. "Sorry," she said to the girls who were sitting around the kitchen table.

"Don't worry," Liz said. "If there's one thing we understand, it's morning sickness."

"Alright," Derek said, pulling a chair out for Meredith. "How does chicken soup sound to everyone?"

He received a nod of approval from each of them, then planted a kiss to the top of Meredith's head. "Chicken soup coming up," he nodded. "And some giner ale for Mer."

"Back rub later?" she whispered against his lips.

"Of course," he nodded, causing Liz to roll her eyes.

"Mer," she said, leaning in close as Derek walked into the kitchen. "Never tell him I said this…but your husband is perfect."


	84. Chapter 84

"Derek, come on," Meredith giggled as she pulled her husband into the clinic. "You're so slow."

"I'm not slow," Derek laughed, squeezing her hand. "You're just moving exceptionally fast."

"We're going to see our baby, Derek," Meredith breathed. "Our baby."

"I know," he nodded, stopping to pull her closer. "Mer…I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, kissing him gently. "But I'd love you even more if you would hurry up and come inside."

"I'm coming," Derek laughed. "Let's go."

They walked into the medical clinic, entering the suite for the doctor Beth had recommended for them and Meredith approached the desk. "Meredith Shepherd," she said. "I have an appointment for an ultrasound and a general checkup."

"Of course, Mrs. Shepherd," the receptionist smiled. "I'll just need you to fill out some of this paperwork, and we'll take you shortly."

"Sure," Meredith nodded, taking the clip board and walking towards the row of chairs against the window. She filled out the forms quickly, smiling as she glanced up and Derek occasionally, watching as she concentrated on the forms.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked as she looked at him.

"You're adorable," Derek laughed, wrapping an arm around her. "I just like watching you."

"That's creepy," she informed him with a giggle.

"It is not," Derek argued. "You're my wife. And you're carrying my baby. I can't help but look at you."

Meredith blushed slightly as a nurse appeared in the doorway. "Meredith?"

"That's us," Meredith giggled, grabbing Derek's hand and pulling him towards the exam room.

"How are we feeling today?" the nurse asked as she gestured for Meredith to step onto the scale.

"Excited," Mereidth said as the nurse made a note in her chart.

"I'm sure," she nodded. "Alright, Dad can wait here, we're going to need you to give us a urine sample, Meredith, and then you can come back here when you're done."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door beind her.

Derek looked around the exam room while he waited for her to return, suddenly feeling nervous. Maybe it was because he was alone in the room, but he was pretty sure it had more to do with the warnings and complications that were posted around the room. As he waited for his wife to return to the room, he suddenly feared that she would develop preeclampsia or miscarry before the second trimester.

"Derek?" Meredith asked softly as she walked back into the room. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he smiled, helping her onto the exam table. "How are you?"

"Good," she nodded. "I'm actually not sick right now."

"That's good," Derek smiled.

There was a quick knock on the door, and a smiling woman in a lab coat entered the room a moment later. "Derek and Meredith?" she asked. "I'm Dr. Perkins. It's nice to meet you."

"You too," Derek and Meredith both shook her hand before she settled into the chair at the end of the exam table.

"Alright, I see this is your first pregnancy?" she asked.

"Yes," Meredith nodded.

"Any discomfort or pain?" Dr. Perkins asked.

"Just a little nausea," Meredith replied. "And..I mean I'm eight weeks along and I haven't gained any weight. That's okay, right?"

Dr. Perkins sighed as she closed her chart. "Your bloodwork confirms that you are pregnant," she said. "Every woman is different. I don't want to alarm you, but sometimes at this stage…results can come back positive, but it's difficult to find a heartbeat. If that's the case, then the reason you haven't been showing is because your baby isn't alive."

Meredith's eyes filled with tears as she turned to Derek. He grabbed for her hand and swallowed hard as he looked at Dr. Perkins. "Can you see if that's the case?" he asked thickly, fear filling his voice.

"Of course," the doctor said as she reached for the ultrasound machine. Meredith pulled her shirt up and winced slightly as she felt the cool gel on her stomach. "Alright," Dr. Perkins said with a smile as she looked up at the screen. "It looks like you've got a perfectly healthy baby," she said, causing Derek and Meredith to both relax in relief. She turned the machine to face them and pointed to the grainy black and white image on the screen. "That's your baby," she said. "Here's his head…and his spine. And that tiny flashing…that's his heart beating."

"Oh," Meredith breathed as she leaned forward to look at the picture on the screen.

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "That's….that's our baby."

"He's beautiful," Meredith whimpered. "Oh my god."

"He…heartbeat?" Derek asked, turning to look at Dr. Perkins. "Can we hear the heartbeat?"

"Of course," Dr. Perkins said with a smile as she flipped a switch and a soft whoosing filled the room.

"Oh," Meredith whispered. "Derek…"

Derek turned to look at her, pressing his lips to hers. "Meredith," he breathed. "Listen to that strong heartbeat."

"He's strong," she whispered. "Our baby's strong."

"Thank you," Derek whispered, resting his forehead against hers, turning his head slightly so they could both see the image of their baby. "Thank you, Meredith, thank you."

She smiled softly, tears filling her eyes as she squeezed his hand tightly. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Would you like some pictures?" Dr. Perkins asked softly.

"Yes," they said together.

"Lots of pictures," Derek added. "We need some for the fridge, and for Mom, and for my wallet."

"Derek," Meredith giggled, reaching out to rest her fingertips on the screen. "Look."

"I know," he whispered. "He's perfect."

Dr. Perkins smiled as she printed out some pictures, handing them to Derek. "Alright, take one last look," she said. "I'm going to start the exam now."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked at the screen one last time. "Bye baby," she whispered. "Mommy loves you."

"So does Daddy," Derek whispered, squeezing her hand tightly.

The image disappeared to a black screen, and Dr. Perkins smiled softly as she turned to Meredith and Derek. "This is the less fun part," she said. "Some fathers aren't comfortable…"

"I'm staying," Derek nodded firmly, gripping Meredith's hand tightly.

"Can you just distract me?" Meredith whispered.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, taking her hand and turning to face her, brushing her hair out of her face. "You know what I've been doing for baby?"

"What?" Meredith asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm starting a book for him," Derek whispered. "First will be the father's day card. And then I have pictures of you. I want to document his or her life from the moment it started. And now we'll have our very first pictures of Baby Shepherd to put in his book."

Meredith smiled softly. "That's so sweet," she whispered. "You're going to be an amazing father."

"And you're going to be an amazing mother," Derek breathed.

"Everything looks good," Dr. Perkins said with a smile as she sat back and pulled off her gloves. "Your baby is very healthy, and so are you."

"There are no problems?" Meredith asked.

"No," Dr. Perkins smiled. "But it's still early in the pregnancy. There are still many complications that could occur. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to be aware of what may happen."

"Okay," Meredith nodded.

"I'm going to give you some prenatal vitamins, as well as some extra information on what you should be doing for your baby at this stage of the pregnancy," Dr. Perkins continued. "And if you don't have any questions, you can make an appoint to meet back here at the twenty week mark."

"It was a pleasure meeting you," Dr. Perkins said, handing Meredith a packet of information. "I'll see you in a few months."

She flashed them another smile as she walked out the door, leaving Derek to stare at the pictures in his hands before turning to look at Meredith. "Mer," he breathed. "We're going to be parents."

"We're going to be parents," Meredith echoed with a wide smile.

XXXXX

"There," Derek said confidently as he pasted an ultrasound picture on the next clean page of his baby's book. He carefully wrote down the date, then snapped it shut and handed it to Meredith. "Our baby's life so far."

Meredith giggled as she flipped through the few pages, smiling widely. "I can't believe you're doing this," she whispered.

Derek smiled as he reached out to stroke her stomach. "I just…I want to feel a connection to him," he said softly. "I know it's my baby, and I can't wait to meet him. Or her. But right now, you have such a strong connection to our baby, and I'm just…I just want my baby to know that I loved him from the moment I found out about him."

"That's sweet," Meredith whispered. "Derek, we heard our baby's heartbeat today."

"I know," he smiled, leaning down to rest his head against her stomach. "Stay strong, Baby Shepherd," he whispered against the skin of her belly. "We need you to stay strong so you can come and meet us soon."

Meredith giggled as she threaded her fingers through his hair. "You talk to baby a lot."

"I like talking to him," Derek replied. "You should try it."

"Baby can't even hear you," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Doesn't matter," Derek said. "I want Baby to know my voice."

"He'll know you," she whispered gently. "You're Daddy."

Their moment was interrupted by the ringing of the phone and Derek sighed, his breath coming out against the soft skin of her stomach in a slight tickle. "I'll get it," he sighed.

He pushed himself off the couch and walked into the kitchen, leaning against the wall and meeting Meredith's eyes from across the room. "Hello? Mom, I'm glad it's you…Mer and I just saw…what? What do you mean?...Well, is she okay?...obviously. Does she want visitors or should we…yeah, that's understandable…No, she'll get it. I'll talk to her, see what she thinks. Alright, send Kath my love. I'll see you soon, Mom. I love you too."

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked immediately as he hung up the phone and leaned against the wall, a stunned expression on his face.

"Kathleen lost her baby," he breathed.

"What?" Meredith breathed, her arms automatically wrapping around her stomach. "She…how? When?"

"She…Chris found her on the floor of Hailey's nursery," Derek breathed. "She was bleeding pretty badly, and by the time he got her to the hospital…it was too late."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes as she stood and made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Does she want us to come?"

"They're keeping her in the hospital for a few days," Derek whispered. "They're afraid of hemmorages. Mom…she said she's not sure that you visiting is the best idea."

"Oh," Meredith said, running a hand over her stomach. "Yeah, I…I get it."

"It's not you," Derek shook his head. "It's just that you're pregnant. And she just lost a baby. Mom's asking Liz not to be there either."

"I get it," Meredith nodded. "You should go."

"Are you sure?" Derek frowned. "If you need me to stay here, I'll stay. You come first, Mer."

"No," she shook her head. "Kath needs you. I can take care of baby for a little while."

"Okay," Derek nodded, a hand joining hers on her stomach. "I'll only be a couple hours. And if you get sick, call the hospital."

"Derek, I'm fine," she whispered, kissing him softly. "We'll be okay for a couple hours."

"I know," Derek sighed. "Just call me if you have any problems. At all."

"I will," she nodded.

"I love you," Derek whispered, kissing her forhead before moving to her stomach. "And I love you too," he whispered, pushing her shirt up. "Please stay strong, Baby. Mommy and Daddy couldn't handle loosing you."

Meredith smiled sadly as she ran a hand through his curls. "We're fine, Derek," she whispered. "We love you too. And your sister needs you."

"She does," Derek nodded, reaching for his keys. "Alright, call me if you need anything."

"I will," she promised, wrapping an arm over her stomach as Derek closed the door gently behind him.

"Please don't die, baby," she whispered. "Mommy loves you too much."


	85. Chapter 85

Meredith sighed, rubbing her chest as she poured herself a tall glass of milk. According to Beth, milk was the only thing that could alleviate the intense heartburn that had started a few days before. She'd finally been able to alleviate the pain in her chest that morning, but then she'd eaten spaghetti for dinner, since it was the only thing she could cook and Derek was at Kathleen's apartment. She was still banned from visiting her sister in law, but Derek seemed to be there every waking moment.

She knew it was nothing personal. If she were to lose the baby that she was carrying, the last thing she would want would be to have another pregnant woman constantly hanging around her. But she missed her husband. The perfect, amazing husband and father he'd been for the past month had turned into a ghost, a man who slept beside her every night and kissed her stomach every morning before he left to go take care of his sister. He didn't even know what she was going through right now.

Derek had no idea that her jeans were now just a little too tight, or that the only way she could get her chest to stop hurting was to drink a tall glass of milk. He had no idea that his baby now had fingers and toes, or that their baby's eyes were beginning to develop. He hadn't even recognized that her breasts had grown another entire cup size, and if he were to realize one thing about what was going on with her, she knew that would be it.

She glanced up as the door opened and her exhausted husband walked in. "Hey," she said, walking into the foyer, still clutching her glass of milk tightly in her hands.

"Mer," he frowned. "What are you doing up?"

"Heartburn," she shrugged. "No big deal."

Derek frowned. "You're drinking milk," he stated. "You never drink milk."

"It helps with the heartburn," Meredith shrugged. "It's the only way I can get to sleep."

Derek's brow furrowed even more. "Since when has that been a problem?" he asked.

"Just a couple days," she shrugged. "It's really not a big deal, Der."

Before he could respond, there was a quick knock on the door, and Nathan poked his head in. "Hey, Mer, Derek," he said. "Sorry it's so late. I just wanted to tell you I had to run out for a late night taco run, so I picked up some more milk for your heartburn. I also grabbed some bubblegum, it's been helping Beth."

"Thanks, Nathan," Meredith smiled as she reached for the offered items. "I'm just finishing off the last of my milk now."

"No problem," he smiled. "I um…I'll see you in the morning?"

"Sounds good," she nodded.

Derek frowned as he watched Nathan leave, then turned back to Meredith. "Nathan knows about all that?" he asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek, do not pull out the jealousy card now," she snapped. "Nathan is my friend. I've been spending a lot of time with Beth, and he's noticed what's made me feel better. He knows you're busy, and he's just trying to help. You'd do the same for Beth. So do not go all green on me now."

"I'm not jealous," Derek shook his head, reaching for a kitchen chair. "I just…I should know these things. I should be doing this for you, not Nathan."

Meredith shrugged. "It's not a big deal," she said. "Kathleen needs you."

"Kathleen has a husband," Derek replied. "And my mother. I left you alone."

Meredith sighed as she walked over to him, settling herself in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm fine, Derek," she said softly. "I don't need you to take care of me. I just…I missed you."

Derek swallowed hard as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Mer," he whispered.

She smiled softly as she took one of his hands and rested it on her belly. "Your baby has fingers," she whispered. "And toes."

"He does?" Derek whispered, his eyes lighting up.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith whispered. "And eyeballs."

Derek smiled as he ran a hand over her stomach, her t-shirt pushed up on her stomach. "Your stomach's bigger," he said softly. "Just barely, but…it feels different."

Meredith bit her lower lip as she looked down at him for a moment. "Come on, Der," she whispered, taking his hand and pulling him towards the stairs. She quietly led him up to their bedroom and watched as he stripped down to his boxers. When he slid back into bed beside her, she pulled her shirt over her head, smiling as Derek's eyes widened, taking in her new figure.

"Mer," he breathed, reaching out to stroke her stomach gently before his hands moved to her enhanced breasts. "They're…huge."

Meredith smiled softly. "I wondered when you would notice," she said.

"I can't…Mer, how did I miss this?" he whispered.

"You were being a good brother," Meredith whispered. "It's only been a couple days."

Derek shook his head. "I may have been a good brother," he sighed. "But I was a bad husband. A bad father."

"That's not true," Meredith whispered. "Derek…don't do this. I love you. Baby loves you. Let's just…be us right now. Okay?"

"Us with sex?" Derek asked hopefully.

Meredith giggled. "Maybe," she said.

"Do they still hurt?" Derek asked, reaching out for her breasts again.

"Not as much as they did," Meredith shrugged.

"Can I…" Derek smiled softly as he gently moved to press kissed along the underside of her breasts.

"Please," Meredith moaned, holding his head to her chest. "Derek…"

"Hmmm," Derek moaned, suddenly sounding more like the husband she knew and loved. "Do I get to keep these?"

"What?" Meredith asked, laughing slightly as she pulled his head back to look into his eyes, darkened by desire.

"I want to keep these new boobs," Derek grinned.

Meredith laughed as she pulled back from him. "I have news for you, Derek Christopher, but these boobs are pretty soon no longer going to be for your enjoyment," she said. "They'll be feeding your child."

"I know," Derek nodded. "But until then…they're mine to play with."

Meredith giggled as she sat back on his lap. "I know you want sex," she said softly. "But I'm…Derek, I have heartburn like I've never had before. And I'm still nauseas, and…I just don't feel sexy."

"You're sexy," Derek nodded, leaning forward to take her earlobe into his mouth. "You're incredibly sexy."

"Derek, I'm serious," she said, pushing him off of her. "I'm sorry if I was just teasing you, but I'm just…not I the mood."

Derek nodded, finally seeing the seriousness in her eyes. "It's okay, Mer," he said softly. "I know you're not exactly feeling the best right now."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered softly, her eyes falling on the bulge in his boxers and smiled softly. "I'm not being fair to you though."

"It's okay, Mer," Derek shrugged, a hand sneaking into his own boxers. "I can take care of myself."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded, reaching out to pull his boxers down. "I'd rather do it myself," she purred, smiling as she took his entire length into his mouth. His hands threaded through her hair, guiding her mouth to please him, and she felt her heart swell at the fact that maybe her husband was back after all.

XXXXX

Meredith groaned as she woke the next morning, reaching for Derek's pillow to cuddle into. His side of the bed was empty, which didn't surprise her, and she breathed in his scent as she rolled onto her back, trying to go back to sleep.

As soon as her eyes closed again, she felt the familiar pain of heartburn rip through her chest and she groaned as her eyes snapped open and she stared at the ceiling. Milk. She needed milk and the stupid milk was in the stupid refrigerator down the stupid stairs.

She sat up in bed and reached for Derek's T-shirt, slipping it on before she stood on shaky legs. Before she could start walking towards the stairs, however, she was shocked to see her husband walking up the stairs, a tray of food in his hands.

"Hey," he frowned. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"What are you doing here?" Meredith countered as she sank onto the bed, watching as he placed the tray in her lap.

"I live here," Derek laughed.

"But…you should have been at Kathleen's," Meredith said.

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed. "Kathleen's got her husband and her daughter. And my mom. I hate that she's in pain right now, but I can't sit around there thinking that I can help her while you're here alone. You're my first priority, Mer. I would never forgive myseslf if something bad happened to you or baby and I wasn't here."

Meredith smiled softly. "I'm glad," she whispered.

"That's always been true, Mer," he said softly. "You know my family, if one of us has a problem, we're all there, trying to help. But we can't help with this, Mer. I shouldn't have abandonded you, especially when Kathleen doesn't really need me. And it wasn't fair me to just leave you here."

Meredith shrugged. "It's fine, Derek," she sighed. "It's not like you missed anything important. It was only a couple days."

"I hate that I missed anything," Derek whispered.

Meredith set her fork on the plate for a moment and examined her husband closely for a moment before she reached out to run a hand through his hair. "What's wrong, Der?" she asked softly.

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"Scared?" Meredith asked, smiling as he pushed the food to the side and pulled her shirt up, resting his head against her stomach, stroking the skin lightly.

"Of losing baby."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her hands going to stroke his hair. "Dr. Perkins said everything's okay."

"I know," Derek sighed. "I just…Seeing what it did to Kath and Chris, I don't know what I would do."

"I love him so much," she whispered.

"Me too," Derek nodded, his waves brushing against the skin of her stomach. "I don't know that I would handle that, Mer."

Meredith took a deep breath, her hand falling from her husband's hair to her abdomen. "I made Baby a promise," she whispered.

"You did?" Derek whispered, amusement in his voice.

"Mmmhm," Meredith nodded, her hand moving back to his hair. "I told him that if he makes sure he'll stay in there until the thirty eighth week at least, then I won't complain about any of this pregnancy stuff. No matter how much it sucks."

"I like that promise," Derek laughed, moving to press his lips against her stomach. "You should listen to Mommy, baby. She's really cute. But she gets really mad when you don't listen to her. Believe me, I know from experience. So you should start good listening habits now."

"You're crazy," Meredith giggled, watching as her husband's eyes lit up as he gently stroked her belly.

"I wish I could feel him."

"I can't even feel him yet."

Derek sighed. "I just want to meet him."

"Me too," Meredith whispered.

Derek sighed as he sat up, smiling softly at his wife. "What do you want to do today?" he asked.

"I….what?" Meredith frowned.

"I'm going to completely spoil you today," Derek said. "Anything you want."

"Is that actually different from any other day?" Meredith giggled.

"Well, if you're going to say no…" Derek sighed, moving to get out of bed.

"I didn't say that," Meredith said, pulling him back onto the bed with her. "I want…can we spoil baby today?"

"You say that because spoiling baby means spoiling Mommy," Derek laughed.

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We can buy him presents."

"It's kind of hard to buy him presents when we don't know he's a he," Derek pointed out.

"There's plenty of gender neutral stuff we can buy," Meredith exclaimed, getting out of bed and reaching for clothes. "Stuffed animals and books and…" she trailed off as she stared down at her jeans. Her jeans that wouldn't button.

"Mer?" Derek asked. "Everything okay?"

"You ruined the laundry again!" Meredith cried.

"You won't let me do laundry anymore," Derek replied, trying not to smile. His wife was adorable.

"Then how come my jeans don't fit?" Meredith shouted, flopping down onto her back as she sucked her stomach in and tried to button them.

"Baby's just making himself known," Derek said softly.

Meredith frowned as she looked at him. "But they fit yesterday," she said. "Does it change that much overnight."

Derek nodded as he leaned over to kiss her stomach. "Good job growing, baby," he whispered. "But now we're going to have to buy Mommy some new clothes."


	86. Chapter 86

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

Derek cringed as his wife's accusig voice traveled down the stairs and to his ears. Obviously he had done something that was going to bring an end to the world. Just like the night before when he'd folded her laundry and put it away. Apparently his idea of helping her meant that he thought she was incapable of doing anything, and he had no respect for pregnant women because he didn't think they could do anything for themselves.

"Yes, Mer?" he called, hoping he sounded cheerful enough.

"What the hell is this?" Meredith demanded as she walked into the kitchen and threw their toothpaste tube at his head.

"Umm…I bought the wrong toothpaste?" Derek suggested.

"You squeezed it from the top," Meredith snapped. "You know I hate when you do that."

Derek nodded. Even if he had no idea what she was talking about, he had learned quickly that nodding was the best thing to do in this situation. "Sorry Mer."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she shrugged. "It's okay," she said before turning to walk into the living room, flipping on the TV.

Derek stared after her for a moment, wondering how no one had told him the severity of her mood swings. She got mad at him for pretty much everything he did, which either resulted in him apologizing profusely and her throwing his favorite bottle of cologne out the window or him apologizing profusely and her asking him what he was apologizing for. Apparently the mood swings were Meredith's strongest symptom of pregnancy so far.

"Do you want some milk?" Derek asked. "How's your heartburn."

"It's fine," she snapped. "If I needed milk, I'd get it myself. Honestly, Derek, I'm not incapable of doing anything."

"Sorry, Mer," Derek replied automatically. He sighed as he went back to making their sandwiches, carrying the plates towards the couch. Hopefully she would at least eat and they could enjoy a few minutes together before her next mood swing struck.

"Lunch," he announced, sitting down beside her.

"Yummy," Meredith giggled, reaching for her plate and causing Derek to exhale in relief. He chewed on his own sandwich as he concentrated on the TV, turning to Meredith when he heard her sniffle loudly.

"Mer?" he asked. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Is baby okay?"

"We're fine," she nodded, sniffling slightly. "This commercial is just so horrible. That little girl just lost her balloon. And now she's the only one at the birthday party without one. She's so sad, and now no one wants to be around her because she doesn't have a balloon."

"Oh Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms. "It's okay. She gets a balloon at the end of the commercial."

"But she doesn't have any friends," Meredith whimpered.

"I'm sure that once she gets a balloon she'll get friends," Derek assured her.

"What if that's our baby?" Meredith sobbed. "What if I'm such a bad mother that I can't raise my baby to be nice enough to have any friends, and then she'll be the girl at the party with no balloons and no friends!"

"Well…she wouldn't be invited to any parties if she didn't have any friends," Derek pointed out.

Meredith stared at him for a moment, tears filling her eyes. "You think our baby isn't going to have any friends!" she exclaimed.

"I didn't say that," Derek denied quickly.

"But you think that," Meredith insisted. "I'm going to mess up your baby and then you're going to hate me because I can't even get our baby any friends."

"That's so not true," Derek breathed, pulling her into his arms. "Meredith, you're going to be an amazing mother. And I know that my baby is going to be perfect because you're its mother."

Meredith swallowed her tears as she looked at him with shining eyes. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Derek promised.

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," she whispered, throwing herself into his arms.

"Oh," Derek laughed, pulling her closer. "Hi, Mer."

"Hi," she whispered, resting her forehead against his before kissing him gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek said.

"I know I'm acting crazy," she sighed as she settled against his chest. "I'm sorry, Derek."

"Hey, it's okay," Derek smiled softly, running a hand over her slightly more pronounced stomach. "You're taking care of my baby. I can handle the sudden mood swings."

"You're the most perfect husband ever," she whispered. "And an even better father."

"Well, I'm glad to know that," Derek said, kissing her softly. "Just doing what I love."

Before Meredith could respond, there was a knock on the door, and she sighed as she climbed off of him and moved towards the door. "We'll continue this later," she called over her shoulder. She pulled the door open, her smile quickly fading when she saw Kathleen standing in front of her, her eyes slightly red. "Kathleen," she said, surprised.

"Hey Mer," she said meekly.

"Are you…what's…I can leave," Meredith said quickly. "I know you're not…and I'm… so I'll go. And you can talk to Derek. Without me here."

"No, Mer," Kathleen said softly, shaking her head. "I want to see both of you."

"Oh," Meredith said, wrapping an arm over her stomach and trying to hide her slightly swollen belly. "Come in. And I know you probably want to forget about what happened, but I'm really sorry. I can't imagine…"

Kathleen smiled softly, pulling Meredith into a tight hug. "Thanks, Mer," she whispered. She pulled back slightly, moving a hand to rest on her sister in law's stomach. "I wanted to come see my little niece or nephew. Make sure his daddy's taking care of his mommy."

"His daddy's being amazing," Meredith smiled. "But Mommy's worried about Aunt Kath."

Kathleen sighed as she set her bag on the floor and reached to take off her coat. "I'm doing okay," she shrugged. "It's…it's still hard but I've accepted it now. I've just got to start to heal. It'll take awhile, but I'll get better with time."

"Good," Meredith nodded.

"Hey baby brother," Kathleen smiled softly as she moved towards the couch and Derek wrapped her tightly in his arms.

"Hi Kath," he whispered. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Getting there," she sighed. "I want to talk to you guys."

Meredith frowned as she moved to sit beside Derek, a hand resting on her belly. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Kathleen nodded, reaching for her bag. "I didn't really want anyone to know this, but when the doctors ran the tests at the hospital, they found a burst fallopian tube. Chris and I aren't going to be able to have any more kids."

"Kath," Derek breathed. "I'm so sorry."

"Is there anything we can do?" Meredith whispered. "I know we really can't, but if you need anything…we'll do it."

"Thanks, but this is something we just have to work through," Kathleen sighed. "But um, since we won't be using any of our baby stuff anymore…we want you to have it."

"What?" Meredith breathed. "We can't take your stuff. Hailey still needs it."

"For now," Kathleen said. "But by the time your baby's born she'll be out of her crib. And when baby shepherd's ready to sit in a high chair, Hailey will be using a booster seat. And we'd really like you to have them. And her clothes, if it's a girl."

"Thank you," Derek whispered, reaching for her hand.

"And…I know that you guys think this baby is a boy," Kathleen said softly, reaching her into her bag. "My baby…the one I lost was a boy. So I want you to have this." She pressed a blanket into Meredith's hand, watching as she spread it over her and Derek's laps.

"Kathleen," Meredith breathed, tears springing to her eyes as she ran her hands over the soft blue material. In the middle of the blanket, yellow words spelled out the words _Michael Christopher._

"Kath," Derek breathed, turning to his sister. "What…"

"I made it after I found out it was a boy," Kathleen whispered. "I wanted to name him Michael after Daddy. And Christopher…well, obviously that was partly because of Chris, but I also wanted it because you've been amazing, Derbear. And Michael Derek doesn't really sound right. So…Michael Christopher. That's what I was going to name my son. So if your baby's a boy…I'd be honored if you'd take this name."

Meredith sniffled loudly, reaching for the tissues on the table. "That's…" she choked. "I don't…" she swallowed hard as she looked up at her sister in law. "Thank you," she whispered.

Kathleen smiled softly as she stood and leaned forward to hug Meredith. "Hormones," she said softly. "I know what that's like."

"We'd be honored to take your son's name," Meredith whispered. "Thank you. I know it's not enough, but…thank you."

Kathleen smiled as she turned to look at Derek as he stared down at the names written on the blanket. His eyes were wide and his face pale, and his hands were gripping the edge of the blanket so tightly that his knuckles were white. "Derbear?" she asked softly. "You okay baby brother?"

"I…I don't know," he whispered. "Michael. Michael Christopher. Kathleen, I can't."

"Derek," Kathleen sighed, sitting down on the arm of the couch and taking his face in her hands. "I just want to give you the name. Because you've been amazing, especially since Daddy died. And this is the perfect way to honor you and him. Michael Christopher Shepherd. It fits, Derek."

"It's your son's name," Derek whispered.

"Derek, I'm not going to have a son," Kathleen whispered, tears filling her eyes. "And you…I know you won't really know the sex of the baby for a couple months, but you've been saying he since you found out you're pregnant, so I think it's a boy. And if it's a girl, then you can save it for when you do have a son."

Derek blinked back tears as he pulled his sister into his arms. "Thank you," he whispered. "You're the best sister ever."

Kathleen giggled slightly around her tears. "I'll be sure to tell the rest of the sisters that you said that," she said.

"You wouldn't dare," Derek laughed.

Katheen smiled as she glanced down at her watch. "I've got to go," she sighed. "Hailey wants to have some Mommy daughter time tonight."

Meredith wiped her tears away as she stood to hug her sister in law again. "Thank you," she whispered. "I wish there was something more we could say. But thank you."

"I'd be honored to have my nephew have that name," Kathleen smiled as she pulled her jacket on and opened the door. "I'll see you guys soon."

"Bye Kath," Derek smiled as the door closed behind her. Meredith inhaled shakily as she turned back to Derek, making her way to the couch and sitting down next to him, pulling the blanket over their laps.

"Michael Christopher," she whispered, pulling his hand to her stomach.

"The next Michael Shepherd," Derek whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, turning to sit on his lap. "I love the name. You know I love the name. But we can't start calling Baby Michael yet. Because if it's a girl and we called her Michael…I just couldn't forgive myself for that."

"Of course," Derek nodded. "We'll keep the name in mind. If the baby's a boy."

Meredith sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Am I driving you crazy?" she whispered.

"Of course not," Derek whispered, his arms tightening around her. "You're my wife."

"But my hormones are going crazy," Meredith whispered. "I don't like yelling at you all the time."

"I know," Derek laughed. "And I can't complain. My baby's in there."

"Your baby says hi Daddy."

Derek smiled as he eased her off of his lap and leaned over to pull her shirt up and press his lips against her stomach. "Hi baby. Daddy loves you."

"Baby's growing," Meredith whispered, smiling down at her husband. "There are hands and feet. And elbows and knees."

Derek laughed softly against the skin of her stomach. "He's going to move soon."

"The book says that he's moving already," Meredith said. "Just not enough for me to notice."

"Wow," Derek breathed. "I can't wait until I can feel it."

"Me either," Meredith sighed. "It will be real then."

"Because it's not real now?" Derek asked.

"That's not what I meant," Meredith giggled. "I just can't wait until I can feel the baby moving. Then I'll really know that he's in there, and he's okay."

Derek smiled as he pressed his lips against her stomach. "And then I'll actually be able to feel him," he whispered. "Start having a connection with my baby."

Meredith sighed as she looked down at him. "Derek?" she asked.

"Hmmm?"

"Why didn't you get me any milk?"

Derek sighed as he got to his feet. He could definitely do without the mood swings.


	87. Chapter 87

Derek stared at his wife as she polished off the last of his cheesecake. He'd offered to take her out for a nice dinner when she'd realized that her nice dresses were not going to fit for very much longer. And now, two hours later, he was surprised that she hadn't already popped from all the food she had just consumed.

His wife had always had a healthy appetite, but he'd never seen her eat as much as she had in this meal. Four bread rolls, an entire steak, her baked potato and half of his, as well as her chocolate cake and his cheesecake had all somehow made it into his wife's stomach, and as she polished off the last bite, he briefly wondered if it was possible that she was eating for more than two. Possibly six or seven.

"Done?" he asked with an amused smile.

"Hmmm," Meredith moaned. "That was the best dinner I think…ever."

"I'm glad," Derek smiled as he pulled his wallet out, throwing some bills onto the table as he stood. "Ready to go?"

"Ready," Meredith nodded, taking his outstretched hand. He pulled her to her feet, and shook his head as he stared down at her. "God, you're hot, Mer," he said.

Meredith giggled as she leaned into him. "Are you expecting me to put out, Mr. Shepherd?" she asked.

"I'm sure hoping for it," Derek laughed, pulling her closer to him. "What do you think?"

"I think," Meredith whispered in his ear. "That there's a very real possibility that I spent a ridiculous amount of money at Victoria's Secret, purchasing lingerie with a much larger cup size than I previously have."

"Oh," Derek moaned, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. "Home. Let's…home."

"Later," Meredith nodded, pulling away from him. "First I want desert."

"Desert?" Derek frowned as he followed her out of the restaurant. "What was the chocolate cake? And the cheesecake?"

"Warming up," she shrugged.

"Well…what's the sex then?"

"That's your desert," Meredith giggled, brushing a hand over her stomach. "Baby wants ice cream."

"I think our baby is going to be fat," Derek laughed, resting a hand on her stomach as well.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, pushing his hand off of her stomach and stepping away from him.

"Crap," Derek muttered. "Mer, that's not what I meant. It's just…baby's hungry. That's good, it means he's growing."

"But you think he's growing too much," Meredith stated. "He's making me fat."

"I never said that," Derek shook his head, reaching for her. "Come on, Mer, I'll get baby's ice cream. And then we can go home and have our own desert."

"I'm not really in the mood anymore," Meredith whispered, crossing her arms over her stomach.

"Mer," he breathed, reaching for her. "Don't do this. I'm sorry, let's just get back to our date."

"I don't want to," she shook her head, turning to walk towards their apartment.

Derek sighed as he moved to catch up with her, wondering when he would learn to stop talking. Meredith was right, he was a complete and total idiot. Only an idiot would utter the word fat within hearing distance of his pregnant wife after she'd promised him a night of hot sex. Idiot.

"I'm going to see if Beth's home," Meredith muttered as she stopped outside of Beth and Nathan's apartment door. "Go on home. I'll be there later."

"Mer," Derek breathed.

"I'm fine, Derek," she rolled her eyes.

Derek sighed as he moved to their apartment, letting himself in and heading directly towards the bedroom. He shook his head as he pulled his coat off and threw himself onto the bed, inhaling Meredith's scent as he buried his face in her pillow. He was going to have to figure this out. Somehow, he had to figure out how to be able to handle the mood swings, because he was reaching the end of his rope. No matter what he did, his wife got mad at him, and he just wanted to feel that he wasn't completely useless in her life.

The front door slammed, and he pulled the pillow off his head to look at Meredith as she appeared at the top of the steps.

"You didn't follow me," she said, tears in her eyes.

"I…what?" Derek frowned.

"You didn't follow me," Meredith repeated. "I know I'm fat Derek. I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard to make sure it's just my stomach that gets bigger, but I know my hips are a little bigger too, but as soon as baby comes…"

"Meredith," Derek frowned, quickly standing to pull her into his arms. "That is so far from the truth."

"Really?" Meredith whispered, looking closely at him.

"I'm sorry, Mer," he whispered. "I'm trying to be a good husband, I really am. I know I'm not doing what you need me to, and I wish I could."

Meredith frowned. "Derek, you're doing everything and more," she said softly. "I already knew you were a good husband, but now…you've completely outdone yourself."

"It doesn't feel that way," Derek whispered. "I feel completely useless."

"What?" Meredith asked, pulling him to the bed and pushing him down onto it before curling into his arms. "Derek…that's completely insane."

"I know," Derek sighed, running a hand over her stomach. "And I just…I'm trying so hard to make sure you get everything you need or want, but I can't do it. I keep messing things up. So I'm sorry."

"Oh, Derek," she sighed, squeezing his hand as he leaned in to kiss him softly. "I love you. And I know that I've been acting crazy lately, and you're bearing the brunt of that. So I'm the one who's sorry because you've been more amazing than I've ever thought possible. Every single craving, mood swing, any time I've yelled at you or cried over some stupidly cheesy commercial…you've been there. And you never complain. It's amazing, and if it's possible, I love you even more now than I did before we got pregnant."

Derek looked at her closely, love and confusion filling his eyes. "I know that I love you more than I did when we got married," he whispered. "Because the thought of you keeping my baby safe inside of you…there's nothing more perfect to me in the entire world."

Meredith giggled softly. "Baby's very happy that he has such an amazing daddy," she whispered as she cuddled closer into Derek's arms. "I'll try to stop the mood swings."

"You don't have to," Derek shook his head. "I can handle it, Mer. I guess I'm just… trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do to make you happy."

"Oh Derek," she sighed. "You're doing it. I promise, I have never been happier than I am right now. With you taking care of me and your baby growing inside of me…Derek, my life is completely perfect."

Derek sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I guess maybe I'm freaking out now."

"Freaking out?" Meredith frowned.

"I'm scared as hell, Mer," Derek whispered. "What if we lose our baby like Kathleen lost hers? What will wew do if that happens?"

"I don't know," Meredith shook her head as she ran a hand over her stomach. "But I feel okay, Derek. There's nothing wrong with baby, and I made a deal with him remember?"

"I know," Derek laughed. "I'm just…that fear is always there. In the back of my head."

"Me too," Meredith admitted softly. "But we can't let that dominate our lives. Baby's healthy and so am I. It's normal to be scared, but we can still be excited. He's starting to grow a lot faster now. In case you couldn't tell by the amount of food I've been eating."

"I wasn't going to bring it up again," Derek laughed. "But I am a little concerned about going broke with feeding you and Baby."

Meredith giggled. "Well, maybe you can get us some ice cream to curb Baby's desires, and then maybe I'll satisfy some of your…desires," she purred in his ear.

"Oh," Dere breathed, nodding slightly. "Ice cream, right. Be right back."

Meredith giggled as she watched him walk towards the stairs before moving towards her closet, finally feeling good enough to spend the night in her husband's arm. It had been too long since they'd spent an entire night together, solely focused on each other, and she couldn't wait to show her husband just how amazing he really was.

XXXXX

"Oh God," Derek panted as he collapsed on top of her hours later, breathing hard against her chest. "Mer…"

"That was…Derek, you're….god…"

"I know," Derek smirked, littering kisses along her collarbone.

"So not what I meant," Meredith giggled breathlessly, turning on her side to face him, linking their fingers together. "I don't want to lose this."

"We won't," Derek assured her. "We're in this, Mer, you know that. Forever. That's what we are."

"When baby comes, we're going to be busy with him," she whispered. "Or her."

"We will," Derek nodded. "But Mer, we'll always have us. I promise that we will never be that couple who becomes so busy being parents that they forget how to be married. We'll always be us."

"Promise?" she whispered.

"I promise," Derek whispered. "Remember when we were about to start med school?"

"I was scared that we weren't going to have any time for each other," Meredith whispered.

"And have I disappointed you at all?" Derek asked.

"There was the time you forgot about our date because you were flirting with my sister," Meredith giggled.

"I never flirted with your sister," Derek rolled his eyes. He paused for a moment, his fingers in her hair before he whispered, "Have you talked to Lexie lately?"

"No," Meredith sighed. "I…I'm afraid if she knows that I'm pregnant than she'll tell her dad and he'll realize that he wants to have a grandchild and try to be all close to me just because he wants to be a grandpa."

"I'm sensing a but," Derek murmured.

"But…if he can't be my dad, how can he expect to be my child's grandpa?" Meredith whispered.

"I think you're right," Derek sighed. "I just wish he weren't so…pathetic."

"Me too," Meredith sighed.

"But you could tell Lexie," Derek whispered. "She knows how you feel about him, I'm sure she would be able to keep it a secret."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just haven't seen her since a couple weeks after we found out, and I don't know how to tell her. It's not like we're actually sisters, really. We're just some weird friend sister type people. And I don't know her that well."

"You could just tell her," Derek murmured. "She'll be happy. It means she'll be an aunt. You know how much you love being an aunt."

"It is amazing," Meredith giggled. "I guess I could let her be an aunt."

"Baby's going to be spoiled with so many aunts," Derek laughed.

"That just means he'll have more love," Meredith sighed. "And there will be more people to watch her when we're in class."

Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around her. "We'll never hire a nanny," he whispered. "That's the one thing I'll insist on. Daycare's okay, but nannies…I don't like the idea of it."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I hated my nannies."

"And I hate that you had to go through that," Derek replied.

"But we won't put our baby through that," Meredith said. "So it's okay."

"What's going on, Mer?" Derek whispered.

"We're going to be good parents right?" she whispered, curling into him. "Our baby's not going to be completely messed up?"

"Of course not," Derek laughed. "He or she is going to have so much love that they're not going to know what to do with themselves."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I want to make sure that I'm a mom. Because my mom wasn't really a mom. She was too busy being a surgeon."

"You'll be a mom," Derek nodded. "And I'll be a dad. And we'll both put our kids above our careers."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek replied, pressing a kiss to her lips.

"You know what would make me love you even more?" Meredith whispered.

"What?" Derek asked, amusement playing on his lips.

"Chocolate cake."

"Chocolate….okay," Derek sighed, knowing that he had to nod and smile. Meredith was actually acting normal now, and he didn't want to risk her going completely mental on him for not getting her cake. "I'll be right back."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed sweetly, kissing him firmly. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek sighed. "And I love baby."

"Baby loves you too," Meredith whispered, pressing his hand to her stomach.

"I'll be back soon," Derek smiled. "Chocolate cake and all."

Meredith grinned as she fell back on the pillows. Her husband was amazing. Completely and totally amazing.


	88. Chapter 88

Derek Shepherd was in love.

It was weird and astounding to him that he could love another human being more than his amazingly perfect wife, but as he sat in the nursery of the hospital, cradling his tiny son, he knew that he would never love anyone else as much as his son.

His son.

Derek Shepherd was a father to the most perfect baby in the entire world.

"Hey Michael," he whispered, trailing a finger down his son's cheek. "I'm your daddy. I can't believe you're finally here. Mommy and I have been so excited to meet you, and now that you're here, we're going to love you so much. She's asleep right now, but I'll take you to see her really soon. She can't wait to see you again.

"We're going to have so much fun together, Michael," Derek whispered. "When you're big enough, I'll teach you to fish, and maybe we'll even try camping. Mommy and I are going to be really busy for the next few years because we want to be doctors, but that doesn't mean that we won't love you. You're always going to be the most important part of our lives. But you will get to spend a lot of time with Grandma. And your aunts, especially Aunt Beth and Uncle Nathan. But don't listen to Mommy and Aunt Beth when they say that you have to marry Aunt Beth's daughter Gabrielle.

"And when you're big enough, I'm going to tell you all about your grandpa. That's why you're named Michael. Because he was completely amazing, and I really wish that he could meet you. But I'm going to be sure that you know how wonderful he was and that's why you're carrying on his name."

"Derek?" a nurse came over and smiled widely as she stood in front of his chair. "Your wife's awake, and asking for your baby."

Derek smiled softly as he slowly rose to his feet. "I guess I come second now," he said, looking down at his son. "You've replaced me as Mommy's favorite. But it's okay, because I'm pretty sure that you've replaced her as my favorite too."

He slowly made his way down the hall to Meredith's hospital room, stepping through the door and smiling brightly at his wife who was now sitting up in bed. "Hey," he said softly.

"Give me my son," Meredith demanded, reaching out to him.

Derek smiled as he looked down at his son. "She's bossy a lot," he said. "But you'll get used to it, maybe eventually love it, like I do."

"Derek, seriously," Meredith groaned. "I need to see him."

"He's right here," Derek assured her, sitting down beside her on the side of the bed and handing their son over to her. "Say hi to Mommy, Michael."

"Hi baby," Meredith breathed, clutching her son tightly to her chest. "I'm your Mommy. Oh, you're so beautiful. I can't believe that I finally get to see you."

"He's a Shepherd," Derek laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Meredith smiled softly as she reached up to take off his small blue hat, revealing a head of thick dark hair. "Of course," she rolled her eyes. "He's asleep. Have you…his eyes?"

"Clearest blue I've ever seen," Derek smiled. "But he got your nose."

"Thank God," Meredith giggled as she slid his hat back onto his head. "He's perfect."

"He really is," Derek nodded. "I just had a conversation about him about how important his namesake is."

Meredith smiled softly as she tore her gaze away from her baby to look at her husband. "I wish he was here," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Derek." Her free hand reached to squeeze his hand, and he smiled sadly as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"It's okay, Mer," he said softly. "I wish he was here too, and I miss him, but I can't imagine being any happier than I am right now. Our son is amazing."

"He really is," Meredith whispered.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked softly.

"Sore," Meredith nodded softly. "But…glad that I'm not pregnant anymore."

"That makes two of us," Derek sighed, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Was I that bad?" Meredith asked softly.

"Well, I've come to the realization that our couch was not designed for spending the night on," Derek laughed. "And the people at the twenty four hour bakery know pretty much everything about my life."

"I'm sorry," Meredith whispered. "You really were amazing."

"Mer, I get it," he smiled softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I couldn't get mad at you. Because even though I hated that you were miserable…look at what we got out of it."

"We got the most perfect baby in the entire world," Meredith nodded, looking down at Michael. "He's going to be Michael. Not Mikey or Mike. Michael."

"Definitely," Derek nodded.

"I love you," Meredith whispered, looking up into his eyes.

"I love you too," Derek whispered, pressing his lips against hers. "Thank you. For giving me this."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "I know you wanted to wait a couple years, but you did this for me, so…thank you."

Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "He sleeps a lot," she commented.

"Babies tend to do that," Derek laughed.

Before Meredith could respond, there was a soft knock on the door, and Addison poked her head into the room. "I hear the cutest baby that ever existed is somewhere around here," she smiled. "Can we come in?"

"Of course," Meredith nodded, shifting slightly as Derek helped her sit up in bed.

"Hey Shep," Mark grinned as he walked into the room. "Grey. Mini-shep."

"Mini Shep?" Meredith giggled.

"Well, that's what he is," Mark nodded firmly.

"He's beautiful," Addison breathed, leaning over Derek to look down at the baby cradled in Meredith's arms. "Hi Michael. I'm your Aunt Addison. And this is your Uncle Mark, but you can ignore him a lot."

"Hey," Mark frowned. "He can not."

"She's right, Michael," Derek nodded, running a finger over his son's cheek. "Uncle Mark's annoying."

"Well, someone's got to teach the kid everything he needs to know," Mark rolled his eyes. "Shep obviously can't do that."

"I'm his father," Derek frowned. "Of course I'll teach him everything he needs to know."

"You still don't know the first thing about chicks," Mark rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I managed to find myself a pretty amazing chick," Derek defended, wrapping his arm around Meredith's shoulders.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, eyebrows raised.

"I mean…I'm in love with the most incredibly beautiful and amazing woman in the world, and I think I've fallen more in love with her because she just gave birth to my son?" Derek suggested.

"That's better," Meredith nodded.

"Kid looks like you," Mark said, stepping closer to the bed. "Got Grey's nose though. Thank God."

"Now we just have to hope that my little girls don't inherit the Shepherd nose," Derek laughed.

"I don't know who you're planning on having more babies with, because it's definitely not me," Meredith said firmly.

"What?" Derek asked. "You promised me two."

"Derek, every idiot in the world knows that you don't bring up having more kids with a woman that just went through labor," Mark rolled his eyes. "Don't worry," he continued, turning to Michael. "I'll teach you everything your idiot dad doesn't."

"No turning my son against me!" Derek insisted loudly, causing Michael to shift and whimper in Meredith's arms.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes.

"Sorry bud," Derek whispered, offering his finger to his son to suck on.

Michael calmed down at Derek's touch, and Addison reached for the bag Mark had dropped on the floor beside the bed. "We brought presents," she announced.

"This one's mine," Mark nodded. "Because I know you've got to get this kid started the right way early. Grey's probably already turned him."

Derek smiled as he pulled a tiny New York Yankees T-shirt out of the bag. "Perfect," he nodded.

"My son is not wearing that," Meredith shook her head.

"Your son is going to be a Yankees fan," Derek said, pointing a finger at her. "You don't have much of a choice about it."

Meredith sighed as she turned to look at Addison. "I'm going to have two Dereks running around," she said.

"Good luck with that," Addison laughed.

"One's bad enough," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You would be completely lost without me," Derek laughed.

"I really would," she sighed, resting her head on her shoulder. "Can you take him?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, reaching for his son. "Come here, buddy."

"The other present is the real one," Addison rolled her eyes. "Mark's just an idiot."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, reaching into the bag. She pulled out a photo album and opened it carefully to reveal a picture of Derek and Meredith in their dorm room, before they had even started dating. She flipped through it, smiling as the pictures chronicled the entire life together, ending with the picture of her and Derek the previous Christmas, both their hands covering her swollen stomach.

"Addison…" she breathed.

"I just figured Michael would like to know the story of his parents," Addison smiled, flipping the book back to the front, where a picture of the four of them sat.

"She toned it down to the PG version," Mark added.

Addison rolled her eyes, but turned back to Meredith. "We never thought we'd get here," she said with a smile. "Remember the first time we saw these idiots?"

Meredith giggled. "I believe it was Mark who said that hanging curtains was a man's job," she said.

"And Derek who tried to be all McDreamy before you asked him how many curtains he'd ever hung in his life," Addison giggled.

Derek frowned as he looked at Mark. "We're never going to live that down," he stated.

"Maybe we can spin it so they look like the stupid ones," Mark suggested.

"Nah," Derek shook his head, looking down at his squirming son. "We've got another one on our side now."

Meredith frowned as Michael let out a soft cry. "He might be hungry," she whispered, reaching for him.

"We'll go," Addison nodded, pulling Mark towards the door. "We'll come back in a little while."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled gratefully as she turned to look at Derek. "Can I just…feed him?"

Derek laughed softly. "I think so," he said. "That is the point of the huge boobs."

"Stop it, Derek Christopher," she warned, pulling her hospital gown down and gasping softly as Michael latched onto her. "Oh."

"Does it feel weird?" Derek asked

"A little," Meredith replied, leaning into him. "We're parents, Der."

"We are," Derek nodded.

"Derek?" she whispered, turning to look at him.

"Hmm?" he asked, running a hand through her hair.

"I'm glad that you tried to hang our curtains," Meredith whispered.

Derek laughed, leaning in to kiss the top of her head. "Me too," he whispered. "Best thing I've ever done in my life."

Meredith frowned as Michael let go of her, and looked at Derek. "He didn't eat very much," she said.

"He's had a big day," Derek shrugged. "And he's just getting used to the whole working to eat thing. Usually Mommy would just eat an entire cheesecake and he could enjoy it too."

"You said that was cute," Meredith rolled her eyes as she handed their baby to him.

"It was adorable," Derek nodded, looking down at his son. "Right, Michael? Your mommy's adorable."

Meredith smiled as she looked at the two men in her life, her husband holding her son, and suddenly felt that life was completely perfect. Tears sprang to her eyes as she whispered, "I love you."

"Which one of us are you talking to?" Derek laughed slightly.

"Both of you," Meredith laughed, leaning down to kiss Michael's forehead before running her fingers through Derek's hair and kissing him firmly on the lips. "I love you, Derek Shepherd. Forever."

"I love you too, Meredith Shepherd," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers. "Forever."

**Alight, so...that's the end! I know that it might seem kind of sudden, and I could have written a lot more (Derek feeling the baby, finding out it's a boy, etc) but I really never anticipated this story to last this long. It was supposed to be a college fic, but you were all so amazing at supporting the story that I decided to continue it on. But now they're married and in med school with a baby, and they're happy. I hope you guys enjoyed the story and will continue to read! I'll probably have something new up later in the week, and I hope to see you all over there. Thanks so much for all the support, I couldn't have done it without you!**


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